camp there's something off with me & return

[Snowpath]

He hadn't wanted to be difficult or cause Deersong trouble, but the very idea of going back to camp that day had been so horrifying, so gut wrenching, that he would have rather frozen to death alone in his own namesake than face the clan after what had happened but eventually he was nudged enough to accept that he had to return at some point. StarClan knew he didn't want to, he would rather face anything else than his clanmates, than Blazestar; accident or not what he'd done was not so easily forgotten or forgiven. Snowpaw wasn't stupid, he knew that not a cat alive would ever simply let go the fact that it was his claws that took Morningpaw away from them all.

But on shaking limbs, dragging his feet, he followed with his head low after his mentor back to SkyClan's camp. The impulse to run was there, he fought it the entire way but its not like he even knew where he could go. Briefly he had the idea of joining another clan, ThunderClan was out of the question and he couldn't swim nor did he like the idea of the water of RiverClan, but ShadowClan might be an option? His nerves strained tight inside him as he realized the only clan a killer like him might fit would be WindClan itself, at least in this way he had Coyotepaw there as a familiar face but once word got out over what he did would the other even look at him too? Would anyone? Would Blazestar announce at the gathering the blood so heavy on his paws?
Snowpaw had cleaned as best he could, with Deersong's help the blood was all but gone with only the faintest lingering traces of pink in varying spots. But gone or not he still felt it, hot and spreading over his pelt; creeping through his fur. He didn't think he'd ever be rid of the feeling.

As they neared the camp his steps slowed but did not stop, he tried to maintain a straight face but quickly gave up on any pretenses of remaining composed because he couldn't do it, he didn't want to do it. He wanted his mother, he wanted to run crying to her and plead with her not to hate him because everyone else was about to...


Obligatory tag: @~Deersong~
​

 

[Mountainheart]

Mountainheart had remained quiet ever since Morningpaw had passed. He was angry, but not at Snowpaw, like he figured others might be. He was angry with Thunderclan.

If not for them, that little girl would still be here to grace them with her light.

And then there was Snowpaw, who had to live with what he had done. And to make it worse, it wasn't even on purpose.

Such a thing can weigh your soul down for an eternity. Mountainheart knows this, he has taken many lives. Very few he regretted, but there were some that he did. He was a hardened soul, though.

Snowpaw was just a child.

So when he saw the apprentice making his way into camp, he calmly strode over to him and Deersong.

"Welcome back, you two." He said softly.

He looked down to Snowpaw. It was a calm look, no anger to be seen. He didn't know what to say to him. There.... wasn't anything that could make him feel better.

"You look like you could use some rest." He said, finally.
​

 

[~Deersong~]

( ♬ ) Deersong would walk beside Snowpaw the whole trek home, looking down at him every once and a while to ensure that he was still managing despite how upset he was. Her mind once again struggled with what to say, what could possibly comfort him at a time like this.

As they slipped into camp, she would watch him for a moment as his eyes searched for what she could only assume was his family and she was about to move to help him find them when she spotted mountainheart coming forwards. On instinct the deputy would press against Snowpaw in a protective manner, ready to defend her apprentice from whatever judgment any cat tried to rain down onto him, but as Mountainheart welcomed them home, Deersong almost deflated in relief.

When had she forgotten? That the majority of her clanmates were truly kind and while grieving would still be gentle. She would offer the warrior a weak smile before her tail brushed against Snowpaw and she nodded along with Mountainhearts words, "Why don't you go and find Daisyflight? I need to talk to Blazestar." ​

( LET YOU BREAK; MY HEART AGAIN )

 

[GREENEYES]

When Snowpaw failed to return alongside the chaos, Greenpaw couldn’t help but to fear for the worst. Couldn’t help but to think - as wails grew and life diminished - that Snowpaw too had lost his life, only to be overlooked in the severity, the urgency, of Morningpaw’s wounds.

But, as the story became clearer. Greenpaw learned. Greenpaw learned that Morningpaw’s wounds were from his brother’s own claws.

He cursed Snowpaw too, contaminated him with green. Infected him with plague since birth. Double cursed the skirmish, and wasn’t even there.

