private THE UGLINES OF BEING A FOOL ( CHILLEDSTAR ) ༊

[APPLEJAW]

Applepaw lingers by WindClan's border.

The occasion is not one that pertains to borders. She and Chilledstar are out for a hunt, and a hunt alone. It is not something that she needs to be supervised for, any longer. Applepaw took to it after the first outing with her traitor or mentor. Even more so, after she threw herself into it whole - heartedly. She never took time to sulk during the outbreak of yellowcough— she could not afford to, with their forces lacking in strength. With a sick mother, and brother. A sick friend. She told herself that she would bring them something good to eat, and that is just what she did.

Chilledstar could afford to take their eye off of her, for a moment. Apple did what she was told to, securing a skinny lizard despite Leaf - bare's grumblings. But once she did, she found herself pulled to the Thunderpath. Idly, she found herself trailing toward it. A quick detour is all it was.

The growl of monsters was loud, shaking the very ground the way it always did. But they kept roaring in unison; in packs. There was no gap for any cat to cross back to WindClan.

Evidently, WindClan needed no such gap to get to them.

Perhaps if it had been easy then, she would have walked across in hopes of finding her old mentor wandering across the moor. ...As if he would not be surrounded by WindClan cats. The same WindClan cats that would not hesitate to kill any cat across their borders. Applepaw knew this, and yet she might've done it still, if not for the monsters. Chilledstar could be thankful of that.

She just wants to talk to him again. She just wants to ask him why.

( one track mind, one track heart ) ༊ ( if i fail i'll fall apart )

• ooc: @CHILLEDSTAR.
  

• 

• ( CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M THE WORST, SO I ALWAYS ACT LIKE I'M THE BEST ) APPLEPAW. apprentice of shadowclan. eldest sister to swanpaw, ashenpaw, and garlicpaw. ( + birdkit, halfkit & tanglekit )
  —— she / her; confused by the use of others.
  —— currently 9 moons old as of 12.20.23. ages every 17th.
  
  longhaired blue torbie with a white chest, paws, and underbelly. A young cat you would describe as " bossy, " Applepaw is quick to take charge of any situation she sees herself as the probable head of. Naturally talented, and a rule - follower to a T, she thinks herself better than the majority of her peers. Not ignorant enough to think herself above a warrior, but seeks to gain that status as quickly as possible. Intensely self - motivated to be the best in a mixture of blind, childish desire, and never wanting to be afraid of anything ever again.

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[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

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"applepaw?"

they had waited for her to come back. she should have been back, but there was too long of a beat. they're hardly leaving their apprentices by themselves, though sometimes they needed to train alone. this was one of those times. especially since applepaw hasn't been their apprentice for but a few moments. they're trying to see where her skills lie, and they're starting with hunting. in a time like leafbare, it's a necessary evil. if she could catch now, she could catch in new leaf. and if she could catch in new leaf, then she could catch in greenleaf. simple, right? no. not at all. because her mentor had been a cat unloyal. untrustworthy. evil, to be kind in their words.

"you really shouldn't be this close to the thunderpath... do you want to talk about it? whatevers brought you here? because I'm sure you didn't come to watch the monsters run by, and to smell their sickly scent, either. no one does on purpose."

they take a moment.

"being your leader and your mentor aside, you can talk to me."
​

 

[APPLEJAW]

Applepaw hears them before she sees them. The crunching of snow— and then, white - grey slush where the forest becomes thunderpath. She supposes she's been here for longer than she should. It's a behavior she'd attribute more to her brother, Swanpaw. Wasn't she the one who never bothered with imaginary happenings, or kitten games anymore? All the while her littermates lag behind, heads full of solutions to problems that did not matter. Clad in dispositions that were not favorable for any warrior, rather they be overly chipper or the very definition of insolent. Applepaw has never been any of those things. She'd like to keep it that way, too.

So why does she too, find herself looking off into lands beyond, pondering things that probably didn't matter? Or rather— things that could not be fixed.

Granitepelt was gone, and ShadowClan, the stubborn trash heap that it was, would live long enough for them to never let him in again. But she's reminded, left with the image of his frenzied ravings, spat like the blackest bile while hanging by the fangs of her father, that was not something he would ever want, anyways.

Do you want to talk about it? the leaders offer hangs tantalizingly in the air. Applepaw cannot bring herself to look at them, still. She faces straight ahead as she always has. To the danger. To warriorhood.

She would like to talk about it. But she wishes they were someone else.

In the absence of shaking her head, she is silent. It wasn't personal. She hardly talked to anyone. Not even her own siblings. Most of the time, there was nothing to talk about.

And there still wasn't, really.

