private the nights are cold & Ghoststrike

[Nutsprout]

The sickness that plagued Windclan seemed to be dying down though not without bloodshed from Windclan and Skyclan. There had been a patrol sent out to get catmint from Skyclan for this greencough that was harsh on many cats, killing some even, and all it did was stirr up memories. Ones of cats crying, yowling, into the night sky out of anguish and fear. The scent of blood heavy on the air like an iron fist just ready to squash them with vigor. Flashes of claws and teeth danced before closed eyes, lilac fur bristling, and then woke with a start. Head shooting upwards, breathing heavy, and a glance around the den made the intense fear grow. Nineteen and Puffcloud were asleep beside him, but he felt alone in that moment.

These dreams seemed to avoid Nineteen and Puffcloud didn't know a bad thing from a good thing. Movement of the head turned to look to his left where a grey tabby would usually be sitting, snoring away or grumbling to himself in his sleep. The badgers den was still home to many cats in the clan due to green cough and there was hope that some would return rather soon, but there was no telling when that would be. The logical standpoint of all of this would be too go back to sleep, to close his eyes and just try to get more rest- but that was going to be a fruitless venture.

Ever since leaving to Coalition, these dream had been more frequent and the more he recalled of his time there the worse they got. From watching his squad be murdered right before him to the training that left mental bruises that would just never heal correctly, like a poorly set broken bone. Why they were showing up now was uncertain but the wish for them to leave was strong, and there was a wonder if asking Dandelionwish for poppy seeds would help. Couldn't have nightmares if one was knocked clean out, right?

An annoyed growl came from a liac-furred muzzle and a body moved from laying down in a soft, moss-filled nest, to rising to his paws. A bobbed tail twitched slightly back and forth for a moment before picking his way across the warriors' asleep in the clearing. Their breaths made mist around their noses in the cold, night air, and there was slight regret of getting up from the warmth of his bed. But sleep wouldn't be had, not right then at least, and he needed comfort. Though why the grey tabby came to mind for comfort was beyond him. Ghoststrike and comforting were never used in the same sentence.

Out of the gorse tunnel and down the worn path now covered by slush, Nutsprout made his way for the badgers den. The scent of sickness was thick in the air as he got closer and it almost choked him with how heavy it felt. They were sleeping of course but sage green eyes looked for a familiar white and grey tabby pelt and upon spotting Ghoststrike, prodded the tom with a pale paw. "Oi, Ghost," He hissed softly and then bent down to nose the top of his head, "You awake?" ​

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"speech"​

 

[GHOSTSTRIKE]

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"Yes." came the toms reply, and while his voice was rough from sickness, dark eyes opened with clarity, suggesting he'd been awake for some time.

Being underground was unnerving enough, but being surrounded by strangers he didn't trust- none of which were taking shifts to guard their surroundings, mind you- made things even worse. When he did manage to sleep, it was seldom plesant. As Nut had found out tonight, nightmares had a way of making you relive the memories you tried to bury the deepest, and not even Ghost could outrun those. In fact, they were the one thing he had no weapon or shield against. It was why he didn't sleep in the barracks back in the Coalition, why he'd never allowed himself to fall into a truly deep sleep in his nest with the rogues or Windclan, simply dozing and giving the appearence he was a naturally light sleeper.

Oddly enough, the dreams had stopped for a while after joining windclan, no longer napping but full out sleeping- but if there was any paralell between that and the fact that he'd been sharing a nest with Nut then he refused to acknowledge it, not even allowing the thought to fully form, let alone take root.

