- Jul 20, 2022
- 160
- 19
- 18
I WANT SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS
Today was the day. Yup. He was gonna walk right up to them and open his mouth, and if it backfired and he ended up sounding like a total idiot, well, that was fine. Well, not fine, but he was willing to live with it. He'd been in Windclan for weeks now, and while he still wasn't considered a full warior yet, the copper-gold tomcat was no longer feeling as out of place. He had been watching the other cats like a hawk since the day he joined, trying to figure out where the boundaies and expectations were before he overstepped or failed to meet them, and if he was in the mood to bet he would go so far as to say it was working. Sootstar no longer seemed as formidable toward him, and Hyacinth, despite remaining as sharp as ever, no longer seemed to regard him with open suspicion. He was working hard and his patience and willingness to be pushed around just a little was allowing him to win over the cats around him, slowly but surely.
But there was still one part of all of this he still had to overcome. One vital piece of the puzzle he had not managed to find yet.
Dusk had never been a coward. He couldn't afford to be. If you didn't fight and claw and play dirty then you didn't survive, it was as simple as that. And while it wasn't the path he would have chosen, it was the only path he now knew. Coming to Windclan meant he had to unlearn so much of what he thought he knew, things that had been certainties in his world. In fact, it was almost the complete opposite of everything he'd know, which might be why he was so eager to belong. And through it all his bravery had remained, unshaken. He had braved twoleg place in all its chaos, carving out a place for himself among stray cats and dogs, roaring cars, and more humans than he knew what to do with. He'd later braved the moors, facing starvation as he taught himself to hunt live prey as he bounced between the fields and twoleg place. And he'd braved Windclan, seeking out their border and enduring all the skepticism and coldness.
So why was he having such a hard time trying to talk to someone?
It was almost laughable that it was taking him this long to get his shit together and just go start a conversation with another cat, but every time he tried he found himself hesitating. Nine times out of ten his interactions with the other Windclanners were started by them, and he wasn't too sure how to initiate it himself. No, scratch that- he knew how to initiate it. All he had to do was walk over and say hello, but every time he worked up the nerve to try, he found himself overcome with this deep wrongness. Because where he grew up this sort of thing wasn't normal. You didn't just go near the other cats. You didn't play friendly with them or show them trust or kindness. And no matter how much he wanted to do those things, he just couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to come back and bite him in the end.
This is stupid. Your acting ridiculous, just walk over there and open your stupid mouth. go!
Nowhere near as confident as he casual stride made him appear to be, Dusk took the plunge and made his way over before he could stop himself. He was already in motion now, and if he suddenly turned back then his clanmates would think he was stupid or something. So he crossed the sandy hollow that they now called camp until he reached the shady spot that Inky had found for themselves. He came to a stop before them, clearly his throat softly as he shifted on his paws, uncertain. But he'd seen the other cats do this with each other hundreds of times by now, right? He just had to do the same things..
"Um, hey Inky." he greeted, hoping the other couldn't hear the nerves in his tone. "You, um- do you want some company?" he asked, hating the way his words tripped over themselves. He felt stupid, and he was pretty sure he sounded stupid too, but he stood there all the same, ears burning in ambaressment as he waited for the others response.
But there was still one part of all of this he still had to overcome. One vital piece of the puzzle he had not managed to find yet.
Dusk had never been a coward. He couldn't afford to be. If you didn't fight and claw and play dirty then you didn't survive, it was as simple as that. And while it wasn't the path he would have chosen, it was the only path he now knew. Coming to Windclan meant he had to unlearn so much of what he thought he knew, things that had been certainties in his world. In fact, it was almost the complete opposite of everything he'd know, which might be why he was so eager to belong. And through it all his bravery had remained, unshaken. He had braved twoleg place in all its chaos, carving out a place for himself among stray cats and dogs, roaring cars, and more humans than he knew what to do with. He'd later braved the moors, facing starvation as he taught himself to hunt live prey as he bounced between the fields and twoleg place. And he'd braved Windclan, seeking out their border and enduring all the skepticism and coldness.
So why was he having such a hard time trying to talk to someone?
It was almost laughable that it was taking him this long to get his shit together and just go start a conversation with another cat, but every time he tried he found himself hesitating. Nine times out of ten his interactions with the other Windclanners were started by them, and he wasn't too sure how to initiate it himself. No, scratch that- he knew how to initiate it. All he had to do was walk over and say hello, but every time he worked up the nerve to try, he found himself overcome with this deep wrongness. Because where he grew up this sort of thing wasn't normal. You didn't just go near the other cats. You didn't play friendly with them or show them trust or kindness. And no matter how much he wanted to do those things, he just couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to come back and bite him in the end.
This is stupid. Your acting ridiculous, just walk over there and open your stupid mouth. go!
Nowhere near as confident as he casual stride made him appear to be, Dusk took the plunge and made his way over before he could stop himself. He was already in motion now, and if he suddenly turned back then his clanmates would think he was stupid or something. So he crossed the sandy hollow that they now called camp until he reached the shady spot that Inky had found for themselves. He came to a stop before them, clearly his throat softly as he shifted on his paws, uncertain. But he'd seen the other cats do this with each other hundreds of times by now, right? He just had to do the same things..
"Um, hey Inky." he greeted, hoping the other couldn't hear the nerves in his tone. "You, um- do you want some company?" he asked, hating the way his words tripped over themselves. He felt stupid, and he was pretty sure he sounded stupid too, but he stood there all the same, ears burning in ambaressment as he waited for the others response.
windclan warrior - male - 17 months - homosexual - polyamorous - single - tall, strong bengal tomcat
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