the beginning of something — hazelbeam

[HAWKSPINE]

Since her injury, Hawkpaw has been quieter. There's not much to do in the medicine den except sleep, and heal, and listen. She's grown exhausted of Fireflypaw and Honeysplash's tales, though they would have captivated her easily a moon prior to her confinement. Listening had started to yield interesting results, though, both before and after Blazestar's death. Rumours and knowledge.

Lately, Hawkpaw has been curious about how a cat decided their gender. Maybe discovered it was a better phrase, an inherent thing that was uncovered with time like the piece of prey one of the older apprentices had been groaning about forgetting on a hunt last moon. It's not weird, she knows that much. Hawkpaw has grown up in SkyClan, which hosts a wide range of identity, and a casual mindset about it all. If you messed up a cats pronouns, you apologised and moved on (or at least, that's what she was taught to do). Still, Hawkpaw has a lingering curiosity about it that she can't quite smack her paw down on.

"Hazelbeam," Hawkpaw meows to the nearby daylight warrior, the lilt of an oncoming question in her voice. They've been sitting in the same vicinity for a few moments now, taking a breather between sunrise and sunhigh patrols. "You're a she-cat who wasn't always a she-cat, right? How, um ..." She hesitates again, pink tongue swiping across her maw. Howlfire and Coyotecrest had stressed that she needed to be a well-mannered warrior so that her Clanmates would enjoy life with her. Hazelbeam is a Clanmate, and the potentially all-knowing Edenpaw's mentor.

"Hoooow did you know? That you aren't a tom, I mean."

// @Hazelbeam
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[Hazelbeam]

————————————————————⊰★★★⊱———————————————————

Hawkpaw, and her siblings for that matter, worried Hazelbeam. An entire code made because they had been terribly hurt and traumatized and while she agreed with the code itself she was devastated when she heard what happened; she wished codes were not born upon the back of pain - that they simply came to mind on a whim and not because of the agony breaking one would cause. She remembers the story told of the first code, Blazestar's daughter dying to ensure the clans did not mix like water - but rippled apart leaves drifting upon its surface. A cruel rule, but one with weight and meaning and the heaviness of a young life cut short. She was so happy that Hawkpaw and the others had not suffered such a fate.

She-cat who wasn't always a she-cat.
It's been so long since she made such a decision that for a moment she is surprised - briefly considers looking behind herself even though it was her name spoken to address. Hazelbeam forgot at times she was born a tom, because it wasn't something she really dwelled on - the only time it ever crossed her mind was the knowledge that if she wanted to be a mother she needed a mate who could carry kits one day. Other than that it just...never came up!
"I-yes! Yes, I am!" She responds cheerfully after a far too long pause of confusion, the following question made her blue eyes light up in delight. Such questions, she found, often lead to looking inward and discovering things about yourself. Hazelbeam was more than happy to offer her sage wisdom, or just her wisdom, it wasn't sage that often but she tried!
"When I was a kit I remember playing with my littermates...it was so long ago I don't remember them too well, their names or how they looked, but I remember the twoleg who took care of us put little collars on us and the mollys had bows. I wanted one of those bows. I remember being upset I didn't get one and I never knew why. That was the first time I thought about it, but it wasn't until later when I had my own twoleg did I get a bow and realize why I wanted one so much. Toms can wear bows, any cat can wear a bow, it wasn't actually a bow I wanted...I just convinced myself it was the bow, because it was easier than admitting that I didn't feel right in my own pelt. It was easier to blame my strange feelings of discomfort on not having one." She raised a paw, touched the button of the bow she wore now with a light tap, "...but then I woke up one day and decided I was a she-cat and nothing happened other than I felt happier. The world did not change, there was no protest or magical shift. I was just me. That's all the matters, is what makes you feel happy, what makes you comfortable in your own pelt. For me it was just a realization that I didn't need a bow to make me feel better. I just needed to accept myself."

★ such a wonder to be under her spell ———— ★ she's a woman in total control of herself

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  Hazelbeam
  —⊰⋅ Daylight Warrior of SkyClan
  —⊰⋅ She/Her
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ SH Black/Blue Chimera w/blue eyes
  - Does NOT wear her witch hat while hunting or on patrol.
  

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