STAR IN THE MORNING SKY | johnnyflame

[SILVERSMOKE]

When the spotted tabby awoke for the first time that day, every single limb was set ablaze. Mismatched eyes open and instead of the beautiful world before him, Silversmoke was reminded of how much he'd exerted himself the previous day, stars dancing across his poor vision as if he'd been one day away from meeting his ancestors. It hadn't felt nearly as dramatic at the time, exhausted as he was, there had been no danger of death. Within a Twoleg's nest, the only thing that could've killed him was a broken heart, but for SkyClan, and for Johnny, he had remained optimistic that the prison would not be the end of him - perhaps more for the latter than the former. His love for SkyClan was unconditional and yet they were a clan that could move on without him, whereas the spotted tabby did not think he could move on without Johnny. Or, at the very least, without having told Johnny how he felt. He moved a sore paw, and as the muscles in his spine rippled, he felt something pressed against them. Blinking wearily, the tom looked over his shoulder, attention settled upon the chimera cuddled up to him.

The whites of his eyes showed in surprise, then, they relaxed again upon recognising the figure. Right... he'd confessed. Silversmoke paused, their heartbeat slowly increasing to a fast staccato. Right... he confessed. Feelings he'd sworn to swallow down for the sake of professionalism and fear of rejection had been exposed with no hesitation the dusk before, and it'd worked. He had been reciprocated, the last words he'd heard that night before slipping into a long slumber being 'I love you, too, Silversmoke.' It was sweet to the point of toothache, yet now that his mind was more conscious, he could not help but feel as if he'd totally ruined the moment. How many clanmates were there to witness his confession? Had Johnnyflame felt compelled to say yes out of pity, or had it been an authentic display? He wanted to believe it was real, but until he spoke to the other, the warrior could only speculate... and continue speculating until they'd sent themselves to the early grave they'd been so often accused of seeking.

There were so many words that needed to be uttered, so many things that needed to be clarified. As gentle as a summer breeze, Silversmoke aimed to press his nose against the space between Johnnyflame's ears, either as a greeting or a wake-up call. He opened his mouth to speak, expecting one sentence to come out - instead, another took its place, ears flush against his head as if too flustered to believe this was real. "Why are you here?" He blinked incessantly, his tail sweeping the materials of his nest. 'StarClan... I still feel like a lovesick apprentice. A confession didn't change anything if I still look at him and feel complete... happy.' It was a good feeling, but a confusing one, even now. "I mean... it's early... or late..." He looked to the outside world, squinting at the dimly lit camp. "Your Twoleg? You've seen them since I've come back, haven't you?" He didn't want to get between the bond between Johnnyflame and the no-fur, even if a part of him was grateful to have spent the night with the tortoiseshell.

He just wished he'd been able to stay awake long enough to laugh and talk until the sun came up, to tell him things that he could've scarcely said with his usual social clumsiness. He wanted the chance to do that... he wanted the chimera to be happy with him without sacrificing his position as Daylight Warrior, he wanted to know the other would not randomly disappear as Silversmoke once had.

The amount of wanting could've made his mouth grow dry, instead, he stared widely at the other, hoping some of his early morning concerns could be alleviated.

@Johnnyflame

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[Johnnyflame]

MY WORLDS ON FIRE, HOW 'BOUT YOURS?
THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED."​

---

It wasn’t the first time in the last few days that Johnny had woken up inside of Silversmokes nest- but this was the first time, he awoke to find he wasn’t alone. Roused by a gentle touch to the forehead, sunny eyes blinked open to find Silversmoke looking back at him. Memories from the evening before were quick to paint a sleepy smile on the bobtails face as he muttered a sleep-rough ”Good morning.”.

He’d slept like a rock that night, tucked warm and relaxed beside the cat he’d spent nearly a moon trying to find. He had expected a restless sleep, one where he was constantly jolting awake to make sure the other was still there, but alas, the sandman had finally found him. Lulled by the familiar scent of the silver-spotted tom, Johnny had finally been able to catch up on some much needed sleep.

”Why are you still here?”

He stiffened a bit, not quite sure how to take the words in his half-asleep state. Had he overstepped by staying in their nest instead of his own? Or perhaps they’d wanted time alone that Johnny was now selfishly taking for himself?

”My twolegs? Oh, no I-I haven’t been back yet.” he replied, stubbed tail giving an uncertain twitch as he tried to shake off the last remnants of sleepiness so he could properly read the situation. Technically he hadn’t been home since Belphegor had shown up promising a return from Silver. ”Figured they had me while you were away, so you should get me now.” he offered light-heartedly, trying to hide exactly how blind he was flying.

Silversmoke had never been easy to read, and even when the tom was spelling his feelings out for Johnny, it wasn’t like the bobtail had a clue as to what he was actually doing. He’d never been in love before. Had never been.. Stars above. Were they.. mates now? He could practically feel himself blush at the thought of getting to call the other cat that. His companion hadn’t said the word aloud, but it had certainly been implied- hadn’t it?

Regardless, Johnnyflame had no idea what he was doing. The only thing he knew of couples was what he’d seen from other cats in the clan, and they all varied so much.

