His mind was a whirlwind of emotion and fears at that moment and all he longed to do was to find his centre once more. A moment of peace away from the chaos of life, that's what he craved. Even a normally strong cat like him was prone to breaking, but he didn't wish to fall forever. He would reclaim his smile one way or another.
Away from the rumble of the camp's chatter he found solace near the river. The gentle lap of water was a soothing relief upon his weary soul as he came to rest at the water's edge. His eyes were closed as he sat there with a troubled expression, and he took his time wading through the turmoil in his mind. Bit by bit he addressed each of his worries and woes, processing them and then working on a solution on how he would approach his life going forward. Some issues were heavier than others, and some issues threatened to be mountains that he would struggle to get over. All he could hope to do was to take it as it came.
A splash in the river drew him briefly out of his trance and he opened his eyes in time to see a fish splashing around one of the stones that protruded from the water. The stepping stones acted like a temporary hurdle for the fish, though it soon pushed on through despite the obstruction. Shiningsun had to admire its determination and it spurred him to close his eyes once more so he could continue his battle through his thoughts.
He didn't exactly know how he had ended up down here again to be honest. Perchberry had just needed to get away from his clanmates mourning Clayfur's death so had figured going out for a hunt would be a good enough excuse. Unfortunately he had not been feeling in the mood to track down anything so instead he had just been aimlessly walking through the territory with his thoughts scattered all around him. An uneasiness rested in his chest that he did not feel comfortable with.
Somehow along the way he finds himself back down to the riverbank that parted his clan from thunderclan. Perchberry would blink as he stared across the river at sunningrocks which once had belonged to the riverclan a while back. He hadn't really been expecting to see anyone standing there on the otherside but to his suprise he saw more then just some rocks and sand. A golden figure was seating on the otherside, one he was very much familliar with. Shinningsun?. To think he would actually get to meet them again like this. What was really the odds for that?. Perchberry had starclan to thank for that...he suppose.
A smile had almost worked its way across the black and white tom's maw but it froze the moment he noticed something was off with the bright warrior he had met the other day. Today he didn't shine as brightly, that captivated shimmer Shinningsun had around him the first time they had meet just didn't seem to be quite there today not all gone but not shinning as brightly or...was he just seeing things?. It was hard to tell from his side of the riverbank.
"Uhm, " he hesitantly took steps closer to reach the opposite side of where Shinningsun stood without getting far to close to the deadly water below. " Hi.... again." he would call out, his soft spoken voice trying to reach the tom across the river. If possible the thunderclanner would look up Perchberry would wave his tail timidly at them in greeting while secretly self-doubting ttheir decision. Should he even have approached them?. What if they wanted to be left alone and he had just intruded on their privacy. They didn't look to be in the best mood at the moment...
☼ It wasn't a voice he had expected to hear again, not at that moment anyway. The tom opened his eyes and he turned his head round with the expectation of seeing a full patrol of RiverClanners, but all he saw was Perchberry. Either he was blind or he had been blessed with solitary company with the other warrior. It was a struggle to subdue his more negative emotions but he did so anyway, instead forcing a smile for the sake of his visitor. Whether it be a clanmate or someone from another clan he would always try to maintain the mask.
"Hey you! Perchberry, right? What brings you out here?" Shiningsun queried as he tilted his head to the side in a quizzical manner. He was genuinely curious as to why the other cat was wandering about alone. Had he too come out here to clear his mind? He didn't bother getting up from where he was sat, though he did wave his tail in friendly greeting. Though as he took in the other feline's features, which did make his heart flutter somewhat, he began to suspect that something was perhaps wrong. "Is everything okay?" It was easier to seek the opportunity to help someone else over that of helping himself. His feelings and woes could wait.
That smile...although bright it did felt a bit forced, didn't it?. Perchberry wouldn't necessery call himself to be good at reading of others emotions but...remaining in the shadows and always watching did make him pay more close attention to what others might miss out on. That didn't meant he felt confident with his observation though. He could be all wrong and just overanalyzing everything. He was good at that too. Everything he did he always overthinked about.
