private ROLL THE BODY OVER ❆ scorchstorm

༄༄ The loss of a sibling—a littermate, at that—changes even the most unwavering warriors. Losing Rattleheart had felt much the same as having the eyes carved from her head would feel, Scorchstar thinks. A piece of her heart, of her very being, lost forever. Gone. Not at a distance, like Rabbitclaw or Luckypaw or Rumblerain, but permanently missing, never to be seen again. It aches, it bleeds like a wound left to fester, and now that Frostwind has joined Rattleheart the calico isn't sure how the pain can get any worse.

Losing Scorchstorm… perhaps that would make it worse. Golden eyes flicker to the form of her daughter, broad shoulders silhouetted against the pale backdrop of the moorland. Scorchstar draws nearer, depositing their gift carefully into the dirt beside the younger calico. "Scorchstorm," they begin, their voice uncharacteristically gentle despite the ache in their chest. "I have something for you. A… gift." If she can call it that. A curse, a reminder of those they have lost. Without ado, the leader slides her offered gift in front of Scorchstorm's paws. "It is… not much. I thought you may appreciate it more than I." The shrine that lies atop Cygnetstare's grave can only grow so large, and the overflowing portions of her collection have taken over a corner of Scorchstar's own tunnel. To find something worthy of giving to her daughter had been a small task. She only hopes that the preserved badger's paw is not turned away with anger.

  • ooc: @SCORCHSTORM
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  • SCORCHSTAR ⋆⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺⋆ she/they, leader of windclan, tunneler
    small, slim flame-streaked calico with fiery golden eyes. cold and closed-off, ferociously protective of her clanmates.
    mate to bluepool ; sibling to rattleheart & rabbitclaw
    mentor to bilberrypaw & brackenpaw ; previously mentored pinkshine
    peaceful and healing powerplay permitted, but may react aggressively
    penned by foxlore
 
So much loss. In the wake of Frostwind's passing, it is difficult to not count each life she has lost touch with, whether from mere abandonment or the final severance of soul from body. Of course she thinks of him first, marbled black and white, lithe like their mother, beautiful blue eyes; he'd lost one of those eyes before he'd shut them forever. She wonders if he kept it in StarClan, or if even his spirit must adjust to monocular living. If he's even there. But he has no reason not to be, right? She'll see him again when she sews herself into the silver quilt above.

And of course she pictures Rattleheart, the second-most recently departed, though her love for them knows no ranking even still. He'd been so gentle, and so kind and forgiving. Should she feel bad that she cannot encompass that selfless spirit? Should she despair that she still seeks to cut RiverClan down for their inaction? And what of the rogues that had murdered Frostwind? She refuses to learn the lesson; instead, she bends stubbornly towards the Phlegethon, a gnarled young willow seeking sustenance in pain. They will all pay their penance some day.

At least she has her mother. They sit close close and silent now. At least they both have their kin; Rattleheart's kits, StarClan save them. Even Bunnypaw was nearly lost in the same blizzard that took Frostwind's life. It is a miracle she did not perish, but that solace does not soothe the wound of existing loss. The pain manifests in silent, beading tears, ones that roll inconspicuously down mis-matched cheeks, and it only stops when Scorchstar beckons her.

Scorchstorm. They say it so softly. She turns, white-tipped ears twitching with subdued interest, and makes no attempt to wipe away the tears that have spilled. Her eyes fall upon the badger's paw before she hears the rest of what her mother has to say. As if it were still alive, it seizes her very heart; she feels the muscle still in her chest and it hurts, and as she shuts her eyes she sees a pair of moon-yellows looking back at her, if only for an instant. A gift, they call it. Scorchstorm wills her eyes to open once more.

There is a long silence as she regards the disembodied paw. The pad retains its flesh by some mystery. Maybe StarClan wills it to stay together, if only to remind her of what she has lost. "How did you get it?" she asks, for her mind pictures Scorchstar doing battle with the beast — a needless danger, a reckless venture. Her mother would not be so stupid, though, she knows. "I... thank you." Painful thing that it is, Scorchstorm knows better than to shun a gift. Scorchstar is not always the gentle, giving type. The moment must be savored while it lasts.

