SHOT DOWN | realizing

[BUCKGAIT.]

MY NAME IS BRUTUS AND MY NAME MEANS HEAVY ✧​

there's something sickly in her stomach, heavy stones that weigh her down as she just stares. something about it all, some saps who are wholly unaware of buckgait and her presence. all they care about is each other, all they see is each other. it's as if their entire existence were made for the sole purpose of loving one another. usually, buck could pass this by easily, uncaring about what others do in their personal lives. long as it hadn't affected her or anything, it was fine.

but this was different. this was unbearable.

her grip upon the large fish she had caught with @LIGHTNINGSTONE tightens, uncomfortable and yet she can't look away. why? what was so interesting about these two that just made her stop and stare? something about the whole thing had simply saddened her, filled her with some unique and ugly type of rage. something close to jealousy, a sibling of the emotion. there's a slight glance at the guard who she is forced to spend day and night with, but her attention is returned to the lovers. still unaware of her staring.

they were just so close, and buck is painfully aware of the distance between her and the only cat who gives her the time of day. something about it all is just...isolating. despite the fact she could reach and feel lightning with little problem, speak to him with ease....it's not enough. the days of secretive whispers and hushed amusement with willowroot is not enough. whatever otterpop spews to her is not enough. the small passing conversations with those who never care to see her beyond the guise of buckgait. it doesn't satiate this newfound hunger.

none of it is enough. she sleeps alone, in an empty nest that seems far too big as of late. she wakes alone in that same infuriating nest. she eats alone in the early morning, hunts alone. everything is done alone. it's been her entire life and for once buck longs for something a bit for fulfilling. her claws rake the fertile earth below her and her muscles grow tense. her attention now split between her ward and the two lovers. they both feel in such separate worlds, as if she were to take a singular step toward either of them that the other would no longer exist. she's caught in some web, a fly desperate and squirming. the spider closing in for its captured meal.

it takes little thought for buck to know what is wrong with her. growing sick with envy. she wants what they have. someone to share the day with. to make her nest no longer feel as if it will swallow her. but buck is buck, and that alone is hard to want.
​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

"You keep staring and you'll burn a hole through them." He casts a shadow as tall as he is as he comes to a stop, the morning sun alight behind them over the treeline and dappling the camp in spots of darkness that mimic the inverse of his own pelt; dark with spatterings of light. The earth-colored molly's staring contest had not gone unoticed, she locked eyes with multiple opponents and did not yield to either. It would be almost comical if there had not been some uncomfortable edge to her gaze like a caged animal. It is a horrifying comparison but her posture and the way her claws grip the earth is reminiscent of Cicadastar's mottled body being pinned to a tree; he recalls it vividly and at times wonders if that is what it feels like to lock eyes with a predator.

It is far beyond him to attempt idle chat, he has never been one for small talk or conversation and it shows in every word he says and the posture of his body hunched forward and in as if both attempting to fight and hide himself at the same time.

That he paid attention enough to what was going on in the camp was a surprise itself, that it was Buckgait's almost furious intensity as she gazed out across the camp was even moreso. To say he gave her space was an understatement. There was something woefully intimidating about the woman he could not quite place and so he fell back into his avoidance habits out of uncertainty. Eventually he did realize the cause of his unease, that she and he were alike enough in how they held themselves and held similar failings when it came to understanding their clanmates and their connections. Buckgait, he noticed, managed better than he did and perhaps he was envious of it. It was all fake pleasantries, but she was more learned in lying; deceptive but not cruelly.
In his careful observations he had learned a few things about all his clanmates, nothing he felt was particularly noteworthy outside a few things he made mental checks over: Clearsight's constant nightly walks, Clayfur's odd habit of studying things by promptly shoving them in his mouth, Willowroot's empathy that lead her to realizing things were amiss with the younger generation before it even registered to him something might be wrong.
In that similar vein Buckgait had shown a softness he did not expect from the hardy she-cat when it came to kittens. It was like shifting personas before them; she reserved the almost motherly tone and gentleness to the wayward kits of the clan that he expected no other cat had ever been privvy to.

Her starring at the couples wandering camp or otherwise entangled in quiet piles had him pondering what exactly had captivated, what moved her, what locked her in place like an invisible claw pressing down. Kits? Wanting kits? He figured the clan had enough of the little rascals as if if she wanted something to mother-especially given they all seemed so partial to her. Besides, it sure would be weird just having Lightningstone kinda there...

"Are you alright?" Smokethroat's tone does not change from his previous remark, her 'keeper' is nearby if there is an actual issue and he wonders why he bothers stopping to ask at all. Politeness? Hardly. Maybe he wanted to shake the wariness he had of the molly aware through exposure. He could not quite tell you what made him pause in his daily tasks to speak to her at all.



​

 

[otterpop]

Jealousy is not a rare emotion to him. He knows very well how it feels like, how the burning desire cuts through your very essence. Its a choking feeling, one that ignites like a wildfire within you. He does not like to admit it… but he feels it every time he sees Lightning and Buck, wishing why couldn’t that have been me.

Otter was watching silently from a distance, too worked up to go say hello, but its Smokethroat that broke the ice and he hurries over to sit besides Buck, his heart beating fast. He thinks back to that night where he had finally admitted he loved her. His stomach twists. “Hi, Buck.” his own voice is quiet as Smokethroat asks if shes okay. His own mismatched eyes follow where shes staring- yup. He feels the jealousy bubble once more and tries to release it with a long breath. It does not work and the fire ignites once more.

He finds himself yearning to lean in to her, because even if Buck is Buck, she is everything and more to him. He takes in another deep breath, his own eyes still trailed on the other couples. He does not make a move, he’s terrified and thumps his tail against the ground instead

“Things’ll be okay.” his voice is quiet, tries its best to be reassuring. He does not stammer his words out this time but his heart thumps uncomfortably in his chest. He does not shake either, but hes scared. He just wants Buck to feel better.

 

[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

Lightningstone is, unfortunately, an aloof tom. He recognizes something is on his companion's mind, but what it is, he doesn't have a clue. It isn't until Smokethroat comments on her staring that he perks his ears, glancing at the two before his gaze follows Buckgait's to the pair of mates nearby. He quirks a brow. Is she angry with one of them? Does she have feelings for one of them? Is it jealousy? Otterpop soon approaches and takes a seat by the mahogany she-cat, voicing words of comfort. I must've missed something, The silvery tom thinks to himself, a thoughtful frown pulling at his lips as she glances back to the trio beside him now. He doesn't pry - if Buckgait wants to tell him, she can, although he recognizes that's not very likely.​