At least he remembers my name. Wait what, he did?. Perchberry suddenly felt sick to the very core of his stomach but not in a bad way like he wanted to vomit, It was more a ticklish feeling, like something were flying in there..or something?. It was weird, and his face felt all hot. Was it possible for someone to get sick just by hearing someone call out their name?. Maybe he should ask Ravensong about it later in case it was deadly or something. " Yeah...th-that's my name. I'm uhm, didn't think you would remember it." he would mumble the last part as he looked away to the side, still blushing, still feeling this tickles feeling inside his gut.
He was being asked to why he was out here with the follow up question if he was okay. That came as a shook. The last one anyway. Had he been exposing his emotions without knowing it?. Perchberry wouldn't even know completely unaware of the expression he showed on his face most of the time. Still it came as a surprise and he was unsure over how to answer it. Looking back over at them a soft sigh escaped the tired warrior after a short moment of collecting his thoughts. " I just...ne-needed to get away to uhm, clear my head for a bit. " Was the answer he would give them, awkwardly so as well. No. This was not really why he had approched them, had he?.
" Shinningsun..." he called out the thunderclan warrior name he never had forgotten, hesitation in his voice and for a brief moment he looked away again until his eyes find themselves back to them even if he avoided looking them directly in the eye. " I know it's not re-really my business or..uhm, anything. It's just you di-didn't look uhm, fine for a moment ago so i...i just.." [/B] Why was he being so awkward?, always struggling to find his words. Perchberry bite down on his lip as his gaze fall down to his paws. " Wanted to make su-sure that...you were okay?." His eyes shifted to his right and then his left until he timidly looked up with worried eyes. Maybe he had stept out of line to ask something too absurd. A risk he was anxiously taking.
☼ "Why wouldn't I remember it?" Shiningsun knew he could be a forgetful fella sometimes but he liked to think that he was good with names and faces. And in truth he hadn't wanted to forget this particular RiverClanner. Idly he shifted his paws as he waited for the other feline to speak again, and it seemed that they had indeed come out on similar terms. Ultimately he just hoped that Perchberry would be okay in the long run.
Escaping his own emotions was not to be as the RiverClan brought attention to how he had looked earlier. Ultimately he could not bring himself to lie to Perchberry, so with a deep breath he steadied his emotions and he prepared to speak. But then his eyes locked with the two orbs of worry looking directly at him and it broke him. Tears wetted his cheeks as he stood trembling like a leaf as it all came to a head in a much needed release. "I... I haven't been feeling great, no. A lot has been happening, but we lost our medicine cat, Berryheart. I thought-.... I thought he was going to be okay, I helped to get him the herbs from SkyClan but he still died." The memory of watching him choking as his life slipped away played over and over in his mind and it made him feel suddenly so small and vulnerable.
"Sorry, you probably didn't come out to see me sobbing. Sorry." Shiningsun exhaled a shuddering breath and he used a paw to wipe at his eyes, but the tears kept coming. A sense of embarrassment burned through him as he sniffled like a kit and he found himself keeping his gaze lowered as to avoid seeing Perchberry's reaction to the pitiful display.
Ah, Perchberry hadn't actually thought they had heard him. How embarassing. " Well, i uhm, my name's not really that special - " i'm not that special" so i just di-didn't think it would stand out?. I think i'm someone who is e-easy to forget and that's fine, really. " the more he spoke the more awkward he made this conversation. Perchberry should stop talking before he chases them away. Anxiously he looked away sideways. He would't blame them though if they did, or anyone for that matter.
His attention had been brought back over to them again as he worriedly watched and as their eyes locked with one another, Perchberry had been about to quickly look away but the shook of seeing tears run down the thunderclan warriors cheeks left him stunned. Oh, he hadn't been prepared for them to actually cry... His chest started to hurt with sympathy as the other warriors spilled out their grief over their medicine cat's death. Turned out both of them was being haunted by the death of their fallen clanmates. " I'm so sorry for you and your clan's loss..." he would speak out his consolement to the warrior with grief like he was mourning together with them all from his side of the river. In that moment he wished there was no river that parted them.
Perchberry shook his head when the warrior tried to apologize to them for showing a such vunerable side to them right now when he really shouldn't be. " You don't need to apologize to me for crying...i'm doing that all the time." Wait a moment...that did not come out the way he had intended it too. For sure it had sounded all better in his own head. Perchberry cleared his throat, awkwardly he would force himself to contunie despite having made a fool out of himself. That didn't matter right now. " Wh-what i mean is that crying is not something to be ashamed of. It-it's importand to grieve and feel the pain first before...before your heart can start to heal. You do-don't need to be strong all the time...especially not right now. " not in front of me at least.