”If you need some space that’s fine, though. I can make myself scarce for a bit if you need a breather.” he added, because the last thing he wanted was for Silversmoke to feel trapped. They’d been isolated for a long time, after all, so it was possible the confession had all just been a spur of the moment thing driven by the toms isolation and the rush of feelings at returning home. He and Johnny were close, so it would make sense that something might be projected onto him that wore off once Silversmoke was thinking more clearly.

Johnny hoped that wasn’t the case though. He prayed to the stars that what had been said and felt was genuine and that the cat he hoped to call his wasn’t having second thoughts.

---

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[SILVERSMOKE]

A ghostly smile appeared on his muzzle at Johnnyflame's suggestion, hoggishly content with the answer for a spell. It was confirmation, however obscure, that there was something real between them, that it may not have just been peer pressure or sympathy from the other that bound them together. Then, it threatened to come crashing down, the Daylight Warrior promised him space as if all his dreams had not been lonely enough compared to spending time with the real Johnnyflame. "No," he mewed urgently, a lump forming in his throat. Eyes widened at how desperate it sounded. "No... I want you to stay." There would be a chance for isolation later, when the chimera was called for duty and Silversmoke the same, albeit likely for something lighter than a patrol.

"I just." He hesitated, knowing what he wanted to say, not knowing how to say it. "I want to be a part of your life, but I don't want to take it over. If you felt some sort of duty to stay by my side at the expense of something else you love then..." Then he would sacrifice his own happiness to secure the other's. He couldn't subject Johnnyflame to such conflict. A once-over of the other's features began to melt away the concerns he felt, pushing them into puddles at the corners of his mind that would inevitably be addressed later. It was important, but a desire not to ruin the perfect moment (sans the pain, StarClan he could do without that) overshadowed his pragmatism. He shifted his body around so he properly faced the other, a white paw resting atop the other's white paw. Silversmoke shook his head. "Sorry, I must sound ungrateful. I wake up with the most gorgeous cat in the clan by my side and all I can think about is how it could go wrong." A question remained on his mind that gave him pause.

He had presumed everything, that Johnnyflame loved him, that he was allowed to call him gorgeous, that Johnnyflame wanted to be with him. His brows creased together, trying to recall everything that had been exchanged yesterday. "I confessed in front of the whole clan yesterday, didn't I?" 'They're not going to let me live that down.' He was not ashamed to love the other, rather, ashamed to show his emotions so openly; gratitude and a smile were one thing, but a confession was another thing entirely. To love was the most vulnerable thing of all and he'd exposed it to the clan like a belly. Worst of all, he'd subjected the other to the same thing yesterday. Unfair. Stupid. Selfish. The tom had fought a thousand battles, but there was no greater enemy than the heart who, in pursuit of happiness, often destroyed the chance with its whims. Perhaps more experience would have subjugated his instincts, but his romantic feelings were rare, seldom earned and seldom kept. This was the first time in moons he had felt something more than a fleeting crush, a respect for one's prowess combined with a desire to know them better.

His love for Johnny went beyond rank and time - truly, he saw a world where it would persist even if the very Stars themselves faded. "Should I say it again? Just for the two of us?"



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[Johnnyflame]

MY WORLDS ON FIRE, HOW 'BOUT YOURS?
THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED."​

---

Johnny wished there was something he could say or do to convey just how much that meant to him. Only a year ago, the patched tabby wouldn’t have even entertained the idea that a relationship with Silversmoke was possible. Surely the silver-spotted tom would want someone who lived with the clan full time and not a daylight warrior whose loyalties were divided between one home and the next.? All or nothing, just like Silversmoke himself. The only reason he didn't fear an ultimatum now- your twolegs or mate?- was because he was confident that the maine coon understood that his loyalties were steadfast in both ways- asking him to choose one over the other was a surefire way to start a war you wouldn't win, and by now Silver was smart enough to know that.

But to hear the other say they understood was something he hadn't expected. His mate didn't want to intrude on the part of him that needed his twolegs. He didn't want Johnny to feel obligated.

"It's not that." he assured them. "I'm just.. I really fucking missed you, Silversmoke. "

Johnny was here because he wanted to be, not because had to be. The last few weeks had been nothing but a war of speculation- is he dead? is he trapped? is he waiting for someone to come, like the cats in the shelter were? Did I lose my chance to tell him how much he meant to me? Is it over?

At the end of his life, if he'd met Silversmoke in Starclan and learned that the tom had died waiting to be saved- he would have clawed his way down from the stars to bury himself with the worms like the crowfood he was.

But they weren't dead. They were right beside him, sharing a nest. He had to remind himself it was all very real when a paw found its way atop his own, sending his heart racing. Stars. He was going to have to ask Bobbie how long it took before he stopped feeling like a swooning apprentice in front of his own mate. And stars again, because how in the world was it even possible that he’d landed himself a cat like Silversmoke in the first place?

”You don’t sound ungrateful.” he assured them with a soft smile, ”It means a lot to know you want me to still have both. That you trust me with that much.”

