sensitive topics THE CRIME OF BEING SMALL // SUNSTAR

[slateheart]

// cw: grieving, mentions of death/loss & depression

The past week is spent in a haze. Slateheart is a ghost floating effortlessly through camp, sparing no more than a passing look to the cats he once spoke to plentifully. He hunts alone, he eats, and he sleeps - in between, he curls up in a burrow, willing for the stars to take him like they had taken his friends, and like they threaten to take them all now.

How long has he been like this, with his brain in a heavy fog? Slateheart wakes up one day to find his youngest medicine cat gone, with a den full of increasingly sick cats. He finds that Rattleheart had already been buried, without Slateheart's presence past the initial return of her body. He hears of new kittens, two just apprenticed and one spending its days in coughing fits and sorrow. And, worst yet, a plethora of new apprentices that have met their mentors.

Had he truly missed all of it, walking about in a lost daze? Had he thought so much of Lilypaw and Rattleheart that his Clanmates' greatest accomplishments and downfalls had flown between his ears? Desperation coats his gaze now as he looks around, bewildered, as if he had just woken up from a long, long nap in the midst of nowhere, many years from now.


His paws bring him to the mouth of Sunstar's den, where the leader sits within. Healthy, thank the stars - not like the others that had fallen ill under his sightless watch. Guilt plagues him now, knowing all that he had failed - first Lilypaw, then Rattleheart, and now the new apprentices and the medicine cat that could have no-doubtedly needed a pair of paws. Wasn't this his job, now, as a trusted member of Sunstar's council? Wasn't he supposed to watch, to protect, to guide? To harbor a sense of community and interact with his Clanmates?

But.. the thought of fixing it all now leaves him in a dizzy daze. It's all too much to bear - too much responsibility to carry on his grieving shoulders. He could crumble at any moment, he swears..

" Sunstar, " Slateheart croaks, making himself known at the mouth of the leader's residence. " I need to speak with you, please.. "


// @SUNSTAR

SLATEHEART ( he/him )​

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[SUNNVAR]

✧₊⁺ ️️️ ️️╱ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ Numbness does not suit WindClan's leader, but after all that had happened. . . he does not know an alternative. Losses came in waves and he could not escape their thrashing tides. Lilypaw and Rattleheart were dead. Nothing he could do or say would bring them back to the home they belonged in. Would they even have wanted as much, now that they knew the peace of StarClan? They sat alongside the others WindClan has lost with full bellies and plentiful places to explore and understand. Everyone else was here to mourn. At least they are not gone forever. The thought should bring comfort. Better this than endless nothing — but even in the mountains, Sunnvar had not expected that. It had never been an option until he was faced with so much grief.

Rather than bare his sadness to the entirety of the clan, Sunstar spends his idle moments in his den. Alone, yes, but. . . sturdy. There is enough safety to allow him time to process. Today, however, he would not be the only one. His broad head lifts, cautious urgency in aqua eyes. He expects word of an attack or another loss. Instead he is greeted by quiet grief and tired green eyes. He hauls himself to sitting, sloped shoulders low with exhaustion and his stance wide to compensate. Pride no longer has such a place on his features. Concern softens the ringed edges of his eyes. "Come in, Slateheart," he murmurs. "You seem troubled."

𝐈 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐌 𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐒 ╱ ️️️ ( 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝗕𝐀𝐃 𝐃𝐎𝐆 ) ️️️ ️️️ ⌞06.17⌝ 🟒ᨒ

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  ✧₊⁺ ️️️ ️️╱ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ OOC. —
  

  

  ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑. SUNSTRIDE. SUNNVAR.
  ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ MASC ️️️ & ️️️ AMAB, ️️️ HE – HIM – HIS.
  ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ SECOND LEADER OF ️️️ WINDCLAN.
  ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ NINE LIVES: ️️️ ⋆ ️️️ ⋆ ️️️ ⋆ ️️️ ⋆ ️️️ ⋆ ️️️ ⋆ ️️️ ⋆̴͖̻̌͛ ⋆̵̼͈̐̿̓̏͝ ⋆̶̬́̀

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  a large chocolate and white rosette tom with seaglass eyes. the first thing many see when looking at sunstar now is not his proud posture or boxy build, but the scarred stump that remains of his front left leg. a wound that would have killed most other cats took one of his lives; not even starclan could repair it.
  
  
  a rogue brought to windclan in a search for greatness, one of sootstar's most loyal warriors turned into her downfall. with a mate and kits to worry about, and now nine lives from starclan with a missing limb, windclan's leader has much to prove.

• "speech"

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