private soldier - - Howlingstar

[Flamestar]

"Howlingstar? Is it alright if we talk?" The red tabby would ask as their discussion was concluded. She watched as the rest of the council padded from the den, and she gave Flycatcher a quick apologetic glance as he left. Her gaze was still glazed over with grief, and her shoulders were starting to sag. As her and Nightbird retold the stories of what all they had endured, it had reopened hardly healed wounds. This was a conversation she had decided to have with Howlingstar after they lost Little Wolf. ​

★ born to find that great unknown

• sorry for the short starter!
  @HOWLINGSTAR​
• 
  FLAMEWHISKER of THUNDERCLAN
  LH red tabby with low white (masks black tabby, carries dilute, solid)
  — Lead Warrior of Thunderclan ; currently mentoring Acornpaw
  — she/her ; mated with Flycatcher
  — mother to Stormpaw & Falconpaw
  — 25 moons ; ages on the 20th
  — Smells like dirt, old leaves, tree sap, faint hint of flowers
  — will start a fight, will finish fights, will kill (case depending)
  — "speech" ; thoughts ; attacks
  — penned by Icey ! ; link to tags
  — link to toyhouse
  — funny guy art by waluigipinball​

 

[HOWLINGSTAR]

The rest of her council has already begun to filter out, and Howlingstar herself is getting to her paws. She is weary after such a story, but she knows what she must do tonight. A clan meeting is due, with kits to be made into apprentices and warriors to name. But as she stands, she is surprised to see Flamewhisker has not left. She asks to talk with her and the tabby tilts her head curiously. "Of course." She can't help but wonder what it must be that can't be said in front of the rest of the council. Still, she sits back down and wraps her tail loosely around herself, attention on the ginger she-cat. "What is it, Flamewhisker?" She prods gently, appearing concerned.​

 

[Flamestar]

The weight that she had been carrying around for nearly two moons was too much. Here in front of their leader, she felt as though she were beginning to crumble...to break underneath all the grief and guilt. Her eyes lowered to her paws, and after several long moments of silence she looked up to meet Howlingstar's concerned gaze. "I let Thunderclan down." she finally said, "I let you down. I let Stormpaw down..." Berryheart, Raccoonstripe, Barnstorm, Moonwhisper... The list when on and on. Tears begged to be released, but she forced them to stay in. I promise we'll protect them The broken promise had been replaying itself over and over in her head since they had lost Little Wolf.

They had retrieved the lungwort, but at what cost? Her leader had lost her daughter, Little Wolf's kits had lost their mother, with no body to grieve. They had to leave her out in the mountains, all alone in the cold rocky wasteland. Magpiepaw claimed to had seen a starry figure, beside her, but what if he had just imagined it? What if she's just stuck out there?

In the medicine den, Stormpaw would probably lay there for the rest of her life. She had been hopeful that her daughter's feeling would return after a few days, but she hadn't gotten any better since that evening. As she stared at her leader, all she could see was blood. Blood from Little Wolf, blood from Stormpaw. Blood that should never have been spilled.

If I had noticed Little Wolf straying behind, I could've called her back towards the group...

...If I hadn't of froze at the sight of the dogs, Stormpaw and I wouldn't have been separated...

Many nights she had laid awake replaying the events, thinking of things that she should have done instead. "If you don't want me to serve on your council anymore, I understand." She wanted to desperately look away, but she held Howlingstar's gaze, grief practically radiating from her eyes.
​

★ born to find that great unknown

• ​
• 
  FLAMEWHISKER of THUNDERCLAN
  LH red tabby with low white (masks black tabby, carries dilute, solid)
  — Lead Warrior of Thunderclan ; currently mentoring Acornpaw
  — she/her ; mated with Flycatcher
  — mother to Stormpaw & Falconpaw
  — 25 moons ; ages on the 20th
  — Smells like dirt, old leaves, tree sap, faint hint of flowers
  — will start a fight, will finish fights, will kill (case depending)
  — "speech" ; thoughts ; attacks
  — penned by Icey ! ; link to tags
  — link to toyhouse
  — funny guy art by waluigipinball​

 

[HOWLINGSTAR]

I let ThunderClan down. Her ears twitch and she tilts her head, expression neutral as she listens, though her heart is pained at the words. I let you down. I let Stormpaw down. Her eyes close and her face lowers so it's facing the ground. Perhaps it would be easier to blame Flamewhisker and the others, like Moonwhisper had done. Perhaps that would make her grief easier to process, easier to understand. Perhaps it would be easier to comprehend why it even happened in the first place. But Howlingstar knows very well her daughter's death was not Flamewhisker's fault. It would be foolish to think such, knowing how good-hearted Little Wolf had been. She would have saved that apprentice's life no matter who tried to stop her.

"You did everything you could have done, Flamewhisker," She finally mews softly, shaking her head a bit before opening her eyes to meet her gaze again. "I do not blame you for my daughter's selflessness. I'm sure she knew the danger she had gotten into the moment she decided to save that SkyClanner's life." She smiles a bit, fighting back tears as she talks about her child. "That's who Little Wolf was."

When Flamewhisker suggests she be removed from Howlingstar's council, she pricks her ears in surprise. "Nonsense. You helped to bring the lungwort home. You all did what you had been sent out to do." After a moment of hesitation, however, she adds, "But I will not make you stay. It is your choice, Flamewhisker. Yours alone. If it is too much and you need to step down...I would understand." Does she want that? Absolutely not. But she would understand the heartache if she needs to do this for herself.​

 

[Flamestar]

She didn't realize that she had been holding her breath as she waited for Howlingstar's response. Her disappointment. But instead, she was met with a soft voice. The red tabby let out a long soft sigh, letting out all of the worry had built up inside her. She was fully aware of how Moonwhisper felt, but she was thankful to not have Howlingstar also blame her. Howlingstar spoke first about how Little Wolf's personality. She closed her eyes, holding onto the memory of the ebony she-cat telling their kits the stories of Lionclan. "She was a brave soul, and a wonderful mother." she said softly.

When Howlingstar addressed her offer to step down, she was met with the complete opposite answer than she had expected. She met her leader's gaze, fiery determination briefly shining through the grief that had been hazing her expression for weeks. "I want nothing more than to serve you and Thunderclan."
​

★ don't need to save me

• ​
• View attachment 1193
  FLAMEWHISKER of THUNDERCLAN
  LH red tabby with low white (masks black tabby, carries dilute, solid)
  — Lead Warrior of Thunderclan ; currently mentoring Acornpaw
  — she/her ; mated with Flycatcher
  — mother to Stormpaw & Falconpaw
  — 26 moons ; ages on the 20th
  — Smells like dirt, old leaves, tree sap, faint hint of flowers
  — will start a fight, will finish fights, will kill (case depending)
  — "speech" ; thoughts ; attacks
  — penned by Icey ! ; link to tags
  — link to toyhouse​

 

[HOWLINGSTAR]

She lifts her chin, eyes twinkling. A small smile graces her muzzle and she dips her head in acknowledgment. It seems she was able to bounce back quickly from what had been bringing her down and she's grateful for it. In this time, she will need all of her lead warriors at their strongest. Leaf-bare will be here soon. ThunderClan is mourning, but they must be strong. "I'm counting on you. I will need you in the coming moons. Things won't be easy, Flamewhisker," She mews lowly, eyes drifting outside the den. How long will the camaraderie between all of the clans last? How long will they remember how they fought together? Traveled together?​