TELL ME WHY ☼ QUESTIONS

[DIMMINGSUN]

The way home drags. Usually, Dimmingsun is happy to return after a long or particularly tiring day; to collapse in a whirl of kicked-up dust and fall asleep is a hard-earned reward he rarely fails to partake in. Tonight, though... he doubts he will manage to get even a wink of sleep.

Slateheart walks beside him, silent as ever. The scene is set — and it feels too familiar to another. Truthfully, this shared moment of silence should not feel nearly as heavy as it is. Nobody had died, with or without reason, and the pair has all of their limbs intact. WindClan will not lose more warriors under the cover of this particular night... but the air brims with tension that is thick enough to choke them both.

Dimmingsun has nobody to blame but himself- again. He had chosen to go after Slateheart, and now he struggles to cope with what he had witnessed. Concern might have been his primary motive, but... well, everyone knows what they say about good intentions.

"So," he croaks into the night chill. His throat feels like it might have gotten clogged with dust, the way it struggles against that simple word. What to say... what not to say. Dimmingsun cannot possibly pretend nothing had happened. He leaves Slateheart with the opportunity to decide for himself with a simple opener; "Don't you love her?"

@slateheart

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[slateheart]

It's a familiar, shameful walk. Another day he wished he could have shrunk into nothing. A day in which he wished he could turn back time - or predict the future. Between Slateheart and his friend hangs an uncomfortable, awkward silence.. and once again, he feels it is due to his own foolishness.

What if Dimmingsun hates him? What if he disowns him as a friend? What if he tells? What would he even say - that Slateheart had a RiverClan mate, that he was betraying WindClan all this time? An uneasy side-eye is given to his friend who, unbeknownst to him, is sifting through his own thoughts. Would Dimmingsun do that to him?

The golden warrior's voice comes out raspy and unnatural. The force if it hits Slateheart like a rock, making him wince, and he turns his gaze back again to the ground before him. Don't you love her? Well, Gladefrost loves him - she made that clear enough. She had given him an out, and he feels indebted to take it still. " No, " Slateheart responds, a tad more harsh than intended. But.. insincere and uncertain, just as he felt.

Maybe Dimmingsun knows he's lying as soon as he speaks. Slateheart's ears burn as he shakes his head, shakes away the betrayal. " I - look, she.. " a heavy sigh escapes him. " Gladefrost.. she tended to me in the beech copse. We just.. clicked. " That's when they met - he remembers fondly how easily they talked, and how quickly he took to liking her presence.

A few moments of silence pass, and he's deliberating his next words. " Then I.. tried to save her from Twolegs. It was Gladefrost that I stayed with, after the capture.. We saved each other, and we were there for each other. " They had told stories, shared their past, their similarities and their differences. He had comforted her, and she comforted him - they had shared warmth in those chilly nights, saving each other from the fear of their captors.

Finally, Slateheart looks up again to see Dimmingsun, listening intently. " How can I just.. forget that? How can I not think about her after that? " It had driven him to deep sorrow to think that she had forgotten him. He searches Dimmingsun's eyes, for any sign of empathy or understanding - please, understand, he wills in his mind, in his gaze.

SLATEHEART ( he/him )​

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( ooc ) text

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[DIMMINGSUN]

Just like before, Slateheart denies it all. Dimmingsun wants nothing more than to take him for his word — to fervently nod and rejoice on this common ground, and to get back home without a single problem between them. Maybe if Slateheart had left it at that, there would be a chance... but he continues, goes back on everything he had just said, and Dimmingsun can't decide if he would prefer a flimsy lie or the hard truth.

He stops in his tracks, unable to even think about the normally natural act of putting one paw in front of the other. His gaze finds Slateheart; poor, troubled Slateheart, and wishes there was a way to rid his friend of all this turmoil.

Gladefrost, he says, and Dimmingsun feels guilty for the way he tucks that name away in the back of his mind. It is just, if he thinks of himself as a proper lead warrior... but it is cruel, if he remembers that Slateheart is a dear friend, and yet Dimmingsun had promised Gladefrost to see her again at Gatherings. A warning by all definition. Now, he has not only her appearance, but her name — and Dimmingsun has the unwilling power to ruin her life in front of her leader... but in doing so, he would condemn Slateheart in much the same way.

