talking to the moon || howlingstar

[lily pad]

When Tempest Moon first passed, Lily was sure she'd never heal. At first, she worked herself to the bone, ensuring that she never had a waking moment unoccupied. Predictably, she wasn't able to maintain that for long. The next half-moon was mostly spent curled up in the warriors den or medicine den. Slowly, she started to heal. She started hunting again. She held conversations with clanmates other than her family. She even started smiling.

Two seasons had passed since then, and despite what she initially expected, Lily was mostly okay. She still saw Tempest in the eyes of her daughters, especially now that Lakemoon had received a warrior name that honored her. She still had nights where she desperately missed curling up with Tempest. She still just missed Tempest. Overall, however, things had returned to normal.

What surprised Lily the most was the guilt that came with healing. She was able to smile and laugh, and Tempest wasn't. How was she able to return to normal when Tempest wasn't there? Didn't that mean she didn't truly care for Tempest, at least not as much as she claimed?

Today, Lily Pad was particularly guilt-ridden, and she did the only thing she knew to do. She sought out her mom. Not only was Howlingstar always there for Lily, she'd also lost a mate herself. If anyone knew how Lily felt, it was Howling.

Upon finding her, Lily pressed her cheek against Howling's side. "Hey mom. Can we talk?"

After her mother's response, Lily settled down and asked, "After losing dad, when did you start feeling like things returned to normal?"​

[ earth girl ]​

@HOWLINGSTAR

 

[HOWLINGSTAR]

It had been wonderful to see her daughter shine once more. Losing her mate had been understandably hard on her, and while Howlingstar had done her best to support her while she grieved, she cannot fix it. Mourning is something everyone must do for a loved one, and there's no shortcuts, no easy way out. Your heart must break before it can heal again.

When Lily Pad approaches, the tabby purrs and rubs her cheek affectionately against her daughter's. "Of course!" She mews gently, already moving to a more private place so they can talk. She casts a glance around them, ensuring no one is nearby to listen in as she settles onto her haunches. "What is it, Lily?"

She listens with pricked ears, brows knit with understanding as the other tabby asks her question. Offering a bittersweet smile, she thinks for a moment before mewing, "Well...that's a hard question. My life hasn't been normal every since your father passed. I've just...learned to live with the changes. I've made happiness in what I can. I focused on my family, my grandchildren when they arrived. But I will never forget your father, I will always love him, and moving on to live a happy life doesn't mean I don't love him any less."​

 

[lily pad]

Of course, everything that Howlingstar said made sense. Lily had started to adapt to this new way of life, and that was okay. She knew that, she really did, but that didn't stop the guilt. Lily nodded silently as her mother finished speaking.

After a pause, she said, "Do you ever feel guilty for moving on to that happy life?"​

[ earth girl ]​

 

[HOWLINGSTAR]

Howlingstar's brow furrows as she gazes at her daughter. She supposes these questions are coming for a reason, and the mother's heart aches for her daughter. She shouldn't feel guilty about being happy. Shaking her head, she murmurs, "No, I don't. Gray Wolf loved me and all of you kits, and he would want us to live our lives as happily as we could while he waits for us in the stars." She shifts her tail over her paws, staring at Lily Pad with worried eyes for a moment. "Is there a reason you're asking me this, Lily?" She trills softly. She wants the tabby to be able to come to her about anything that may plague her mind. That's what mothers are for, after all.​