"What are you doing out of your nest at this hour? Something happen back at camp?" he asked, naturally assuming the worst case scenario, though in reality if something had happened back at camp it couldn't be all that bad if the bobtail was tip-toeing around like he was instead of raising a proper alarm. Still, it was in Ghosts nature to plan for the worst, and he shifted so that he was sitting up, ignoring the cold that seemed all too eager to seep into his bones.
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rogue - male - 27 months - single - a very tall, muscular tabby with dark gray fur and white markings. heavily scarred with dark amber eyes

 

[Nutsprout]

Those amber eyes were clear so Ghost had been awake for a while huh? Was he having just as much trouble sleeping as they were? Though part of Nutsprout felt like that Ghoststrike just didn't sleep half the time and more so apt to staying up to the wee hours of the morning. The lilac tabby moved to crouch down beside the grey tabby and gave a small flick of a curled ear, "I had nightmares about the Coalition and them coming after us," He muttered softly in a rare moment of softness, "Nineteen and Puff aren't real big help around for that, so I came out here to find you,"

God that sounded so cheesy, even though it was the truth. Nutsprout had found comfort in Ghoststrike in the form of the other understood these dreams and nightmares, understood what it was like to suffer with the post stress of war, and over all the grey tabby was just who he was closest too. "Well now I feel stupid coming out here, thanks," he muttered a bit bitterly and shuffled his front paws slightly in annoyance.

Ghoststrike was more than likely going to tell him that it was stupid to come out here and all that nonsense, couldn't really expect comfort from the other. Still, the lilac tabby bit the inside of his cheek slightly before speaking once more, "Can I just stay here with you for a little bit? Can you not be a huge dick for five minutes?" He sounded harsh but it didn't mean it that way. Ghost just wasn't really the type to be soft or mushy in any circumstance. ​

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[GHOSTSTRIKE]

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"Nineteen and Puff aren't real big help around for that, so I came out here to find you,

"What, and I am? he asked, skepticism bleeding through. He couldn't imagine he would be a better help than the other two, knowing both were -in their own way- more empathetic than Ghost could ever be.

"Well now I feel stupid coming out here, thanks,"

Ghost was exceptionally good when it came to schooling his expression. While the marking on his face was just that - a marking- it may as well have been an actual mask with how neutral he could make himself look. Being unreadable wasn't just a tactic he'd picked up in the Coalition when dealing with enemies though, and he used it just as often when it came to his allies as well, finding comfort in the fact that cats weren't able to read him so openly. And he was glad for it in that moment, because there was a lot being said that might have coaxed a reaction from a lesser cat.

Nut was having nightmares? It wasn't exactly surprising given the line of work they'd come from, but the bobtail had never brought it up before that night before, leaving Ghost to wonder just how often this had been happening. Then there was the comment about feeling stupid, and for a moment Ghost wondered exactly which part of his reply had prompted them to reply like that.

Lastly, and most problematic for the tabby- was the request.

It wasn't like he and Nut had never shared a nest before, but it was different this time. There as no pretense of needing warmth to fight off the cold nights and days, no excuse to pad the blow with. It was just Nut, asking Ghost for... what? Comfort? His claws flexed, twitching out of nervous habit as considered their request, letting the silence sit between them as he waged a war in his own head. If he agreed to this, if he allowed Nut to get close not just out of necessity, but out of want, where did that end? Ghost had drawn lines in the sand for a reason, and now the other was asking to cross one of them. And if he let them cross this one, what would stop Ghost from letting him cross the others?

To any other cat, it would have been ridiculous to need to think so hard about such a simple request. After all, what harm could it do? But in Ghosts eyes, it could cause all the harm in the world. Nut was a missile trying to lock on, and Ghost was about to drop the blast shields and let it happen.

"Fine." he replied at last, the word little more than a grunt of affirmation before he shifted in his nest, sliding over to make room for them. "Come on, then."

He knew it was a bad idea, knew that he was only putting himself into a situation he would probably end up regretting later. But fucking hell, not even he could bring himself to say no when Nut was looking so out of sorts.

As much as Ghost wished to deny it, to say he was as unchanged as he'd been two months prior when having first met the other tom, he just couldn't. He'd grown used to having Nutsprout around him nearly 24/7, had even learned to trust the other tom after Puff and Nineteen had been captured and the two of them had been forced to work together to break them out, and while he told himself and the rest of the world he didn't care, he knew that wasn't anywhere close to the truth. Even if they were no longer with the Coalition, he, Nineteen, Nut, and even fucking Puff to some degree, were a squad now, and that made the three of them his responsibility. Especially Nut.

