private SILENCE IS GOLDEN — lilacfur

[ROOSTERSTRUT]

The discussion between Chilledstar and the rest of ShadowClan had been productive, Roosterstrut thought; a first step in opening gateways of communication between everyone that had been long blocked off and ignored. Still, it had been draining. Everything had been. ShadowClan could use a break, but it was hard to rest when leafbare had reared its ugly head and was now corralling their prey into their snow-packed dens. Thankfully, StarClan had blessed his hunt today and allowed him to bring back a frog; it dangles between his jaws, dusted with frost as he had managed to nose into its underground hiding place and snag it before it could escape.

With a light huff, the warrior discards his catch onto the fresh-kill pile. Lilacfur's pale form is spotted out of the corner of his eye, nearly blending in with the snowfall around them. They hadn't really gotten the chance to converse with one another since their medicine den days, so he figured now might be a better time than ever to check in on her. Part of Roosterstrut felt like flopping down in the warriors' den and shutting the world out for a while, but the earlier discussion reminded him that they all needed to work on supporting one another especially in dark times. Maybe having somebody to confide in would make him feel a little better ( and maybe Lilacfur would feel the same, too ).

Picking a snipe from the pile, Roosterstrut approached the warrior, searching her features for any indications that she wanted to be left alone. So far, nothing, though she definitely looks worn and wrung out from recent events. "Hey," He greets his friend, a hopeful glimmer managing to shine in his green gaze, before plopping the bird onto the ground. "Wanna share this with me? I know you probably don't have much of an appetite right now, but..." He wouldn't force her to stomach anything, but the offer was still open if she wished to take it. They all needed to keep their strength up if they were going to get through this first leg of leafbare.

How are you doing with all this, his initial instinct is to ask, and though it teeters on the edge of his tongue he catches himself. Everyone is feeling betrayed and plagued with emotions at the moment, he assumes that Lilacfur feels similarly ( if not worse ). She and Siltcloud had been close, to what extent he wasn't quite sure as it was not his business, but it must have been gutting to hear her admit that she supported her brother's criminal actions. Granitepelt had killed Pitchstar, not some rogue as they had claimed. Someone she trusted—someone they had all trusted—had been lying to them for so long.

So, for a few moments, he debates on what to even say that hasn't already been said. For now, the red tabby decides to go with, "I'm sorry... about everything." Roosterstrut knows how Lilacfur must be feeling, there is no need to ask. He gives a solemn shake of his head, sighing, "I still can't believe it." All of those deaths, the kidnappings... they had both been behind it. It still didn't make sense to Roosterstrut; he loved his home and his clan despite its imperfections. Granitepelt's actions had only hurt ShadowClan, not helped it like he so claimed. Although they had lost two otherwise capable warriors, the clan would be better off with them gone.

₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾ —— 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙚𝙧

• @lilacfur

• 

• 

  ✰ ROOSTERSTRUT
  —— he/him; warrior of shadowclan
  —— heteroflexible; single
  —— red tabby tom with long hair and pale green eyes
  —— "speech", thoughts, attack
  —— link to full tags; @ on discord for plots.
  —— penned by beatles

​

 

[lilacfur]

There were too many ways to describe how Lilacfur had been feeling at any given moment. Often it bounced between guilt and anger before melting into despair and overwhelming sadness, until hardening into denial and hurt before falling back into guilt. A cycle from being trapped within her own thoughts. Her Clanmates had given her family space and she appreciated though hated how lonely it felt. While she had participated in a patrol and a hunt but even with her Clan around her in those moments it was like walking through an empty forest. The sounds had become dull over the sound of her own voice echoing in her head.

When she returned to camp they had cleared her for the rest of the day. She was hardly there at all anyhow, paws too clumsy to focus on the prey and her gaze distant that she nearly walked into a branch in their path. Keeping her head up was like fighting against a pile of stones against her neck so she simply kept her head down as she laid in the thin layer of snow. Her fur insulated well against the cold, but she hadn't realized her fur was pale enough to blend into the ground.

She rose to sit instead, stretching her forelegs out in front of her when Roosterstrut appeared before her. She doesn't know what to say at first, all social skills tossed that she can't manage a meager hello- but she doesn't have to. He spoke first, offering prey and she looked at it for a few moments, trying to decide if she was hungry or not.

Clearly she was. Her stomach had grown tight from both the tension in her body and the lack of food she had from said anxieties. She knew it from the way her stomach growled in protest that she shouldn't be punishing herself. That her Clan would need her now more than ever if they were to ever grow beyond their struggles but stars, why did it have to be so damn hard? Everything?

