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Emberpaw

Emberpaw

Stand straight, keep your mind on track
Bears [SHC '23]
May 14, 2023
38
5
8
The once boisterous and cheerful young kit was now subdued and wracked with anxiety. She didn’t like their new home, not one bit. The trembling roars of monsters flying above her gave her nightmares, which plagued what little sleep she could manage. She couldn’t bring herself to join in the games of her fellows, afraid that the commotion would bring the swamp monsters from camp right to them. She stuck to Chilledstar’s side like glue, holding back tears whenever she was told by the older cats that she needed to leave them be so they could “discuss matters”. She needed to go back to the queens, seek comfort from them, because she was their responsibility, not Chilledstar’s. Chilledstar was leader of all of Shadowclan, and they needed to worry about the big picture, not her childish fears. But it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she had been handed over to the queens so that they could parent her because Chilledstar had other obligations. It wasn't fair that she couldn't be with Chilledstar all the time, comforted by their quiet presence. Whenever they left her sight, Emberkit remembered blood pouring from their neck.

Today she was quiet, a state that was quickly becoming her new norm. She scuffed at the acrid-smelling earth with her paw, forlorn eyes watching a tiny ant march it’s way through the tunnel. I wish I were as brave as you. The and was minuscule compared to the felines around it, and it was utterly alone. Yet it scuttled onward, determined to get where it was going, the only sign of uncertainty hidden in the twitch of its antenna. The thought of making a journey like that by herself through the midst of gigantic monsters set Emberkit’s teeth on edge. I bet Chilledstar could do it. Chilledstar was brave. They were so brave that they’d thrown themselves between Needledrift and the beasts that had invaded their camp, saving her life by taking a serious wound. Emberkit had been so certain they would die, that she would lose the closest cat she now had to a parent. But they’re strong. Those silly old swamp monsters could never have beaten them!

Brightening a little, Emberkit glanced around the tunnel, searching for their clear blue gaze. I wonder if they’re free now? She knew Chilledstar wasn’t really supposed to play with her. That was a queen’s job, a foster mother’s job. It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right? She was so busy debating herself that she didn’t even notice the leader walking toward her.

//free to post in after @CHILLEDSTAR. !
 
DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​
"emberkit."

their voice is rough, but not on purpose. they simply haven't been able to rest long enough for their vocal cords to heal properly. they cleared their throat with a lash of their tail as they'd been watching the kitten for quite some time. chilledstar was a cat always on the go, yes. always busy, rarely resting but even a blind cat such as forestshade would be able to tell that emberkit stuck to them like glue on paper. feathers on a bird. fur upon a cat. why? chilledstar didn't know. but they... felt bad for the little one. to be attached to someone who naturally came off as cold and unwilling to care must have been hard. but chilledstar did care... about most of their clan. some was neither here nor there but they would protect every last one of them, no matter what. emberkit isn't an exception to this rule. in fact, she might have gotten herself in chilled's good graces more than they realize. because in the midst of everything, they worried for her too. of course all the kittens were on their mind, like the rest of the clan, but not quite as intensely as geckoscreech, spectermask, eeriepaw, minkpaw and emberkit.

"you doing okay? what are you looking for, little flame?"

a nickname? oh, that was certainly a sign of something. what? chilledstar didn't quite know yet.​
 
"you should be resting you know." her words are spoken sternly but not without a touch of softness to round out the edges as geckoscreech follows up besides their mate, muzzle pushing delicately into the tousled fur of their neck for a moment before pulling away to flick her gaze over the small kit infront of them fondly dubbed 'little flame' by chilledstar which made the corners of her mouth quirk up in endearment, it was a little funny to see someone as stoic as chilled becoming attatched to this bundle of fur even if they couldn't see it yet.

at first geckoscreech only came by to drag chilled back to their temporary nest where they should be recovering but to do it now would seem a little mean since emberkit looked like she had something on her mind so the lead warrior decided to wait, curious to know what was to come from this.
​
∘₊✧ ONE LAST LIFELINE, I'M HANGING HIGH. ✧₊∘​
 
Once, Chilledstar had told Betonyfrost that they don't feel that way, for her or anyone else. Betonyfrost hadn't believed them then, had thought if she was as patient as she was persistent she would be rewarded. She had thought she had a chance — she needed to have a chance — and still thought it to be so. Betonyfrost was right to think that Chilledstar had been lying then. She had been right, and yet.