"If you start snorin' though, I'm kicking you into Coalfoots nest." he grumbled, the comment hardly holding any weight to it, just a last attempt at trying to hold on to some scrap of his authority, which he felt was failing him more and more in moments like these. On the field it was unquestionable which of them was in charge, but off the field, in moments where heart was meant to rule head, Nutsprout seemed to lead the charge on those, and damned if Ghost wasn't weak to just following along with it.
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rogue - male - 27 months - single - a very tall, muscular tabby with dark gray fur and white markings. heavily scarred with dark amber eyes

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[Nutsprout]

He expected a no, or some varying degree of that word. A swear perhaps or something akin to a whap on the head with a large paw, but none of that came. Nutsprout found himself looking to the other in surprise and blinked a few times- he was agreeing? Those claws didn't look like it was a good invitation but still the lilac furred tomcat wasted no time in scooting over into Ghoststrikes' nest. Settling down comfortably beside him and curled slightly into the grey tabby cat with a soft sigh, his heart rate finally relaxing.

"Thank you," He sounded soft but grateful towards the other and he nuzzled down into the mossy ground for a brief moment, "The nightmare thats been plaguin' me is the one were I lost my whole squad. All my brothers," He muttered softly and looked down at his lighter colored paws for a moment. Why was he telling Ghost this? He wouldn't care all that much or just tell him hes being ridiculous or something like that.

Nutsprout had a lot of negative emotions lately and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the sickness in camp? Or maybe the recently skirmish at the border? It was untelling, he just knew he wasn't really happy with the current look of things, "Also about loosing you to this sickness, and Sedge to war and just," He tightened his eyes shut and buried his face into his paws with a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagging slightly, "I just don't know what to do," ​

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"speech"​

 

[GHOSTSTRIKE]

---

Moments like this were always difficult for Ghost, toeing the line between what was acceptable to throw under the category of 'teammates' and what fell into the no-mans land of 'friendship'. The grey tabby had made a point of not getting close enough to anyone to risk that kind of bond forming, but as Nutsprout settled beside him he found himself tempted to let the line blur, to justify these small slip-up he kept allowing for. Sharing nests, nicknames, all the unnecessary time spent simply existing around one another. Nothing good could come of it because nothing good came of anything connected to Ghost, and he knew that if he continued to allow these selfish slipups that it would only end up hurting Nut in the end.

But still, his selfishness continued to win out, the spirit of someone he thought long dead clawing at the casket door in search of a way out. A way toward Nut.

It liked him like this; close, safe, alive.

"Everyone has them. Even Nineteen." he replied as the other spoke of their lost brothers, easier to give Nineteen name even though the implications of those words didn't go denied.

Even Ghost wasn't safe from them.

At the mention of him and Sedge, dark eyes would shift to cast them a sideway glance, giving them a gentle nudge of what he hoped was reassurance. "I told you I'm not going anywhere, Peanut."

A little cold wasn't going to kill Ghost.

"Give it time. A lots going on right now, it makes sense your not at your best. The squads separated, there's war on the horizon, and this cold isn't helping anything."

Unfortunately, there wasn't much else too do but wait.

"Sootstar was smart to bring in the rogues. They've got more blood on their hands than most and they won't be afraid to exploit that in the future. If Riverclan hadn't shown up at Skyclans camp to help them defend it, things would have gone better. That was sloppy work on our patrols end, letting that messenger get through. She'd be wise not to let it happen again."

Sootstars cats were, for the most part, a rough bunch that were no strangers to getting their paws dirty, but they seemed to lack the training and discipline needed to follow through on the more organized missions. It was something Ghost would try to help correct once he was clear for work again.

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rogue - male - 25 months - single - a very tall, muscular tabby with dark gray fur and white markings. heavily scarred with dark amber eyes

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[Nutsprout]

There is was- that little flutter in his chest. It made his pelt grow warm slightly at the little name that Ghoststrike had decided to use. It was a rarity to be called Peanut by the grey tabby tomcat, but he didn't quite understand why. Though it was there, right in front of him, but his claws could barely reach whatever could explain this feeling. Nutsprout shoved down that emotion and looked up at Ghoststrike, "You tellin' me that you get scared by something?" He teased the tomcat back with a twitch of a curled ear.