" I wo-won't be going anywhere so...it's okay if you just wanna cry right now." To prove his point the black and white tom would take a seat. He would then attempt to give a soft yet tender smile at them hoping his presence at least could bring some sort of comfort. They could talk once Shinningsun had calmned down.
☼ Perchberry's words had him momentarily confused, but as the deeper explanation came he finally understood and it honestly felt like a weight had been lifted from him. It was true, he didn't need to be strong all the time and it would be wise to remember that. He still had a right to grieve and to be sad. Though it was still hard to push past the sense of embarrassment that he had been experiencing in that moment. Though he made the decision at that moment not to hold back his emotions and he let the tears flow without interruption. He felt safe enough to do so in front of the patient RiverClanner.
By the time that he had finished shedding his tears Shiningsun honestly felt exhausted. But he also felt lighter. Sniffling, he soon managed a smile, one that was far more genuine in nature. "Thank you, Perchberry. I'm feeling a little better now." The golden hued tom wiped away the remaining tears as he regained his composure after finding his strength once more after having been so vulnerable. He was finally able to focus on the RiverClanner with a clearer head. "You... um... mentioned that you had come out here to clear your head. Have you been okay?"
He would let them cry their heart out under respectful silence. Under the meantime would turn his gaze down at the river to stare into his own reflection in the water as he patiently waited. Sometimes you just had to cry it out and all he could really do was be there in a moment like this. Perchberry wasn't even sure on how helpful he even was right now. Probably not very much...but that was expected from someone like him. It took a while but eventually the thunderclan warrior calmned himself down, the crying slowing down until it had ended entierly.
Perchberry would look up from his reflection offering a smile of his own although his was more tender. " I'm glad that you're feeling a little bit better..." even if i couldn't really do much for you. But sometimes a listening ear was good enough, right?. Perchberry wished someone could do that to him sometimes...
Aha, what?.Perchberry finds himself suprised that Shinningsun attempted to bring up the previous question to how he was doing. He had thought he had dodged out from that one, not having wanted this to be about him when it was the thunderclan warrior who had been upset. It would be rude of him if he tried to avoid the question again, right?. Perchberry smile faded away from his maw, and he glanced down at the water again to avoid eye contact with a somber expression placed on his features. " Mhm, we lost a clanmate too yesterday. He was ki-killed by a rogue..." and not just any rogue but one who had not for that long ago been one of thier own. That was terrifying to think about. Didn't make it any better that it had brought up bad memories. So it would be a lie to say he was okay. " I gu-guess we're here for the same reason." To feel sad and grief.
// i'm so so very sorry how late i'm to reply to this :-:
Surprise flooded his expression as Perchberry bared the raw truth that RiverClan had lost one of their own too. A look of sadness returned to his features as he found empathy with their shared position in that moment. "I'm truly sorry to hear that one of your own met such a fate. I hope they find peace in StarClan... with Berryheart, and all others that we have lost." Closing his eyes he then bowed his head in silent prayer. It was a simple offering but all that he could think to give in that moment, besides more tears. He could feel them stinging at the corners of his eyes as his grief threatened to bubble up all over again.
The tom gazed down at the flowing water that kept them separated and he could see Perchberry's reflection in the surface further ahead of his own. Those very reflections were closer to touching more than anything else, and it brought him to feel frustration. "I wish I could swim..." He already knew that he couldn't, his last brush with the river had nearly ended in his death if it hadn't been for Clayfur's swift action. As his eyes roamed the river's expanse he finally spotted something, rocks that protruded above the water's surface. With steady paws and a series of skilled jumps he reckoned that he could probably get across.
A mere thought soon turned into reality as he began to leap from rock to rock, slipping every so often on the slippery stones. Relief didn't hit him until he felt the soft sand of the opposite bank. Trespassing. He was trespassing in that moment, but his heart refused to let that stop him as he made a cautious approach towards Perchberry. "I... um... I'm here if you want some comfort." Shiningsun wasn't sure why he was even doing this, but yet here he was. Had Perchberry even noticed him crossing over?