There is only so long that Betonyfrost can be willfully blind. It's a curtesy to turn away, to pretend that she doesn't notice. It's a kindness: Betonyfrost had been being kind.

Geckoscreech is practically draping herself on Chilledstar, and Chilledstar doesn't look at Betonyfrost's kits the way they look at Emberkit — and Betonyfrost realizes looking away had been being just as kind to herself as it had been to Chilledstar, because at once Betonyfrost thinks she is on fire. She clenches her jaw, it's the only thing that stops her from snapping her bared teeth in the empty space in front of her, and she cannot look away. She's going to be sick, she thinks. Betonyfrost cannot look away anymore. She can't go back to not knowing.

The anger builds under her skin like a physical pressure. If Betonyfrost doesn't act quick she'll burst — she'll burst.

"How — how lovely," It sounds like a gasp to Betonyfrost's own ears, quiet under the outraged drumming of her own heart, "A family of liars and cheats and now — now you've got yourself someone's abandoned rubbish to call your family whole. It's beautiful, really. It is."​
shadowclan queen | blue mackerel tabby | 20 moons | tags​
 
Emberkit doesn't answer immediately, but seeing Geckoscreech and Chilledstar dote on the little kit makes Needledrift brrrp a bit in glee. It was an incredibly cute scene to witness and so she was content to watch from a few foxtails away as she pretended to groom her shoulder (though anybody could tell that her jaw predicament kept her from bathing very effectively alone.) It was just nice to see a kit find solace and happiness in an adult they trusted. Sometimes it took their whole apprentice to form that kind of trust in love in their mentor. Sometimes it took losing everything and being forced together with someone. Needledrift knew that Chilledstar had never really found that after their parents died. How silly StarClan was to bring that full circle, hm?

And then Betonyfrost speaks.

Betonyfrost speaks and Needledrift can hardly believe her ears. Betonyfrost doesn't just speak, she spits venom towards the trio. She is angry, hurling accusations and insults at a child and her.... her friend. Needledrift had always thought she liked Betonyfrost. She had always figured that the tabby she-cat would be a good friend if Needledrift tried. She wanted to be the queen's friend. But now, Needledrift's hackles rise and she clicks her teeth together (rather painfully) at the younger she-cat. She presses one paw against her face, bracing against the hinge joint to say: "You have no right to say those things! How would you like it if somebody called your kits 'abandoned rubbish' just because they spend half their time with Roos-"

Her voice fails, pain not just lacing but stabbing into her jaw. Drool pools at the front of her mouth, threatening to spill out from under her tongue. She is distantly aware that she should be embarrassed by her unsightly form but oooooh, Betonyfrost had just made so mad!​
she smells like lemongrass and sleep​
 
As though summoned by her thoughts the leader appeared, and Emberkit brightened considerably.
“Oh, hello Chilledstar!” she chirped, turning to face them eagerly. “Nothing really, i was just watching an ant. They’re so small, but they move so fast. I was looking for you though! I wanted to ask, uh-” She faltered as the thought fully went through her head. While their use of a nickname had sent a gleam of pride snaking through her, she was still nervous to go forward with her request. “I wanted to ask if, you had time to play a game with me? I-I know I’m supposed to ask the queens, cause they’re supposed to take care of me, but I… I thought it might be fun. ” And maybe it would take your mind off of everything terrible that’s happened.

The two of them were not alone for long, and slowly Ember began to feel a little claustrophobic. At first it was just Geckoscreech, a pretty she cat who was quite close with Chilledstar as far as the child knew. She didn’t connect the dots that they were mates, but she was nice and made Chilledstar happy, so Emberkit liked her in return. A second molly approaches, beautiful in her own way, but something about her frightens Ember. She is smiling, but her teeth are set as though chewing on stone. She speaks words that should be kind at first, but they ooze venom and Emberkit quickly scuttles back from their corrosion. She bumps into Chilledstar’s leg and stays there, ears twitching uncertainly.