Nutsprout then gave a small snort in distain at the mention of this 'cold' going on. It was a straight up snowstorm outsider that everyone could barely walk through camp let alone do any sort of hunting. Though the prospect of war didn't settle well with him. Nutsprout had hoped he had left that killer instinct behind, that his paws could finally be clean of blood but alas it was too far of a dream. Sootstar was going to make this war unbearable, and he wasn't sure if they'd live through the winter let alone survive a full on war.

"I just- hope things steady themselves out. That spring comes early this year," Nutsprout admitted softly and looked down at his lighter colored paws for a moment before leaning into Ghoststrike, "But good, I'd like to see spring with you this year. A real spring," The lilac tabby grinned at the other and then lapped his tongue over the others' shoulder. Nutsprout then gave a soft purr and rested his head down onto the nest comfortably. ​

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"speech"​

 

[GHOSTSTRIKE]

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Ghost wasn't entirely naive to the effect he had on Nutsprout, even if he refused to associate a name to it. Still, he noticed. Noticed the way he couldn't permenantly drive the other off with his clipped words or the mile high walls he surrounded himself with, noticed the little look they'd get whenever he called them Peanut or praised them for something.

Sometimes, he even did it on purpose.

It wasn't a common occurrence by any means, Ghosts humanity was seldom allowed to surface long enough for him to have an effect on him, but sometimes, just sometimes, that thing -alive and raw with emotions- was able to claw its way to the surface. To Nut.

"Everyones scared of something, Peanut." he replied evenly, the nickname falling as casually as if he spoke it on a daily. Alone, away from prying eyes and ears, he didn't mind. He knew Nutsprout liked it, and it seemed to be one of the small things Ghost was able to give up without feeling as if he were unravelling at the seams.

He couldn't help but grunt in agreement at their next words, feeling similarly. Spring couldn't come fast enough. Windclan needed to be at their best and the sooner they could get there the better- and extra prey and a proper thaw would only help that along.

"But good, I'd like to see spring with you this year. A real spring,"

Ghost wasn't even sure what a real spring looked like, if he was honest, could bring himself to try and conjure an image of something that beautiful when he knew a mind as dark as his could never do it justice. He wondered, vaguely, what Nut imagine when he thought of it.

"Yeah. You think i'll finally manage to catch one of them long-eared bastards?" he asked, trying not to think too much about the tongue rasping across his fur or the body pressing farther into his own, even if if he did lean into the touch just a little.
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rogue - male - 25 months - single - a very tall, muscular tabby with dark gray fur and white markings. heavily scarred with dark amber eyes

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[Nutsprout]

Again with that name, and it made him wanna burrow into the other all that much more. Anything to hide the rising pink to his cheeks and pretended to start falling asleep. Though he knew he wouldn't be able to rest, not when he wanted to talk to Ghoststrike until the sun came up. Even though he was probably going to contract whatever greencough that the other had, but he didn't care about it. "Aye, I think you're gonna catch something and I hope its a rabbit," He murmured into soft grey tabby fur.

There was a brief moment of silence as the snores of nearby cats and the air was thick with their clouded breaths. Nutsprout pulled his head away from the other to look up at him for a moment, an unreadable expression behind those sage green eyes. "You know, you're a very interesting cat, mo chridhe, thanks for- everything I guess?" Nutsprout gave a small shrug of his shoulders and then touched his nose to the grey tabbys' white cheek, "Thank you for saving my life,"

If it hadn't been for Ghost finding him moons ago now, he'd probably be dead some where in a gutter. Another enemy just take and left to rot by the Coalition or maybe even worse- a father to multiple kittens. Nutsprout was bodied like a female and the thought of having children back to back like most mother had to do was terrifying. It made him shiver slightly at the thought and he rolled more onto his side with his legs poking out like he was uncomfortable, or trying to cover up the uncomfortability.