And Johnny would never, ever betray that trust. He would always come back to Silversmoke, would always love him with the ferocity of all nine lives even if he wasn't a leader with extra to spare. The torbie would give him anything he asked for- including the loving family he deserved- and would cherish him until Starclan called them both home.

”And if it helps, I’m nervous too.” he admitted, shifting to lean against the tom lightly, not wanting to put too much weight on their injured form. ”I’ve got no idea what I’m doing, so if I suck at the whole ‘mate’ thing at first, don’t judge me too harshly for it, aye?”

He tried to hide his own insecurities behind a smile, but he when it failed he opted to simply turn to nuzzle his face into the plush fur of his mate, pulling in a deep breath to steady himself.

Johnnys experience with romance was laughable, in the sense that his only ‘experience’ was a very brief crush on Thistleback after the tom had first introduced him to the clan. Anything he knew about being in a relationship came from watching his clanmates, and for all his confidence, he worried he might fall short of Silvers expectations in some way. Knowing the other was just as worried about fucking it up was equally endearing and reassuring.

”I confessed in front of the whole clan yesterday, didn’t I?”

Johnny knew he should have been more sympathetic for them all things considered, but it was very hard to keep the ever-growing grin of total amusement and adoration off his face whenever he considered that Silver had basically gone against his instincts to confess to him right then and there.

”You did.” he confirmed, trying and failing to keep the smugness from his voice. ”Took one look at my bonnie face and spilled your guts in front of everyone.” he teased, before leaning in to lick their cheek. ”It was very sweet.” he added, softer, in hopes that Silver understood how precious that moment had been to him.

”Should I say it again? Just for the two of us?”

Yes, Johnny wanted to say, Say it a thousand times, and then a thousand more. Until the bobtail was completely certain he would never forget the way it sounded coming from their mouth.

”If you do, I might be inclined to say it back." he replied, playfully dangling reciprocation in front of the other, even though they both knew the other needed no real incentive anymore. Johnny was happy to express his love and pride in his new mate, needing no reward to tempt him into doing so, and he knew Silver felt the same way now.

---

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[SILVERSMOKE]

He rested his head between Johnnyflame's ears at his first words, if anyone asked, it would be to hide just how much it meant to him to hear such things. A lifetime ago, whether he lived or died had not been a consideration. He'd been bound by duty to serve SkyClan and likely perish trying. Friendships hadn't mattered, love hadn't mattered, nothing had mattered as long as his home was safe. That still mattered, but now, individuals mattered too. He found himself worrying for friends, wanting to engage others with their games, wanting to live. The snake bite had been a catalyst, but Johnnyflame had only added fuel to his new drive. "I missed you too," he whispered, smoothing the fur down atop Johnny's head with a few reaffirming licks.

"Nervous? I'm not... nervous. " He was petrified, afraid his flaws could ruin a good thing, afraid he would somehow ruin this just by breathing the wrong way. Johnnyflame was not his first mate, but being with one before him had not lessened his doubt (knowing that they had drifted apart because of his own work ethic only exaggerated it, really). He swished his tail, brushing it over Johnnyflame's pelt and allowing it to rest there. "Life changes when you have someone to share it with, I just don't want you to change yours too much for my sake." It would be awkward, there would be times they would miss each other and couldn't share a nest as easily as they could now, and there might even be arguments over it. The best the spotted tabby could do was prepare for it by letting the other know it was ok to have boundaries in a relationship, that he would be supported.

Johnnyflame confirmed his suspicions, that he'd been so smitten in a moment of weakness and relief that all he could have done was tell the other how much he loved him. A mortified look crossed over the tom's blue and green eyes, practically melting as the other's tongue made contact with his face. "I didn't know if I would get a chance to say it again," he admitted with red hot ears, clearing his throat to try and appease the bidding lump within it. The torbie wasn't annoyed by it and felt no obligation towards him for his actions. It was a relief. "I don't regret it," he mewed stalwart, peeking a somewhat nervous glance towards the outside world. It could wait to see him for a while yet, he didn't want to lose this so soon. "But the clan won't let me forget how soppy I was... I could do without that." He was not soppy, he was... well, he didn't know what he wanted to be for SkyClan anymore. Maybe he could just be Silversmoke for a while, and that would be ok.

A smile appeared on his muzzle and the tabby tilted his head back to look at his new mate. It was true, he needed little reason to show his affection - there were no debts between friends, even less between lovers. If Johnnyflame wished the very stars themselves to be moved, he would find a way to do it and expect nothing in return. "There would be no words sweeter. Alright then." He shifted his weight and felt as if bugs were crawling up his limbs, a new nervousness gripping his thoughts. An 'I love you' seemed insufficient, poetry seemed like too much, but how could one tow the line between them both to be just right? The spotted tabby's mouth gaped open like a fish, blank-stared as he searched the depths of his mate's yellow eyes. 'Just be Silversmoke.' That was enough, he was enough, he'd never been very good at pretending to be something he was not, anyhow. He was sure that was how so many had managed to worm their way into his heart, why he still had friends even if he could have an icy bite.

He should work on that too. But, that could wait too. "Getting to know you was the most important thing to happen to me. You mean more than life itself, and should both of ours end, I would be proud to serve an eternity by your side. I love you."

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