sing for a moment — tawnystripe

[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

It was days like this that he’d wish he was in the comforts of his own nest nestled beneath that of a hallowed tree. No one to judge him, but the onslaught of thoughts tapping away at his resolve until it shatters. He was doing a pretty damn good job at ignoring it until now, sitting in the mouth of the medicine den entrance, molten copper optics staring wearily at the sky, muscles coiling beneath obsidian fur.

The pain was manageable, nothing more than pinpricks. Nothing like before when he battled with the mutt, but shame licked at his mind. He could have done better. He was one of the few who knew how to handle them, but the way his body throbbed in reminder told him he did a real shitty job at proving it. Some warrior I am. He chuckled, grin bittersweet, crinkling the marred flesh.

“Never would have thought I’d be this fucked up after a fight.” He remarked, tail swishing idly, laying curled around massive paws. “You’d think I’d be better for a being bait to those fuckers.” He huffed, shaking his helm. Of course, Dusk wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but it wasn’t like he cared, not this late into the night when nothing but the sounds of nature as his company.

@Tawnystripe ​

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[Tawnystripe]

Tawnystripe wasn't one of the cats that had witnessed Duskpool's bloody body when he made it back to camp, as he was outside the territory doing other things. It was a surprise for sure to come back to mayhem, but at the very least, both him and Bobbie made it out alive. He isn't close to either of them by a long shot, but that doesn't mean he didn't care all the same. And so, he finds himself at the smoky tom, listening to his mumbling.

He thinks of how he should approach the conversation before he speaks up. "Hmm...to be fair to ya, dogs are dangerous vermin. 'Specially when they choose a meal." He doesn't say it out loud, but dogs need to eat, too. Sure, it could have thought of the other warrior as a plaything also, but dogs from his experience are also just trying their best to survive. Not that them picking cats makes him feel any good. "Dun forget, you made it out alive. That speaks for a lot, I'd say." Not everyone makes it out alive when they're a target of a predator, and Tawnystripe knows Duskpool is more competent than he realizes.​

 

[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶​

Duskpool stiffened, muscles coiled beneath marred flesh, staring at the approaching tom, chuckling softly. He shrugged. “You got me there.” His molten copper hues carting to stare at the vast sky stretched out above them, easing back into his haunches, pooling relief into his shoulder that’d begun to cramp. Dogs were vicious things, Dusk knew that all too well.

A sigh slipped pasted, refocusing his gaze, ears ( torn and all ) twitching against his helm at the reminder. “I should be thankful.” He mused, obsidian tail gliding, wrapping around his paws loosely, enormous paws tucked underneath. “Not everyone is so lucky.” He mused, releasing a drawn-out breath.

A molten copper gaze stared quizzedly at Tawnystripe, expression guarded, merely curious. “You ever lost someone?” A heavy topic, something Duskpool wasn’t sure he’d be willing to admit to. All those sins that weighed heavily on his shoulders, for things he couldn’t control, but had taken responsibility for, all in the same. ​

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[Tawnystripe]

He's glad his words reach the injured cat, happy to provide some form of comfort, even if it's small. He would hate to be the one feeling so useless right now, already having his fill from being trapped in the shelter, among other things. "No, they're not. Good thing you had the clan to back ya up, and I'd reckon you'd do the same for them. You should have seen how many cats were worried for ya." It's sometimes hard to see just how much you matter until tragedy strikes. It's a prominent thought as he's then asked if he's ever lost someone.

His eyes turn to the corner, not facing him directly anymore, sadness apparent on his face. "...Yes. Yes, I have. My old mate, before I changed myself for the better. Miss him every day." His voice almost cracks at the admittance, as it's something he doesn't talk about often. "I...wouldn't mind telling you. Maybe it would be healthy." His laugh is awkward, but he thinks it might genuinely be a good idea. ​

 

[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶​

It was an odd sensation that bubbled up within his gut at the thought, huffing, helm turning to stare at the canopy of trees. He would have thought he’d be the last cat someone would worry over. He wasn’t anything special. Sure. He could pull his weight, but Dusk wasn’t anything prominent. He preferred to stick to the shadows, watching his clanmates from afar. Getting close, but not too close. Blatantly refusing to get close to anyone.

His heart was guarded by barbed wire, against anyone who got too close to the flames, burning them. That’s what it should have been, but he did a damn poor job of it. Pressing a paw against his uninjured eye, Duskpool released a heavy sigh, shaking his helm, chuckling inaudibly. “Sure.” He remarked.

