THE WAKE OF MY WORD ; blazestar

[ThistleBack]

The sun seeping into the horizon, lays the long shadows of the pines creeping up the subtle hills. Alone, a solitary creature now with the dismissive flick of his tail at Quillpaw. Thistleback makes his way toward the nursery, but his grey sights flick toward the elderberry bush that housed their leader. Still grieving, one can imagine. Perhaps forevermore.

He halts, tail whisking above the ground and brows furrowed. Many had paid their coats at his threshold, perhaps offering their kind words or asking small questions. Thistleback had no questions, nor kind words. Did he? Everything off his tongue was barbed and meant to carve deep to the bone, meant to scare, threaten, or teach. A life of an orphan, paved under his toes. A former criminal, governed by nothing. What could he possibly say? Only, he was different. A father, mate, and loyal soldier. All things he couldn’t have possibly imagined for himself. One could think, it was Blazestar and the clan he forged that is to thank for this. It was that broken man in there, he owed this life.

It was the pale flame pointed ragdoll, who gave so much and not only received little but lost much in turn. That’s why his path changes, padding across the snow laden camp and planted at the mouth of his den. A jagged black and white eclipse of the sinking sun at his back. His grey eyes peer into the den.

" I was on my way to the nursery, but I thought to wish you a good nights rest. " he announced himself, eloquent and stable despite his vague reasons for even standing here.

" to properly thank you as well… for letting my mate step down with dignity. She adores you she does. For good reason " this felt too military, too formal now. He always kept this tone, it established and translated his coldness yet loyalties. " You’re a good man. " he nods subtly, brows furrowing as he considers his next words.

" You deserved so much better than this life, Blazestar. " his throaty voice rumbles like churning gravel, his haunches slowly lower to a sit. " I’d give you mine if I could. I sure as shit hardly deserve it. " he scoffs to himself, watching the frost puff from his jaws.

" I hope you heal well Blazestar. You may not limp your leg, but I can see the pain you’re in " Thistleback wonders if this was the kindest he’s spoken to another that wasn’t his mate or children.

" I pray that the storm lifts. " he adds, standing back onto crouched hocks. He considers leaving the man be but pauses. " I see how the other clan leaders look at you… hear how the other clans think you’re weak. " he speaks on with a flick of a white tail tip. " Not that their opinions particularly matter, however "

" You’ve got to be the strongest damn cat, this forest has ever seen. " he finishes. " I just want you to know that, and I’m here for you- and your children. " No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. Thistleback worries the quicksand of it all would swallow the kindhearted king’s soul. Leaving a husk of woe.

" I believe in you. What you are, who you are. You’re a rare sort. Brave, kind, loving, and sacrificial, there’s plenty of darkness and cruelty in this world, not enough cats like you. " he finishes, rolling his shoulders and subconsciously glaring into the trees pensively.

​

OOC INFO REF

• — just some things thistle wanted blaze to hear <3 no pressure to reply at all my friend @BLAZESTAR
  
• 
  
  
  ✧ T H I S T L E B A C K
  thirty-three moons
  — Lead warrior of Skyclan
  — taken by
  Deersong 9.29.22
  — mentoring quillpaw
  — very muscular piebald black and white tom with spiky fur and cold silver-grey eyes.
  — voice & accent
  — biography･ﾟ✧​
• 
  
  

​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

All his days are colored gray -- gray for the snowblown sky, his frostbitten and windswept forest, the brittle ice that crunches beneath his paws. Every day, he's a little better, or so he likes to think, but the smallest thing will push him forcefully into a sinking pool of memories that tug at him like tar, like sap. He's not seen Little Wolf in a halfmoon, and it's like the beginning of a prison sentence he will not escape until death.

He will never see her in that capacity again, after all -- not as he used to, frolicking with her under a sliver of the moon, pine needles crunching beneath their paws and decorating their pelts.

Fireflypaw and Howlpaw being in SkyClan -- it's a comfort, a small one. Seeing the jet-black of his son's paws and face, his daughter's small size and short fur -- it's a reminder, a reminder that he can still hold onto pieces of her.

He's interrupted from endless trails of thought by an unexpected voice. Not Orangeblossom, not Deersong -- a voice he'll soon grow used to not hearing in the same way -- but Thistleback. The muscular tom's steely silver eyes find purchase with Blazestar's dull blue gaze.

He's expecting an admonition for lying about still, for entrenching himself in his grief, but Thistleback speaks unexpectedly kind words. "I hope you heal well Blazestar. You may not limp your leg, but I can see the pain you're in."

Blazestar's jaw trembles. "I believe in you. What you are, who you are." He hadn't expected this, hadn't known he'd wanted to hear something -- something substantial, something that maybe can take away the self-hatred gnawing at his insides -- and tears flood his eyes.

"I don't deserve your kindness," he says hoarsely. "I've been..." Thistleback calls him strong. He's been anything but. He's let fate take away everything important to him, co-signed the law with the other five Clan leaders, and yet his own decision has left him shamelessly wallowing in self-pity.

It's a cloak he cannot discard yet, but he blinks his tears away in rapid realization. Yes, self-pity. Self-blame. Self-hatred. He's entrenched in a private storm that he's allowing to soak him to the bone, allowing to drown him. It's anything but brave.

Blazestar forces himself to meet Thistleback's eyes. "I have my Clan, still," he says. "I will... I will consider what you've said, Thistleback." He should consider it, he should, but --

He rests his chin on his paws. "Don't say you don't deserve it. You do. Any cat deserves the comfort of a mate, the love of his kits..." He trails off again. "But it's not... it's..." Blinded again by Little Wolf's face behind his eyes.

He chokes and bows his head. "Thank you, my friend. Thank you." Not just for the words, but for helping SkyClan carry on when they need it most. For shouldering the burden of a leadership Blazestar is not sure he is fit for any longer, if he ever was.​