“H-Hey, that’s, that’s really mean! They’re not a liar, and they’re not a cheat. Her pale green gaze flicks to Geckoscreech, knows the venom is meant for her too, and it makes her sad. She doesn’t know her, truly, but she feels certain she doesn’t need to. And of course, she doesn’t know Chilledstar either, really. But they saved her, they saved her when her mother disappeared, and that meant they were good. They had to be good. The last of Betonyfrost’s words cut deep, reaching for the seedlings of insecurity that Emberkit had never known were planted. She called her ‘abandoned rubbish.’ Im not rubbish! I’m not. “Am not! Magpiepaw said… Magpiepaw said so!” The strange apprentice had not used exactly those words, she supposed. Magpiepaw had said it did not matter if one was clan born or not. Had said that Shadowclan needed cats like that. But as for being abandoned… It’s not true, tell her it’s not true. Her missing mother flashed in her mind. Then the queens she had been shunted off to during her first few days in camp.

And then Needledrift appears, eyes glowing a crooked jaw spitting fury. Emberkit’s eyes stretch wide, and although the tone spooks her she can tell the young warrior is defending them all from Betonyfrost’s remarks. The kit recognizes her mostly as the one to tear her away from Chilledstar in their moment of need. Something tells her she should be angry at the molly, but she can’t conjure any emotion other than dread. She presses her face into Chilledstar’s fur. I wish I was an ant, I wish I was, I wish I was crawling away and no one could ever find me again.[/I]
 
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❪ TAGS ❫ — The red tabby hadn't intended on trespassing on what appeared to be a gentle interaction blossoming between the leader and one of ShadowClan's newer additions, but once Betonyfrost's criticisms hit his ears, Roosterstrut snaps his gaze toward her out of disbelief. He feels a bubbling urge to raise his voice at Betonyfrost. It was so difficult to stand by her, to vouch for his childhood friend when she made such outrageous remarks (and about a kit, no less).

Roosterstrut couldn't claim to not understand the root of Needledrift's anger, either, but the other warrior certainly wasn't making things better. The rumors that he had fathered Betonyfrost's litter had stung a little at first, if only because his clanmates were making things up about him behind his back. He didn't mind if Betony's children viewed him as a father figure, truly. Although he and Betonyfrost were never involved in that way, he'd officially adopt her kittens if she were to ever ask. They were promising and bright youths who hadn't asked to be dragged into the whispers and judgments of their clan. It was unfair to them.

The fact that his name was still being brought up in reference to the mackerel tabby she-cat's litter wasn't a great feeling, but Roosterstrut was more concerned for Emberkit at this point than anything else. "Enough, both of you." The red tabby curtly warns the bickering cats with a disappointed glare, uncharacteristic of his typically friendly appearance.

He was tired. He wasn't going to issue them an earful like Chilledstar might, but he was sick of his clanmates fighting amongst themselves when there were bigger problems at hand. Shame on them for ruining a moment between Emberkit and Chilledstar, perhaps one of the only wholesome moments ShadowClan had experienced since the bears ran them out of their home. "Let's just... leave these three be, yeah?" Roosterstrut murmured with a quick glance toward Chilledstar and Geckoscreech.​
 
Betonyfrost would have been content to ignore Needledrift's disgusting display if it hadn't been for her mention on her kits, if not for bringing up Roosterstrut. She bristles and wonders why Needledrift cannot stay out of things that don't involve her. It's an issue that most of her clan shares — Betonyfrost cannot hardly have a conversation with her kits without someone butting in with their own opinions — but in the moment it feels like it is a problem that belongs solely to Needledrift.

"Keep that name out of your crooked mouth," Betonyfrost spits.

Then there is the kit. Betonyfrost doesn't think she's ever hated something as much as she hates this scrap of fur. Emberkit. Betonyfrost sneers; even the name bothers her. Magpiepaw likely only told her that she belongs because of the circumstances of his own joining — rubbish, the both of them.

It isn't until Roosterstrut cuts in that Betonyfrost deflates. Her anger doesn't leave her, but it has less teeth. She exhales and, with one last glance to Needledrift, says to Roosterstrut, "I would invite you for a walk but you never know who might start talking." With that, Betonyfrost huffs and ducks out of the temporary camp, feeling no more settled than when she had first spoken.

