private THE THINGS I DID \ cragpaw

[iciclefang]

Her sons are worried about their sister, but in the midst of their concern spins a storm that had been brewing since before their conception. Iciclefang watches Cragpaw, sitting alone on the edge of camp, and her chest aches for him, hunched in isolation. Before this battle, her children would have flocked to her for comfort, for reassurance, and even in her coolest manner, she'd have been able to make them realize everything with Pinepaw would be okay.

She doesn't have that luxury anymore. Neither son had sought her out willingly, and she feels more like she is forcing herself into Cragpaw's space upon her approach. She sits beside him, silent at first, testing the waters. She lets her gaze travel from his sharp-boned face, down to the powerful slope of his shoulders, to the lean-muscled legs he'd inherited from her, from his grandfather. She ignores the stone-gray of his fur, the single amber eye.

But she knows he can't ignore it. Not anymore.

"I'm just checking on you," she mews, hesitant. Had other cats said anything to him — would they? She had felt her Clanmates' glares, heard their whispers, but Lichenstar still recovered, and so Iciclefang lives on her borrowed time with gusto. "Are you... were you hurt, in the battle? You must have fought like a warrior." It's the one thing she can grasp, right now — fighting, victory.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: @CRAGPAW
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 29 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​

 

[CRAGPAW]

Cragpaw doesn't look at her at first, his mismatched eyes staring coldly at the water as his claws dig into the earth. He is disgusted with himself. That golden eye that stares back at him is now a constant reminder of what he is, how his blood is muddled with those in the oak forest. Those he hates. His muscles are tight with anger, his body coiled like a spring, ready to snap. Her words don't soothe him, not in the slightest. If anything, they make his chest burn with fury.

"Like a warrior?" He spits, his voice rough with barely-contained emotion. He finally turns to face her, his eyes blazing. "What do you even know about that, huh? You've spent my entire life lying to me - lying to us. You made me think I was what the epitome of what a RiverClanner should be. You made me believe this was my home. But it was all a lie." His voice shakes, betraying the hurt he feels. The bitterness is thick in his throat, difficult to swallow.

"I don't even know who I am anymore," He continues, his breath quickening as his emotions spiral. "Why would you keep something like this from me, mom? Why wouldn't you tell me the truth? How could you? I-" He breaks off for a moment, fighting to control the tremor in his voice. Now everything's changed. He doesn't even know where he belongs, who he's supposed to be. The apprentice's tail lashes behind him, agitated, before he suddenly stands and takes a few steps back, eyes narrowing. "What do you even want from me now? Are you just trying to fix things because the secret's out? Because you finally got caught?"
​

 

[iciclefang]

Pinepaw's venom had been quiet but breathtaking; Crabpaw had looked at her with palpable fear of what lay beneath his pelt, in his veins. Her eldest son, though, does what the other two had not — he whirls on her, his emotions too fiery, too powerful, for the body that struggles to hold them in. Cragpaw's mismatched gaze sears her like wildfire; she backs away from their heat, their smoke, her ears flattening against her skull as though he's physically struck her.

"Like a warrior? What do you even know about that, huh?" Iciclefang's jaw clenches. "I'm your mother, whatever else you wish to say about me. You should —" And then she falters, because that hadn't gone so well with Pinepaw, and she fears the same reaction now. Cragpaw spits at her, and the accusations pile upon her paws like fishbones. "You spent my entire life lying to me," he growls. "You made me think I was what the epitome of what a RiverClanner should be. You made me believe this was my home. But it was all a lie."

Iciclefang protests, "No! That isn't true. I — I did lie, but it was to protect you! How would you have felt, in Splashdance's place? Knowing your mother was across the river, knowing you had kin in two Clans? How could you have grown up loyal?" She steps closer, daringly, willing him to see. "You are everything a RiverClanner should be! I made sure of that, and so did the rest of your Clanmates."

But he wages war against her, and she's battered by his blows. "What do you even want from me now? Are you just trying to fix things because the secret's out? Because you finally got caught?" Iciclefang's tail sweeps the earth behind her. "You're my son. I wanted to make sure you... I knew this was..." She falters, unsure of how to proceed. It had always been easy with Cragpaw, in a way it had not been with the other two. He was her little soldier. He was her firstborn, obedient, steady.

"I'm sorry that this came out, and I'm sorry I broke the warrior code, but I'll never be sorry you were born," she says, and tries like hell to meet his eyes.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 29 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​

 

[CRAGPAW]

Cragpaw stands there trembling, his chest heaving as the rush of emotion courses through him. He wants to believe her. He wants to let her words ease the fire in his chest, but all they do is feed it. His mother, the cat he'd once idolized, looks so small now, so desperate. The sight only twists the metaphorical knife deeper.

"Protect me?" He snaps, his voice breaking as he steps toward her again. "You think lying to us was protection? Do you know what it's like to fight, to spill blood for your clan, and then find out you don't even belong?" Because that's what he's always believed. Cats like Splashdance - cats like him - could never belong. His claws flex against the ground, drawing up dirt and moss. "I fought beside them at Sunningrocks, for them! I would've died for them, just like you taught me! And now, what? You think any of them will ever see me as a real RiverClanner again?"

He pauses, his jaw tightening as he struggles to keep the tears from falling. His mismatched eyes, one inherited from his ThunderClan mother, and one from the she-cat standing before him now, burn into hers. "You lied to me about who I am." His tail lashes and his jaw continues to work, opening and closing like he doesn't trust himself to speak. When he does, it's quieter, but no less biting. "You say you're not sorry we were born, but you're sorry we know the truth. What does that make us, huh? Mistakes you had to clean up?"

He turns away from her then, his shoulders rigid and his voice lowering as against his better judgment, he speaks naive words, "I want to be as far from you as possible." And with that, Cragpaw stalks off, his heart aching as much as his claws itch to dig into something - anything - to distract him from this pain as tears continue to sting his eyes.
​

 

[iciclefang]

Cragpaw's wounds aren't soothed by Iciclefang's placating words; if anything, she's spit fire into them, venom. The gray tom's pelt bristles, and his mismatched eyes gleam, hardened with rage. Every word he flings at her hits her pelt like a stone; she can feel the bruise forming with every syllable, but she does not flee from the assault. Iciclefang stands, steadfast, even as her paws tremble — even as her tongue fails her.

"You lied to me about who I am," her firstborn tells her, and she can see the glisten of grief in his eyes. Iciclefang's heart cracks. She wants to go to him, wants to press herself against him like he's five moons old again, four, three — like he's hers, like he'll never be anything but hers. "You're not a mistake," she protests, but her voice is strained. She can feel her body crack, crumble, the way it never has before — she will disintegrate, she thinks, she will be dust at Cragpaw's feet before this is over.

But he is done, then. He looks at her with his shoulders taut, his chin set, an expression he has inherited from her. "I want to be as far from you as possible." Iciclefang's jaws part. She feels like he has clawed her, but what is one more wound? The ones Pinepaw and Crabpaw have left still sting against her flesh. "Please, Cragpaw, listen to me," she says, but he's gone. He's walking away from her, and even though everything in her body is screaming to follow him, she knows she cannot.

Iciclefang bows her head — and, at last, the dam bursts. The tears pop onto her cheekbones like berries in bloom. She lifts a paw to her chest, wondering if it will contain her. StarClan, I'm so sorry.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 30 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​