private Tell me why || Howling Wind


Rabbitnose had been up all night, mind racing with thoughts of the day before. He was tired, conflicted. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel....

He wanted to know the full story about Cinderfrost. He would always be thankful to her, but he wanted to know the full extent of what she did.

And who better to ask than the deputy? Howling Wind had replied to him after he spoke at Cinderfrost's exile. She had a valid point as well, but... He just didn't quite understand.

So, he would scan the clearing for her. Frosty blue eyes spotted her across the way, and he strode on over to her.

"Hello, Howling Wind." He greeted her with a smile. "I....was wondering if I could ask you something...?" He continued.

"I....was wondering if you could tell me more about Cinderfrost. I want to understand exactly what she did and why she's so hated. I know it's said she took Emberstar's first life, but...." He tilted his head. "I don't know the whole story on that?"

@HOWLING WIND
 
Howling Wind has just finished a scarce meal of mouse when Rabbitnose approaches. She is hard at work grooming her paws before glancing up at the warrior, ears twitching in curiosity. He appears...nervous, and she hesitantly mews, "Sure, what is this about?" She pushes herself up into a sitting position, focus now entirely on the tom as he speaks. One can only imagine her surprise when it's about Cinderfrost, about asking for the full story. Rabbitnose had been the one to speak out against her exile, calling the decision unwise. Well, the deputy would be lying if she said she doesn't feel relieved in this moment. She can tell him everything.

"Yes," She finally mews after a few thoughtful moments, and glances around them to be sure there are no scampering kits nearby. There's no need to traumatize one of them with such a story. "Cinderfrost...she was a cat I'd known ever since she was a kit. I taught her, guided her, hunted alongside her. We were good friends, in those days. But after the Great Battle, she changed. A fight broke out between her and another, and no one saw her again after that."

"Life went on, and the clans were formed after we heeded StarClan's message to us. Emberstar claimed this forest for ThunderClan, and we thought that was that. We gathered cats, loners, kittypets. We became a true clan, you know? Emberstar, she had gone off one night. We know now it was because StarClan called her to the Moonstone to receive her nine lives. But in the morning?"
She pauses, the memory of the sight causing her claws to unsheathe and sink into the ground. She looks up towards Rabbitnose, gaze solemn. "We all heard screams, so we ran towards the sounds, and what do we see? My old friend, finally back in the forest, pinning down Emberstar's dead body. She gutted her, our leader. We- StarClan, we were about ready to drive her off then and there before life was breathed back into her, Emberstar. The nine lives, she really did have them! And Cinderfrost intended to take every single one. Up until she broke down, started screaming and crying like a maniac. I've never been more afraid of a cat." A shiver runs through her as she recalls the memory.

Drawing in a breath, she continues, "The only reason Emberstar let her stay is because StarClan chose her. But not a cat could trust her after that. Emberstar trusted her, had been leading her right back to our camp and she attacked her from behind. A coward's move." Howling Wind is watching the warrior next to her, scouting his reaction. Will he be shocked? Will he defend her still?
 

Rabbitnose was glad that Howling Wind didn't seem to harbor any ill will towards him. He certainly didn't have any towards her. He was glad that she was willing to share the story with him. He wanted to know.

And boy was he about to!

He listened quietly and attentively as she spoke, idly wondering what Cinderfrost was like as a kit. Was she a menace, or was she well behaved? He was able to push those thoughts away as he continued to listen.

He had heard stories of the great battle. He couldn't deny it's violence, how devastating it was.

"From what Ive heard about the great battle, it was.....Traumatizing for everyone." He commented. He idly wondered.....how he would change if he fought in such a battle. Would he lose his smile?

He continued to listen. He and Sunfreckle had joined somewhere around this point, he guessed. He knew it was in the early days of the clan, but not exactly when.

When Howling Wind described what Cinderfrost did to Emberstar however, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He knew it was bad, thought maybe Cinderfrost bit her throat or something. But gutted!?

"Wh...Why did she...!?" He managed, still shocked. "I had.....no idea it was like that....."