Aha, Shinningsun was too kind. To offer consoling words to someone who lived in a different clan. Their clans were not even getting along very well. Yet they where both willing to comfort the other. " Th-thank you. I really ho-hope they will too." may their souls rest and find their way to starclan. He closed his eyes too when he saw Shinningsun did so that he could join the thunderclanner in their silent prayer. A quiet moment for the clanmates they had lost. And silent tears would fall from his cheeks as he allowed himself to mourn his fallen clanmate.
He had to admit it was a lot less uncomfortable to share his sorrow with another tom from a different clan then he had thought it would be. Surprisingly it was alot easier to seek console from Shinningsun then it was from his own clanmates. A part of him even felt guilty about it. But in that moment he pushed that feeling away. Opening his eyes again his gaze once more finds his own reflection in the river. Noticing his own tears Perchberry started to wipe them away with one of his paws whilst being left unaware of Shinningsun's intentions. In fact he didn't notice the plan that had been put into motion at all.
But suddenly he wasn't alone on his side of the riverbank. Shinningsun voice that should have been heard a distance away was suddenly just a breath away. Perchberry slowly turned his head around to stare at the golden tom that stood just some couple paw lenghts away from him. He blinked his teary eyes before they went wide as he moved them up to look straight into the other tom's face. " Uhm, wow..y-you're really big." It just slipped out. The first thing that crossed his mind when settling his eyes on them for the first time at a such closed up view. Shinningsun was really so much taller and bigger than he actually had thought of them to be. It for sure was a difference to see them up this close and from a distance. Perchberry in comparison was very small. He was more of the size of a windclanner then a typical riverclan cat would normally be.
His whole face turned red when it actually hit him what he just had said out aloud. Perchberry felt so embarassed that he actually could die right now. " Uhm, i -i mean..." It was then the reality check hit him like a fish slapping his face. Suddenly he started to look around with a bit of uneasiness that somebody might have spotted them. It seemed like nobody was here...for now they were safe. Nervousely he would look back at the tom before circling his eyes around until you guess right looked away as he was still blushing. " Yo-you shouldn't be he-here...." he weakly informed them, still feeling embarassed sure but more then that he felt nervous. He hadn't been prepared for them to suddenly meet like this!. It made his heart skip in beats he was unfamilliar with. He didn't know how to face them.
☼ You're really big. If he had a mouse for every time he had heard such a phrase then he wouldn't have to worry about starving, that was for sure. Though hearing it from the likes of Perchberry in particular it made him feel oddly warm, and brought about a feeling of amusement. "Yes, I am quite big. Though don't let it worry you." Unless forced to he certainly had no intention of attacking the other feline. Nor would he be stupid enough to take on any passing patrols either.
"I know I shouldn't have crossed over, but... I guess I just can't ignore someone who is sad." The tom tried to maintain a bold front, though he found himself glancing around at their surroundings in fear of a passing patrol. Still nothing, thankfully. He took the chance to draw in a steadying breath before he offered up a brighter smile. "If you want me to head back over I'll go. But I thought that we could just sit awhile, without calling out across the river." Naturally he wouldn't stay for too long, but he did hope that he wouldn't be turned away immediately. There was just something about Perchberry that made him long to be close.
Worried?. Uh, that was not exactly what had crossed his mind over the potential danger. No, no, he had been thinking about something else which just made him blush even more underneath his fur.
Perchberry did not look away for long as he was trying to be sneaky about it as he cast a side-glance peek at them for more then one reason but he prefered to keep at least one of the reasons to himself. Shinningsun truly had a way with his words that was for sure. Somehow he always manged to say something that kept on reminding him of how sweet he was, so considerate and thoughtful. It made him want to start crying all over again to seek comfort from that kindness. " That's very thoughtful of you..." he would admit quietly, not used with someone wishing to look out after someone so much to risk crossing another clan over it. Not to mention it was him out of all cats. He smiled softly. Shinningsun probably did this all of the time to his clanmates. He seemed like the type of tom who always would be there for his friends and clanmates. " and i don't di-dislike it that you crossed..i just don't want you to get in t-trouble because of me." he blushed again as he admitted that. But he did not want Shinningsun to get the wrong idea...that's all.
