search in harmony | bumble

[honey]

She hasn’t been around these parts in what feels like forever, a distant memory or a past lived life, shes tired and it shows with the way her shoulders sag and the light doesn’t quite meet her eyes. Shes tired. It… also felt like weeks since she had talked to little Forestpaw, the first face she had seen in weeks. She especially feels anger at Salamander for the abandonment, the giving away of her kittens.

Could she truly be mad, though? When she had done the same thing? Not by choice, though. She had tried to drag Bone back, branded insane- maybe she truly was. She’s learned to leave it in the past. Dwelling on it only made her sob uncontrollably.

But shes desperate. She can feel the coming ache, a familiar one in her bones, and just once more does she want to rest with her family. Getting sick out here… surely meant death. And she’s scared. Shes terrified. Shes spent her whole loner life trying to atone for what she had done, screamed loudest at the stars when they did not answer her. Perhaps this is her personal hell that they bestowed upon her. Whatever she does will never be enough to gain the stars good graces once more.

The crunch of snow was new to her but the moors weren’t. It brought a bitter anger in her heart, one she hadn’t felt in so long. She shakes her cinnamon swirled pelt out, a sigh tumbling from her mouth. She truly feels exhausted, out of options, I want my babies. It’s all she has wanted for so long but she had not had the concept of time on her side. She needed to hunt, hunt, hunt regardless of how many times she came back empty-pawed.

She gets closer to the Windclan border, hesitantly places a paw over it when she sees a figure. Perhaps with enough begging they’ll be nice, they’ll get her sons and daughters-

"Oh mon bebe... Is that you? Really you?" called out, cresting the hill was a scarred pelt, one she knew by heart. One she had brought in, loved as fiercely as if he were her own blood, tears and sweat. Mist wells in her eyes. Oh, he has grown, he has grown in to a fine cat. She doesn’t want to break down in front of him but it feels like its futile. It’s really him, her Bumble, her little bumble bee.
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"speech"​

 

[BUMBLEBREEZE.]

he misses her. every second of every moment of every day, he misses her. how he misses watching the sun rise and fall beside her, the scent of herbs clinging to her fur like her normal scent. it was normal for him because that was all he knew. from the moment his own mother had died, slaughtered by the beasts of the land, honeytwist took him in. she was kind and patient, taught him her own native tongue, and never even raised her voice at him. she was soft and protective, fighting tooth and nail to keep her babies safe– she didn't even forget him when she had kits of her own. kits that he called siblings, who he felt just as protective of. when he was attacked by the dog, he didn't care about anything. he had saved leech, sure, but he just wanted to make sure that his mama would be okay. and she was.... until she wasn't.

he watched with uneasiness and uncertainty as her sanity slipped from her. she was becoming more and more angry, and though it never turned to her children, bumble could tell it was weighing her down. she was but a shell of herself here, and watching that made him hate windclan. his siblings, and leech, had been the only reason for him to stay when honeytwist was cast away. exiled, and stripped from a title she didn't even want. his heart broke and he worried for her every single day. he wanted her safe, with him. even if she didn't do anything within the clan, but stay with him. at least she'd be safe. but no one cared about that. they only had cared about that stupid former medicine cat, bonejaw. or whatever name she might have been going by. she ruined more lives than one that fateful night, but the only one he cared about was his mama's. he just wanted her back. that's it. that's all he wanted.

as he walked along the territory, jaw parted to taste the air. he wanted to hunt for his siblings, and now that he was a warrior... he could do that. if anyone had any quarrels about it, they could shove it. starclan didn't care enough about him to save him from the dogs, and if windclan was so blessed by them, he wasn't going to stick his neck out for anyone. he had only been here so he didn't have to leave his siblings and leech behind. shaking his head to get out his thoughts, he lowered his body to the ground, watching the white bunny hop across the ground. his nose flared slightly, eye narrowed before he lunged forward, collapsing onto the rabbit with a snap of its neck with his teeth. he stood as he dangled in his mouth, and he was going to head back before he heard a familiar honey toned voice nearby... he hadn't been hearing things right? stars let him not have been hearing things.

he made his way over, his eye widening at the sight of his mom. she looked so tired... so tired. but he couldn't stop the tears as he ran forward, over the boarder and barreled softly into her, dropping the rabbit with a very loud purr, snuggling into her fur.

"mama! tu m'as tellement manqué! i'm so glad to see you!"

his purrs didn't stop once as he pulled away, making a split second decision. he picked up the rabbit, dropping it at her paws, a big smile on his face. he hadn't felt this happy in a long time... his mama was okay. she was okay and she was here. had he trusted that the stars were the reason for this, he might have thanked them. but they were the reason she left in the first place. this had been a simple stroke of luck. oh mama. you look so tired.

"here, eat. eat."
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[ WISH I COULD TURN YOU BACK INTO A STRANGER ]​

 

[honey]

And it was. It was him, in the flesh, her son. He had just been a little kitten when Windclan had first formed. Bumblekit to Bumblepaw, he must have his warrior name by now. "You're so... tall... now." choked, he's running at her and he has a rabbit, a white one. He's... crying. Oh, stars, hes crying. She steps forwards once more, tears finally spilling from her own eyes in a frantic motion to get ahold of him. "Tu es tout pour moi." a breath, desperation, he comes straight forwards. Mama, now the tears are really coming. Thats her son, thats her son, her baby boy, her everything, everything and he was here, he was alive.

All she would ever ask of him was to do what he wanted and to stay alive.

He hits her. Snuggles in to her and she lets out another choked sob. He was okay, he was so tall, he's a warrior, he's all grown up. The very kit she had raised is now grown up and she could not be any prouder. "Bumble, you... Don't understand how much i've missed you, too." every night she had prayed, prayed they'd keep her children safe. Prayed that those she had been moderately close to would keep them safe and for once her prayers were answered to.

Once more the anger flares up. Scorns Sootstar, Bonejaw, she had been too long apart from her babies. She had been stripped of watching them grow, a fate ultimately worse than death. Perhaps she would have accepted an execution, a swifter death, she would have been able to watch them grow up from the stars. Her grip on him tightens and she buries her face in his fur.

He pulls away. She's afraid, her heart skips a beat and she reaches out as if it were a cruel hallucination of him, as if he'd slip from under her paws once more; her vision is blurred with tears and shes in near hysterics. Please, please, don't let him leave- He speaks. "I can't." a refusal so fast that it surprises her. The hunger hurts but oh, her son deserved it more, but oh.... She knew him. She did, he would likely not let it go.

...

"Share it with me, my love. Je t'aime, Bumble. You've grown, so, so much. I..." it catches in her throat and she has to physically shake her head to clear it. "Am so proud of you. Of the cat you've become. Have you become a warrior yet?" he's old enough for Sootstars standards at least and she knows it. She licks him over the head, taking in a deep breath to steady herself. He's everything she wants right now and she feels right at home once more. Oh how she had missed this, she was so happy, so, so happy.

Maybe it was not sickness and just exhaustion. She surely hopes so... She's not sure how long she can keep herself up for and so she plops in to the snow, the biggest smile on her face as she gazes upon her beloved with love in her eyes. She pats the snow besides him and if he were to lay besides her she'd curl her tail around his, giving him a cheek touch. She loves him so deeply it hurts, her heart is so full and perhaps now she can die happy seeing his face once more.
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"speech"​