She pauses again to regard the thing; draws her paw over it to feel the rough and muddied flesh. The claws flex lifelessly as she bends the joints against their will, then leaves it alone. I ought not damage it. "It made me miss him. Badgermoon, I mean." Several breaths steady her. Her eyes lift to Scorchstar once again. "I just... we have lost so much. How do you bear it?"
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  • SCORCHSTORM —— deputy of windclan . mentored by sunstar & badgermoon . mentoring bramblepaw & silkpaw . scorchstar x badgermoon . littermate to rumblerain, frostwind, and luckypaw

    a broad-shouldered tortoiseshell with low white and dual-toned amber eyes. distrustful and stoic with a taste for violent correction.
    demigirl / she they pronouns / lesbian / 21 moons & ages every 1st
    peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / underline & tag account when attacking
    —— will start fights / will not flee / may show mercy. fights honorably and with great ferocity. can tank a few hits, but is not the sturdiest cat in windclan. starts fights with the intention of finishing them permanently, but will not aim to maim or kill obviously young cats

    penned by meghan
    "speech", thoughts, all opinions are in character
    full biography — msg on discord for plots — toyhouse
 
༄༄ The tears present upon Scorchstorm's face, twinkling like spiderwebs in the early morning light, do not come as a surprise to the leader. Her daughter has always been the more emotional of the two of them, even if most of that emotion is displayed as anger or determination. It is not shocking that she would not take the death of her littermate well, or Bunnypaw's injury. There is plenty going on right now to reasonably make a cat cry, but it is nothing that Scorchstar will comment on. She watches as her shadow inspects the badger paw, golden eyes narrowing as she focuses in on each of Scorchstorm's movements. Is it… too much? Too strong a reminder of a father long-gone? They try not to linger on regrets for too long, but they do worry about the harm they have done to their kit, and are continuing to do.

The younger calico asks how she got the badger paw, and Scorchstar snorts. Some cats would have gone to great lengths to get such a gift, including facing down a badger in a fight to the death. Scorchstar is not so foolish as to believe she could kill a badger, much less on her own—she has the scars across her ribs to prove it. "The badger was already dead—it had been dead for a while, so the paw was simple to remove. It only required…" They trail off, realizing that Scorchstorm probably does not want to hear each and every detail of the process of removing bones from the creature. She receives thanks, and dips her head to accept the gratitude. There is no need to thank her—a gift is a gift, freely given without expectation of gratefulness.

Finally, Scorchstorm mentions her father, how the gift did indeed make her miss his presence. Scorchstar sighs. "I… also miss Badgermoon. Curlewnose more than him, certainly, but he was still a friend, in the end. I wonder what became of them." Are they out there somewhere, living like Sunstar and Wolfsong, far from the clans but content in their circumstances? If they returned, would she allow them to rejoin their clan? Could she bear to look her once-friends in the eye and tell them to leave and never return? The burden of leadership feels greater now more than ever. Her daughter only serves to remind her of such with the next question. How does she bear having lost so much?

Golden eyes raise to meet mismatched ones, sure of themself despite the complicated question. "I have no choice but to bear it, so I do. I did not choose leadership… but I am the only one in WindClan who can do it, so I must. I try to… remember that the separation is not forever. It may take longer than I had hoped, but I will see them all again someday." She wonders, briefly, if that was the right thing to say. If Scorchstorm would begrudge her for passing on the curse of outliving almost every clanmate she cares for.

  • ooc:
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  • SCORCHSTAR ⋆⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺⋆ she/they, leader of windclan, tunneler
    small, slim flame-streaked calico with fiery golden eyes. stern and serious, ferociously protective of her clanmates.
    mate to bluepool ; sibling to rattleheart & rabbitclaw
    mentor to bilberrypaw & splinterpaw
    peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
    penned by foxlore