there'll be mornings when the ashes and embers are cold - roe

[emberstar]

"AND THOUGH THE EMBERS ARE NEW, WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LET THE FIRE DIE"​

Without Cinderfrost in camp, it felt like she could breathe easier. That wasn't something she had expected, really. Her first death was so long again now, she had moved on. She thought she had. Now though, without her murderer in camp, she just felt safe. She hadn't expected that.

It made her feel guilty.

The decision had hurt her clanmates and made them mad, Emberstar knew that. She had seen all the reactions, made a point of watching them really. For all the danger their old medicine cat posed, she had done a lot of good. The information she had taught them was invaluable, she had helped deliver Rabbitnose and Sunfreckle's kits, and she had even saved Roepaw's life.

Roepaw. That was who she felt worst about. The tiny apprentice had practically been adopted by Cinderfrost, and it made sense why. She wouldn't be alive if not for her. Emberstar had already worried that the apprentice was too isolated, and now the closest thing she had to a mother had been banished.

A sigh pulled itself from the leader, and the sound of her own vocie pulled her from her thoughts. As it did, she realized where she was. The entrance of the medicine den. She had come here without even realizing it, she was just used to checking in on Cinderfrost every day, to make sure she wasn't doing anything. Staring into the den in front of her, she blinked, considering it.​

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[ROEFLAME .]

I TOLD YOU ONCE, I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN​

---

She couldn’t bring herself to look at the medicine den, something she used to call her home.
It haunted her now, the way it shadowed the clearing under the moonlight, the faint scent of herbs that touched her nose when she had to walk by it.
The apprentices den was no comfort either, not with Robinpaw looming over her, and not with the whispers that pricked at her ears when the others thought she was asleep. She replays the venomous words directed towards Cinderfrost that day, how hungry her clanmates had looked- hungry for “justice.” Where was the justice? Roepaw couldn’t understand.
She had always felt alone, but that had been blanketed by Cinderfrost’s presence, what is she to do when the blanket has been stolen?
Roepaw quietly fidgets by the fresh-kill pile as these thoughts tick at her brain.
A soft sigh, barely more audible than the leaf-fall breeze tugs at the apprentices hearing.
Curiously, she peers over the pile of food, her gaze catching on the cream and fire pelt of Emberstar, who is staring half-mindlessly into the entrance of the medicine den.
A frown tugs at Roepaw’s lips, she is still angry at her leader, who turned her back on Cinderfrost- who never acknowledged the words the former medicine cat spoke.
Yet, she is still walking over, head tilted curiously and murky green gaze narrowed suspiciously. "What are you doing?" She asked when the gap was closed. Her voice as small as her stature as she is gazing up to Emberstar. Surprisingly, the anger that still stirred was not evident in her tone.
"speech."​

 

[emberstar]

"AND THOUGH THE EMBERS ARE NEW, WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LET THE FIRE DIE"​

Emberstar blinked as a voice called out to her. She glanced back. The shadow of Cinderfrost stood there, waiting for her reply. It was fitting really, that she of all people would catch this lapse in attention.

"Ah. Roepaw." Her gaze drifted back toward the medicine den, searching for a way to explain herself. What sense did it make that she had half forgotten what she herself had done? "I'm, ah, not really sure." She admitted with another blink. "I was thinking of something else, I guess. I must be more tired than I thought!" Brushing it off with a laugh, the leader pulled herself away from the medicine den. She offered no further explanation.

She forced her attentions elsewhere, onto another one of her worries. This was a perfect opportunity to check in on Roepaw, she decided. Never even considering the fact she might be the worst cat that could do so. "How are you holding up?" Emberstar asked warmly, padding over to the apprentice.​

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[ROEFLAME .]

I TOLD YOU ONCE, I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN​

---

She watches the fiery hued leader carefully, the small laugh used to finish her vague explanation causing the apprentices head to tilt curiously.
When Emberstar takes a step towards her, Roepaw steps back. The movement is involuntary, and she seems to notice the abrupt distance between them because the tabby finally looks away just as Emberstar begins to speak again.
The question still causes a rise in Roepaw, but the apprentice thinks back to her harsh words at Olivepaw, and shame burns at her cheekbones, she still had to apologize for that.
"I…don’t know" she finally admits, taking a seat. She glances back towards Emberstar, how ironic would it be, to open up to the very cat that invoked her despair?
"I’m not… I’m not sure you’re really the best cat to talk to about it, all due respect." Roepaw added, her tiny voice seeming to shrink further into itself. The scent of herbs drifts from the den nearby and a habitual knot ties itself into Roepaw’s stomach. She didn’t want to hate so much anymore, but the harsh words spat towards her mother that the leader had condoned, the target that etched itself into the apprentices back since the banishment… the anger and fear was blocking any forgiveness she was struggling to give.

"speech."​

 

[emberstar]

"AND THOUGH THE EMBERS ARE NEW, WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LET THE FIRE DIE"​

The leader froze as her step forward was matched by a step back, uncertain. Half afraid Roepaw would run off if she got any closer. She didn't know what to do. No one had ever reacted to her like this, like they were afraid of her. It made her feel too big and too weak all at once.

"Of course I am!" Emberstar reassured warmly. She tried to appear open, inviting. Nonthreatening. "I'm your leader after all, you should be able to talk to me." That should be true, she thought, so she would make it true. If something was wrong, the two of them would talk it out, she was sure of it.

After a moment, she added, "It's alright if you're mad, though. I'd get that." Every decision she made regarding Cinderfrost seemed to make someone made. Usually a lot of people. This one had been no exception. Emberstar had heard how angry Roepaw had been at Pitchstar, but she couldn't tell if she still was. She wasn't acting like it. That was good, she thought.​

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