see me after class [SILVERSMOKE]

[Johnnyflame]

MY WORLDS ON FIRE, HOW 'BOUT YOURS?
THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED."​

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It had been an innocent comment to start it all, a passing mention about the forming of the clans between two cats whose conversation he just happened to catch a snippet of as he passed by to drop his catch atop the kill pile. And from there, his thoughts had simply snowballed, his natural curiosity running its course until he realized, with no shortage of embarrassment, that he knew very little about the origin of the clan he’d chosen to join. Who to ask though, without seeming exceedingly silly for not having asked moons and moons before? Wasn’t something like that among the first questions a newcomer usually asked?

Not wanting to embarrass himself, he’d gone searching for the familiar silver coat of a cat he trusted not to make him feel too foolish.

”Silversmoke!” he called, bobbed tail giving a pleased twitch at having found them so easily. ”Don’t suppose you’ve got time to give your favorite cat a history lesson, do ya?”

He knew that Silversmoke had been there since the beginning and would have the information he needed. Of course, that brought to mind another alarming set of realizations that prickled beneath his skin in unease. It was in a conversation with the spotted tom himself that Johnny had first learned his mate had once had a life before Skyclan, which was a tidbit of information that had sat snug in the back of his mind ever since, gnawing away at him thanks to that damned curiosity. How could it not, when he was hit with a double bombshell like that? Not only was Skyclan so young that he would have been old enough to see it's creation had he moved to town sooner, but a cat that he had always assumed to be clanborn had in fact, once been a rogue with a life totally separate from what Johnny knew of.

He wondered if Silversmoke ever found himself curious about him in the same way- if he ever wondered what the bobtail had been up to before he came to live in the nest along the treeline. But then again, hadn't Johnny spoken to cats before about his past- all the way back to when he was first learning about snakes? His past wasn't much of a secret, and he couldn't help but wonder if Silversmokes was just that, and how much simply hadn't been brought up because his mate simply hadn't had anyone to talk to about it.

This isn't about him. Stay focused. he chided himself, before flashing the other a smirk and a wink. "Figured I should learn from the best."

@SILVERSMOKE

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[SILVERSMOKE]

"We can see what Orangestar says. Now... off you go." Silversmoke leaned down, gently nudging an overly curious kitten back toward the Nursery. Ears burned from their excitement, the kit so keen to have the spotted tabby as a mentor that the tom had been unable to turn him down. It'd never been up to him to suggest such pairings, perhaps something of a gambit considering the problems with his first apprentice. He watched the child stumble back into the nest, waiting for them to be out of sight before he dropped his amiable expression. The large cat turned away, nose pointed towards the camp's entrance when a familiar call stopped him in his tracks.

His breath was accentuated with a purr as Johnny stated his name, finding that on the other's tongue, it felt like more than just a title. He turned his head slowly, sharing a smile only reserved for the bob-tailed tom. His whiskers twitched at Johnny's question, his head tilted downwards. "A history lesson?" There was exasperation in his tone, quiet and tired as if he had come to expect it from the tortoiseshell (as if he almost liked it. He did, but he wasn't keen on giving Johnny ammunition). "You've been here too long to not know SkyClan's history, unless, you're not on about my history, are you?" He felt some obligation to answer, though, he had seen Johnnyflame weep enough for a past long since forgotten.

Life had been cruel before SkyClan, and a part of him could only presume at least one part of Johnnyflame's life had been similar. But he didn't know if he wanted to know. He'd fallen in love with the cat that Johnnyflame was in the present, someone strong, admirable, charismatic, whose smile could melt the leaf-bare snow. Silversmoke had always presumed he should admire what made the other that way, yet... what if it was hardship that made him so kind? Could he truly be grateful for something that had hurt his mate so? Would he be able to live with himself if he said the wrong thing in response to a bad past? He'd decided long ago that he wouldn't pry, that it would be up for the snakehunter to share if he wanted to or keep secret if he had to.

Figured I'd learn from the best, the other said, and the corners of his face scrunched up as he tried to conceal a sheepish chuckle. "You make me sound like an elder," he huffed, a subtle mirth in his voice. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

​

 

[Johnnyflame]

MY WORLDS ON FIRE, HOW 'BOUT YOURS?
THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED."​

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OOC- I totally fucked up my intro- that’s what I get for watching youtube videos while im trying to write, instead of focusing and then actually editing my shit afterwards XD

There would always be a part of Johnny that was happy to know more about his mate- even if those parts were ugly or better left forgotten. Anything, to help him better understand and love the cat in front of him right now. But settled right alongside that voracious curiosity, was a quiet acceptance as well, free of resentment. He had known going into this that Silversmoke was a cat who valued their privacy and space, and to be given what he had at all was a privilege he would never gamble with, no matter what reward might lay on the other side.

