private TELL ME I’M NOT DYING // Tybalt

[Marigoldpaw]

Lately, Marigoldpaw has been feeling…neglected. Despite how hard it is for him to allow himself to open up, it also feels like outside of himself, no one truly cares to interact with him either. He always hopes that someone will come along and try to crack him open, but it just doesn’t happen. Of course, any relationship is a two way street, but even so…

As he continues to be lost in thought, it isn’t long before he spots Tybalt. As per the norm, the fawn tom is all by himself. Even though he’s always in the same spot, Marigoldpaw wonders just how he copes with it. Maybe he doesn’t even have to, and actually enjoys the loneliness. He longs to be content with his life like that.

Well, there’s only one thing he can do, unless he wants to continue to suffer in silence. And that is almost as painful as letting his guard down; a more tolerable pain, but still hurts nonetheless. At least Stagstrike is someone he trusts fully. “Tybalt,” he says in greeting, dipping his head.

“Sorry to bother you. I just don’t know who else to talk about this with. Maybe Howlingstar, but she’s not you.” Tybalt is the closest thing he has to family anymore, now that Wrenflutter is gone. “I just wondered, how you are so… content with not getting attached? I don’t know what to do about my strong need for connection.”​

 

[Tybalt [Stagstrike]]

A soft purr rumbled in Tybalt's throat as Marigoldpaw approached him, but the sound faltered as he noticed the look in the younger tom's eyes. Something was troubling him, and he swept his tail around the smaller cat as Marigoldpaw sat next to him. "You're never bothering me," he told him, reaching out a forepaw to lightly ruffle the fur between the mink point's ears.

He blinked, suprised by Marigoldpaw's question. Mostly because it wasn't true--not really, anyway. He craved connection as much as any cat did, but it was something he rarely found these days. At times he was uncertain why exactly he stayed in ThunderClan at all. It was a place ruled by traditions and laws he often didn't understand. But at the end of it all, he at least had Marigoldpaw, and that was one more cat by his side than he had started with. And perhaps for now, that was enough.

"I'm not," he admitted after a moment. "I just..." He trailed off. "ThunderClan is hard for me to understand sometimes. Harder than it is for most other cats, I guess. I didn't grow up here. I didn't like other city cats, but I understood how they worked. They weren't always kind, but why should they have been? They were just trying to survive the way we all were. I could never go back, not after..." He swallowed, blinking quickly at the memory of his mother. "...After everything. But at least there things made sense to me. I don't know if ThunderClan has ever really made sense to me. At least not in the ways I wanted it to."

Tybalt sighed, looking apologetically at Marigoldpaw. "I doubt that was the answer you were looking for. I'm sorry I'm not more useful."

 

[Marigoldpaw]

Nerves are quelled briefly as Tybalt ruffles Marigoldpaw’s fur, and he feels like he belongs for the first time in awhile. Even if the topic at hand is not as pretty, he’s glad at the admission that he is not in fact bothering his father figure. “I’m glad…” He says, voice quiet, as it’s still an effort to be forthright. He starts to purr too at the affection, though it’s partially involuntary.

The answer that Stagstrike gives him is as unsatisfactory as he claims, but it still makes the yellow apprentice think. At least wanting company is something that everyone feels, even him. Marigoldpaw doesn’t exactly understand not getting ThunderClan since it’s all he’s known, but not belonging is something he does get.

“Hmm… it’s alright. It’s a hard question I asked. I just… I want friends, but other cats infuriate me most of the time. Even so, I just want someone my age I’m close to! And I don’t know how to make friends, so I…” Marigoldpaw’s head falls, and he huffs an angry breath. He knows he’s the problem, but it’s still frustrating.​