"I won't pretend to understand," he says, feeling the discomfort of a pregnant pause after Slateheart finishes talking. Really, he can't. Dimmingsun has never pursued love very much, willingly or not... maybe he had sought the comfort beside another's flank during tumultuous times, but it had never amounted to anything in the end. He certainly could not imagine feeling anything but distrust towards anyone outside of WindClan.

He looks at Slateheart like the two had just gotten into a long fight, and Dimmingsun had been defeated. "It's just... I worry for you." That's what lead them to this moment anyhow. "I don't want Sunstar to find out. You don't deserve to get exiled like Snakehiss."

The comparison itself is unnerving. Would Sunstar view Slateheart as a traitor, and cast him out without hesitation?

Dimmingsun pretends not to feel the pang when Slateheart confesses the connection he had built with Gladefrost. It feels like jealousy, almost — why did he feel understood by a RiverClanner? Was Dimmingsun not enough? Childish, for sure, and he does not intend to let it show... aside from a frustrated sigh. "It's all so unfair, isn't it?"

And then, for whatever reason, Dimmingsun utters more than he ever thought he would. "I'm sorry. I don't want... I don't want this to change anything. Between us." It feels like an offering — Slateheart has every right to scoff at him and turn tail, to tell him he's already changed everything by deciding to follow. The secret would weigh the both of them down, no doubt... but surely, sharing it in unison rather than pretending the other does not exist anymore would be so much easier.
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[slateheart]

Slateheart looks Dimmingsun in the eyes with a searching gaze of his own. How he so desperately wishes to know just what Dimmingsun is thinking. He doesn't understand - did that leave him as sympathetic, or would the lack of empathy will the lead warrior to turn him in?

" Sunstar doesn't have to find out, " Slateheart responds quickly. Ragged ears fold back and timorous eyes grow round and uncertain. He never thought he'd hear himself say such words, much less about the gilded leader. Sunstar was a hero in Slateheart's eyes; he always had been, ever since the boy was a mere apprentice. He had saved WindClan, saved him - and now, his betrayal is loud and clear. There is a secret to be had, one that could very well spell the end of his life as a WindClan warrior. To what ends would Slateheart go to ensure it is kept?

It's so unfair, isn't it? Slateheart wishes for these moments to end. He longs for the halycon days before all of this - for Dimmingsun's jovial expressions and jokes. Could they go back to that, after this? " I.. don't want things to change, either. " The kinship between them had been thus far unbroken, through thick and thin. He can't fathom a life without his dear friend, in which the two part ways and discard each other's presence, save for wistful glances as they are left to ponder how such a wedge had driven between them. It is truly his deepest fear, to be alone.. and after having a taste of closeness with another, he cannot stand the idea of living in solitude once more.

Finally, Slateheart breaks his forlorn gaze away. " I don't know what to do, " he admits. " I can't just . . get over this. " He can't pretend he's not in love, and he can't stomach to break Gladefrost's heart. But . . " . . but if this gets out.. stars, they'll never trust me again, will they? " He imagines the scorn on Sunstar's face, the refusal from Scorchstreak to entrust him on duties, the whispers and rumors that transpire between his Clanmates.. and it shakes him to his core.

Why must he tell Dimmingsun all this? He had been unfortunate enough to witness the codebreak of a close friend, responsible over a newly learned secret; and now, Slateheart must sound like his problems are Dimmingsun's to fix. The tom shakes his head, dismissing his own thoughts and uncertainties. " I'm sorry. This isn't your responsibility. I just. . " he sighs, frustrated. There is no going back, but how can he safely move forward? " I've really gotten myself in trouble this time, haven't I? You're right - it is unfair. "

SLATEHEART ( he/him )​

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( ooc ) sorry this doesn't really flow well with the past posts and the writing isn't entirely cohesive </3 i'm rusty with slate

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