red fell the stone ☀︎ mousepaw

[Sunfreckle]

The apprentice den is empty, aside from his daughter, its terrible small in comparison to the warrior's den and he wonders how his life might've been if he'd been born into the clans rather than come into them at their forming.
He had joined ThunderClan of warrior age, but he'd not been a warrior. No, Sunfreckle had started as a foolish kittypet, uncertain and awkward and the remnant of who he once was lingered only in his demeanor; he smiled still, as he always did. In face of torment, in face of woe, he continued to smile because in a small way he hoped to defy what might burden him. What worried him, what weighted him down. The smile made it lighter, it helped ease his clanmates and it made him feel as if the world was not quite so scary at times. But sometimes he couldn't smile, even despite his efforts it would feel heavy and he'd relent, fall into a morose visage of the red tabby he once was. He remembered so clearly the few times he had been unable to muster up the optimism he was known for and both times involved the loss of his kits. Dovekit, too young and sickly to survive, a small part of him had known she wouldn't last but he had hoped-clung to the wavering flame against him to shield it from the winds to no avail. Mossypaw then, newly apprenticed and taken away; her fate was less concise, she could be alive somewhere. Perhaps a kittypet, perhaps adopted and taken cared of by a kind two-leg because he knows they exist even if he's aware that life is never something he'd seek again.
Sunfreckle had wept when Morningpaw died, remembering the tortie kitten he had helped looked over in the nursery, he'd cried for Little Wolf who did not deserve this fate and he cried for the young life that could have been. He'd cried when Emberstar passed away, but he'd done so with a smile because the cheerful leader would have wanted it; she'd never have wanted to be mourned in such a melancholic way. Perhaps it was the new kittens to come causing him to feel so unsure, so lost, but he found himself too emotional as of late, which is why it took him so long to seek Mousepaw out after her outburst. They had both needed time, for different reasons and he'd not face her in any way but his usual smiling greeting.
"Can we talk?" He asks, tone gentle, "Please?"

---

[Ooc]
- @MOUSEPAW !
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[MOUSENOSE]

"Can we talk? Please?"

A small bundle of unruly white and gray fur shuffles bleakly in their messy nest. Biting green eyes lift to meet her father's, paired with a scowl. She knows she's being unfair to Sunfreckle, but part of her can't help the words that tumble out: "Why? Can't you talk to your new kits?" A foolish thing to say and unneccessarily cruel, and she's sorry as soon as she says it.

After a heartbeat, Mousepaw shifts in her nest, her gray and cream tail curling about the rest of her body. "...Fine. What do you want?" Part of her wants to see the hurt in his expression, but another part of her, a part deep inside, is crying at every harsh word she says to him. She wants to scream; she wants to beg for his forgiveness and bury her face into his ginger fur.

Mousepaw's uncertainty is clear in her face and in the tension she holds in her shoulders. Despite the acid in her tone, she wears her loneliness like a leaf on her pelt.​

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​

 

[Sunfreckle]

The snappy response was met with a small flinch on his part, he expected as much but it didn't stop it from hurting nonetheless.
"I'm afraid they aren't much for conversation yet." He smiled, but it was forced; a light joke in face of the tide of uncertainty he now faced.
It was an effort to remind himself this was not how the usually chipper tortie was; her emotions often got the better of her, something she had inherited from himself and Rabbitnose to varying degrees. Sunfreckle padded forward, pushing his own apprehension down to sit alongside once she had allowed him permission to do so. His tail looped out, a great wall of red tabby fur but he didn't let it touch her; only encircle them both in a protective curl.
"...I'm sorry that you were made to feel like you were being replaced. That your sisters were being replaced. I would never replace any of you, ever. I love you and Sparkpaw and Frecklepaw all so much. You're my kit no matter how big or skilled you become, but you are getting bigger. You're training and you're making ThunderClan and me proud. In two moons you'll all be warriors, I had wanted...." He paused unsure still of himself, but pressed onward, "I had wanted kits again when you were. That it's now is just...a happy little accident, but they'll need more than just me and Rabbitnose."
His little family felt small, he'd always wanted a big one; eventually he'd have grandkits perhaps in the future, should any of his decide to take a mate and along with Rabbitnose's sister they made a collective of chaos. A mess of silly and often times reckless cats.
"They aren't here to replace anyone and especially not you, little whiskers. You're one of a kind."
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[MOUSENOSE]

Mousepaw scowls at his joke, but she realizes instantly that he’s right, that it had been a foolish remark even as one meant as a cruel jab. His approach makes her sad—his tail does not touch her, perhaps knowing how volatile she is in this moment, but loops loosely around her body. His voice is gentle and it soothes her like cold water on a burn.

But she still struggles to show him that side of her. “Do you want more kits because of Dovekit and Mossypaw?” It’s not said coldly this time. She looks at him sorrowfully, as if she’s uncovered some traumatic secret of her father’s. “I’m… I know you don’t want to replace us. I just…”

Her eyes dampen again, and she has to turn her face away from Sunfreckle. “I just feel lonely already… and I think… this will make it worse.”
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[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​

 

[Sunfreckle]

After a moment he dares allow his tail to tuck in closer, swaddling tortie fur and giving her a gentle nudge in closer to him; he used to tuck around them all like this so long ago with ease but now they're all too big that he could only really loop around one of them in the same manner, its a little sad to think about but that was life. All things grew, from plants to cats, it was meant to be a good thing. Her question gives him pause, but he smiles after a moment, "...I've always wanted a big family...I've always wanted so many kits I can't keep up with them and Rabbitnose is the same but for a different reason. I never had much, two siblings and a mother taken from me young. He's always had a lot of cats around him and he's used to it. So I understand...I understand what you mean when you say you feel lonely even though we're all still here with you."
Until he had met Rabbitnose he had no one, nothing, the desperation to fill every empty hole in his heart was what had them decide to have kits to begin with along with the blue tom's own missing family at the time.
Sunfreckle dips his head down, lightly bumps it against hers, "You'll always have us, no matter what. You'll always have ThunderClan as well. I know its scary, because when you're a warrior you'll be so busy it will feel like we never see eachother, but I promise if you evern need a moment, just us...you can ask and I'll give it. You and your siblings are so close to getting your names, I couldn't be more proud..." The red tabby's whiskers quiver, he has to resist the very strong (and very hormonal) urge to cry as well, "...I'll always remember you all bundled at my side in the nursery, nothing could ever replace that moment. It was one of my happiest."
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[MOUSENOSE]

Mousepaw nods in understanding, but the vacancy behind her bright green eyes does not go away. She does not know how to tell her father about the longing in her that threatens to consume her sometimes. It’s a longing for recognition—for praise and adoration. And none of that is ever really enough. The small tortoiseshell smiles up at him as he bumps her across the head with his muzzle. “I know,” she murmurs.

And he’s right. Mousepaw is older now—old enough, almost, to become a warrior. She should not have such a crippling need for her fathers’ attention. It’s a childish, burning desire to have all eyes on her at all times, and nothing feeds that—not even the knowledge that Sunfreckle has cherished her since her birth, that ThunderClan considers her an asset.

She gazes again to his belly, questioning herself briefly. Would these kits replace her? Possibly… but as Sunfreckle said, she is not a kit anymore. She’s almost a ThunderClan warrior. She should be able to leave childish yearnings in the past.

“I love you,” she says, and she means it.
​

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​