private THERE'S NO RETURNING... | wolfpaw

[MERLINPAW]

Merlinpaw spent the night in a fugue state of leaden drowsiness and capricious restlessness at the same time. Curling into herself so that her muzzle was buried beneath folded limbs, the apprentice's heart fluttered as though it floated through indelicate inquietude, an ocean that rolled through her bird-bone body. The collective of unanswered questions churned within her gut, heaving and singing its terrible malady. Why me? If I had gone with him, could I have saved him? Would I have died instead? Could I have changed nothing? The shock of grief had taken its toll harshly, like a feverish sensation that boiled within her head, curtaining through all of her thoughts and turning them to mania. Night fell, and the daylight dwindled until it became a mere blink upon the horizon's perch, and yet her anxieties only grew. I'm such a terrible daughter. I couldn't even fight against a Riverclan cat! I can't save anyone. Eyelids clenched tight, even tighter than they had been closed before. Paws flexed and coiled into fists, as though she aimed to escape the world by climbing inside herself. Foolish panaceas, for there lie little solace in the ever-roiling matter within her. It wasn't until a paw lightly rubbed at her side that she had woken from her half-awake-half-asleep stupor, as the spiraling bullet had slowed down within her mind, though it only sealed itself within her hollowed cavities. "W-Wolfpaw..." One aureate eye flitted open, though her vision had been blurred and burned by the tears she shed and the time she had spent wishing herself away from it all. What did her sibling want with her, after what had happened?

( @WOLFPAW this is meant to take place right after the return from sunningrocks! )​