- May 29, 2024
- 29
- 5
- 3
BUT MAYBE THAT'S A LIE
"i want to sp-spar with you. now."
his voice is quiet but he is very steady in how he stands in front of the apprentice who is laying down. he doesn't care. he doesn't care what they're doing, or why they're doing it. he has to be better. he has to be able to fight. to win. to defeat. he csnt do that if he cant spar others. he may just be setting himself up for more humiliation, but his brain wouldn't let him care. his need to win takes over any logic. he isn't rational, somewhere in his body he knows this is stupid just like the other spars were, but he just can't care.
he has a moment within him where he wants to back down. he wsnts to retreat to the tunnels where he's gotten so much quiet and peace from. but... he doesn't. his claws dig into the dirt, and he only stares at his own paws, no longer able to look at brackenpaw. he's not confrontational. he doesn't think he'd even had approached her had she not talked to him before. even now, asking for a spar of all things, he doesn't want to truly look at her. what if she says no? what if she laughs at him? laughs in his face? he thinks he's so insecure that if she laughs, or told him no, he wouldn't recover. he needs this. he needs to feel like he can do something, even when he can't.
"...pl-please?"
underneath the blanket of anger, he is kind. he just cant seem to control the heat that boils within his stomach and how he lashes out. he hates feeling angry.
his voice is quiet but he is very steady in how he stands in front of the apprentice who is laying down. he doesn't care. he doesn't care what they're doing, or why they're doing it. he has to be better. he has to be able to fight. to win. to defeat. he csnt do that if he cant spar others. he may just be setting himself up for more humiliation, but his brain wouldn't let him care. his need to win takes over any logic. he isn't rational, somewhere in his body he knows this is stupid just like the other spars were, but he just can't care.
he has a moment within him where he wants to back down. he wsnts to retreat to the tunnels where he's gotten so much quiet and peace from. but... he doesn't. his claws dig into the dirt, and he only stares at his own paws, no longer able to look at brackenpaw. he's not confrontational. he doesn't think he'd even had approached her had she not talked to him before. even now, asking for a spar of all things, he doesn't want to truly look at her. what if she says no? what if she laughs at him? laughs in his face? he thinks he's so insecure that if she laughs, or told him no, he wouldn't recover. he needs this. he needs to feel like he can do something, even when he can't.
"...pl-please?"
underneath the blanket of anger, he is kind. he just cant seem to control the heat that boils within his stomach and how he lashes out. he hates feeling angry.