sensitive topics THE UNFORGIVEN — nightmare, prompt

tw for descriptions of child death; cw for panic attack / trauma response symptoms

racconstripe's actions in the great battle haunt him. what are his practices after a particularly horrible nightmare?

The sky is blank but for an all-seeing moon, unblinking ivory eye casting light like judgment onto a forested clearing. A tabby strides past cats who are twitching on the floor. Bleeding and gasping. Crying for help. He does not see them. They are on their way to whatever pitiful darkness awaits them after death. His eyes are near-black, unseeing with adrenaline and the light of battle.

They are focused on something. A tortoiseshell queen from the opposing colony, her pelt bristling and her fangs gleaming with saliva. "You brutes would drive us out of your homes, and for what?" Her claws unsheathe. Raccoonstripe can smell her terror as well as he can smell the death perfuming the night.

"Because you don't belong here," he answers her, the same as he always does, the same as he did. His attack on her is swift and without mercy. His teeth flash wet and silver in the moonlight, and he grips her by her scruff. She is smaller than him, but she uses all four of her dangling limbs to slash haphazardly at her attacker.

He can feel the sting. He can feel his blood greet the humid hot air. Raccoonstripe does not stop, though, nothing stops him -- he will kill his opponent, he will drive these prey-stealing kittypets from their forest --

And then, as there always is, there's teeth fastened into his back leg. He drops the tortoiseshell, rearing back to hiss at the cat who quivers before him, bravery and terror emanating in waves. A cat who cannot be more than seven or eight moons, ginger pelt spiked like the tortoiseshell's. Raccoonstripe does not see anything but an enemy of his colony, a cat who steals fresh-kill from the mouths of his family, of the kits who cry for meat in the middle of the night, and he's quick to strike.

The dying queen screams behind him. The ginger cat dangles by their throat, torn to the bone, laid bare. Blood fills Raccoonstripe's mouth, over and over again, over and over again, and he's choking, belatedly realizing he's killed this cat who has barely left it's mother's flank, killed them right in front of their mother, and her death rattle follows her scream.

When he awakens, it's flushed with nausea, and for a horrifying moment he knows his mouth is filled with blood. He rises from his nest on stiff legs, pushing past the other warriors. Staggering into the moonlit clearing, Raccoonstripe heaves. Nothing comes out, nothing but a mouthful of overly-salty and overly-metallic saliva.

He trembles. Has the dream become more visceral since the dogs, since ShadowClan? Raccoonstripe lifts a white paw to his mouth and brushes away the lingering moisture.

Breathe. Breathe. He forces himself to exhale and inhale. The moonlight blankets their camp. He casts his eyes to the star-filled sky, forcing the fur on his back to lie flat.

StarClan, forgive me. I would go back if I could. I would change it if i could.

He cannot, and he's come to accept this -- or has he? Raccoonstripe straightens, his limbs ceasing to tremble, but the haunted expression in his eyes remains.

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]
 
Cloudypaw's nightmares were not as bloody as Raccoonstripe's. They couldn't be. She had never seen as much blood as the fields of the great battle had held in her whole life, it was beyond her imagination. No, it was the ivory glint of teeth that haunted her. They did not find her every night, not even most. However, it was still often enough to make the thought of sleeping uncomfortable.

She stayed up later than she used to, and if she woke up in the middle of the night she dared not go back to sleep. Instead, she would lie in her nest wide awake and wait for sunrise.

That was how the sound of pawsteps outside the apprentice den found her. She stirred, glancing toward the entrance. The telltale orange hues of dawn had not yet begun to creep in. She blinked in confusion. Then, after a moment to consider the sound, she rose to her paws and stepped over the bodies of her sleeping clanmates.

As she stepped out of the apprentice den, Cloudypaw instantly spotted Racoonstripe. Lit alone in the moonlight, he hardly seemed himself. Heaving and trembling and terrified. If the camp were not so silent, she would have been half convinced that there was a monster on his heels.

Indecision froze her.

Raccoonstripe didn't like her, she knew that. Seeing her might just upset him more. Part of her considered just ducking back into the apprentice den and leaving him be, with the vain hope that he had been too distracted to notice her. She pushed through it though, and padded toward him cautiously.

