camp Tell me how I’m supposed to be forgiven (recovering from fox attack)

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

Tybalt lay curled in his nest in the medicine den, his fractured foreleg stuck out in front of him at an uncomfortable angle after it had been splinted into place. He shouldn't be here. He should be out working. At least then he'd be able to get away from the camp again. He'd grown used to spending much of his time alone again. Being surrounded by cats again made him tense and agitated. And this time he couldn't even get up to leave.

Tybalt tried to stand, ignoring the pain in his injured leg, and then collapsing to the ground again as he lost his balance. Apprentices had been hurt, warriors too, and all he'd been able to do was just stand there and stare. Shame washed over him as he lay there.

He'd never backed down from a fight before. Not for anything. Usually he was the first to strike. He had never, ever, just stood there and stared. Not once. He'd always accepted the risk of dying. Until now. Why was now any different? His father was gone.
There was nothing left for that fox to take. And yet, he hadn't even been able to move! Cherrypaw had had to come to his rescue! An apprentice! His apprentice! Even worse!

He wasn't afraid of foxes. He wasn't afraid of anything.

Was he?

 

[Cherrypaw [in.]]

"THAT'S WHEN STRANGE SENSATIONS, START TO GROW"​

---

"You're awake." The familiar voice echoes from the medicine den's entrance as Cherrypaw steps inside, ducking his head down through the crack to view his old mentor properly. His face was unreadable, just as strangely stone-faced as Tybalt's was, but worry still clung to his chest like cobwebs. He watches as Tybalt struggled to get up, and a soft sigh slips from him. Did he not even want to heal?

He steps forward to sit next to Tybalt, giving him space still, but there's too many questions he has unanswered to leave him be for so long. Finally, he has a chance to talk to him again, and yet, all it seemed was that Tybalt was ashamed for his rescue. His eyes narrowed.
"Why did you leave? What was so important that you had to leave camp every morning and only come back when you have to? Where have you been going, Tybalt?" The questions spurted from his mouth before he could even begin to give his mentor a moment to respond. He loved his mentor and the talks he'd have with him, but the idea of leaving Crowflower after hardly a week's training didn't sit right in his stomach, and he had no intentions of going back on his words now.

"You know it worries me--why did you up and vanish so quickly?"​

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[Moonwhisper]

"His name is Stagstrike. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe Tybalt works perfectly. A loner name." Perfect name for a disloyal cat, Moonpaw thought the other was just struggling to adjust to clanlife but he'd been here long enough it was deliberate now. The refusal of his name, supposedly vanishing and neglecting his own apprentice constantly. Now here he was making more work for her uncle by being an annoying patient, wasting resources and time. Her nose was up as she stalked into the den, she had only been fetching moss for Berryheart as told and overhearing the discussion she can't help but say something herself. Cherrypaw deserved better, Cherrypaw was going to make a fine warrior with Crowflower's help and not this tom who brought strange cats to camp and rejected the name her was given from their previous leader.
"Stop moving and stay in your nest so you heal. You think you know better than Berryheart? You think you know better than our medicine cat StarClan chose themselves?"
​

 

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

Cherrypaw's voice drew Tybalt's attention, and the red ad white tom sat next to him before continuing, pelting him with questions. Questions he had every right to know the answers to, and yet Tybalt had no answers to give him. Cherrypaw had every right to be angry with him. "I left because..." he trailed off, resting his chin on his paws. He didn't have an answer. His sense of belonging had begun to wilt when Emberstar had died, and so he'd thrown himself into his work. As if doing so might carve out a place for him. A better one, from the old one that now seemed to be closing in on him.

"I'm sorry, Cherrypaw," he finished quietly. "I needed to work through things alone, and I neglected you in the process. It wasn't your fault, and you didn't deserve it. You have every right to be upset with me." He curled his tail around himself. "You'll do well under Crowflower. And I'm proud of you regardless, not that it changes what I did. During your training or during the fox attack."

Moonpaw then appeared, both to scold him and to grumble about his name. Tybalt's ears swiveled in her direction as she spoke, but he didn't turn to look at her. A low growl rumbled in his throat at her comments on his name, but the usual anger that would have sparked in his eyes was noticeably absent. Not because he wasn't angry. He was just too drained to snap at her.

"I dont believe he was speaking to you," Tybalt said as he turned to face her. "You can call me whatever you want. But my name is my own." He had no intention of dropping it. "Don't you have something else to do instead of badgering me?"

