private Tell Me Your Past || Sedgerunner

[HOUNDTHISTLE]

"YOU'RE NOT A PART TIME GOD"​

Houndthistle's large shape lumbered through the moors as the sun began to dip lower in the sky, cascading it in gorgeous tones of pinks, reds, and purples before fading into a soft grayish blue in the direction of Windclan's camp, the large brute leading a smaller, lither shape behind him as he moved through the territory. The chaos of camp these last moons never seemed quite as peaceful as he wished, so many ears and eyes would likely listen in and provided difficulty of... connection without interruption. He turned curious amber eyes over his shoulder as he spoke to his companion, voice warm yet guarded as per usual, "Bit louder in camp this time of day." It was a simple explanation, but nonetheless, an explanation.

Stopping suddenly, he turned to look at Sedgerunner, sitting down as the last dying rays of sunlight touched both their pelts. "You train in the clan?" He asked, a tilt of his head giving away to the curiosity.
//it's short but ehhhhh brain is reeling from the dandy thread teehee @Sedgerunner
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[Sedgerunner]

"BUT I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR"​

A steady stride she finds herself in behind the larger warrior, virdian eyes flitting towards the plush pinks and grays of the setting sun as it returned to the peaked horizon. WindClan felt like a bundle of tension and mistrust, churning together as it cracked in the brink of chaos. Dandelionwish had exceeded in his escape, gone to only StarClan knows where. Sedgerunner keeps feeling herself perched along the fence post between the two situations, but it was clear in the skirmish she had made her choice. She chose Sootstar and WindClan. She chose these rolling moors and open sky.
She was surprised to have Houndthistle ambling at the head of her, his lolling shoulders taut with thick muscle as he moved. A gnawing anxiety nipped away at her stomach as a heavy silence fell between them as they walked, till suddenly he looks to her. She feels his presence as he looms over her, a drawl passing over his lips as he spoke. A friendly tone that had a soft smile slipping onto her lips. "Yeah, definitely! There's—uh, certainly been a lot going on." The molly would respond back with a timid sing-song voice, a nervous laugh edging her throat. Another silence falls between them, the light tension palpable in the air.
His steps falter suddenly as he fully turns himself onto her, her hyper-awareness causing her to joly from her absent thoughts. She looks at him, studying his dark features before bringing her own self into a poised sit, unable to fully relax. He asks her a simple question, a curious mind wanting to delve into her history as his head cocks as he asked. Sedgerunner raises her brows in surprise, a weird question it was. But, she wonders if it was connected to their spar not too long ago. A spar she heavily lost, unfortunately. "I...did, yes." She starts, clicking her tongue in thought as she speaks. "Heh—obviously not well enough, I guess! I'm sure I didn't provide much of a challenge for you the other day. I'm sorry—" The molly starts to ramble now, her words tying themselves in knots as she starts to stumble before snapping her jaws shut. Please just shut up and let the man respond. No need to talk his ears off.

Totally okay :-)

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[HOUNDTHISTLE]

"BECAUSE COWBOY DAN'S A MAJOR PLAYER IN THE COWBOY SCENE"​

Her nerves were going nuts, he could tell, yet Houndthistle just sat there, patiently, as she spoke, amber eyes blank yet curious. Her apology made his ears-scabbed and ruined more than they already were-perk, brows knitting in confusion more as he looked at her, waiting for him to talk. "You ain' gotta apologize. I ask't a question, I wanna hear whatcha gotta say," He said, chuckling a bit, "The spar was for ya to learn, like ya ask't, I ain' gonna expect ya to whip my tail like I'm a disobedient kit, I been through too much for that, no 'fense. But gives ya a chance to see what yer workin' with since alot of our enemies are bigger then the rest of ya." He shrugged, a ghost of a smile on his lips. He wasn't a cat of much logic and thought, but he was honest, atleast, and his honest thoughts were laid out.

"Yer teacher wasn' much good though. Ya hesitated 'lot, and I could tell ya panicked fer a minute," He stated plainly, before inhaling, nodding in concession, "but when the trait'rs revealed themselves, though, ya fought confidently. Clumsily, but confidently, which tells me yer in yer head alot, huh?" He looked at her expectantly, head still tilted, as though looking to have his theory confirmed or denied and not realizing, at all, just how wrong his blunt words may be taken, not even bothering to sugar coat or beat around the bush. Nope, just that same curious yet blank stare of mild interest.
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[Sedgerunner]

