private spent just one night on your floor (for a few nights in a row) — rooster

[betonyfrost]

There is no greater cruelty to the world than the expected return to normalcy. Things have changed, irrevocably and inconceivably so—Betonyfrost doesn’t have the mind to think about dawnpatrolhuntingpatrolduskpatrol—haveyoueatenyet? Time, without cause or permission, carries Betonyfrost further from that day and deeper into the nebulous after. The physical space of camp stays the same, snowcoated and mudslick. Not for the first time, Betonyfrost catches herself in a dazed wondering of how that could possibly be.

Tonight, she watches the thunderpath. She watches the monsters go by, fast and loud; she hasn’t flinched from the sound since she was a kit. Tonight, she flinches—it makes her feel young again. Their luminous eyes send stretched shadows crawling across the ground, and briefly, so briefly, catch in her companion’s own eyes, lighting his pupils green as if reflecting moonlight. It must do the same to Betonyfrost’s own face.

“I miss when we were friends,” Betonyfrost says—it has always been so easy to tell Roosterstrut these things. Whatever the gulf between them, Betonyfrost imagines that they are still friends. Instead, her words mean: I miss when we were kits, or, more plainly: I miss when things were simpler. Then: “She loved you a lot—damn those frogbrained rumors but, I’m… glad she had found a father in you, despite everything.”​

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 27 moons | tags​

 

[ROOSTERSTRUT]

For a moment, Roosterstrut doesn't even remember what they're doing out there. A hunt, a patrol, a simple stroll, whatever it may be. The monsters rolling by in the dead of night serve as visual distractions to latch onto while the red tabby tom thinks and sulks in the silence between him and Betonyfrost. He's been doing a lot of that, lately — sulking. It is quite unlike the typically upbeat warrior, but the most recent tragedies to befall ShadowClan had proved to be far too much weight upon his shoulders. He allows himself to grieve; he knows he should.

A reddish ear flicks as Betonyfrost's voice fills the air, though his eyes do not move from the thunderpath. "I've known death since I was a kit." Betonyfrost knows this. She had been one of the youths to comfort young Rooster after that horrible day. It had changed Roosterstrut, yes, but it had never dampened his spirit and kindness. Death will not blacken his soul, not like it did to some cats, but the pain always took time to heal. It stung like an irritated welt on his chest, pulsating and making him wince every now and then, but it was slowly but surely on its way to feeling normal again ( at least until the next death fell upon ShadowClan ). "But this... it hurts." That was the simplest way Roosterstrut could put it, anyway. There had been many deaths in the clan, but to lose someone who was almost like kin... someone who had so much potential and life ahead of them... It wasn't fair. StarClan, it wasn't fair.

His voice is low, a grave tone accompanying it, emotion clearly sinking his words like a stone, "She was... She was almost a warrior. She was so young." The mention of Comfreypaw's familial connection to him stings even more so, deepening Roosterstrut's frown, and causing him to swallow over a growing lump in his throat. He bows his head, murmuring, "I loved her like she was my own. I hope she knew that." Roosterstrut had told Comfreypaw that once, but he still hoped that she remembered his words up until her very last breaths and even now as she resided among the stars. She had a father in Roosterstrut despite everything. All of Betonyfrost's kits did, even if they didn't return the feeling.

Green eyes, pooling with tears, now dare to flick up toward the other warrior as much as he had been trying to hide them. "I'm so, so sorry, Betonyfrost. I wish I would've..." Been there to save her. Roosterstrut trails off, finding it far more painful to bring up the "what ifs". It wouldn't change anything. She was gone. Choking back his overwhelming emotions, he bites his lip so hard that it might bleed.

₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾ —— 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙚𝙧

• 

• 

  ✰ ROOSTERSTRUT
  —— he/him; warrior of shadowclan
  —— heteroflexible; single
  —— red tabby tom with long hair and pale green eyes
  —— "speech", thoughts, attack
  —— link to full tags; @ on discord for plots.
  —— penned by beatles

​

 

[betonyfrost]

She listens to Roosterstrut as he speaks. It isn't an easy thing for her to do; Betonyfrost hadn't known she lacked the skill until she is confronted with the sudden want to know what it is Roosterstrut is really saying. He says it plainly—he's always said it plainly, even when Betonyfrost hasn't—and Betonyfrost, eyes still on the thunderpath, nods her head in silent agreement. It hurts more than any loss that has come before it. How wrong it feels to carry on after, when a crucial part of the universe is suddenly missing.

"What if she was yours?" Betonyfrost asks and then, realizing the implications, laughs without humor, "I meant—you must know what I meant. She was always close with you. I didn't care for their father anymore than he cared for them." She makes a small gesture as she speaks, curling her paw in the air, as if catching something in her claws, "I could have saved her a lot of grief if I had let her carry on believing that you were her father. But then again, perhaps that would have given you grief instead."

Betonyfrost doesn't mean anything by her musings. There are countless things that she could have done differently, but only with the benefit of hindsight. At the time, she had felt she making the best possible choices with the information she had. Regret could make a meal of her if she thought too long on everything she's done.

It isn't until Roosterstrut's voice chokes that Betonyfrost's face turns to him, the movement sharp and rigid.

"Don't," She pleads, "I don't want to think about her right now. About what happened." She leans against Roosterstrut, shoulder to shoulder, to comfort him or herself. There isn't venom in her voice. It has settled in her heart, because despite her wants, Siltcloud steals her thoughts away from her in the time of a breath. "I don't want the memory of Comfreypaw to come side by side with..." Betonyfrost has wanted to kill for less. If the stars are kind, Siltcloud will die with warnings of Betonyfrost on her final breath.

"I've never hated anything as much as I hate Siltcloud," Betonyfrost says, slowly, as if she's just no remembering how to be angry, "As much as I can hate the world—nothing is more deserving of a slow death than her. But I'm remembering Comfreypaw with love. I don't want to feel like this—" Teeth clenched, shaking from inaction—muscle memory urges her to tear apart something soft and warm and bleeding, "—when I think about Comfreypaw."​

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 27 moons | tags​