//out o7​
shadowclan queen | blue mackerel tabby | 20 moons | tags​
 
DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​
"i do know. but rest can wait."

the sound of their mate pulls their attention from the kitten, but not enough that they aren't listening out for her response. they quietly purred at geckoscreech's touch, before turning back to the kitten who speaks. she mentions wanting to play a game with chilledstar and the leader doesn't actually understand why. why would the kitten want anything to do with them? they blink, and almost answer before the scent of betonyfrost makes them tense up. fear isn't a word they'd use here. they weren't scared of anything, except maybe bears and their own father at times, but they felt... uneasy. betonyfrost was a lot more violent and volatile these days, and they'd not known what would set her off. seemed like this was one of those things. they just as easily could have ignored her snide comment if it was just her and them, but there was an audience.

everyone is snapping at her, and roosterstrut is somehow dragged into a conversation where he doesn't belong, and he is soon the witness of it himself. their tail lashed back and forth before they just growled with their teeth bared. they don't get a chance to speak before they just huff outwardly. so much for a wholesome, uninterrupted moment.

"i would rather be a liar and a cheat, than to be completely and utterly delusional."

they bitterly speak before they watch betonyfrost leave. whatever. it wasn't like they actually cared about her leaving– but damn it to the stars, why did she have to always cause such a scene? why couldn't she just let it go? they licked each of geckoscreech ears in a way to calm both themself and their mate before they just turned to emberkit.

"sorry little one. say, let's play a game, yeah? here."

they moved to try and push emberkit onto their back, offering a rare and gentle smile.

"how about a badgerback ride?"

they really should have been resting. but with a newly soured mood, they didn't want to ruin this moment and they wanted to make sure emberkit pushed such trifles from her mind. she didn't need to even see this shit in the first place. sorry, kiddo. they would have to actually apologize later.
​
 
Needledrift gulps, her ears pinning back against her head as Roosterstrut berates the both of them. Oh.... her anger had taken a hold of her, a fearsome beast inside her chest, seizing her brain and heart and pushing forward despite the audience. But now the anger has subsided and shame has taken its place, creeping and oozing into her chest cavity, weighing her down with its gloom. She presses her paw against her jaw again, the words this time coming out raspy and quiet: "I'm sorry I..... I'm sorry." It's all she can manage before awkwardly sidling away, fully aware that for the first time in a long time, she had come off as callous and uncouth.

For shame.​
i will never leave your room, tell me everything that bothers you​
 
Emberkit doesn't truly understand the animosity surrounding her. How can she? In her short life she’d only really known love, and fear. Hate was something she only knew of as a concept, and only just. Disliking someone so much that their very presence irked you, set your fur on end, put thunder in your throat and belly… Emberkit could not comprehend such a thing. And yet she was sure that it was hate sparking between the two warriors now, between Chilledstar and Betonyfrost as they glared monstrously at one another. The leader bit back against her accusation, calling the molly delusional, though not outright denying her claims. Roosterstrut was pulled into the fray, and Emberkit was sure there would be even more fighting. She pressed her ears flat against her skull and kept her eyes shut tight.

Somehow, the growling ceased. The venom that had hung so thickly in the air dispersed, and a lull like the moment between the last raindrop of a storm and the first rays of the returning sun seemed to blanket her world. Emberkit blinked open her stark green eyes and looked around. Roosterstrut hung back, looking sad much more than angry. Needledrift looked stunned, as though someone had cuffed her wounded jaw. She mumbled an apology, though which cat it was directed at the child could not reason out. Betonyfrost was still angry, but something about Roosterstrut’s presence had taken away all her fight. In the time it took Emberkit to draw a cautious breath she had gone, her tail whisking irritably behind her.

Blood was rushing in her ears, dulling the shuffles and huffs of the warriors around her. Emberkit’s mouth was dry, her bones stiff. She felt like a statue, carved and set and meant to stay that way forever. The only movement she felt was in her head, under her fur and skin, as her pounding heart seemed to vibrate her brain. Suddenly Chilledstar was speaking to her. They spoke kindly, apologetically, tugging Emberkit back to reality. A game. A… A badger ride?
“Yeah… Yeah! Badger ride!” Their soft smile felt like a burst of sunshine, sent to chase away all her worries and confusion. Sky-blue eyes gleamed with warmth, and Emberkit knew everything would be okay. She scrambled onto their back, gripping as tightly as she could whilst keeping her claws sheathed. She squealed joyfully as Chilledstar romped about.
“Yay! Look at me! I’m the tallest cat in Shadowclan!”
 