"BUT I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR"​

"I—I appreciate it, by the way. Things have been—rather tense lately with me and a few others. Most just see me as a coward—" The molly sets her jaw as the word slips through her lips, the fur along her spine beginning to prickle as flashes of glowering eyes stared upon her, judging her. "I—did something wrong and I admit my faults. I have apologized to Sootstar and that's all I can do besides try to improve myself and prove my loyalty. I have to be better." As she speaks her truth, a new flare of determination rushes through her veins snd pricks at her heart. Sedgerunner knows she couldn't win over their trust as that, things would need to take time and actions spoke louder than words in Sootstar's eyes. She would know them that she was loyal despite her mistake, she would place her life on the line for these hills and for WindClan. This was her home. But what if I fail?
Houndthistle begins to speak of her fighting techniques now, the mention of her mentor drew a taut line across her chocolate shaded features and her eyes flitted away from his to look past him, to stare as the brink of twilight was now upon them. Yeah, he wasn't a good mentor. He's probably laughing from the deepest pits of wherever he was slain. "My mentor was anything but a teacher to me. He—He was very aggressive. Both verbally and physically. I think he'd rather just wanted to watch me fail and call me out on my short comings than to help me." A flash of gray tabby and white fur enters her mind then, piercing blue eyes staring down at her and laughing—calling her every derogatory name under the sun. He made her feel lower than the worms that digested the earth beneath them.
The moor runner is suddenly hyper-aware of her dissociation and there she is, rambling about again. Her attention snaps to him when he mentions the fact she's in her head too much. Her virdian eyes widen a bit as he maw slacks open to digest what he said. Was she really that much of an open book? Or was Houndthistle more observant than he led on, his experience with battle giving him an edge of wisdom about him? Either way, Sedgerunner shifted uncomfortably under his curious gaze. She can't help but feel so small right now. "Yeah—I do. I don't know how to stop it..." Waves of emotion flood her, threatening to drown her while she treads through murky waters. Anger, sadness, self-doubt, helplessness all churned within her mind and threatened to overflow. "I'm trying to do better." Tears pricked at the edge of her vision, blurring the scenery in her peripheral till she blinked it away. Houndthistle was strong, and despite his way of wording he seemed kind. At least willing enough to want to know why she struggled so hard in battle. But what if he's trying to make you vulnerable to take advantage of your weakness? No. There was no malice behind his words, no seeping venom. Just genuine curiosity. Houndthistle had no reason to be deceptive, his very aura was intimidating enough to make others quake beneath him.
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[HOUNDTHISTLE]

"BECAUSE COWBOY DAN'S A MAJOR PLAYER IN THE COWBOY SCENE"​

His tongue dragged across his lips in thought as she talked, mulling over each word in his mind as it slipped past her lips. Houndthistle usually was a huge one on loyalty, but, more than anything, he respected a cat who admitted fault. Not everyone is perfect in the world and he could feel a sort of warmth blossom as she admitted she had messed up, but was working to fix it, nodding quietly. Yes, everyone was imperfect, they struggled, but that was the joy of free will. "Don' let one mistake stop ya from livin' yer life how you want, though. World continues on, whether we wanna stop and tear ourselves apart for every li'l thing we done did wrong or not, time ain' gonna blink for us and you'll miss out if yer so caught up in the past," He said thoughtfully. The conversation allowed him to relax more, a few guards slipping, that sort of cold exterior falling as he glanced momentarily toward the horizon where Thunderclan's forest swayed in the warm glow in the distant.

I think he'd rather just wanted to watch me fail and call me out on my short comings than to help me.

Oh how those words struck true to Houndthistle, his reaction despite how deeply it carved its way into his chest was but a mere flick of an ear and a flicker of something in his gaze. Her words brought together an image of a tom he never truly let himself think on, burly black paws bigger than even his own currently hovering angrily close to his face, lips pulled back over similarly long and huge teeth, amber eyes fueled with sadistic anger boring into his soul. He turned back, listening intently as she spoke, but he couldn't quite shake the sound of a snicker as a young child cried in his memories. It wasn't until he saw tears prick in her eyes and heard the way her voice grew thick with emotional frustration did his eyes widen and his ears perk. He sat a second, brain short-circuiting on exactly what to say in this moment, of how to assure her. He wasn't much in his head because all that his head held was guilt and regret, damnation he'd done shouldered and accepted to forever taint his paws in that crimson he knew so well. Inhaling, he tilted his head, thinking, before rumbling low, voice softer as a sliver vulnerability began to ebb from his words, "My father was the one who taught me to fight. Brutal cat, nothin' I ever did was enough for 'em and no matter how hard I work't, I knew he saw me as a burden but he kept me 'round to shove 'round. He's the reason both my ears are nick't. He named me after him, thinkin' I was gonna grow up and be jus' like him," He inhaled, warring in his head over how exactly to say this, regret making his stomach twist deep behind his ribs, "But... he was kill't. Murder'd one night and... well, I ain't look't back to him since. I may still carry part of his name, but I ain't him and I ain't ever gonna be like him. And that's all ya gotta tell yerself, is you are you, not the... idea everyone has in their head of ya. And you'll make mistakes... but it just depends on if you'll let that drown you like they wantcha to." Claws nervously slid from his paws to knead the ground, hoping his clunky words would atleast help in some sense.
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[Sedgerunner]

