some things cosmic | blazestar

[sheepcurl]

To say the former lead warrior was being avoidant of everyone and everything would be an understatement. When she had returned, she had nearly scared poor Twitchbolt out of his pelt. She had been happy, then, more-so when her former apprentice had come to greet her. It had continued throughout the day but after her trek she had been tired, especially with the lack of exercise she had gotten in her twolegs nest. It wasn't home to her anymore, dullness and an old routine was not for her. She had crawled in to a nest after she had scraped one together and fell asleep.

And she had slept right through the elation of being home. In the following days she had felt nothing but stabbing loneliness and despite thinking the twoleg nest was not her home... She wasn't sure if here was either. It was... It was still her home, yes, a clan she had done so much for, a clan she had nearly died for. She thinks to the long scar along her stomach, how she had stumbled in to the snow, how she had been so close to passing out. She had nearly ascended to the Stars for this clan, so yes, its home, but it does not feel like home. It does not bring the exuberant joy she had once felt, serving under Blazestar, finding her own path. Being her own cat, no longer defined by Churro. She feels like the moment she had been called it again, a huge wave had crashed upon her.

Yet most of all she is terrified she had disappointed the golden-furred leader. She is so, so scared she ruined a friendship, ruined everything good. Ruined everything at once, as soon as she had headbutt the other out of the trap she had sealed her fate. She hadn't even realize she was moving until she smacks right in to a broad chest, ironically so of the leader she had just been thinking about. Her heart drops and a chill runs through her body as she stares, not even as much as an apology slipping through her lips for now. She's frozen because this is the last cat she wants to even see, a used to be friend, her leader, all she can imagine is disappointment in his eyes. She cannot meet his gaze. "Lo siento... I'll watch where i'm going." finally does she speak after a few heartbeats. Her voice does not sound chipper, does not have the trill shes so used to hearing in her own. She wants to go lay down again, she wasn't picked for a patrol today and all she wants to do is sleep.

// @BLAZESTAR ​

"speech"​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

Losing Daisyflight, Sheepcurl, and then Thistleback had Blazestar partially convinced StarClan was intent on punishing him yet again. Of the three of them, only one has returned to their forest—and she is different, smaller, exhausted, thin and haunted by ghosts none of the other cats can see. Blazestar’s duties have kept him from attempting to mend their friendship, but when she bumps into him he seizes the chance. “Sheepcurl, don’t leave,” he murmurs, brushing the tip of his tail along her flank. “Please, you act is if you think I’ll claw your ears! Why don’t we…” Blue eyes flit around until they land on the fresh-kill pile, “…share a quick meal?”

Before Sheepcurl can protest, Blazestar pads toward the mound of prey and selects a starling. He settles in a quiet, out of the way corner of their camp, pushing the bird toward her so she has the choicest bite. “You’re different,” he observes, not unkindly. His eyes settle on the scarred place on her throat where her ribbon had once hung proudly. “Tell me what happened, Sheepcurl.” He longs to tell her how he’s missed her presence, her brilliance in battle and skills among their trees, the ferocity with which she’d once defended her home—but he does none of that, not yet. For now, he will let her speak.

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — blaise . blazestar
  — he/him ; leader of skyclan
  — pansexual ; divorced ; single
  — longhaired flame point Ragdoll with blue eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — chibi by Mercibun

​

 

[sheepcurl]

Sheep had not expected him to utter her name, no less comment on her avoidance. She's trying to make up excuses in her head, no, sorry, someone needs me but no one ever did these days. She feels sick to her stomach but finds herself begrudgingly nodding along, agreeing to share. Nothing else to do, she tries to convince herself though she knows its a lie. Perhaps some unseen part of her is curious to see what her leader will say, perhaps she'll be yelled at. Perhaps she'll be told that she let the others down. She shuffles her paws awkwardly. She does not say anything about his comment, her skin prickling- would he, if he knew? Scornful, scornful. The Blazestar she knew had been nothing but kind, she does not know where this out of place fear comes from.

He moves before she can even speak up. She follows, as she always has done. There is nothing more or nothing less.

Blazestar pushes the chosen bird towards her once they settle down; the spot is private, quiet, safe. It's new to her, she does not know why- she finds herself wondering a lot these days. She stares at the bird, flits her eyes up to his only to find his own gaze was already on her. He's studying something, she feels self-conscious. She looks back down and forces herself to tear off a bite, trying not to throw up or gag in the process. You're different, "I know." she looks away, curled ears pinning back as she speaks through a mouthful of meat. Something akin to shame burns fiercely in her gaze. It feels out of place, all of this does. He asks what happens, she almost doesn't tell him.

"Uhm, well. You- I'm sure the warrior had filled you in, if they came back to camp." she stares at her paws now. "A walk. It was supposed to be a walk, and then a twoleg came out of nowhere. Had us cornered with a trap, I got them out. I wasn't so lucky myself, though." and promptly returned to her twolegs, her fur, yellow bow, her ears, much too easy to make her recognizable. "I went back. To them, my twolegs. They never let me out again. I only escaped because the small one left the door open." she grows quiet, tucking in on herself as she closes her eyes. "I don't think theres anything left for me here, anymore." her voice cracks, she almost cries. She nearly breaks down with the effort it takes to even admit this.

She still doesn't meet his gaze. Takes a shuddering breath in, shes sure if she looked up now she will see disappointment swimming in blue eyes.

"I mean- Thistleback is gone. Daisyflight is gone. Things moved on. Greeneyes is a warrior now. He- He has his own life to live." she tries to backpedal. "Life moves on. I'll fall back in one of these days." she falls silent again. She's making things worse. Embarrassment heats her cheeks, she almost doesn't want him to speak.​

"speech"​