private swindle // fam pt

[pinefeather]

Admittedly, he's not put much thought into it - gender was and still is an elusive concept to him. Some cats understand themselves since birth, while he... simply put, doesn't. Which he knows isn't too big of a deal. Everyone has their own opinions and vices, worries and cares - and frankly put, it's not often that his own weighs so heavily on his self representation. But even Pipitpaw cannot ignore that something's always felt a little... off, so to say, and with allowing himself to interact with his peers more often... he thinks he can spare the concept more than a few fleeting thoughts.

Gathering his family is the easy part, he finds. His siblings were done with their daily training, his mother helps with the queens all day, and his father... well, Beetleback is around, and though Pipitpaw is still getting used to him, he doesn't want the tom to miss the event. Nonetheless the hard part, he finds, is to even start the conversation. Pipitpaw has grown to be a very factual cat, and so speaking with feelings just isn't easy to him.

"I don't think I'm Pipitpaw anymore," he says, bluntly, plainly. His paws itch, and though he knows his family will not shun him, he still feels prickles of... anxiety, is this? "I'm... I am having trouble with my - my me, right now. I'm a he still, I think, but being just he doesn't sit right. Maybe... maybe I want to be her sometimes - or, or - them...?" the chocolate apprentice frowns, frustration with his(?) own emotion evident in his(??) expression. But he(???) presses forward, "I will work through it on my own time, but if you all could use other pronouns with me sometimes... So that I can see how I feel with them, I would appreciate that." She(!) blinks. And for a moment, she feels better. Not okay, not perfectly, but better.

"On the topic of my name - I want to ask Orangestar to change it. But I've no ideas - do any of you have some?" They flick a folded ear, watching the expressions of their family.​

 

[BEETLEBACK]

Talk about awkwarrrrdd. He grumbles internally as he sits next to Mottledove. He isn't sure why Pipitpaw called for him and he assumed it was to lead him to another warrior that asked for him. When the apprentice led him to Mottledove, panic begin to rise and orange eyes nervously darted anywhere else. Both he and the molly had spoken before and she hadn't forgiven him not that he asked for it. There was no dramatic story of him getting on his knees and begging for her to forgive him and give then a second chance nor was there a moment where she cried and took him back. That they would work on whatever problems they had together and become a proper family. The warrior is not too sure the queen knew about this and was okay with it, but he figured it was bets not to ask. I don't want to push my luck as it is. All he offers is a bashful wave of his paw towards the molly before sitting next to her.

Aspenpaw and Pollenpaw are present as well. We look like a family. Such a thought makes him feel ill. Not towards them mind you, but towards himself. While he is their father, being surrounded by his former mate and her kits makes him keenly aware that he is the outsider here. There is no place for him here. He had given that up a long time ago. Is this what you wanted? Thankfully, Pipitpaw pulls him from his thoughts. Although it was something he had never expected. H-huh?! Whaddya mean? The blue tom tilts his head, brows narrowed and maw slightly agape as if to emphasize his confusion. He can't even stop himself from looking at Mottledove as if silently asking if she knew what this was about before returning his attention towards Pipitpaw.

He doesn't quite understand what Pipitpaw is trying to say, although it seems that both he and Pipitpaw are lost. For different reasons yes, but he can empathize. I don't have much say in this. Mottledove made that very clear, so I'm not sure why I was brought here. This is the only time I would have any say though. After all, Pipit came to us. Not just her mother for an opinion. Before he can answer, Pipitpaw drops another bombshell. They wish to change their name. Now, Beetleback wouldn't be against it. After all, he had changed his name not too long ago. The problem is how Mottledove would take it. She named them after all. Had Beetleback been given the chance to name them at their birth he would most definitely not name them after himself. Thus, breaking the tradition in his family where the eldest would be given their fathers name. Living under you father's shadow was never fun. He understands that more than anyone.

A smile curls on his lips, "Why so nervous not Pipitpaw? I can't speak for your ma here, but if you would prefer to use she or them who cares what anyone else thinks? You're not changing them for anyone else and if ya are, then I'm going to beat 'em to a pulp! A name and what pronouns you go by is for you. To make you feel more like you." Pardon him for joking around a little. He only wishes to lighten the mood. To make this more comfortable for Mottledove's kit.

Names huh... Orange eyes narrow in thought while looking at the chocolate tabby before him. "Hmmm.... Well are you trying to keep the bird theme? Like Sparrowpaw or Finchpaw? Or tree names like Alderpaw, Pinepaw, Oakpaw... There's a lot of names, so it'll be a challenge to narrow it down. I know you're still trying to figure stuff out, but what name are you looking for? One that sounds cool? Themes? Something you like?"