"BUT I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR"​

He speaks to her now, thoughtful words passing over her ears as he drawled them out. It was funny, to hear him speak so much. A tom of few words who carried more wisdom than he'd like to admit. Sedgerunner brings him the same courtesy he's given her, listening quietly and becoming more comfortable around him. No longer does she flick her gaze away from him or not meet him in the eye. She observes his expressions, the way he speaks over protruding canines and smiles softly at him. His words uplift her, causes a warmth that floods within her chest and she can not help but nod as he continues. "Ah—if only it was so easy..." The warrior would sigh, a slight tone of defeat in her voice. A small voice whispers within the back of her mind, gnawing at her as she speaks. It didn't give her a sense of dread like her anxiety now, it connected with the warmth in her chest. Just try. A faint whisper, as if a warm green-leaf breeze billows around her ears. "Thanks, Houndthistle. You're—You're the first one to actually spare a glance my way since then that wasn't full of mistrust. It means a lot to me."
As she speaks of her former mentor, Houndthistle seemed to grow a bit uncomfortable. He's not so blatant about it, but subtle changes catch her eye. The more obvious was the shifting of his paws, but perhaps he was just trying to get comfortable. She raises a paw, moving it to wipe her eyes as they began to water. Such a frivolous thing to cry about, it was. Gorgefall was gone and yet, he still was naming her life Hell even in death. Often times she wanted to scream at the stars and demand to know what she had done wrong, to rip the earth from beneath herself and crush his bones to dust for being so cruel to her. His teachings never worked with her. She was still afraid—still too cautious and too mixed in with her own self doubt. He had made her worse, made her second and third guess herself every day. It's only by a shrivel of confidence and some clan mates support that she is able to function halfway.

Something in her words seemed to resonate with the larger tom now that he shares with her a tip from his own past. She listens to his story about the cruel teachings of his father, how much he brutalized his own son and her heart breaks for him. It goes to show that somewhere, someone had it worse off than the latter. A mentor was one thing, but a father? A flashing image of a young Houndthistle enters her mind's eye; young and full of life with his too big paws, probably often tripping over himself while exploring the world. Then a dark, looming shadow overcomes him with gnashing teeth and curved claws. The thought makes her shudder. Overwhelming empathy consumes over her own anxiety now. All she could think of was a beaten young man under the thumb of his father. Her eyes shine under the darkening sky as the moon begins to float above them and she can't help but let a single tear slip down her cheeks. Damn it, stop.
But this time she can't stop herself. A fool with a too big heart she was, a weakling ripe for the picking among hungry wolves. Apart of her wants to offer him some sort of comfort, but what did she have to give? As he finishes, a heavy silence falls between them. Sedgerunner searches for the right words, something in between comfort and uplifting like he did to her. Ivory whiskers twitching to and fro as her tongue flicks behind clashed teeth. Finally she edges closer to him, but not enough to make him uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Houndthistle..." She begins as her tail wraps closer around her frame. "I know pity isn't what you want to hear—but still, that sounds awful. No one deserves to be pushed around like that throughout their lives—" Her words halt as her jaws snap closed, hopefully he wouldn't be offended by her. So she begins to switch the subject, "You're a great and powerful warrior. You put others before yourself, as that's what we do. We hunt and fight for our clan, along with ourselves. I—I can already tell you're nothing like how your father sounds. He sounds like a bully, just like Gorgefall. Sounds like he got what he deserved." Widened eyes now narrowed darkly as her tone becomes hushed, as if more likely talking to herself than to her companion in front of her.
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[HOUNDTHISTLE]

"BECAUSE COWBOY DAN'S A MAJOR PLAYER IN THE COWBOY SCENE"​

Her words of comfort meet his ears but the words painting his father in such a negative light makes his brow furrow, gaze hardening slightly. The mental image of his father was always just... a sad, angry man, his mate having died and his only son being thrust upon him. Perhaps it was that last childish need to view his parents with that undying loyalty, ingrained in his head deeper than any scar, tooth, or claw could be, or perhaps the guilt of knowing just what exactly he did weighed heavy upon him. But he stayed quiet, a soft "hmm" leaving his lips as he glanced back at Sedgerunner, taking in how much closer she was, looking at the small tear that streaked its way down her face, catching the glimmer of the moon as it began its climb into the sky to illuminate silverpelt above them. In the darkness, she seemed to disappear to him, the only thing he can truly pick out were her bright green eyes, but his reflected red as they caught the moonlight in a harrowing sight.

A single oversized paw reached up and gently aimed to swipe the tear from her cheek as though he were merely batting petals from a flower without trying to disturb it, Houndthistle's amber eyes narrowed in thought. "Jus' like yer too caught up in yer own head, so is everyone else. It's only when ya don' wanna remember whatcha did in yer past do ya pay more attention to those 'round you," He murmured lowly, exhaling amusingly through his nose. Shaking his pelt, he stood and with a jerk of his chin, he rumbled, "We should head back. Most the others are gonna be bunkin' down and I'd like to have a spot closer to the center If I can."
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