SLIP AWAY ♡ sleekserpent

[badgerstripe]

It had been many days since Badgerstripe's talk with Howlingstar. While her words reached her then, and may have helped to curb some of her paranoia, it did little to soothe her guilt - the molly was just as reclusive and snappish as ever.

Her days were spent in a trance, but at least she had the indirect company of her Clanmates. She refused to speak to them, most wouldn't speak to her (some preferring to speak about her), and she still hasn't come to terms with her friends yet, but at least she wasn't.. completely alone. With other cats in sight and several conversations within earshot, her mind was never left stagnant - even the crickets and snores of other warriors at night was enough to bring comfort to her ears.

Nobody knew about this strange source of comfort but her - still, she was dismayed to be given a duo patrol with one of the most quiet cats in the Clan. She knew him only by name, a pretty boy with shy eyes and a reclusive personality that rivaled her own. If she'd ever seen her in apprenticehood, perhaps she may have approached. There was no chance at bothering now. Badgerstripe listens with a grim expression as they are assigned to gather more moss for Flamewhisker's new kits. She can't bring herself to spare Sleekserpent even a glance before she turns and leaves camp with a dismissive flick of her tail.

Just as she could have expected, the walk is eerily quiet. Besides the birdsong, a repetitive noise that she finds to be a bother, there is not a single word muttered between the two warriors. And stars, this bothers her. She ignores it at first as they stake out for the best trees untouched by apprentices' claws, praying that she could just get this over with and go back to their busy camp. But as the moments pass, while Sleekserpent seems content walking in silence, Badgerstripe grows visibly agitated - it starts with shifting eyes, then twitching whiskers, a subtle tail-flick. Then comes in the occasional glares thrown towards the unsuspecting Sleekserpent, followed by tail whips and the careless gathering of moss. She is stuck in her memories of the night of the invasion; insulting her friends, leaving her post, witnessing the horror on their faces as Howlingstar announced that three cats died because of her selfish ideas. No matter how much she can will the thoughts to leave, there is nothing to keep them at bay - she needs noise, distraction.

And Sleekserpent, none the wiser, is just calmly moving through it all. If he noticed her agitation, he didn't seem to react - or Badgerstripe didn't seem to catch it. Stars, why is this cat so quiet? What were they plotting? Did she not want to be on patrol with her? Was she waiting for the moment she screws up so she can criticize her? Was he thinking about how insufferable she is too much to actually speak?

At long last, Badgerstripe stops in her tracks and turns to face Sleekserpent with a ferocity that sends her tail lashing and her ears back. "What is your problem?" the molly snapped. Any look of bewilderment on their face would only fuel her agitation. "Why aren't you talking? Do you like, hate me or something? Everyone in this Clan talks on patrol." An exasperated huff parts from her mouth. She knows she's acting ridiculous and pulling accusations out of her ass, but to fight her guilt-plagued and paranoia mind away, she would do just about anything. "Look, if you don't wanna be here, just say so! We can go home right now and I can find you another partner for this stupid moss."
​

♡ — OUT OF CHARACTER ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ CHARACTER INFORMATION — ♡

• speech is #FB8B24
  @Sleekserpent. ​
• 
  
  
• badgerkit badgerpaw BADGERSTRIPE
  ━━ WARRIOR of THUNDERCLAN | 13 MOONS ,, ages every 21st
  ━━ NPC xx NPC | SIBLING to n/a — sibling adopts here!
  ━━ MATE to none | PARENT to none
  ━━ MENTOR to none | MENTORED by BURNSTORM​

 

[✧ Sleekserpent.]

ALL GROWN UP NOW BUT IM CONFUSED
WE DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY WE WANTED TO​

---

sleekserpent & 15 moons & genderfluid & he/she/they & thunderclan warrior ​

---

Sleekserpent is as much a recluse as Badgerstripe, if only out of self-imposed silence. It is not that the boy fears judgment, or even that he doesn't wish to converse with his clanmates - he'd simply given up long ago. She still remembers her apprentice days, a quiet shadow following her mentor and her fellow apprentice about the forest, a much softer presence than either of their own. They'd stumbled their way through every interaction shy and scared and uncertain, fumbling. He'd made more enemies than friends, with their strangeness - his obsession with cleanliness, the way he enjoyed tasks like cleaning dens or picking ticks, the way he couldn't help but to point out when others failed at what came so easily to himself. She'd grown and learned of course, but now she finds herself in a world that had long since moved on without her - days spent within the medicine den as she recovered losing her precious time. No, they no longer lack confidence, that's for sure, but that hardly makes socializing easier. He's simply forgotten how.

Today is hardly different, she's content to let the silence linger as she avoids puddles of mud and grasping thorns. The chatter of birdsong is soothing to their senses the warmth of newleaf a pleasant middle ground between leafbares biting grip and the sweltering heat they have come to expect from greenleaf. Paws work swiftly and adeptly at a task he's done for so many moons it's nearly second nature, and really he doesn't realize anything is wrong until Badgerstripe snaps.

