private SO MARCH ON HOME, LITTLE SOLDIER ☆ MOONBEAM

[CICADAFLIGHT]

CW : Vague themes of self - hatred / disgust with oneself.

☆

The day has been defined by a steady gray drizzle that feels painfully representative of his general state of mind. It's a flat sort of rain, hearty and cool, no doubt a relief to the warriors out there with the sun on their backs, being useful and helpful and beautiful, much unlike his sorry ass parked in the medicine den, watching the regular patter of droplets on the sand just outside the moss drapery of the entrance. He sighs as he settles his chin gingerly onto his tufted paws, bicolor gaze trained flatly on the fluttering paws and snatches of faces he can glimpse through the den's lichen - encrusted protective curtain.

@Moonbeam bustles around nearby, tending to some herb or another . . . his sister's out, since she's nearly freed from this perpetual herb - scented purgatory. The tom releases his breath in a great unconscious whoosh of a sigh, tracing useless circles in the sand with his bent tail - tip. He's undeniably glad Beefang is well but, stars, it doesn't feel fair . . . Smokestar, Beefang, hell, even his other father . . . somehow they'd all managed to be equally ( if not more ) brutalized and escape with their elegance intact. Not him. He'd just barely managed to claw his way to a regular level of below - average and then that stars - damned rogue had dragged him right back under.

Don't think like that . . . he chides himself. It's the hard truth that he's hideous, yes ( if Sandpelt's reaction had been anything to judge by, and his comments during his awkward visit ), but that's no reason to take it out on his sister. His sister, who has a mate ( he thinks ) that loves her and that she loves regardless of how her face has been marred . . . Stop it! He's being a complete minnowbrain, acting like a child . . . it's almost funny, he'd acted far too old when he was small and now he feels no better than a petty three - moon - old. Just stop it.

" You might want to keep me away from still water for a while when the cobwebs come off. Maybe forever, " he rasps weakly. It's an attempt at a joke, but it falls flat as soon as it leaves his jaws, self - sabotaged by the thick undercurrent of disgust in his voice. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting. He buries his face deeper in his paws, ears twitching, wishing he'd said nothing at all and left Moonbeam to her work. Wishing he couldn't feel the persistent watering at the corners of his eyes.​

 

[Moonbeam]

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Things recently had felt as though they were crashing down around her, so many clanmates getting injured one after the other but it was with luck that she had found that the timing had come after she had her own anchor to connect her to the present instead of getting lost in herbs, in trying to prevent instead of simply heal when it happened as she was tasked to do. Still, she couldn't help but wish there was more that could be done, wish that her clanmates would not come to her broken and dying so often as they had now. Some she wished for this more than others, as though she did not wish harm upon any of them there were others more equipped to deal with it such as Lichenstar, who though Moonbeam did not want her to die, did not [/i]want[/i] her to be injured it was her duty as leader to lay down her life nine times for her clan. She only hoped that it was one at a time in a long span of time rather than many all at once with a reign so short that it would simply be a blip in the lives of her clanmates.

Thoughts swirled within her head as she quietly organized, moving old herbs into separate piles so as not to ruin the new, rolled moss together underpaw and set it to the side to grab it quickly, she began wrapping marigold and dandelion into leaves for quick-grabbing when the words caught her ears and she pauses. Had it not been for the clear tone in his voice, had not been for how well she liked to think she knew the other, she would have thought it to be a joke - one in bad taste but a joke nonetheless - but this was clearly not. Head turned to look towards the other as head buried into paws and she found her own moving to be closer to him before she'd lay down beside him before a small hum left her. "Do you think your dad would have said the same thing?" She'd wonder out loud, looking to her friend to see his reaction before continuing.

"It looks bad now but it'll heal well, it won't change your appearance too much... only to you really. It'll be a shock to others at first sure, but nothing that can't get used to once the initial surprise is gone." She wouldn't lie and say no one would notice, as everyone would notice, but it wasn't a wound gotten by being stupid, it was something that happened from Cicadaflight protecting his home, protecting his family. "I'm sure when Cicadastar first got his injury like that there was shock but did you ever hear anyone talk about it growing up? Only times I can recall is when kits would whisper about it because it was cool. Our scars tell stories and even if they're hard to think about in the moment by the time they heal you have two options; you either live in shame of what had happened and think about what you could have done to avoid it, or you can embrace the knowledge that came from them whether it be knowledge of survival, of victory over someone who clearly wanted you dead and that you best them as they did not get what they wanted, or knowledge of battle tactics, of what you could go for if you were to meet them in battle again." There were many things he could take from scars such as these, and though the path to get there would not be easy Moonbeam only wanted him to think of the scars that he now bore as something to be proud of, never to feel ashamed of.

LET THE VALLEYS AWAKE ꕥ LET THEM RATTLE AND SHAKE

• --
• ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ flesh wounds
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ infections
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ aches & pains
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ illness
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ breathing
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ traveling
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ broken bones
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ kitting
  ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ poisons
• ꕥ SH white masking cinnamon torbie w/orange eyes & small ears
  ꕥ 14 moons old; ages the 17th every month
  ꕥ homosexual homoromantic ; mated to beefang
  ꕥ currently mentoring none
  ꕥ "speech", thoughts, attacking
  ꕥ easy in combat unless in water, focuses on defensive tactics

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