Greenpaw can't find himself to be angry at his brother, can't find himself to be angry at ThunderClan. Should he be? Should he be angry at both of them? He's only angry at himself, for being deadly, for not staying farther away from Morningpaw so she could live. Upset at Dawnglare, for telling him what curse his name had bestowed upon him.

But, as Snowpaw returns, it is not green he sees on his brother. Merely faint tinges of pink, efforts to wash away bloodspill. Greenpaw hurts for him.

"Snowpaw...?" he manages to squeak out, though hesitant to go near him, as if a step closer would see pink shift into green. He soon steps closer, because - his own curse aside - his brother needs him. Needs comfort right now, not Greenpaw's hesitancy. "Everything... Everything's going to be okay."

He does not know if he's telling Snowpaw this or himself.
​

 

[Howlfire]

Howlpaw has not left SkyClan since Morningpaw's death. She knows she'll have to eventually so she can check on her grandmother and uncles but the pain feels too raw even to try. When she thinks of ThunderClan she thinks of her sister, of their mother, of their shared youth spent there. Morningpaw was not as loud or as boisterous as some of their littermates but Howlpaw thinks the forest has become much quieter since she departed this world.

She had been sitting alone when Snowpaw returned. After a fitful sleep and a light meal, she had retired to a quiet corner of the clan to wallow in her grief; she had already lost track of how long she had sat there crying. Howlpaw didn't realise it was he who had returned at first, too tuned out and disinterested in most of what was going on around her to process the arrival. It is only when she hears Greenpaw choke out his name that her head snaps to attention. "Snowpaw...?" She utters his name softly to herself. Although her words meant nothing at that moment it served to ignite the fire within her again, the wild grief and anger blazing back into life. "YOU!"

It is a thunderous little roar that cuts through the camp, all gentle mutterings of assurance and a welcome quickly brushed away. Howlpaw rises to her paws swiftly - too swiftly - the world spins for a brief second after she rises, an after-effect of having risen so fast after being sat still for so long. She covers the distance between them quickly, a small blur of mottled brown and ginger, before quite literally crashing into him. Or that would be the intent at least. Despite the presence of Mountainheart, Deersong, and Greenpaw to potentially block her, she will put all of her force into trying to barrel into him with her shoulder and knock him down to the ground. It would be a clumsy move, one befitting her size and minimal training, but to her, it feels like the most damaging move she can do. "Murderer!" She shrieks at him like a banshee, tears streaking down her face. "Monster!" This one is said with less conviction. "You killed my sister!" There is more to what happened than a simple kill. In time, Howlpaw will come to understand that, but at that moment she only sees Snowpaw as a killer. She doesn't see it as an accident, or that he never meant to kill her and was not even aiming for Morningpaw in the first place. "Was it worth it?" She hisses. "Was it worth it for a damn squirrel!?"​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮​

Blazestar is in his den, huddled in moss that is barely warmer than the earth beneath it. He almost relishes the way the cold seeps through his thick pelt and deep into his bones, the way his entire body, inside and out, has become numb. He wants to feel nothing. He does, if he sleeps long ago, begin to feel nothing, begins to forget that anything has happened at all.

The Clan has been understanding so far. They've left him alone, let him seclude himself behind the barren elderberry bush. He has barely spared his duties a thought. He might as well be a kit or an elder. He intends to do nothing but sleep and pray for happy dreams, dreams where his family is whole and where there is still sun on their fur.

But his eyes open as he hears a commotion outside, from his daughter. Howlpaw's fury, ready and hot like a wildfire blazing just beyond his den -- at who, at who?

"Murderer!" Her shriek slices through him like claws. "Monster!"

Snowpaw has returned, and Howlpaw faces him. Blazestar stares. Only days ago he'd have stopped this altercation in its infancy and given Howlpaw chores to remind herself of her place in the Clan.

But his eyes are sightless, gray like the sky, empty like the moon. He says nothing to Howlpaw, nothing to Snowpaw, nothing to Deersong. He sits, spaced out entirely. Scraps of moss hang in tangled silken fur; he does not shake them off. They grow over him like an ancient tree left for the forest to consume.