Because in the end, his curiosity over a few long dead facts was unimportant in the face of what he had and what he could have at Silversmokes side.

Ears flushed with embarrassment as he was called out for not knowing the history of his own clan, but he’d been expecting that. What he [hadn’t been expecting was the second callout, and he glanced away with an indignant huff on his lips because no he hadn’t been asking about that- but he had been thinking about it, and he was afraid the other would sense it somehow and think less of him for it.

”No- I actually was asking about Skyclan.” he clarified, not just because it was true, but because Silversmokes words left him festering with guilt at the tone. So he decided to just move on from it, hoping that pushing past the entire thing would simply put it out of both of their minds. ”I know some of the story- like the great battle, and how Starclan came down and stopped it- but I’ve never heard it from the beginning. From a cat who saw it with their own eyes.”

He could hear the story told from a hundred different cats, but in the end their perspective could never mean as much to Johnny as his would. ”To be honest, I don’t even really know what caused the great battle. Politics, I’m sure, but… between who? And why? And what made you choose to go with Blazestar if you hated kittypets so much? And did you really see Starclan cats? What was it like?”

He felt like a kit as he rambled, but that cursed curiosity had so much it wanted to know and it wanted it from Silversmoke specifically. Johnnyflame could live with letting go of a past before the clans, but surely this was a level of personal the other could indulge him in- a topic safe enough for both to traverse without asking for too much?

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[SILVERSMOKE]

"Oh," he huffed, gaze fleeing to the floor. 'Of course he was talking about SkyClan. Stars, when did I become so conceited?' "Sorry," he mewed quietly, deciding a simple miscommunication wasn't worth causing an argument over. Silversmoke presumed Johnnyflame agreed, so soon after he apologised he heard the conversation shift, enough questions asked by the other that he couldn't help but peer back up at the excited cat. He sucked in a breath as the other mentioned the tabby's past vitriol, a knife twisting in his heart, guilt bubbling in place of blood. "Blazestar wasn't leader then," he corrected the tortoiseshell, letting the revelation settle before deciding to explain.

"It was a cat called Rain who led a colony in the Marshes. He was kind, a collector of misfits. His group gave me a chance to live among them when my eye was injured, I... was... not entirely with it for the battle, but when you meet someone with the conviction to do the right thing, it inspires you to change what you once were." A rogue, hungry for survival on broken streets who had created his own code of honour to deal with the horrors of an isolated life. The colony had completed him, made him realise he was more than the product of his past, that he could fight for something other than himself. There was admiration in his voice as he spoke of what once was, love but a different kind to the one he shared with Johnnyflame.

He reclined on his haunches. "Rain's colony was newer and encroached on lands that another colony thought it owned. Skirmishes broke out over it and Rain... the poor mousebrain just wanted to live peacefully. He charged Fourtrees and died for that dream, it was his soul alongside the souls of all those who had fallen that created StarClan. That was the Great Battle. Good cats dying for what they believed in. Only... Rain was different when he rose again. He told the groups that they would have to split into five, lest further blood be spilled... and we all listened..." What choice did they have? What they had just witnessed had changed the cats forever. "How to describe seeing my dead leader rise again? I... words can't describe it. Horrifying... beautiful... I don't know. The fear in my heart was not one I'd felt before and not one I've felt again since." That one might see the mistakes of their life over and over again, that even the dead could feel anguish over the betrayal of the living...

The concept of StarClan was terrifying. Even now, with silent prayers offered at lunchtime and gratitude displayed for their lights shining so brightly even within the Twolegplace, he did not know if his soul would be satisfied with eternity. There was only one animal that made the idea bearable, only one he was willing to share it with.

And stars did it ever make him grateful for his choices all those moons ago.

"Out of the two colonies, most of Rain's went to SkyClan or ThunderClan, the other colony, Briar's colony, became WindClan, RiverClan and ShadowClan. You'll know Briar as Briarstar, first leader of ShadowClan. As for the other leaders, Cicidastar and Sootstar, well... they were just cats, I suppose." Normal cats.

"Blazestar became leader of SkyClan once that happened. His vision was the closest to Rain's and he chose the territory which had housed me at my weakest. I felt as if I owed them to give my life as my colony cats had, 'hating kittypets' didn't matter to me as much as fulfilling a debt." His ears flattened once more, unsatisfied with the phrase he'd used. Perhaps StarClan was not his paradise, but his penance for making Johnnyflame ever believe he was worth less for being a Daylight Warrior. Suddenly, the idea of heaven felt more comforting. "I just didn't realise how difficult following Rain's vision was. The cat that did this?" He waved his paw towards the two pink snakes trailing over his eye, the organ scarcely flinching even as his white paw hovered ever closer. "He joined many moons later, freely, because of what Rain had promised for his followers. What would you have done, in my paws?"