Moonpaw had scarcely spoken to him before now, and he wasn't interested in talking with her. Looking past the apprentice, he watched his clanmates milling about outside. It had been so long since the camp had felt like home, but the numerous other homes he'd had weren't home anymore either.

 

[Cherrypaw [in.]]

"THAT'S WHEN STRANGE SENSATIONS, START TO GROW"​

---

Hearing Tybalt admit he was proud of him only bore mixed feelings in Cherrypaw. As much as he was grateful to hear it, especially since Tybalt had taught him much about his fighting skills and had helped him so far, he couldn't help the soft sting of hurt thinking about it. He glances over at Moonpaw as she speaks, and while he too can feel the bubble of heat rise up in his chest, telling him to defend his mentor, he could not deny one thing for sure: it was completely disrespectful to reject the clan's customs, especially after having been in ThunderClan for much longer than Cherrypaw has.
"I'm grateful you're proud of my accomplishments, but Moonpaw does bring up a good point. When you had first told me your name was Tybalt, I thought it was simply because that's what everyone called you--like a kind of nickname. But now I see it is no nickname." He glances over at Moonpaw as he speaks, before glancing back at his mentor with a frown. "You reject your clan name in favor of your own name--the same clan name that Emberstar had given you, right? Why is it that you still reject it? You speak of troubles, and yet you do not talk to anyone about it, let alone me."

"I understand if you didn't want to talk to anyone--but I feel as though communicating to me that you were having troubles to begin with would've been a better idea--so I ask you now. What bothers you so much to separate yourself from the rest of the clan, thinking that'll do you any good?"​

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[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

"I don't reject it," Tybalt rumbled. The fur along the back of his neck prickled briefly, and then lay flat again as he forced it down. He didn't want to fight. At least not with Cherrypaw. But the constant questioning of his name never ceased to aggravate him. His name was important to him. And his desire to keep it didn't make him disloyal. But no one seemed to understand that, no matter how many times he explained it to them.

"It's a good name, and if it keeps cats at ease they're welcome to use it for me. I don't mind it as a formality. But the name my parents gave me is all I have left of them. It's important to me. Even Emberstar recognized that after a time and used it when she spoke to me. And I don't think my desire to use it alongside my clan name has anything to do with my loyalty."

And then Cherrypaw was asking about what had been bothering him, and Tybalt closed his eyes for a moment. "Around the same time Emberstar died, and more of our clanmates started to disappear, I started keeping my distance and keeping busier. It's just...how I deal with things. Always has been. And you suffered because of it, and I'm sorry.

 

[Cherrypaw [in.]]

"THAT'S WHEN STRANGE SENSATIONS, START TO GROW"​

---

Slowly, he settles back onto his haunches as he listens to Tybalt's explanation. So my first assumption was technically right... he wonders to himself, glancing off to the side. He didn't blame his mentor, either, for being so defensive about it after so many cats before him and Moonpaw had likely questioned him on the matter--and Tybalt had a point. The name one decided to take had nothing to do with their loyalty to their clan; to accuse him of being disloyal would only further alienate him, wouldn't it? Guilt burns the bottom of his paws, and he glances back at Tybalt now, facing him properly.

"Thank you for explaining this to me, Tybalt. I'm sorry I assumed you didn't want your clan name--I understand now, what it means to you. I don't think I'd want the name my parents gave me to change, either, even if I appreciated the name given to me." He nods, further listening to his answer. It was a good thing Tybalt didn't seem to mind his persistent questioning.

"To be so used to isolation that you prefer the stillness of silence... I get that, in a way. I've never fully understood my sister's desire to constantly be around Wildheart or her other friends, I always preferred working on my own..." He quiets for a few moments, thinking about something, then faces Tybalt with a new look of determination in his eyes, a stark contrast to the usually reserved veneer he took on most of the time.

"I don't plan on changing mentors again, not after Crowflower promised to take me in as her own apprentice. It'd be cruel to her to pull such a stunt after having gone through so much trouble for me. You were a good mentor to me, and I'm sure your next apprentice will benefit greatly from your teaching. But I'm done trying to be friends with someone who doesn't show up to their own apprentice's training lessons."
"This clan will be here to support you, and so will I--even when you distance yourself from them. We are still clanmates, are we not? Why should I judge you for your past, when I was never clan-born in the first place?" With this, he sighs, beginning to turn away.

"I appreciate your honesty, Tybalt, and I will still be here even if I am no longer your apprentice. But I'm tired of this. I hope you find what you're looking for."

Cherrypaw turns away, padding out of the den with his tail low and heart heavy.
​

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