"Sorry?" Lilacfur's head lifted to meet Roosterstruts eyes and she found warmth in his kindness. "Yeah I think... I think I feel sorry too. It's..." She doesn't know what to say- she hasn't at all lately.

"I feel like I've failed. I'm supposed to protect my kin, but I couldn't stop my sister from loving someone. I... I'm still waiting to wake up, I guess." She shifted over to welcome his company before using her claws to pull out the feathers. She didn't seem ready to take a bite yet, though.​

[ sad hello's and mad high low's ]​

 

[ROOSTERSTRUT]

Seeing his friend in such a heavy state of emotion was gut-wrenching, to say the least. To make matters worse, it wasn't as if Roosterstrut could truly do anything to fix it. No amount of kindness or patience that he showed Lilacfur—or any of his other clanmates—could patch up the emotional damage that Granitepelt and Siltcloud had left behind in their wake. Part of him is angry with them for thinking that any of their actions could possibly benefit their kin, but Roosterstrut cannot help but ruminate over the scathing words that the criminal tom had spat at them all — "ShadowClan is tainted." Granitepelt's evils, Roosterstrut firmly believed, could not have been anticipated. However, could there have been a way to prevent all of this from happening? Had it all started with the paranoia-ridden reign of Pitchstar, a man who had grown weak and distrustful until his end? Had his influence truly impacted the generations to come, including Granitepelt?

Then again, there is only so much good thinking about everything would do. Roosterstrut had to be strong for his home and follow his promise to make his clanmates feel safe and cared for. That was what being a part of a clan—a collective—was about. They were a team, but suspicion and accusations among them would not make them strong. There was still a long way to go in building faith in one another again. He was only one cat, ever the warmth in a sea of murk, but he would not turn his back on the group who raised him as Granitepelt and Siltcloud had.

Lilacfur speaks words that, frankly, are absurd. How could she possibly believe that any of this was on her? "Don't blame yourself. It's not fair to you." The warrior replies, taking on a tone that is still gentle in nature yet firm. "Everyone's looking for someone to blame for all of this, but that's not gonna do any good." Many sought to blame Chilledstar, but Roosterstrut believed that it would be unfair to them to completely shoulder the blame for the horrendous acts committed. Granitepelt's hatred for ShadowClan seemed to run deeper and perhaps further back than they could have all imagined. "They made their choices, but now we can make ours. We can choose to be better for our clanmates, and prove them wrong about ShadowClan." ShadowClan could be so much more than "tainted" and "weak". That change included Chilledstar themselves, as acknowledged in the discussion, as a clan was only as strong as its leader. However, they needed the support of their clanmates as well. They had to work together if they wanted to see change.

Green hues flick downward as Lilacfur tentatively picks at the snipe, perhaps contemplating whether or not she should eat. He fixes his attention onto the sight of the feathers, seeming to space out for a moment as he gets pulled into thought, "Granitepelt said all of these bad things about ShadowClan, how it's filled with garbage and mud and rats." It wasn't as if those things weren't true — they had the Carrionplace, brimming with diseased rodents and twoleg rubbish, and there certainly was a lot of mud. "I guess I've never really seen it that way." Roosterstrut shrugs. When he thinks of ShadowClan, he thinks of the serene marshlands with still pools that offer a peaceful silence. The song of crickets and frogs accompanies that silence oftentimes, a tune that was unique only to their territory. They also boasted pines that were green and grand, basking their surroundings in the very shadows the clan was named for. It was often cats from other clans who were so quick to point out the bad things about the marshes, but to Roosterstrut, it was simply home.

₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾ —— 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙚𝙧

• 

• 

  ✰ ROOSTERSTRUT
  —— he/him; warrior of shadowclan
  —— heteroflexible; single
  —— red tabby tom with long hair and pale green eyes
  —— "speech", thoughts, attack
  —— link to full tags; @ on discord for plots.
  —— penned by beatles

​

 

[lilacfur]

Her friend is a kind tom, a gentle voice in a sea of anger and misery. Lilacfur knew she was lucky to have a Clanmate who was not so easily beaten down as she felt now, going back even moons before. A cat that used his good nature and humor to brighten the gloom that hung heavy over ShadowClan most days. She tried to emulate that as much as she could when she had begun to lose her family. To hold herself high as a source of what her Clan was like in the days her senior warriors described. In the image her mother had wanted- glory, success, respect.