It was then that Dusk noticed the pooling sadness, humming softly at Tawny’s admission. “That so?” Molten copper lingering on Tawny’s face, face unreadable. The statement alone hit too close to home. His chest constricting, heart pounding against its boney prison. We’re really somethin’ aren’t we? He thought mutely, blinking languidly. “Alright.” He shook out his pelt, huffing.

“Healthy, huh?” He mused, gaze dimming. What else did he have to lose? He dug his own grave by asking that question. Tawny would see the sins displayed out in the open, bleeding heart and all. “Lost my mate n’ kids to a bunch of mutts.” He laughed bitterly, ear laying flat against his battered helm at the divulgence. “Pinned down by a big brute when it happened.” Sure as hell still haunted him to this day. The sickening sensation of feeling trapped.

Shaking his helm, Duskpool grimaced, smothering his expression, glancing at Tawny through his peripheral. “What about you? Changed for the better, huh?” He questioned, molten copper glancing at the other briefly, shifting course to stare at the billowing branches, leaves swaying with the light breeze. ​

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[Tawnystripe]

Tawnystripe listens intently as Duskpool divulges his own history, ears lowering when he mentions that he lost so much to dogs. He can't imagine what he must have felt when he had to face against the same kind of beast who took the things he held dearest, maybe even taking that again if Drizzlepaw hadn't went to get help and stayed. He's glad no one died this time, but that definitely doesn't take all the pain away. "That sounds horrfyin'...I'm happy ya made it, but I'm sorry for your loss." He's got something akin to a kid again with his apprentice at least, even if it's not the same. But he's sure Drizzlepaw shares the same sentiment.

He's also glad he was also trusted enough by this cat that was basically a stranger, and he was ready to tell his tale, even if his body might say otherwise. "Yeah. I...wasn't the nicest tom back n' the day. Was a full blown rogue, hating everyone and everything. It took awhile to change." It wasn't until the most important moment of his life happened that he made any real progress to become kinder. "Though, that didn't stop a certain cat from getting close to me. Funnily enough, his name was Sky." If he really believed in fate, he could almost believe he was meant to end up in the clan.

"He took a chance on me, even though I wasn't deservin' of it at all. I didn't have a name back then either, but he called me Honey. I obviously left the name behind me, but..." He had to admit to himself that it fit. It was both to make fun of his personality, but also as a form of affection. "He meant a lot to me, and so did the name. We eventually became mates. Things were nice...for awhile." Nothing nice seemed to last in his life, and that thought was especially pervasive in his life then.

"...It was something neither of us could have expected. The sky was capable of many things, but we didn't think the thunder it made was the kind of thunder that could hurt you. But we were wrong. Lightning struck him, and he died...pretty quickly after that..." His voice starts to waver as he admits the thing that affected his life the most. "It was easy to move on in some ways, seeing as we didn't have any kits or nuthin. But I felt like I lost a part of myself that day."

He doesn't continue after that, as he looks down. He doesn't think he'll ever truly move on from Sky. But at least he had some real purpose in life now, and he truly does like to think that Sky was watching over him here, happy he found some kind of peace. If there was any place he could see his dead mate liking, it would be this clan. He can enjoy it for the both of them, until they meet again. ​

 

[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶​

Duskpool swept his tail in a half-hearted gesture of ‘it’s alright’ while peering out towards the warrior’s den, molten copper unfocused, lost in thought, save for the perk of his ears, twitching as he listened. He should be glad he survived, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, or be glad. He often wondered what would happen if they survived or if those beasts finally granted him the rest he had so desperately wanted then. The burden that rested heavily on his shoulders, shrouding him in his deepest regrets, settling like concrete against his mind until it bled him dry of everything he once enjoyed, nothing more than a brooding bastard with far too many sins that he wasn’t worth saving.

That was until he found those that he saw as his own. They weren’t his, but he’d be damned if anyone said they weren’t his kits, blood relation or not. Family wasn’t always about those who shared the same blood, but through bonds and trust. He let out an inaudible snort. He sure as hell didn’t deserve that trust, because hell he wasn’t sure how he earned it, but he wasn’t any less grateful for them coming into his life. He would travel great lengths for them. His life be damned. A concerning promise, but a promise he would keep until he died. It was an oath he kept close to his heart because he might have failed once, but fate be damned. He’d make sure they were safe, whether that killed him was up to StarClan.