Her blink is slow, mismatched eyes never leaving the line of the horizon; where the moors lay. " I just wonder... what he's doing. " She breathes out. The tip of her tail gives a single, anxious flick. " ...I wonder if WIndClan is treating him well. He is over there, isn't he? "

( one track mind, one track heart ) ༊ ( if i fail i'll fall apart )

• 
  

• 

• ( CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M THE WORST, SO I ALWAYS ACT LIKE I'M THE BEST ) APPLEPAW. apprentice of shadowclan. eldest sister to swanpaw, ashenpaw, and garlicpaw. ( + thornpaw, halfpaw & laurelpaw )
  —— she / her; confused by the use of others.
  —— currently 9 moons old as of 12.20.23. ages every 17th.
  
  longhaired blue torbie with a white chest, paws, and underbelly. A young cat you would describe as " bossy, " Applepaw is quick to take charge of any situation she sees herself as the probable head of. Naturally talented, and a rule - follower to a T, she thinks herself better than the majority of her peers. Not ignorant enough to think herself above a warrior, but seeks to gain that status as quickly as possible. Intensely self - motivated to be the best in a mixture of blind, childish desire, and never wanting to be afraid of anything ever again.

​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

chilledstar hates granitepelt. they do. with every fiber of their being they hate him. and the most ironic part was, they did not hate him for killing them. their tail twitched, however, as they simply understand. they remember back as a young kit with their mother, asking about their father. not nearly as evil as granitepelt but... there was certainly things he did that made him... worse in some ways. they don't know if granitepelt would ever try and kill one of his own kits, but their father did. their brows furrowed and they sat beside applepaw, curling their tail around their paws with an unusually soft look on their face that they didn't show too often. now was a time as any.

"i don't know what he's doing. and i am sure he is in windclan. yes. but you know... asking him whatever you're thinking about isn't going to help. let me tell you a story."

they twitched their tail.

"you never had the displeasure, but my father wasn't great either. isn't. will never be. he tried to steal serpentspine and when I didn't let him, he tried to kill me. and you want to know the funniest part... I still want to ask him why. I know that the answer he gives me will only further my confusion. or even my anger. but I still want to ask."

they snorted slightly.

"I understand your curiosity, applepaw. but your answers aren't with him. tell me... do you think he went about things correctly? sure. he was right about some things. that cannot be denied. but do you believe that killing apprentices, and leaders, are the way to fix things?"
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[APPLEJAW]

A story. As if she was a kit again; one that could not understand any lesson or morals without the lens of an elder's tale being placed atop them. She did not think Chilledstar a mindreader. She'd think that ShadowClan would be much better off than they are now, if they were, and yet Chilledstar knows what she is thinking. Applepaw glimpses them from the corner of her eye, gaze sharp, but says nothing.

She wonders how a father could steal his own kits. Would it be much in the way that Granitepelt had? Begging, bleeding, for his children to come with him.? They had told him no for reasons Applepaw can barely conceive, but one of them hadn't; the most tolerable of all, she would say— and had that been stealing? Perhaps Starlingheart or Flintpaw would consider it so.

Maybe in the way that Halfpaw would rather plaster herself to the side of Applepaw's peer, rather than her herself, Nettlepaw had Stolen Halfpaw too, but— ah, she does't care about that. Perhaps how much you cared to see them go is what made it stealing or not. Sootstar had stolen Granitepelt from her. From them. From ShadowClan. She feels much the same as Chilledstar had then, but of course, she wouldn't tell them that.

Applepaw did not need to be scolded on something she hasn't said. (Something that she already knew) She squares her shoulders; sits up that little bit straighter. " I know, " she tells them, a defensive edge to her voice. And their question— it was hardly vague enough to call a trap. Siltcloud herself would likely answer with a no. Applepaw stiffens. " Of course not. " Did they think she was evil? Granitepelt's apprentice, is that how others thought of her, now?

( one track mind, one track heart ) ༊ ( if i fail i'll fall apart )

• ooc: sorry this is so late!
  

• 

• ( CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M THE WORST, SO I ALWAYS ACT LIKE I'M THE BEST ) APPLEPAW. apprentice of shadowclan. eldest sister to swanpaw, ashenpaw, and garlicpaw. ( + thornpaw, halfpaw & laurelpaw )
  —— she / her; confused by the use of others.
  —— currently 9 moons old as of 12.20.23. ages every 17th.
  
  longhaired blue torbie with a white chest, paws, and underbelly. A young cat you would describe as " bossy, " Applepaw is quick to take charge of any situation she sees herself as the probable head of. Naturally talented, and for the most part, a rule - follower. She thinks herself better than the majority of her peers. Not ignorant enough to think herself above a warrior, but seeks to gain that status as quickly as possible. Intensely self - motivated to be the best in a mixture of blind, childish desire, and wanting to fix what has been broken. Intensely closed off to close emotional connection and outwardly cold to most.

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