- Jun 1, 2023
- 135
- 28
- 28
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Compared to everything that they had gone through on the journey, returning home was supposed to be the simple part. There shouldn't have been any trouble with falling back into routine, catching back up with all their clanmates, and yet with each day that passes, it was starting to seem more and more like some monumental task. Like climbing another mountain, crossing another stream, surviving another forest. Even if Luckypaw tried to follow the same steps, followed his mentor back into the tunnels, things just weren't settling back into place. Things were...they felt different, in a way he couldn't quite grasp - as if they'd all missed something so monumental, something he couldn't puzzle out. Whether he's alone in feeling so out of place, he's not sure, though privately he almost hopes that he is; that it's all just in his head, that he's just nervous over some inconsequential detail or another, that this will pass eventually, or at least get easier to deal with. That things will be fine. They will be, he assures himself; things had gotten bad before, black-and-white fur and falling rocks coming to mind, but they were still okay - he's still okay, somehow. Okay enough, he supposes, even if he still thinks of empty places and faux-rumbling sometimes (more than sometimes, really, but that's hardly something he wants to admit).
Things are perfectly fine, he tells himself, even as he finds himself volunteering for chores and tasks outside of the tunnels more than he ever would have before they'd left. He's just trying to take it slow, is all, ease back into his tasks, and anyways, who could really begrudge him that? Spending a moon and a half with a small, select group of cats, most of which were moor runners, is something you can't just shake off in a couple days, and if he wants to spend more time with some of his moor-bound family and friends, there's nothing wrong with that, is there? Before they'd left, he'd hardly gotten to see Scorchpaw, let alone during daylight, and that had been okay, then; now, though, it feels intensely wrong not to be by her side, and even though she's got a new mentor now and he's got duties to return to beneath the earth, Luckypaw's still done his best to find as many little moments as possible just to be near. Today is no different - Scorchpaw is nearby, and his mind is a little more at ease. They don't even need to talk, just his sister's presence enough, and yet he still feels compelled to say something, at least. "...it sure is nice to have a real nest again, isn't it?"
His words are chosen carefully and spoken softly, and they're not untrue, either, even if it's not quite what he wanted to say. Among all the uncertainties they had returned to, sleeping in the same place every night was nice, though anything else about it being nice to be home again remains unspoken. It...it is nice to be home again - it has to be, after all the troubles they'd encountered - though the weak conviction behind the thought doesn't exactly inspire the confidence to bring the idea up. No matter how long they'd been back for, it still just seemed too different, too unlike all the memories he'd had of WindClan. And things had changed around here, at least in some ways; that much, he could admit. New apprentices had joined their ranks, apprentices he'd hardly even known as kits before they'd left, but perhaps the most striking of all was the new kits running about in camp. It was no secret where they'd come from, that was for sure, and the first time he'd heard that they were from ShadowClan, that they'd been orphaned and rescued, he couldn't believe his ears, sure someone was playing a trick on him. Orphaned or not, you couldn't just...couldn't just take kits, but he's glad those thoughts had been kept to himself. It seemed to be a divisive topic, as somehow there were cats that supported the decision - quite a few, apparently, and they weren't afraid to be vocal about it, either.
Thoughts kept safely tucked away, he'd hardly dared to spend any more time around the kits than was strictly necessary, just the sight of them enough to unsettle him. More than anything, they reminded him of the ShadowClan companions they'd left behind, serving as a constant reminder that so many of his clanmates hadn't gotten to know them like the cats on the journey had. ShadowClan - well, they weren't bad, not as bad as he'd once thought, not those on the journey. And to think, while those very ShadowClanners had saved their lives (Clearheart had saved his life), they had returned to what? Missing kits? Even if they had been orphans, surely somebody out there missed them. It makes him feel sick, the thought of facing any of them while knowing their kits were safely tucked away in WindClan's camp. Not for the first time, he wonders what Scorchpaw makes of all this, or what Scorchstreak might think. They'd been there, too, at every step; and, belatedly, he realizes he doesn't even know how they felt about that. Whether Scorchpaw shares some similar, strange fondness for those cats that should have been their enemies. Cherrypaw, at least, had been her friend, but did she still miss the others, too, like he did sometimes? Late at night, early in the morning - anything, whenever a memory would suddenly flare up.
