sensitive topics SEA OF LANTERNS // rta, grief

[MUSHROOMPAW]

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"Don't cry."

Morningpaw's voice haunts her, her memory of the molly's voice reduced to two words, croaked out in pain and blood. It follows her like a ghost whispering in her ears each passing day. Time marches on...but Mushroomkit does not. She can't.

It was easier, coming trembling to the Skyclan border clutched in her grandfather's jaws and shying away from concerned, prying eyes. It was easier because she hadn't seen them die, hadn't let the world sink its ugly claws into her soft heart. Yet she'd seen Leopardcloud pass, she'd watched Morningpaw become a sea of gurgling red before her body went still. The weight of it crushed her, left her unable to claw her way out of the river of grief drowning her, unable to swim to the bank the way others would've, no matter how long it took them. She spoke less, spending day after day curled into her grandfather's side, refusing to eat more than a few bites of food. Her head hurt, her body waged war with a fever that wouldn't calm down but never got worse, there was a heaviness to her body that she'd never felt before, unrelated to her lack of hunger.

"Come now little mushcap, just a few more bites?" She had pushed away the remnants of her skeletal meal, mostly uneaten despite its poor size. A feather flecked tail curls around her form, still small enough to be dwarfed by its owner as her grandfather pleads with her. Wordlessly, Mushroomkit shakes her head, lightless eyes staying focused on the prey as she drops her head onto her paws. 'It feels like I'm eating mud.' The molly thinks, swallowing a few times to try and get the feeling out of her mouth. She hears her grandfather sigh before feeling the cold, yet warm, rasp of his tongue along her fur.

She didn't know why they stayed here, why her overprotective grandfather didn't swipe her up and leave again once the danger of the clans reared its true, monsterous form. She didn't want to leave, but she didn't want to stay either. She felt stuck, listless in her life. Not wanting time to move forward, and knowing it would never move back. Knowing that no matter what happened from now on, Morningpaw had returned to Mother, and she was never, ever going to see her again. Was never going to go on adventures with her and Firefly and Howl like they'd all promised as kits. Was never going to see newleaf for the first time with her and her siblings. Was never going to be a warrior with one of her best friends.

And she'd never hear her voice unpained and happy ever again either.​

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ALL I CAN DO IS DREAM ─

─ FOR I AM SO, SO TIRED.

 

[BLAZESTAR]

( * ˚ ✦ ) Blazestar sees Morningbird attempting to feed his granddaughter a pitifully small piece of prey, cajoling her into taking even one more bite. The little she-cat isn't convinced, her eyes vacant with her private grief.

He gives the older tom a glance, remembering the day he'd shown up to their borders, splashed with blood and stunned by the slaughter he'd witnessed. The sole survivor of his family, the little flame point who refuses to eat, is withering away before his eyes.

She's so much like Morningpaw, Blazestar thinks, his heart aching dully. Mushroomkit was not Clanborn, though; perhaps she did not know her friend was among them still, walking a path of starlight. That she would see her again, someday.

Blazestar had once been the sort of leader to check on every cat, from the smallest kit to the fiercest warrior, but he's neglected them all. He's kept to himself, enduring his storm with every bit of strength he has left inside of him.

"She's watching you now, you know," he says, hesitantly, softly. "All of StarClan watches over us, their loved ones. You mean so much to Morningpaw, and she wouldn't want you to hurt or be hungry. You have to keep your strength up, little one." His tongue seizes, and he looks up at Morningbird, lost. Mushroomkit needs more than Blazestar can give. He himself hasn't eaten in a day and a half, and when he had, the dry, tough squirrel meat had felt like wet sand clumping on his tongue.

Stars, yes, he knows what Mushroomkit is feeling. He only wishes he could take that pain away from her, but he can't even take it from himself.​

( AND EVERY TIME IT RAINS , ALL THE ANGELS CRY FOR ME )