Weird and uncomfortable thoughts passed through his mind for a moment, he dare not say them out loud, before he turned away from Ghoststrike. That feeling only seemed to grow warmer and the taste of the word danced on his tongue, but yet something stopped it. A boundary or something akin to it to justify accepting another narrative.

There was a yawn from Nutsprout as he tried to brush over everything that was bombarding his brain, "We should get some rest, it'll be a long day tomorrow," ​

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"speech"​

 

[GHOSTSTRIKE]

---

Ghost wasn't the sort of cat to linger on the 'what ifs' in life. Sure, once in a while, when things got too quiet and he found himself at the mercy of his self-torturing thoughts, he'd let himself wonder. What if his first squad had never died? What if he'd never been betrayed by Hunter? What if he'd chosen to kill Nut that day instead of giving them a chance? But such thoughts were ever-fleeting, unable to find their way through the cracks in his armor often. Ghost knew that you couldn't change the past just as much as he knew that lingering on it could kill you, and so he chose to do neither, locking the memories and the feelings associated with them away behind walls in the dark where he didn't have to look at them.

But they were still there, deep inside him where he was unable to let go, and he could only guess thats why parts of him were now dead.

In that moment though, he felt a part of himself mourn for what he couldn't have, for what he couldn't give. Nutsprout was a good cat, he didn't deserve a life where his days were filled with strife and his sleep was corrupted by nightmares. No, he deserved a lifetime of real springs, a home where every cat felt like a member of his squad instead of just another body waiting to put claws in his back. And it made a part of Ghost want to give him those things, screamed at him to do more, but it was hard. Domesticity, a regular life, he didn't think he was built to have or provide those things. It would have been downright irresponsible to even try.

His claws were made to destroy, not to handle the delicate things of the world like Nuts hopes and dreams.

"You know, you're a very interesting cat, mo chridhe, thanks for- everything I guess?"

And maybe it was the others tone, or maybe it was the all too intimate touch to his cheek, but something kept Ghost from uttering an, 'English, Nutsprout'.

A part of him didn't want to know what they'd said, was afraid of the implications that might sit behind it and the fact that they might unblur the line and show him standing on the wrong side, outside of the walls he normally kept so tight.

"Thank you for saving my life."

Ghost wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't killed Nut or sent him back to the Coalition only because it had suited himself at the time, gave him a way to keep potentially innocent blood off his paws without fucking himself over. The fact that they'd grown closer and adopted each other as squadmates had only come afterwards by total coincedence, but still...

"I'm glad I didn't kill you." he said at last, an unusual softness to the words as his fondness bled through into them. "I like you alive." I like you next to me, safe. was what he really meant, though.

There was little chance he ever would have let Nut return to the Coalition while they had the knowledge of where Ghost and Nineteen were currently hanging out, and he'd purposefully never thought about what may have happened to them if he had. He knew for sure now that the Coalition considered Nut a traitor, and any fait they would have in store for them wouldn't have been plesant.

We should get some rest, it'ss be a long day tomorrow."

Ghost hummed in agreement as he lay his head down, allowing his tail to silently curl around the other protectively, as if he might be able to create a barrier between the other and their troubles. He should have hated this, should have despised the closeness and what it said of himself, but just for tonight he decided not to care, to just let himself have it. There was a part of him that needed this cheeky, altruistic dumbass, a part that couldn't sleep without their scent in the nest and couldn't resist leaning into their touch. It was the same broken shard of his heart that wasn't content unless the other was within sight, that came up with a horrible nickname and that let the dangerous 'what ifs' haunt the back of his thoughts.

Just for tonight, that part could win.

"Night, Peanut." he mumbled as he let his eyes close, pressing against them as he relaxed fully. He hadn't gotten a proper nights rest since being moved out there, and he could feel his exhaustion catching up with him now that his body and mind had been coaxed into relaxing. [/B]
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rogue - male - 25 months - single - a very tall, muscular tabby with dark gray fur and white markings. heavily scarred with dark amber eyes

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