Head snaps to the side, pelt already bristling - she's always been a rather emotional child, much to her parents consternation. What is your problem she asks, and they flounder - problem, them? But badgerstripe doesn't stop there, and baby blue eyes water despite their better judgement - no mater how many times he repeats his mantra to himself, he's never really been good at following through with it, the disappointment that he is. " You.... wanted to talk? To me, " the confusion is hard to miss, even with voice raspy as it is. Sleekserpent has never been much of a talker, but they'd all but closed themselves off since speaking had become more of a struggle than what such effort was worth. " I do not hate you, " she says slowly, as though the idea of how her silence might seem has only just reached her - and really, is that how it'd seemed?

That might explain the glares tossed their way, they think - perhaps it's not all just because they'd flown through their training easier than most, or because despite their sickness keeping them from duties for over a moon they'd still graduated on time thanks to their skills. Still, a frown crosses his face - it's not as though badgerstripe had tried talking to him either, and the boy is irritated by the vitriol suddenly spat his way. " I never realized talking was required for patrol - my bad. surely, you could have started the conversation first if it was such a big deal, " the bitter, waspish tone their voice takes on isn't really anger, but hurt - not that they'd ever admit such, no, it's far easier to simply puff up and point out the mistakes of others than notice any flaws in their 'perfect' facade.

If badgerstripe really took offence to their silence, really hated this so much, why couldn't she just leave, instead of turning it on sleekserpent?

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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B O Y S ━ D O N ' T ━ C R Y ━ A N D ━ I ━ W O N ' T ━ T O O

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[badgerstripe]

The weeping of Sleekserpent's eyes bother her. It reminds her that she's lashing out for no fault but her own. For once, she wants her actions to feel justified - she wants to be in control. But upon seeing the confusion and dismay, Badgerstripe struggles to keep herself angry.

Deep down, beneath the paranoia that bubbles on the surface of her mind, she knows that Sleekserpent doesn't hate her. Most cats don't, even the most disappointed of them. This belief that they do is her punishment of which Howlingstar spoke. Sleekserpent responds slowly at first, and Badgerstripe holds her mixed stance of defensive and aggression - of fight and flight. Then, seemingly irritated by the sudden onslaught of accusations, her patrol companion spits back with their own bit of anger.

Sarcasm and exasperation laces their voice, and it's clear that Badgerstripe's words have struck discomfort. She expects to feel triumph, but finds only the same feeling of emptiness that started this ordeal. Sleekserpent questions if she wanted to talk, and why she didn't start with that. Now, upon hesitating and taking a moment to ponder it, Badgerstripe realizes she doesn't really know what she wants. Her mind is a medley of indecision and uncertainty; to accept defeat and wallow in her lonesome, as continuing her fight for betterment was an uphill battle - or to raise her chin and confidently stride forward as she always had, exhausting every last bit of her energy to maintain relations for the comfort they provided. Unable to choose between the two, she ended up with the mixed result: she had pushed away her opportunity for companionship, expecting them to buckle and provide her comfort without her having to meekly ask for it. To read her mind and hand it to her on a silver plate. Of course, that had backfired.

Finally, Badgerstripe gives in, letting her ears raise back up and her tail droop onto the forest floor. She had subjected this cat, a Clanmate she barely knew, to be an unwilling witness to her inner dilemmas. She had unfairly used them as an outlet for her desperation, with no reasonable destination in mind. "No, you're.. you're right," she replies in a defeated mutter, letting her gaze fall to her paws. The malice in her voice had dripped out. "I.. don't know what got into me. I'm sorry."

In a few moments of silence, Badgerstripe looks towards the bits of moss she had carelessly gathered, sewn with bits of bark and dirt and stems that she had so thoughtlessly left in or hadn't picked out. Whatever salvageable pieces were shredded or tossed to the side, remnants of the volatile fit she had been throwing ever since they left camp. She would be out here for much longer than anticipated to find replacement moss. But first, some peace of mind, and maybe a less stressful air between the two.

Green eyes raise back up to Sleekserpent again, worn and weary. "I'm sorry," she repeats. "I'm just.. scared, I guess. I expected the worst out of you, and it seems I was wrong." She offers him a tight, short-lived smile, before turning back to pick up her scraps. "I need to find better moss. Would you.." a brief moment of hesitation. As an apprentice, she would never have imagined herself admitting her defeat so easily, nor giving in to the demands of others, however reasonable it was. Slowly but surely, she was learning to accept responsibility, a concept wholly unfamiliar since her youth. She continues. "This got off to a bad start. Would you like to start over?"
​

♡ — OUT OF CHARACTER ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ CHARACTER INFORMATION — ♡

• speech is #FB8B24​
• 
  
  
• badgerkit badgerpaw BADGERSTRIPE
  ━━ WARRIOR of THUNDERCLAN | 13 MOONS ,, ages every 21st
  ━━ NPC xx NPC | SIBLING to n/a — sibling adopts here!
  ━━ MATE to none | PARENT to none
  ━━ MENTOR to none | MENTORED by BURNSTORM​

 

[✧ Sleekserpent.]