Shaking himself out of his stupor, a sadden tilt of his lips was the only emotion that speckled his scarred face. To lose someone in such a fashion, the male could relate. The unbearable pain that came afterward. It was excruciating. Ears drawn back against his helm, heaving a sigh. “It seems like he saw a good lot in ya.” He rumbled, turning to stare at Tawnystripe, molten copper crinkling. “Everyone deserves a chance, if we’re deserving of it or not.” He flicked his tail, ignoring the bubbling hypocrite that buzzed beneath marked skin. “It’s up to us whether we learn from that.” He sighed, tilting his head to stare at the dark sky, expression relaxed, rid of the furrowed brow he often adored. “Stars know I’ve dreamed about that bloody day wonderin’ if I could’ve changed things.” He began. “If I had done somethin’ different, but that’s it—” He grinned bitterly. “They’re just what ifs.” He sighed, dipping his head to stare at the ground, expression unreadable.

Shaking his helm, Duskpool bumped the other’s shoulder, lips curled in a bitter grimace, muzzle crinkling. “Doesn’t hurt any less.” He rumbled. “Can’t say it gets any better.” He remarked with a drawn-out sigh. “Only thing you can do is make the most of it.” That was it, wasn’t it? To make the most of the things, but when he dreamt of screaming and begging, tormenting his mind until he feared sleep. He couldn’t.

Should take my advice. He was a hypocrite, but what else was new? Blinking, Duskpool shifted. “Ever think there’s somethin’ else out there than StarClan?” He inquired, deadpan optics staring at the camp entrance, but no less curious. ​

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[Tawnystripe]

"...Yer right. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. I'm happy to have found this place, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances." For all he knew, he could have ended up being put down like the one cat that the clan sadly lost. He's mellowed out since then, sure, but there was still some bite behind his jaws. He wouldn't settle for a life with twolegs, and who knows if they would settle if he was forced to be in their home? Either way, that wasn't his reality, and he was genuinely saved.

He takes a moment to ponder Duskpool's question. Did he seriously believe in anything after death? Maybe not whatever StarClan is to the clans, but... "I'd like to think so. Hurts me deeply to imagine an afterlife without seein' Sky again. Wherever he is, I hope I end up there." If that means StarClan or some other type of afterlife, he's hopeful he'll end up together with him again. "How 'bout you? What's yer stance?" There has to be a reason he asked. Maybe Duskpool is just as desperate to see passed away loved ones once more. ​

 

[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

The older warrior shifted, pivoting to peer at the other with a molten hue, dark lips curling in a subtle smirk, although it wasn’t quite a smirk, it could barely count as a smile. “No reason.” He rumbled, flicking a wooly tail, expression thoughtful, unlike the usual deadpan. “Don’t quite believe in StarClan myself.” He began, shrugging a shoulder while turning his gaze outward. “Never really gave much of a thought to somethin’ after death, not till I joined, but even then …” He blinked several times, letting out a thoughtful rumble. “Can’t quite wrap my head around it.” He wondered what other proof he needed, watching a leader blessed by StarClan comin’ back to life during the heat of battle against a mutt he should have had a better handle on.

Shaking his helm, Duskpool wondered if he wanted to see the cats from his past, more like ghosts hanging over his shoulder sendin’ him into greater peril. His brow furrowed, expression distant at the echoing screams rattlin’ inside his helm like one of those rubber balls he’d seen upwalkers play with.

He heaved a sigh, chest rising with the motion to roll his injured shoulder, ignoring the way the marred skin stretched. He’d gotten used to the feelin’ but sometimes he didn’t feel quite right, Duskpool sure as hell wasn’t gonna say anythin’ to anyone. “For what it's worth—” He began, molten copper crinkling. “Hope ya get to meet ‘em wherever ya end up.” He was sincere with his words, even if he didn’t have quite the same opinion. Hell. To see his mate again? He wasn’t sure how to react to somethin’ at the root of his nightmares. To see somethin’ that wasn’t all blood and guts, but he supposed that was his own damn fault for lettin’ it fester until she really did become something else.

The realization left a bitter taste in his mouth, expression flickering for a second before molding into its usual mask of indifference. No need to think of it. Just another thought to collect cobwebs in the rickety corner of his mind until death appeared to take him to wherever to repent for his sins. He wasn’t deservin’ of peace, not when he had too many skeletons in the ground ready to come spilling out at any second, and maybe then the cats here would see him for what he really was.

Sure as hell someone who didn’t deserve a lick of redemption. ​

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