there's a pain in my heart - flycatcher

[Flamestar]

Was Starclan out to get her? Why was it that disaster the clan struck every time she planned on having kits? During leaf bare, the clan barely had enough prey to go around. She had lost two of her daughters…she had almost lost Stormpaw. Her only living daughter had been so small compared to her brother at birth…she had spent many countless nights watching…worrying about her. Not too long ago, she and Flycatcher had agreed on another litter…but now? The thought ached her heart too much.

The unnamed sickness was here… With each passing day they seemed to be losing another set of paws to the Medicine Cat den. There were many sicknesses that passed through the clans, but there was something different about this one. Blazestar’s words from the gathering had been haunting her since they returned to the camp.

I fear this sickness will kill every cat it touches.

She knew in her heart that now is the completely wrong time to bring more lives into the nursery…but it was hard to push out the hurt that the realization brought. Her gaze drifts off to the nursery, and she spots some of the kits playing outside the entrance, only to be hushed back inside by the queens. Jealousy shoots through her, but seconds later she lowers her ears in shame. These kits were at an increased risk of catching the sickness...this sickness will kill every cat it touches. Her throat tightened. Tigerkit...her mother had brought her here to be taken care of...to be safe. Sunfreckle's kits...if anything happened to them, he would probably lose the will to live. And here she was...wanting to bring new life into the clan.

If Blazestar's words were true...the clan would need them both. She just wished it didn't hurt so bad.

She catches Flycatcher's eye, and turns to lead him out of the camp. Her throat felt too dry to explain why she wanted to talk to him, but she wonders if he had been thinking about the same thing. She continues to walk, until she was sure they were out of earshot. Despite their plans, they hadn't told anyone yet, and there was no point to now. The fiery Molly stops and turns to face him. She lifts her gaze to meet his, the usual sparkle replaced by a film of sadness. "We can't.." she breathes, before pushing her face into his chest fur. They had the option this time to protect their future kits from anything bad happening...she couldn't...wouldn't risk it. Her heart couldn't handle losing more kits. It was going to be hard enough if they lost any clanmates. She knew Frostglare and Roeflame were sick...who would be next? "Not until this...sickness is gone."

//
@Flycatcher
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[Flycatcher]

When Flamewhisker catches his attention, Flycatcher doesn't fully know the reason why she wishes to speak, though he has his ideas. He pads over to her, a curious look in his eye, almost silently asking his mate what was wrong. When she gives no verbal response but gestures for him to follow, he does so without question.

When they are out of earshot, Flamewhisker finally turns to speak with him, and he can sense something is wrong by the hesitant way she carries herself. We can't..., she says. And for a moment Flycatcher just blinks, before a dawning realisation of what she meant suddenly came to him. She was referring to the kits, the second litter they had discussed and long hoped for. He bows his head solemnly, resting his chin atop her head when she buries her head in his chest fur. "You are right," Flycatcher says with a heavy sigh. As much as they both wanted kits, they could not risk bringing them into a world with this sickness plaguing the clans, especially when they would be so weak and vulnerable. "We cannot risk it, it would not be fair to bring kits into such a world," Flycatcher mews sadly. "I know we wanted this but we can wait and hope this sickness passes soon. There will always be time to have another litter come newleaf?"​

 

[Flamestar]

He rests his chin on top of her head, and she feels her shoulders droop as she accepts his comforting gesture. As unfair as it felt, it was their duty to protect them...and in this moment, the only way to protect them was to wait. She couldn't risk losing more kits...and neither could he. He agrees with her, and even though she knew he would, it still causes a tear to fall from her eyes. There will always be time to have another litter come newleaf? His words were well intended, but they brought little comfort. She pulls away, and looks to the ground for a moment, before searching his gaze for reassurance. Around her clanmates, she tried her best to look brave...to not show fear, but around him, she could show herself.

"I...I can't stop thinking about what Blazestar said. I fear this sickness will kill every cat it touches." Her hues glazed over for a moment, picturing Roeflame, Frostglare, and Berryheart in the medicine den. "What if Stormpaw or Falconpaw get sick?" her voice was merely more than a whisper now. "What if you get sick? I can't..." She pauses, the forest around them was starting to spin. "I can't lose you guys"
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[Flycatcher]

Flycatcher had only meant well with his suggestion, but he can see now that perhaps it wasn't the best choice of words. When she pulls away, he stares at her with a pained expression, before looking at his own paws.

He lifts his head when she speaks about Blazestar's words. "I know it, it troubles me too," Flycatcher confessed. They were likely not alone in those fears both within their clan and outside of it too. He thinks of those stark words and then thinks of all the cats currently in the medicine den. So many cats he loved and cared for and he was just supposed to be alright with the possibility they might die. Flamewhisker starts to talk about their children possibly getting sick or even him, and Flycatcher's eyes widen. "Dont. Don't say that," He says sharply, but in somewhat of a pleading tone. He steps forward tentatively and presses his nose to her head, drinking in her scent. "If anything ever happened to you or our kits I would surely lose myself." Flycatcher can't help but think of the rage that had overcome when he thought Snakeblink had murdered Flamewhisker.​