ALL GROWN UP NOW BUT IM CONFUSED
WE DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY WE WANTED TO​

---

sleekserpent & 15 moons & genderfluid & he/she/they & thunderclan warrior ​

---

The she-cats apology is gratifying - or at least it would be, had he not witnessed her all but sink into despair immediately after. Blue eyes are still untrusting, watchful - tail tip twitching as she takes in badgerstripes apologies, explanations - excuses. Sleekserpent can't claim to understand - not really. But... they can emphasize, they suppose.

Fur stops twitching, slowly returning to fall flat as limbs uncoil - tension he hadn't even realized vanishing as he takes in her words. " Scared? " she echoes, letting a sliver of her confusion show in her voice - head tipping to the side. Of what? Socializing? Messing up? Being hated? 'I expected the worst out of you, and it seems I was wrong.' she explains, and it leaves sleekserpent feeling uncomfortable - they're familiar with that after all, having spent much of their time doing just the same.

" it's alright, I suppose- " he rasps, ignoring the painful twinge of his throat. She'd never quite healed right after her illness, and really she rather hates the change - misses softer tones and lulling melody she could once call her own. There's another moment of hesitation, emotions flickering by on their face, before they seem to straighten. Head nods sharply as the boy makes up his mind - " Staring over sounds like a good idea, " a quiet pause as they seem conflicted about something, and then - " s-sleekserpent, nice to meet you, let's go get better moss? " a pitiful attempt at a joke - something they've only attempted a pawful of times, but really it feels like the only thing to do despite how stilted it comes out. It's far easier to relieve tension with some humor to burry their regret.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

---

B O Y S ━ D O N ' T ━ C R Y ━ A N D ━ I ━ W O N ' T ━ T O O

---

 

[badgerstripe]

It brings a little weight off her shoulders to see Sleekserpent begin to relax. Badgerstripe notes the distrust in their blue eyes, and writes it off as understandable. Perhaps she would be just as confused if she had been snapped at for seemingly no reason. Empathy - the very thing she was named for. Where had it been this past moon, only to unearth now?

She echoes her words, betraying only a hint of confusion, and Badgerstripe gives little to answer his query. What was she scared of? The silence - the way it allows her mind to run free with all its doubts and fears. Hatred - the malice that she swore she could see emerging from each cat that looked her way since the invasion. Abandonment - that her punishment was yet to come, and she would be alone as she ever was; the fear that this time, it was not hers to control.

She would keep every cat at an arms' length, ever since the night of her vigil. That way, nobody could rip themselves away from her, not without her knowing. But the loneliness that came with such a decision was haunting. The paranoia, it ate at her just the same.

Badgerstripe regarded Sleekserpent through a fresh lens now that her anger had (mostly) subsided. Though the confusion and guard in their eyes had not yet gone, they didn't look at her like Freckleflame or Rabbitnose did - disappointed, distrusting, hateful. Perhaps he didn't know what an awful and selfish cat Badgerstripe was. Or.. maybe he just didn't see it. The very idea was refreshing.

Sleekserpent cracks a joke - or, what she assumes is a joke - and Badgerstripe allows herself to smile in return. A little forced, perhaps, but it feels nice nonetheless - to smile. "Badgerstripe. If you didn't know already." She was, of course, announced to every cat and their mother about her misdeeds at the Gathering. She had gotten attached to the idea that everyone knew her. "It's.. nice to meet you too."

And so, discarding her poorly gathered moss, she moves on. There are more trees and rocks yet to gather from, and if she's lucky, she may find some freshly grown moss amongst the forest floor. Now, with her little outburst out of the way and Sleekserpent's intentions made clear, the silence seems less scary and almost.. comforting, like something familiar. She knows now that she should be the one to initiate conversations. Where was that spontaneous apprentice that could chat off the ears of anyone?

She has some idea of conversation, of course. Badgerstripe looks at Sleekserpent, taking in their features. They share a den, and have shared the apprentice's den in the moons prior, but this is a cat almost entirely unfamiliar to her. She always thought of herself as a friend to everyone, someone who could pick up lone wolves with ease. This one must have went under her radar. "So.. starting over.." she begins, silently testing herself for the right words. "I don't know much about you, Sleekserpent. I haven't seen you around, much.. could you tell me something about yourself?"
​

CHARACTER INFORMATION — ♡ ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ♡ — OUT OF CHARACTER

• badgerkit badgerpaw BADGERSTRIPE
  ━━ WARRIOR of THUNDERCLAN | 13 MOONS ,, ages every 21st
  ━━ NPC xx NPC | SIBLING to n/a — sibling adopts here!
  ━━ MATE to none | PARENT to none
  ━━ MENTOR to none | MENTORED by BURNSTORM​
• 
  
  
• speech is #FB8B24​