shrodinger's cat ⸸ starlingheart

[Magpiepaw]

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His mentor wears her name for all to see, a heart like a bird whose wings had been clipped now and he wishes more than anything he had decided to be a warrior rather than a medicine cat; because he wants to be able to rip a cat apart at a moment's notice, he wants to feel the blood under his claws. Magpiepaw feels a chill in the den, a sweep of air filling it suddenly with a forboding tension that winds him to snap, he can still remember the taste of the loner's blood between his teeth and it makes him long to solve his problems through less peaceful means but his body would not withstand the trials. He knew deep down this path was his and his only solace, he knew he would be burdensome otherwise, that even when he had been the sole healer on the journey that he suffered it by not being able to outrun dogs or hunt on his own, that if left alone he would surely perish within the span of weeks. It didn't stop his heart longing to be more, something he'd never cared about previously, but his awkward and unbalanced head and his limbs that carried him erratically, were beginning to wear down on him now. He was fourteen moons now, well past the age any other cat would have their name.

"...are you okay?" The black and white apprentice asks suddenly, his blue gaze fixated on the mouth of the den outside where the faintest trickle of snow still falls but so lightly it won't settle this late in the season. He asks, but his meaning is clear, he's not refering to her physical injuries - he had already helped get those sorted and settled and not to cling to pride but he'd done so with an effeciency even he was surprised by. His mind had been in such a whirl when the incident happened, it was a wonder he remembered any of his training at all but instinct took over. Magpiepaw realized, with some horror, he worked best under stress and pushed to his limitations. It was either a blessing or a curse and he could not determine which.

————— ⸸ looks like the stars won't shine much longer ———— ⸸ so give me your hand

• @STARLINGHEART
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  Magpiepaw
  —⊰⋅ MCA of ShadowClan
  —⊰⋅ He/They
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Black tom w/a white throat and blue-violet eyes.
  —⊰⋅ Has mild cerebellar hypoplasia (Wobbly cat syndrome)
  
  

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[Starlingheart]

Magpiepaw is not a kit anymore. It's something she has to remind herself near constantly in the days that follow her injury, the times where she has to take a backseat and allow him to take over running the medicine cats den for a change. It feels strange, to give up control of something she has been in charge of since before she had even fully grown. The guilt of putting so much on his shoulders is lessened by the thought that he was more than capable of handling it, that at least she hadn't completely abandoned him... or failed him by way of training.

She watches him now as he moves about the den, confidence in every wobbly step the black and white tom took and when he looks outside to where the snow falls softly on the ground, her vision follows. The silence that stretches between them is the comforting sort, the kind that settles over you like a second pelt, warm and secure. They do not always need words, and that's okay.

When finally the quiet does break, her single eye drags itself from the entrance of the den to the face of her apprentice. His question is one she is not fully prepared to answer and she had never been in the habit of lying, especially not to him. Never to him. So she presses her lips into a thin line and looks back at the snow. "I just..." a sigh escapes her lips "I don't know..." would she ever be okay again? It felt like slowly, piece by piece, her world was always destined to be ripped from her. "I'm sorry" For everything.

"We should- we should get ourselves both some-some battle training" she says finally. "I shoulld've-should've realized it would be important for us to know how to- how to defend ourselves t-too. If anything ever hap-happened to you I dont..." she takes a breath, deep and shaky. She had thought that they would never need it, that they were safe just because they were healers but now she realizes how wrong that assumption is.

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[Magpiepaw]

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Seeing Starlingheart so upset was soul crushing, he wanted nothing more than to sit down next to her and curl his tail about them both, bury his face in her scruff and tell her it would be fine - that he'd protect her. But both were lies, he couldn't protect her, he could only heal was became of her in the aftermath and how could one say it would be fine when he knew it was anything but? Her mate betrayed the entire clan, but he loathed to hear her apologize as if any of it was her fault. "...no one can know what's in a cat's heart." He says quietly, unsure of where he was going but letting himself prattle his thoughts without much care to be eloquent, "There is no blame on ourselves for not seeing what is unseen." He had not been fond of Granitepelt, surly and unlikable as he was, but even Magpiepaw with all his mistrust had never suspected it to go this far.

"...that sounds like a good idea." He says, even if he thinks otherwise. Starlingheart could do with the training but he knew deep down in his soul he would always struggle with combat to any degree and it was wasted on him, but he kept the thought to himself. If he had to push and make poor attempts at learning to encourage her to do the same then he'd grit his teeth and do so without hesitation.

——— ⸸ I'm the kid in the rain. Celebrate the insane ———— ⸸ Yeah, never goes my way

• OOC can go here.
• 
  
  
  Magpiepaw
  —⊰⋅ MCA of ShadowClan
  —⊰⋅ He/They
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Black tom w/a white throat and blue-violet eyes.
  —⊰⋅ Has mild cerebellar hypoplasia (Wobbly cat syndrome)
  
  

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[Starlingheart]

Magpiepaw was good, of that she is certain. He says no one cat could see into another's heart, to know their true intentions but as she looks at him she thinks she can see into his. There is no blame he says and she nods solemnly, quietly, the tensions in her shoulders releasing. Others may not see it that way, she can already hear it. How could she not have known? She was closes to him after all. But Granitepelt had had her fooled right along with the rest of them. Lead warrior, father, mate. He had played all of these parts so perfectly. It didn't matter what anyone else thought though, so long as Magpiepaw did not blame her for her faults. He understood and that was enough.

He agrees easily, too, to her suggestion of getting them both trained, to which she only nods gratefully. Later, when she was better, she would approach her nephews about it but right now? Right now she needed to focus on healing. For their clan. For her apprentice. "I'm proud of you you know" she says, a soft smile lifting up one corner of her mouth while she picks at the moss underneath her paws. "It's like I blinked and now suddenly you're- you're almost a full blown medicine cat. Soon." she promises. Only a couple of short moons and he would be going to the moonstone to receive his full name. "Do you have-have any ideas on-on your medicine cat name? What you would like it to be?" she would be the one responsible for naming him when the time came, after all (whether she was alive or gone was of little consequence, she would see to it no matter what) and his opinion on the matter would be more than invaluable.

( ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. ) fly me up on a silver wing

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  STARLINGHEART SHADOWCLAN MEDICINE CAT; SHE / HER ; SISTER TO PITCHSTAR, CHITTERTONGUE, NIGHTSWARM, SKUNKTAIL, AND LILACFUR. MOTHER TO NETTLEPAW, FLINTPAW AND GHOSTPAW.
  

  A skinny she cat with short black and white fur littered with scars and one singular green eye.

  ✦ Easy in battle + has little to no formal battle training
  

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