summer silence // downy

[sunlitpaw]

Adjusting back to life inside WindClan's camp almost felt... alien. Sunitpaw found themselves questioning, frequently, if they belonged. If they deserved to belong. Truly, what had they done to prove any kind of worth. It became increasingly more challenging to not compare themselves to their peers, to the other apprentices - especially her siblings. Sunlitpaw found gentle, guilty comfort in the fact that at least one of their siblings wasn't quite the moon-and-stars success that the others felt to be. Sunlitpaw's own family felt so far away, after the final battle against Sootstar's followers. Truly though, how much of that was self-inflicted? How much was entirely of their own doing, their own shying away and avoiding even speaking to their soon-to-be Leader now?

Sunlitpaw had exhausted their paws hunting to feed the injured, poked their paws full of holes on gorse grasping for perfection on what was already serviceable. Desperate to keep their paws busy. Sunhigh had long since passed, and while the moon hadn't yet shown itself, camp was bathed in a deep orange that washed over the snow. It looked a bit like faded blood, Sunlitpaw thought. They didn't care for it. But with nothing productive left to do without drawing ire, Sunlitpaw was resigned to sitting in camp idly pawing at the powdered snow. The crystals kicked up new colors, less gruesome colors, sparkly blue and little fleeting glimpses of yellow. Icypaw... Frostpaw... Snowflakepaw. Leaf...bare...paw? She rolled around alternative names in her head, a name after the sprinkles of color rather than her father's legacy. Sunlitsnow, Sunlitfrost, Sunlitflake... Gentle crunching caught their attention, dappled ears twitching as Sunlitpaw was suddenly pulled back into the present and out of her wandering mind. Her head bounced up, paw stilling to catch Downypaw crossing. Sunlitpaw's mind circled back to her dreadful spiral - of being not enough, of having nothing to prove, of having nothing to be proud of. Downypaw - well, she'd escaped Sootstar, she'd fled to the barn. That could've cost them their life.... how could they possibly..?

"Downypaw," Sunlitpaw whispers harshly, trying to catch the other apprentice's attention. They straighten their back, tuck their paw under their tail as they curl it around themselves. A feeble attempt at composure, but it hides the fidget in their paws. "Can I... can I ask you something? About... before you went to the barn?"
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• @downypaw

• 

• 

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by no-one
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstride x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length tags
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[downyfur]

Downypaw is absentminded today. Wolfsong had freed them from his personal cage, only to release them into a larger, louder cage, where tasks other than rest were asked of them. Thoughts bumble around in cavernous space between their ears, multiplying and dividing, crashing into one another in dusty explosions, all to soak up the monotony of repairing the walls. Find the gorse, pick up the gorse, walk over to their section, repeat.

White-toed paws carry them past, Marina gaze focused on nothing, save for the slightest hint of a free bunch of gorse to tug out and into their jaws. A buzz above their left ear jerks their attention back to something that was decidedly not gorse. ”Oh—hi, Sunlitpaw,” they meow smilingly, tail raising with practiced greeting. A bit of it fades when they fully focus upon the tortoiseshell, instinctively working over their curled tail and determined gaze. ”Um, sure.” They cock their head. "What is it?" In their belly she feels curiosity growing like a spiky weed, mercilessly choking out her budding concern.

Sunlitpaw was a stranger because of occupation. They, along with the rest of Sunstride and Wolfsong’s litter, had shared the only den in WindClan once upon a time. Downypaw had always felt a certain kinship with the equally trepidatious, equally inquisitive kitten, though their kithood interactions had always been just that, kittens meaninglessly fumbling around with each other. Downypaw barely remembers, truth be told. None of them had stayed in the nursery for very long.

At times they feel very old, very sad, and very tired: not only do they not remember their kithood, they feel as though they’ve lived a lifetime’s worth of events in the past two moons. Everyone else has too, they have to remind themself. Talking to Pinkpaw never truly satisfied their urge to talk about it too; maybe Sunlitpaw just wanted something like that as well.​

 

[sunlitpaw]

The sound of their name from someone else's muzzle, off a tongue that did not belong to their own kin, was a treat Sunlitpaw had rarely been afforded anymore. They kept primarily to themselves, skirting away from socializing most days and keeping their nose down to stay busy. A gentle quirk of her lips upward is the only tell Sunlitpaw gives of an ephemeral happiness, the tilt upward lilting back down just as quickly as it had come. Sunlitpaw, unfortunately, wasn't seeking Downypaw out for any kind of pleasant conversation. Guilt nipped and bit at the pit of Sunlitpaw's stomach, thinking about potentially forcing Downypaw to recount events they didn't want to. The thought to say 'nevermind' and dismiss the other apprentice pressed at the forefront of her thoughts, so forcefully it almost stemmed a headache with the phantom pressure against her skull. Bicolored ears flipped back, a brief silence sitting heavy between the two. Or, well, maybe it only felt heavy to Sunlitpaw - always weighing their options, always aggressively seeking the easiest path to trek.