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[Johnnyflame]

MY WORLDS ON FIRE, HOW 'BOUT YOURS?
THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED."​

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’You’re fine. Just didn’t want you to think I was prying.” he offered, because for as many steps forward as they’d taken together, Johnny still feared messing up what they had. It was an uncharacteristic streak of insecurity for the sunny-eyed bobtail, but Silversmoke meant a lot to him and he didn’t want his own lack of experience to drive them away for being too bold- for thinking himself entitled to anything more than what they were willing to give.

He was grateful that his mate seemed willing to let his sharpness slip. He didn’t want to fight, either, and he feared that having his thoughts so plainly called out had made him more defensive than he’d needed to be.

”He wasn’t?” A part of him felt downright shameful for not having known it. He’d been a lead warrior for so long, and he’d never stopped to get the full story from anyone, had assumed after learning about the clans beginning that it had been Blazestar who founded the clan, but the roots went back before even that.

Johnny listened with wide-eyed fascination as the other gave their account of events, settling into a comfortable crouch as his mate pulled memories of the past from their mind and wove them into something he could share. And the bobtail could see it all unfolding as it was told, a movie playing in his mind that would likely never do the truth justice, but it did it’s best. Brought him closer to understanding.

”So the first Starclan cats were the ones who died that day at Fourtrees…” The realisation gave him goosebumps, and he couldn’t help but wonder what had forged those cats -once enemies in a war to the death- into stars who walked on the same side, determined to save their people. Had it been sheer determination that kept their souls from fading into nothing, or was there something out there even bigger than death that had brought them back?

Either way, hearing someone he trusted so explicitly speak about the souls of the dead brought him hope. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in Starclan, he just… had never really known what to make of them. He’d always pictured them as something more- judges, prophets, something so much bigger and important than the cats down here with their lives still in tact. But.. they were just normal cats. Friends. Leaders. Family members. Old comrades lost to battles won and lost.

”I didn’t realise Starclan had a beginning. Or that they were just normal cats like us.” he admitted, somewhat sheepish as he continued. ”Used to worry a lot about whether they’d take a cat like me when I finally go. Skyclan looks kindly upon Kittypets, but the other four clans, not so much. Figured… Cats like Blazestar, they gave it up eventually, right? Being a kittypet? So.. There was always a chance the stars wouldn’t want me for hanging onto it.”

He used to worry so much over it, wondering if he’d end up spending his afterlife alone, away from the friends and family he’d made during his lifetime. ”Said as much to Dawnglare once when he asked me why I was here. Told him it felt right, even if the stars didn’t pick me like they picked him. But he didn’t seem to think they’d reject me when the time finally came.” he paused, then chuckled lightly. ”In fact, he said ‘I was quite like them’- the stars. Didn’t really know what he meant, but I think.. It think it might make a little more sense now.”

Those cats among the stars, the ones he feared rejection from- those first few had just been normal cats trying to keep their loved ones safe- right to the fucking end. Not clanborn cats, but outsiders and misfits brought together by a cat who just wanted everyone to be happy and safe. A cat who stopped the bloodshed and made the clans what they were today.

Surely, that cat wouldn’t turn him away over his affection for his twolegs when he had so much love for Skyclan as well?

”Blazestar became leader once that happened-

Well that would explain why johnny had thought Blazestar was the first leader. Technically he was, since Skyclan had only been formed after the great battle, but there was a much better understanding now of the truth; in Silversmokes heart, the first leader was a cat called Rain. Johnny wished he could have met him when it was so clear of the part they’d played in his mates life.

”You were admirable, even back then.” he noted warmly, eyes softening as he pictured a much younger, much rougher Silversmoke, one forged by the cruelty of the streets instead of the code of the clans. And still, they chose to stay and repay the cat who showed him kindness. Dedicated his life to protecting the legacy they left behind despite the conflicting beliefs and feelings he’d had about their culture.

How had there ever been a time when Johnny couldn’t see that? How had he ever thought this tom was anything but good? Their arguments and the insults of the past; they all seemed to stupid and silly now, like time wasted over something he hadn’t seen despite it being obvious.

As the conversation turned toward their eye, Johnny frowned. He’d never asked about how or who the scars had come from, had always just assumed it was an old war wound or something gained from his time as a rogue- but if Silversmoke was going to bring it up..

”Would have been tempted to settle the score, that’s for sure.” he replied with a frown and a flex of his claws. ”If that Windclanner who scarred me up- Scorchstreak- came sniffin’ around looking for a place to stay, I probably wouldn’t be too willing to take my chances on her.” he huffed, a paw lifting to rub at the scars on his chest and throat, the ones that had gouged chunks from his collar instead of his windpipe. ”What ended up happening to them- did Blazestar let them stay, or were they too dangerous?”

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