Comfreypaw had been in the nursery with Emberkit only a moon and a half ago. The charcoal she-cat thinks she’s a perfectly nice she-kit, always brimming with games and excitement. She knows she came from somewhere else, but she doesn’t know why that would be a bad thing. After all, Magpiepaw had come from the Carrionplace and was now the medicine cat apprentice! It didn’t mean anything, did it?

She watches Emberkit twine herself about Chilledstar’s legs, purring and bouncing. Amber eyes blink at the near-wholesome scene. Their leader, normally stoic, speaks in a low, gentle tone to the abandoned kit, and Geckoscreech comes to press her striped flank to her mate’s. It’s almost familial. Perhaps moreso than her own family, though she’d not say this aloud.

The cutting edge of her mother’s voice snaps Comfreypaw back to reality. The gray tabby’s gaze is filled with such vitriol that Comfreypaw shrinks away, though she’s seated foxlengths from Betonyfrost as it is. When the queen’s jaws part, the words that snake through them send a cold wave of water crashing over her.

“A family of liars and cheats and now you’ve got yourself someone’s abandoned rubbish to call your family whole.” The young she-cat’s eyes grow enormous, stretching to all corners of her face. “It’s beautiful, really.” Her mother’s voice drips with sarcasm, with acid, hurled like claws wanting only to hurt and draw blood.

She’s never heard her speak this way, look this way. The most Betonyfrost has done to her own kits is raise her voice or shrug them off if they were bothering her. But this is—this is purposefully, willfully hateful and aggressive.

Comfreypaw can’t look away.

Needledrift bristles, having also been present to watch the wholesome scene, and her words wound Comfreypaw even further. “How would you like it if somebody called your kits ‘abandoned rubbish’ just because they spend half their time with Roos-“ She flinches as though she’d been struck. Abandoned. Is that what she is? Is that what they think of her, of her mother?

Emberkit, too, looks crestfallen. She tries to defend herself, using Magpiepaw as an example—as Comfreypaw had in her head. And then Roosterstrut, having heard Needledrift’s comment, saunters closer with a disappointed glare on his face. He tells them all to stop bickering—and part of her is relieved. She does not know how much more of this she could have watched.

But Betonyfrost is still staring at Needledrift, and her hackles are up now as she spits in the gray warrior’s direction. Oh, yes, and those burning yellow eyes drag scornfully over Emberkit. There is nothing but malice there… malice, and envy. Comfreypaw watches her mother leave, her heart beating rapidly, knocking against her ribcage like a trapped bird.

“I—I’m sorry,” she mutters to Emberkit and Chilledstar as she leaps into a sprint, determined to follow Betonyfrost… wherever she’d gone.

// out
​


[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​
 

For Ribbitleap, there's a good amount of nerves that comes with Emberkit's presence. The way the kit trails behind Chilledstar like a shadow, the way Geckoscreech interacts with her. It feels like everything else these days; another replacement to his family, another march towards him - or worse, Leaping Toad - being substituted with someone else.

And those nerves have been building up already, as he watches Chilledstar and Geckoscreech with Emberkit from afar. Little Flame, he hears the ShadowClan leader call her, words that make his heart sink even further. He moves to focus on the meal before him, trying to block out the scene before him. He's not being replaced. Of course not.

It's Betonyfrost who brings his attention back to the trio before he's barely able to ignore them, anger-filled words echoing in the air. A family of liars and cheats, they're called.

"Hey! That's --" For a split second, Ribbitleap is foolish enough to think that he is included in this. That's... That's at least partially his family being talked about, after all. His mother is not a cheat. His mother is not a liar. But his protests die before they make their escape, as Betonyfrost continues to spit at the trio.

"Now you've got yourself someone's abandoned rubbish to call your family whole."

It's Ribbitleap who feels like abandoned rubbish, then, as he realizes. Realizes he wasn't included in Betonyfrost's first statement, that he wasn't included in the family before him in her eyes. Emberkit makes their family whole, and Ribbitleap is merely an extra piece, left over from the last family, isn't he?

Everyone's quick to defend, everyone's quick to snap at Betonyfrost. The kid looks shocked, upset. Not for long, however - Chilledstar is quick to comfort, to distract Emberkit with a game. As the scrap of fur climbs upon the leader's back, Ribbitleap decides he can't watch any longer, instead picking up his meal and searching for elsewhere to eat it.
​
 
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