"Things sure are different around here. It's - I mean, I know stuff kept happening here while we were gone, but it's...weird to actually come back to it. Stuff like, all the new apprentices," Luckypaw begins, looking up to the sky streaked across with clouds above them. The same sky, even after all this time, and even after the distance they'd traveled. "And - um, you know, the new kits. The ones that were from ShadowClan." Finally, he drops his gaze back down, sending a look towards Scorchpaw. Surely - surely she would feel similarly, right? The thought that she might not, though - the thought that he was alone in such sentimentality - keeps him from saying anything further.
Things are perfectly fine, he tells himself, even as he finds himself volunteering for chores and tasks outside of the tunnels more than he ever would have before they'd left. He's just trying to take it slow, is all, ease back into his tasks, and anyways, who could really begrudge him that? Spending a moon and a half with a small, select group of cats, most of which were moor runners, is something you can't just shake off in a couple days, and if he wants to spend more time with some of his moor-bound family and friends, there's nothing wrong with that, is there? Before they'd left, he'd hardly gotten to see Scorchpaw, let alone during daylight, and that had been okay, then; now, though, it feels intensely wrong not to be by her side, and even though she's got a new mentor now and he's got duties to return to beneath the earth, Luckypaw's still done his best to find as many little moments as possible just to be near. Today is no different - Scorchpaw is nearby, and his mind is a little more at ease. They don't even need to talk, just his sister's presence enough, and yet he still feels compelled to say something, at least. "...it sure is nice to have a real nest again, isn't it?"
His words are chosen carefully and spoken softly, and they're not untrue, either, even if it's not quite what he wanted to say. Among all the uncertainties they had returned to, sleeping in the same place every night was nice, though anything else about it being nice to be home again remains unspoken. It...it is nice to be home again - it has to be, after all the troubles they'd encountered - though the weak conviction behind the thought doesn't exactly inspire the confidence to bring the idea up. No matter how long they'd been back for, it still just seemed too different, too unlike all the memories he'd had of WindClan. And things had changed around here, at least in some ways; that much, he could admit. New apprentices had joined their ranks, apprentices he'd hardly even known as kits before they'd left, but perhaps the most striking of all was the new kits running about in camp. It was no secret where they'd come from, that was for sure, and the first time he'd heard that they were from ShadowClan, that they'd been orphaned and rescued, he couldn't believe his ears, sure someone was playing a trick on him. Orphaned or not, you couldn't just...couldn't just take kits, but he's glad those thoughts had been kept to himself. It seemed to be a divisive topic, as somehow there were cats that supported the decision - quite a few, apparently, and they weren't afraid to be vocal about it, either.
Thoughts kept safely tucked away, he'd hardly dared to spend any more time around the kits than was strictly necessary, just the sight of them enough to unsettle him. More than anything, they reminded him of the ShadowClan companions they'd left behind, serving as a constant reminder that so many of his clanmates hadn't gotten to know them like the cats on the journey had. ShadowClan - well, they weren't bad, not as bad as he'd once thought, not those on the journey. And to think, while those very ShadowClanners had saved their lives (Clearheart had saved his life), they had returned to what? Missing kits? Even if they had been orphans, surely somebody out there missed them. It makes him feel sick, the thought of facing any of them while knowing their kits were safely tucked away in WindClan's camp. Not for the first time, he wonders what Scorchpaw makes of all this, or what Scorchstreak might think. They'd been there, too, at every step; and, belatedly, he realizes he doesn't even know how they felt about that. Whether Scorchpaw shares some similar, strange fondness for those cats that should have been their enemies. Cherrypaw, at least, had been her friend, but did she still miss the others, too, like he did sometimes? Late at night, early in the morning - anything, whenever a memory would suddenly flare up.
"Things sure are different around here. It's - I mean, I know stuff kept happening here while we were gone, but it's...weird to actually come back to it. Stuff like, all the new apprentices," Luckypaw begins, looking up to the sky streaked across with clouds above them. The same sky, even after all this time, and even after the distance they'd traveled. "And - um, you know, the new kits. The ones that were from ShadowClan." Finally, he drops his gaze back down, sending a look towards Scorchpaw. Surely - surely she would feel similarly, right? The thought that she might not, though - the thought that he was alone in such sentimentality - keeps him from saying anything further.
i'm falling into place, but still the timing's not right
(☘)
yeah that's a fire i just can't seem to light
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OOC: @SCORCHPAW
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-LuckykitLuckypaw
- He/him (AFAB)
- 7 moons (Ages on the 1st)
-KitApprentice of WindClan
- Small blue tortoiseshell with white spotting & green eyes
- Art by myself & meghan respectively! <33
- Minor powerplay allowed!
- Penned by Hijinks