the loneliest number - fireflypaw

[Howlfire]

Blazestar is dead. Their father is dead.

Howlfire knew it was always going to be a reality - she knew he had lost several of his lives already - but she had never expected it so soon. She's cried out all her tears for now, distracting herself with other menial tasks around camp for a little while, at least until a vigil is held. She finds herself sitting with her brother, shoulder to shoulder, head low. There is a heavy silence between them, not from awkwardness, but rather from grief. Howlfire doesn't mind the silence at first. Although their lives are more separate than ever, Fireflypaw would always be her big brother, he would always be her protector as he always had been.

"It doesn't feel real, does it?" She finally murmured, staring out into camp. "I keep expecting him to get up again like he did when we fought WindClan. But he hasn't. He won't." Howlfire draws in a heavy breath. She leans into her brother's side, resting her head against his own. "D-did you know he was on his last life?" Howlfire asks, genuinely curious whether her brother, as a medicine cat, had been privy to such knowledge.

@Fireflypaw ​

 

[Fireflyglow]

The silence is deafening between the two of them, and Fireflypaw cannot find it within himself to say anything. He is grieving in his own way, silently focusing on work as he thinks about all of the things his father had ever said to him. He had been a good son in his father's lifetime, had been a studious son that focused on his job and mostly kept out of drama and fights. Sort of. He cringes at the thought of him being attacked by rogues, fighting fellow apprentices who picked on him. Maybe.. Not too much.

It doesn't feel real, does it? Her voice is soft, barely-there. Fireflypaw shakes his head in response. "It doesn't feel like he's dead. It's like I can feel him amongst us all, watching over us. The stars stare." He whispers softly, a chill of cold going down his spine as he leans into his sister's touch. Comfort. He will never be able to rise to his paws again in a life-filled body, only in spirit. His head rests against her own as she leans into him. Did you know he was on his last life? She asks, and Fireflypaw swallows back his croaked cry. "No." He replies simply, voice hoarse from crying to himself at night. "No, only fully-blessed Medicine Cats can tell. I'm not.. I'm not.." He hiccups softly, sniffling back his tears once more. Be strong, Fireflypaw. Be strong.

"I didn't even count his lives.. Did.. Did you?"​

SKYCLAN MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE ✦ 18 MOONS ✦ CHUNKY, BIG-FOOTED SEAL POINT ✦ TAGS​

 

[Howlfire]

"I like to imagine he is watching over us now," Howlfire muttered softly, casting her eyes skyward towards the stars. Did he walk with their mother again, not as mates now, but as dear friends? Was Morningpaw with him? Were their fallen SkyClan friends there to greet him?

When Fireflypaw confirms that he didn't know, Howlfire can't say she's truly surprised. It was the answer she had expected when she asked her question. She can hear him sniffling beside her, fighting back his tears. Howlfire leans into him a little more, not knowing what other comfort to give at that moment, doubting she'd be able to find the right words to soothe him. At her brother's following question she shakes her head. "No," She responds swiftly. "I didn't like to think about it too much to be honest. I didn't like to think that he was so close to leaving us for good." It would be an eventuality at some point, but Howlfire had hoped that it would have been moons away. "You know, I had my suspicions when he lost his last life to that. You could see it in the way he walked and carried himself around camp that something wasn't right." Truth be told, she still had her doubts it was a fox that had fatally wounded him the last time, especially with how cryptic he had been upon his return.

The conversation lulls for a moment and Howlfire takes a breath. "I'm glad we were here with him," Howlfire mewed, looking up at her brother. "At least we can grieve for him properly here. I doubt our kin in ThunderClan would shed many tears." A sudden awkward laugh erupts from within when she says that, reminded swiftly of the last conversation she had had with their father. "Sorry, I don't mean to laugh," She quickly apologised. "I just reminded myself of the last conversation I had with him. How I promised him I would try not to shut our kin out. And here I am speaking bitterly about them."​