"Are you alright?" Cloudypaw asked hesitantly.​
 

Contrary to how his drowsy demeanour might otherwise establish, Berryheart had always been a rather light sleeper. Even in the indulgently comfortable embrace of his perfectly crafted nest, he still found himself often stirring at even the slightest sound. It was irregular movement, tonight... and a slight sound of laboured breaths, of... retching, perhaps. His head lifted, a breath taken in through the nose- no, no blood in the air. There was no cause for alarm, nor a faltering faint. Still, it might do him well to investigate.

In all the crevices of his keen mind, he had not expected to see his brother. He looked... still, icy. But not in an aloof manner, as if he was holding a mask of stoicism over his features. No, it was... a glassy look, laboured by the volume of his breaths. Carefully, though doubtlessly loud given his limping gait, the sun-flecked tom made his way over.

With Stumbles there as well, asking in a well-meaning manner if he was alright, Berryheart saw no need to repeat what had already been said. It was a question that only had one answer- a yes or a no. A slow, sleepy blink overtook his gaze as he silently greeted the apprentice- though what he offered his littermate was much less aloof. "Hello." A quiet hum, a greeting- and something of an invitation, too. He would not force Stripes to spill what had awoken him- but he would let his littermate know he was there for him.
PENNED BY PIN ☾
 


She spent a lot of nights wide awake, watching her kits pelts gently rise and fall. All she wants is for them to be safe, for them to be happy. After what happened with her last litter she finds herself watching this one all the more closer, holding them tighter.

Her limbs ache after long moments of stillness in an attempt not to disrupt the kits that lay against her belly and she finds herself getting more and more restless as a result. Finally, she needs a break. As carefully as she can, in an attempt not to disturb the sleeping bundles of fur, she extracts herself. Quietly, she makes her way out of the den and lets out a sigh of relief when the cool night air hits her face. It felt good to stretch her legs but also to look up at the stars. Was her father looking down on her now? Her daughter? Did they approve of the choices she had made or did they think she was as mouse-brained as she is certain others think she is? She is hopeful that they understand the choices she has made.

She spots her brothers almost immediately and is about to offer a cheerful greeting but when she sees the troubled look on Raccoontails face she switches to something more subdued "Beautiful night tonight" she says quietly as she comes to stand next to the small gathering of cats but she stands closest to Berryheart. Like her tortoiseshell sibling, she would not pry, but instead, offer her quiet support.
 
The shakes racking his body are chased away by the fresh, biting night air. He continues to inhale deeply, to exhale slowly, but the taste of blood begins to leave his mouth. The cries of a mother, of a child, fade away, back to background noise where they've been nearly a year.

He curses to himself as he hears pawsteps. He's wakened some of his Clanmates. He turns with bated breath, scrambling to hold onto something he can use for an explanation, when he meets Cloudypaw's sheepish golden eyes. She speaks hesitantly, "Are you alright?"

Raccoonstripe stares at her for a moment. So young still, kittypet origins or not. He forces himself to smile. "I'm fine, don't worry. A bad dream, is all. I'm sure you've had a bad dream wake you up before, right? That's... that's all it was."

The lie begins to warm on his tongue. A bad dream. It's not a complete falsehood, but it's not quite the truth, either. Berryheart's tortoiseshell flank catches his sight, and Raccoonstripe gives his shrewder littermate a searching look. The smile is still there, but it is different for his siblings. Little Wolf's voice is gentle, distracting, and despite all the turmoil that has brewed between them, he gives his older sister a grateful nod.

"Sorry, if I woke you up. It is beautiful tonight." He exhales again, slow. Grounded. He's here, in ThunderClan, surrounded by Clanmates, by kin. He's where he belongs. He's fought to be here -- killed to be here --

"I think seeing the stars can chase away any bad dream," he says to the other three cats, mindless, rambling. Not if you aren't going to StarClan for being a murderer. He blinks. His thoughts won't stop, but he does not say anything else, choosing to let his easy smile say what his tongue cannot and what his mind refuses to.

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]