- Dec 15, 2022
- 88
- 53
- 8
Her paws are frozen — her neck aches just from holding up her head. It's been a long day. She misses Willowroot.
Smokethroat has been looking at her... oddly since the training incident. A kindness, an anger, a worry in his eyes. She shrinks beneath that orange gaze, uncertain what she's supposed to do... a part of her wants to shelter there, but she isn't his apprentice. And it feels like everybody wants to spend time with Smokethroat, after they'd nearly lost him.
So she keeps her distance; she lets him worry.
Now she staggers home from a patrol that had gone on too long and been really hard but at least she'd caught something — at least she'd caught something.
She'd pulled away from the water because she remembers Spiderfall holding her under and sometimes it still scares her, that murky blue, but Pebbleskip's gentle voice pushed her closer. Now, Ashpaw. What did I say about the dramatics? And she felt so small, she felt like a stupid little baby under his guidance but she obeyed. She obeyed. Sat close to the water where the ice had broken, sat quiet and waited and lunged. They fished for hours. Hours and hours and hours. She was not afraid. She was not a kitten. She obeyed; she kept going and kept going and kept going until she caught what he wanted from her —
A beautiful fish, perfect red scales glimmering in the dark brought by leaf-bare afternoon. It was heavy after all the work she'd done to catch it. But Ashpaw was good and did not complain — Pebbleskip did not have to scold her, this time; she carried it home all on her own.
He let her take pride in her catch, drop it upon the fresh-kill pile herself. He... he isn't so bad, she tells herself, gazing with dim green eyes at the fish she'd caught herself. It'll feed someone. It wouldn't have, without Pebbleskip. She tries to ignore the pain her whole body's in, muscles coiled tight for hours on end, paws and nose ice-coated. She wants Willowroot. She wants Smokethroat.
... she wants Iciclepaw.
She nearly breaks down crying at the thought. No dramatics. Ashpaw blinks back the feelings and turns toward the apprentices' den, fighting against the terror that he'll see her seeking rest and decide she isn't done yet. (She compares him too often to Spiderfall; they feel alike to her in some ways, even though she knows Pebbleskip is good. Pebbleskip is making her better. No dramatics, she reminds herself.)
Iciclepaw — she wants Iciclepaw.
She wants to talk. She wants to talk about her day and hear about Iciclepaw's day, especially; she wants the softness that comes over the other girl when Ashpaw goes quiet. The calico never minds when Ashpaw needs to go quiet. She doesn't say the things that Pebbleskip says.
And in a very tiny secret corner of her heart Ashpaw wants Iciclepaw's scent, the softness of her fur, the steady thrum of a heartbeat — Ashpaw wants to fall asleep with Iciclepaw, curled around each other in the night. She wants that safety, that love. She wants — she wants —
She doesn't have a name for what it is she wants but she knows it is not exactly friendship.
She steps into the apprentices' den — staggers more accurately, paws too cold for grace — and searches for her friend, dull green eyes flicking halfheartedly about, hoping the girl is curled up in a warm nest. Oh stars. Ashpaw wants to be in a warm nest right now.
Smokethroat has been looking at her... oddly since the training incident. A kindness, an anger, a worry in his eyes. She shrinks beneath that orange gaze, uncertain what she's supposed to do... a part of her wants to shelter there, but she isn't his apprentice. And it feels like everybody wants to spend time with Smokethroat, after they'd nearly lost him.
So she keeps her distance; she lets him worry.
Now she staggers home from a patrol that had gone on too long and been really hard but at least she'd caught something — at least she'd caught something.
She'd pulled away from the water because she remembers Spiderfall holding her under and sometimes it still scares her, that murky blue, but Pebbleskip's gentle voice pushed her closer. Now, Ashpaw. What did I say about the dramatics? And she felt so small, she felt like a stupid little baby under his guidance but she obeyed. She obeyed. Sat close to the water where the ice had broken, sat quiet and waited and lunged. They fished for hours. Hours and hours and hours. She was not afraid. She was not a kitten. She obeyed; she kept going and kept going and kept going until she caught what he wanted from her —
A beautiful fish, perfect red scales glimmering in the dark brought by leaf-bare afternoon. It was heavy after all the work she'd done to catch it. But Ashpaw was good and did not complain — Pebbleskip did not have to scold her, this time; she carried it home all on her own.
He let her take pride in her catch, drop it upon the fresh-kill pile herself. He... he isn't so bad, she tells herself, gazing with dim green eyes at the fish she'd caught herself. It'll feed someone. It wouldn't have, without Pebbleskip. She tries to ignore the pain her whole body's in, muscles coiled tight for hours on end, paws and nose ice-coated. She wants Willowroot. She wants Smokethroat.
... she wants Iciclepaw.
She nearly breaks down crying at the thought. No dramatics. Ashpaw blinks back the feelings and turns toward the apprentices' den, fighting against the terror that he'll see her seeking rest and decide she isn't done yet. (She compares him too often to Spiderfall; they feel alike to her in some ways, even though she knows Pebbleskip is good. Pebbleskip is making her better. No dramatics, she reminds herself.)
Iciclepaw — she wants Iciclepaw.
She wants to talk. She wants to talk about her day and hear about Iciclepaw's day, especially; she wants the softness that comes over the other girl when Ashpaw goes quiet. The calico never minds when Ashpaw needs to go quiet. She doesn't say the things that Pebbleskip says.
And in a very tiny secret corner of her heart Ashpaw wants Iciclepaw's scent, the softness of her fur, the steady thrum of a heartbeat — Ashpaw wants to fall asleep with Iciclepaw, curled around each other in the night. She wants that safety, that love. She wants — she wants —
She doesn't have a name for what it is she wants but she knows it is not exactly friendship.
She steps into the apprentices' den — staggers more accurately, paws too cold for grace — and searches for her friend, dull green eyes flicking halfheartedly about, hoping the girl is curled up in a warm nest. Oh stars. Ashpaw wants to be in a warm nest right now.
—— " i found gold in the wreckage "
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@iciclepaw
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- 6 month old orange tabby with green eyes
- apprenticed to lead warrior willowroot
- happy-go-lucky, mischievous, hardworking
- very friendly, but defensive of riverclan!
- "speech" -
- disclosed being physically and psychologically abused by Spiderfall, who was exiled & who then killed her best friend
- temporarily apprenticed to npc pebbleskip due to willowroot moving into the nursery