He looked off to the side as he digested this information. It was a lot. He couldn't defend Cinderfrost for her actions. But..... She still helped him. How was he supposed to feel?

"I.....can't defend her. That's..... horrible." He said finally.

" But she....She did help me and my family." He added.

".....I don't know how I'm supposed to feel." He admitted.

He had never faced conflict like this before. His life has been fairly simple before joining Thunderclan. This sort of drama was very new to him.

"Is..... Emberstar okay?" He asked. "I must have sounded like an idiot." He added.

He would find Emberstar later and talk to her, but for now, he still had to figure out himself.
 
Howling Wind watches as shock settles on her clanmate's face. Her ears fall back against her head - she almost feels guilty for the relief she feels. So, he truly didn't know the full story before. He didn't knowingly defend a cold-blooded killer. A small bit of trust she had lost in the tom builds itself back up. He didn't know, She can tell herself. He's still a loyal warrior. She can't hide the sympathy that fills her gaze, however. Rabbitnose is quite obviously distraught over the news, asking why, wondering how he should feel about her.

She stares at the ground once more, shaking her head softly. "You don't have to feel anything. She's gone now, that's what's important. She could hardly hold herself back from attacking Finchcatcher when he first arrived, and clearly couldn't stop herself from going straight for ShadowClan's medicine cat's jugular. She...became this violent, messed up version of herself that I hate." Her voice cracks with pain as she squints her eyes, recalling all of their moons of friendship, the cat she used to be. She'd do anything to have that cat back. "It's safer for everyone that she's gone. She was reckless and impulsive and unpredictable. It's just...better."

After a few moments, she blinks and looks back up at the warrior, brows knitted together. "Emberstar....hides her feelings well," She finally mews, remembering the night she found her sobbing in her nest alone. It had taken moons of nothing but pressure and pain to finally wear her down to that moment. But in front of her clanmates? She's always smiling, always brimming with cheer and acceptance. "I don't know if she's okay after that, truthfully. I can't imagine what that must have been like for her." To be living right next to the cat who tore your stomach out and happily watched the life leave your eyes...Howling Wind wouldn't be able to bear it. Emberstar is stronger than her.
 

Rabbitnose shook his head. There had to be more to the story. But... What could possibly justify those actions? The world had gotten more complicated since he joined the clan. Things were no longer black and white, it was a spectrum. It was something he wasn't prepared for.

"She must have been hurt pretty bad." He said. "Nobody is just...Born bad. Life makes them that way." He continued. "I hope....She can heal from it. And Emberstar too...You're right, I couldn't imagine what it must have been like to live alongside someone who hurt you so badly." He added.

"I may be soft....But I hope they can both one day find peace."

He sighed softly. Life was cruel to everyone without exception. Could he truly blame anyone for becoming unhinged? He would dwell on it. But he knew....No matter how hurt you are, it doesn't excuse hurting others in such a way, he knew that. All he could do was hope Cinderfrost found peace in her heart someday.

"And I understand now why you say it's better she's gone, and while it may be true, I still.....Worry. Leaf-bare is right around the corner, and Berryheart needs someone to train him..." He said. It was another point of worry for him. Berryheart just had so much weight thrust onto his shoulders. He believed in him, but surely there had to be a way to help him get the knowledge he needs to succeed. "I hope the other medicine cats are willing to teach him what they know, I cant imagine having to learn all that without guidance."





 
Howling Wind stares at the warrior, expression unreadable. She can respect the tom's good heart. He's not a bad cat, she can see now. If he'd known the full story, she's now sure he wouldn't have defended her.

She gives her a head a shake, trilling, "Cinderfrost didn't know too much about healing yet anyway, she was still training, too. The other medicine cats will share all of their knowledge with Berryheart. That's their job. He'll learn." She lets out a sigh and rolls her shoulders back, trying to relax. She hopes the she-cat can find peace someday, too. But not here. Never again here. She has caused too much harm, and any trust the tabby had placed in her was burned away. Her eyes then glint with a small bit of amusement as she glanced back towards Rabbitnose. "Thanks to you, he at least knows about yarrow and deathberries," She mrrows, laughter in her voice.