It had come to her so easy when she thought of Briarstar seeing her from the stars. When she could envision the pride within her gaze at what she had accomplished, at the kindness and care she provided to her Clanmates. All the effort she had made into becoming the warrior she was now, the trainings had with Fleabounce and looking up to her as a mother figure herself. It made days like when she saved Honeypaw from the Burnt Sycamore worth it. Days like when she and Siltcloud had corralled all those apprentices and followed Muddypaw out to see a ghost.

His words match the encouraging, gentle tone she heard when they were still huddled together in Starlinghearts den. When they were so uncertain if any of them would see a day outside their nests.

"I want them to be wrong." Lilacfur sighed as she kept her eyes down at the snipe. She knew the moment she met his gaze she might crumble again, still shaking herself from the weight of this guilt. Everything he said about her was sensible, correct, she wanted to shed all these feelings off and believe it as she had before, return to how she used to be.

I have to make the effort too. She wouldn't magically feel better after a few days of living the way she had. Lilacfur leaned down and took a forceful bite into the bird and wiped her paw pad over her muzzle. The moment the taste hit her tongue her appetite came back in full force.

"It's not like we're wading through Carrionplace every day. We've been desperate before, but we learned from it. It's no different than SkyClan or RiverClans issues with twolegs." She's tempted to take another bite now that the hungers been ignited but she pushed it toward Roosterstrut instead. "When I think of our home, I always think of how soft the tussocks are during the spring. Or how beautiful the algae looks in the sunlight, how no one else could see through that camouflage like we can and how sneaking up on the frogs underneath makes them taste all the better."

It shouldn't be so easy to lift her mood but it is. Talking about their home, what they loved. There was so much of their territory despite it being so small but it was theirs. "I know we're just entering leafbare now but, greenleaf is my favorite season when we can watch the marshes come back to life. All that green, blooming right before our eyes... I hope our Clan will be better by then."​

[ i need the clouds to cover me ]​

 

[ROOSTERSTRUT]

Roosterstrut knew the pain of losing family; it had started first with his father, shattering his kithood spirit and confidence only temporarily until his clanmates uplifted him. Shortly after the Great Battle he had taken a heavy blow again with the passing of his mother. Many more familiar faces had disappeared from the realm of the living since then. It never got any easier; even the recent deaths of Stumpyspots, Heavybranch, and Halfshade had cast quite a gloomy spell over the marshland. There were so many times when he would have rather just sulked in silence, let his frustration bubble within, snapped at and avoided his clanmates until he felt better. What Roosterstrut had learned, however, was that taking a step every day to look at things more positively was a service to himself ( and others as well ).

Hope flickers in his chest like a flame upon seeing Lilacfur finally gather the will to eat. Good, at least she had an appetite. Roosterstrut remembered feeling sick at the sight of fresh-kill after losing Goose.

Agreement is expressed in the form of a nod as the other warrior compares ShadowClan to the other clans. They all had their problems. After taking a bite of the snipe, Rooster meowed, "You're right. Could you imagine living right next to the Twolegplace? All of those monsters and twolegs and dogs..." At least they rarely had to deal with twolegs; Roosterstrut had heard the horror stories of cats being hurt by twolegs, or even trapped and taken away. How was SkyClan not living in constant paranoia, especially when checking their borders?

The red tabby tom stops, watching as the pale feline begins to detail her favorite aspects about ShadowClan's territory, voice full of admiration and genuine love for her home. Roosterstrut has never quite heard anyone speak of the marshes so highly. He can vividly imagine every word Lilacfur says, like the grasses and the sunlit pools and how peaceful they are when completely still.

Roosterstrut cannot help but smile, as if simply thinking about the warmer months made the world around them a little less frigid. In fact, he doesn't even notice the bits of ice sticking to his paws and underbelly like stubborn burrs. "I always look forward to seeing the flowers bloom in newleaf. It's how I know that we've made it out of leafbare." The tom purrs, imagining yellow marigolds and purple loosestrifes populating the swamps.

Having taken his helping, he pushes the kill back toward Lilacfur. "For now, we're stuck with snow, snow, and more snow." Roosterstrut sighs, looking down at his powder-covered pads and quickly bending down to rasp his tongue over them in an attempt to warm up a little.

₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾ —— 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙚𝙧

• 

• 

  ✰ ROOSTERSTRUT
  —— he/him; warrior of shadowclan
  —— heteroflexible; single
  —— red tabby tom with long hair and pale green eyes
  —— "speech", thoughts, attack
  —— link to full tags; @ on discord for plots.
  —— penned by beatles

​