STARRY STARRY NIGHT | chilledstar

[Needledrift]

Restless was the last word that Needledrift would've used for her clan tonight. What felt like a lifetime ago, they had been safe within the confines of their camp, the sun not quite reaching the tops of the trees. That had been this morning, Needledrift had realized numbly as the queens settled the kits into their makeshift nests. Their makeshift nests in their makeshift hideaway of bland, unfeeling stone. One of the kits had begun to cry then.

Needledrift envied that of them.

She had swallowed hard then and stood, dipping her head in a quiet apology to the queen as she tried to comfort the child. She needed to be out, to feel the edges of the marsh on her toes again. Ferns and moss and algae and needles, these were ShadowClan things, things that made ShadowClan home. Would they venture back out into the territory tomorrow? Would the bears still be lurking when they did? Would they lose more lives just trying to hunt? All of these thoughts swirled around in her head, a cacophony of worry and doubt clouding over - the beginnings of a mental storm, where if the rain and thunder were contained, it would drown her.

The night air, free of the confines of stone and sadness, felt good on her fur. It was not enough to calm her racing mind, but it was enough to remember her to breathe - in and out, in and out. Ferns and moss and algae and needles tinted the sticky, summer breeze, a gentle reminder of all the things Needledrift loved about her home. All the things she loved that hadn't been destroyed. A gentle reminder that ShadowClan hasn't been destroyed, just misplaced. The reminder only marginally made her feel better... @CHILLEDSTAR.​

she smells like lemongrass and sleep​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

needledrift was a cat they knew before the great battle. or maybe even way before then. after their mom died, they weren't exactly the grandest cat to be around. but even before then, they kept away from others. their mother didn't die too soon before the battle, after having their little brother. killed, right in front of them. they had to watch it, and from then on they had a little brother to take care of. even before then, they managed to get into training as a rogue fighter, instead of training as the marsh group so intended. how, they don't know. but it had shaped them into who they are. they come off as cold, and uncaring, when the reality was that they cared. simply just about those who deserved to be cared about. as a warrior, their clan was only ever second to their family. the deputy was the same. now... they didn't know. they would choose their friends and family, but their clan always was a close second. they'd sacrificed so much for it already, and they weren't going to change that any time soon.

"how are you feeling?"

the voice that rings is raspier than usual and more distant but chilledstar wasn't all the way here. they weren't even sure the entirety of their soul made it back to their body. they weren't going to say that though. they don't know if needle would try to answer this time, either, or if she would simply gesture some sort of response. they didn't mind either. they just wanted to be sure she was hanging in there.
​

 

[Needledrift]

She had not expected company. She had not expected leaderly company specifically. It was an odd thing, to see a cat that had died in front of you - for you - ask you how you were feeling. Needledrift could hardly think up an appropriate response. How am I doing? Well, when we were kids, sometimes we played "great big bear" and I pretended to be the great big bear and then I gotcha and then I made you roll over and I tickled your belly. Now that you were attacked by a real bear, is it the same? Was dying the same as me tickling your belly?

Chittertongue was still missing. There were cats unaccounted for, kits who wailed for queens they had lost, and Chilledstar asked how she was. In all honesty, Needledrift wished she could just curl up and disappear from the way some of her clanmates looked at her, the idiot who Chilledstar sacrificed one of their important, needed lives for. She was so.... dejected.... at herself. But now, faced with those icy blue eyes - dim and tired but concern ringing their irises, she tries to put on a brave (fake) smile. I'm fine! I'm.... fine.

The smile fades a little too quickly though, and her shoulders slump almost immediately. Not fine. Not fine at all.​

she smells like lemongrass and sleep​