In their ponderance, their tongue moved without their thoughts. "What was it like?" A stupid, almost too forward question tumbled out. Fern green eyes blinked rapidly in surprise, toes flexing from where they were tucked beneath their tail. "I mean, uh - I mean - what I meant was -" the apprentice snatches their tongue between unstained teeth, exhaling a deep breath around them. Downypaw was... well, not quite a friend, but friendly at the very least. Sunlitpaw had grown up around them, sat on opposite sides as their other siblings quarreled. Normally a combination of Pinkpaw and... any of Sunlitpaw's littermates. Downypaw's presence didn't grip at their heart with worry the way most warriors did. Sunlitpaw draws in a deep breath. Downypaw was owed a more collected side of Sunlitpaw, the same side she would give Featherpaw or Wolfsong. "Sorry. How... hard, was it? How was training? Was Sootspot... harsh? Do you still learn to fight, as a tunneller?"

Sunlitpaw pauses, worrying their lip between their teeth. They wanted to lead into it, they didn't want to smack the other with such an unwelcomed question so quickly but - Sunlitpaw didn't want to prolong what might be an issue to Downypaw, either. "Were you scared, when you escaped? How did you?" How were you so brave? A question Sunlitpaw desperately wishes to ask so many, but she can't find the words on her tongue. They remain fuzzy thoughts in her head, struggling to pull together as even a concept for the apprentice to recognize.
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• 

• 

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by no-one
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstride x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length tags
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[downyfur]

Sunlitpaw is nervous; that much they can tell. They don't bother hiding it, like Downypaw, or maybe they were just incapable of doing so. Maybe they're just so large they lose track their own body, and anxiety bleeds from overlooked cracks yawning silently from their acreage of pelt. Downypaw doubts it's the case, but she pities them nonetheless. The apprentice has become better at hiding her own own misgivings, sealed tightly with a bland smile and guileless eyes, yet never quite at rest beneath. Their problems seem to buzz in the silence between the two, sudden, trivial worries jumping into their ears like fleas. What does she want with me? Sunlitpaw seemed a little too tense for this to be a mere social call, but they couldn't write off the possibility of them just always being this way when friendly.

As if to compensate for the momentary pause, their request is delivered slightly quickly. Sunlitpaw almost seems startled by the words fleeing their mouth, though not as startled as Downypaw, who blinks back at them in confusion. The tri-colored feline proceeds to stumble over their next words, as though tripping on a too-large tongue. They almost want to say something to them, something like "take your time," but whatever comes to mind feels vaguely patronizing and undeliverable in general, so they deign to awkwardly wait until Sunlitpaw regained their bearings.

The next thing out of Sunlitpaw's mouth is an apology. "It's okay." Sootspot would've probably chided her if she presented herself as anything but a competent shadow of his. Still, too well does she understand the instinctual need to apologize and the childish desire to be reassured. "Um." Sunlitpaw was not a warrior, so this could not be an interrogation. Downypaw was not one to bask in the attention of their peers, but a single other's interest in them did make them feel a little good. A little wanted, a little seen.

They recline into a sit, mirroring their conversational partner with their tail curled upon their paws. "Sootspot was good to me." If "good" was defined as not making their life particularly worse, then he was good and has always been good. "But, um, if you're just asking about tunneling..." Wasn't Singedpaw a tunneler? They don't bring it up to them for fear of turning them away though. "I guess? Scorchstreak definitely knows how to fight. Um. I sparred with Bearpaw too, once," they offer, shrugging with a half-smile.

Sunlitpaw presses a little deeper, into the question and into her lips. "Was I...?" Oh. They want to be regaled with the tale of a daring escape, of fighting off legions of Sootstar's warriors while deftly navigating the labyrinth below their slavering notice. Downypaw fights to keep the smile from slipping off her face. "Cottonfang was the leader of it, really," they admit, twisting an ear back. "I sort of just followed along." The girl pauses. "It was scary. We only had maybe ten heartbeats before Bluefrost alerted everyone. Well, Bluefrost gave us the heart start, actually." Deep blues study the apprentice before them. "Did you know? She doesn't seem like she'd tell anyone," they meow somewhat conspiratorially. It makes them a little guilty, revealing such a private moment between their savior and her sister, but it made for intriguing conversation.​