But he knew it was dangerous for them to be here right now. It would be wiser for Shinningsun to head back to his side of the border as quickly as possible but...how could he resist that smile?, that bright shiny smile. Perchberry knew he had lost as he felt completely powerless to that smile. " Uhm, i gu-guess you can stay for a little while...i...i would li-like your company..." he blushed as he shifted his paws shyly, long ears flattering back a bit as he pushed back the anxiety of the risk this would have on both of them. But it would be fine...just for a little while. It couldn't hurt, could it?.
☼ "I'll be sure to keep the meeting short as to avoid us encountering trouble. That much I can promise." Shiningsun finally dared to move again as he shifted closer to the smaller RiverClanner, albeit still with cautious steps. Now he sat at Perchberry's side with his gaze focused on the opposite bank. It was odd to have a new, previously unseen perspective of ThunderClan's territory. Normally the trees and thick terrain never held any weight over him before, but now that he saw it at a distance it suddenly seemed overly imposing. Tall trees that held within it the secrets of the cats that lived there. Is this what RiverClan had to see every time they patrolled the border? "I've never seen my home this way before. It's hard to pick anything out. It's rather imposing."
A gentle wind ruffled his pelt but carried with it the promise of a patrol. Sadness twisted his gut as he came to accept that time was running out. The ThunderClanner turned his head to look at Perchberry, who seemed ever more charming and delicate now that he had the opportunity to behold him up close. "Next time we meet you should cross to my side. I want you to see what RiverClan looks like from my side." A new perspective of a home so familiar, yet so mysterious.
Well, Perchberry had already accepted his defeat even if he had not exactly put up much of a fight to begin with. He just nodded along as he find comfort in the blonde warriors words. However, when he notice Shinningsun coming closer to his side a wave of nervousity washed over him. Perchberry stared down at his paws for a moment as he tried to recollect his thoughts.
After the moment had past Perchberry cast a side glance up at the other warrior and noticed them looking at something. He would follow their gaze across the riverbank while wrapping his own tail around his forepaws. Twitching his ear, a small smile appeared when Shinningsun opened up over how strange it was to sit here on the opposite side. " There's not really much to see from here beside trees but still i li-like the view. Sometimes i picture myself sitting on a branch in one of your trees as i just watch the world around me." he said a bit dreamily. He wonderd how a view like that would be like. He had always wonderd how the world would look from up there.
His expression then changed into anxiety as an awkward chuckle slipt through the anxious warrior's maw. " N-not like that is ever go-going to happen." he didn't even think he would dare to climb one of the trees to be honest...the risk of falling was too high and what if he couldn't climb back down again?. In the first place he had no idea on how to even do it. But it was still something nice to daydream about, like a if he had been born to be a much braver cat then maybe.
Shinningsun was not the only one who was left disappointed. Perchberry too had catch the wind of the patrol's approching steps. It had been nice while it lasted he guess... Sadness touched his heart as he felt uncertain if he even would get to meet Shinningsun again. The second the tom crossed back to their border might be the last time he ever saw them again, like this anyway. Perchberry bite down on his lip and with a deep breath he would turn his head so he could look directly at the sunny warrior but just as the mouth opend itself to speak words Shinningsun had beat him to it. His face flushed up as their eyes meet and he stared into this heaven blue eyes. It took a moment for his brain to even catch up on what Shinningsun had said.
" Next time?." he repeated dumbfoundedly like someone had just slapped him across the face. Shinningsun wanted to meet him again?, him out of all cats?. Why, was the first thing that crossed his mind but the second thought was a more heartfelt one. The fear of crossing the riverbank with the water flowing below did not even seem to cross his mind in that very moment. He was too busy to feel this joy that this tom wished to see him again even if he deep inside knew he shouldn't. But not even that was enough to kill this blissful joy.
" Th-that would be nice. I would li-like that." he finally said, as he smiled warmly at them. A rare genuine smile he didn't even was aware of he could mange to do.
It was then the reality kicked back in as the wind brought in the patrol's scent for the second time now. Quickly his expression would change into worry and anxiety as his eyes took a quick look around before he stood up. " Bu-but for now you should really hurry back to your side. I can smell a patrol coming this way." he said in case Shinningsun hadn't caught up the scent yet and he really didn't want them to get into trouble.
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