- Jan 29, 2024
- 82
- 21
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feel the rain on your skin
"I'm to be a warrior soon."
He barely ever spoke to Hemlockshine. He did not seek praise, as he once had. Why should he, when it seemed his mentor dismissed most of Owlpaws actions, anyways? Why should he pretend to care, when the other only pretended to care in front of the leads, deputy, and leader? They didn't care about him, thus, Owlpaw didn't care to look for what once was sacred to the tom. He just did as he was told, he wasn't expectant of praise rising on the black toms lips, or the leaders, or anyone's. Not since...
He let out a breath. His voice was nothing but a cold return that Hemlockshine gave to him. "Are you happy?" Owlpaw asks, gritting teeth to an almost grind as if it was painful to say. "Been trying. But I see no pride before your eyes- ever." He continues, his stride falling until he stood still, gaze lowered to his paws. He didn't know what he wanted, but he was tired of silence. He was tired of, of this hatred. And finally, he wanted nothing but to just, ask. To find out what reason his mentor had to hate him as if he had brought forth the frost himself.
He remembered Pebbletails words, how he was silly, goofy, and how he helped him through apprenticeship. And it was inspiring, for a little. But the gazes in his clanmates eyes, the coldness of his mentor. It honestly, really hurt. And he didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't know how they wanted him to deal with this pain. Because his way, no, they hated him.
"Why do you hate me, Hemlockshine?" He finally asks, eyes narrowed, but really, hurt floods them. An open book, always- he couldn't hide the pain in him. "I've learned to hunt land prey, I've picked up the skills you've laid before me. I have fought ruthlessly in sunningrocks. I'm ready for this name- but what do I have to do for you to see that I'm ready?"
Maybe in his words was self depreciation towards everyone else. But Hemlockshine made it clear as day, even to him, that he was not liked. He was not proud to guide Owlpaws legacy. Because that's all the apprentice wanted. He wanted to leave behind a legacy. A story that others would pass along that he was a hero. Was that so hard?
He had given up the dreams of being a lead warrior. He wasn't going to get there. He'd have to claw and scrape his way in, and, he wasn't up to that. Because he'd have to change, and he didn't want to. He was stubborn, because he thought he was fine as he was. He was confident in himself.
He wasn't even confident in his desire to want to be a warrior. Still, thoughts lingered of just leaving. Disappearing, but Sunpaw... was the only reason he stayed. And maybe because he did indeed like the idea of being a warrior. Maybe... Owlflight .. for courageousness .. or Owltalon.. for fierceness.. or - he didn't know. He just hoped for something... Cool.
His gaze matched against Hemlockshines, searching. Waiting. Because right now, he just wanted an honest to stars answer. The truth.
@HEMLOCKSHINE
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Owlpaw
Riverclan Apprentice | Mentored by: Hemlockshine
Gender: amab, he/him
Personality: Little Brother Vibes, Hides pain with humor, Competitive, Loyal, Confused easy, Not the smartest tool in the shed.
Physical: Easy | Mentally: Medium
May start a fight | will not flee | will show mercy
Peaceful power play allowed!
Penned by Deidre