- ,,​

​

 

[Snowpath]

Mountainheart was always nice, he didn't think he'd seen the gentle tom yell even once before in his life and Greenpaw was his brother; of course his brother loved him, supported him, even if he didn't deserve it and he wanted to thank him-thank them both, but while he's still struggling to speak he hears the cries of despair and rage rising up.
Murderer! Monster!
They are sharp, splitting, he wished he could say anything in response but he can not even think of what words to even offer in reply. He couldn't deny it, he couldn't deny any of them; accident or not it was all his fault. The blue tom is left standing there uncertain, quiet and when the other apprentice finally barrels forward he does not even try to resist it and goes crashing backwards onto the ground of the camp. Sitting up slightly he's aware of eyes, several clanmates watching, Blazestar included, and no one raised a paw because of course-of course he deserved this.
Part of him knows he should just stay here and take it, it was the least he could do to simply let them have their vengenance to some degree, but he's scared still and realizes quickly whatever bravado he has is gone and he'll never get it back.

Snowpaw stands back up with a sniffling and pathetic sound, pelt dirtied even further and bits of earth sticking to his still damp coat and he stares at Howlpaw with wide eyes, a frown on his maw and he does not retaliate of even
The dappled tom turns immediately back from where they just came and kept running, he told her-he told Deersong he shouldn't have come back and he broke away from his mentor to continue his retreat.

//out!
​

 

[Mountainheart]

Mountainheart was quiet as Snowpaw was as well. He couldn't blame him, and he was willing to be as patient as he needed to be. He wasn't sure what to do. It's not like you're taught these things. These things were never meant to happen ....

But accidents in battle happen.

Snowpaw and Morningpaws family were learning this cruel lesson much, much to early.

When Howlpaw started yelling, his ears lowered as she approached, but he stared at her in mild surprise as she barreled into Snowpaw.

"Howlpaw." His voice was firm, but gentle. He understood her anger.

But these outbursts weren't what anyone needed right now, he thought. It was just.....Such a raw wound.

"Enough." He said. He looked at her with tired, but knowing eyes.

He frowned as Snowpaw fled the camp. He half wondered if he should follow, but he figured Deersong might want to instead.
​

 

[ThistleBack]

Deersong had left in search of Snowpaw, Thistleback waited impatiently with back and forth pace at camp. Wound clean and scabbed dark on his shoulder, eyes watching the broken family grieve from afar. The spike furred warrior occassionally slipped into the nursery to busy his kits but Thistleback was simply restless and agitated by his emotions. He didn’t know how to compartmentalize, he felt numb.

The warrior’s tight jaw loosens as his mate returns with her apprentice. The kid looked withered by regret, a mole in the heart that would never stop digging. To accidentally take a life, it was a desire to turn back time, to never stop thinking about- an ache in the heart to feel forever. Thistleback knew what it was to kill, had done it for foolish reasons. This kid was learning too quickly that, life was not without sin. Even if done unintentionally.

Howlpaw’s screech rips into the frosted air of camp, it echos in the silent forest. Thistleback’s brows push together as he watches the young molly attack Snowpaw. The warrior stalks toward his mate, eyes lifting above the scene to see their leader watching quietly.

Blazestar is lost to this world at the moment, eyes spaced out looking glasses. It seemed the spirit of the leader was traveling with grief, his body forced to be here in the physical realm. Mountainheart does what he can- tries to mediate.

Snowpaw turns and sprints- where will he go, to be a stray like I once was? a path of darkness lays ahead. The clan he was born and raised in, had turned a snarl of judgment upon him. Guilty of an accidental crime. Thistleback prowls with a scowl toward the exit but pauses.

" there is nothing to say to Blazestar, love. He’s gone for now. " Thistleback speaks quickly to Deersong with a glance to Blazestar, before kicking off, pelting after Snowpaw furiously. The hammer of his paws kicking up snow and dirt. Hoping to catch up to the boy before he’s lost to this path.

​

OOC INFO REF

• — out //
  
  
• 
  
  
  ✧ T H I S T L E B A C K
  thirty-three moons
  — warrior of Skyclan
  — taken by
  Deersong 9.29.22
  — mentoring quillpaw
  — very muscular piebald black and white tom with spiky fur and cold silver-grey eyes. ･ﾟ✧​
• 
  
  

​

 

[~Deersong~]

( ♬ ) Deersong would breathe in further relief when Greenpaw approached next and offered a bit more comfort to the situation, but as soon as that relief came it was quickly shattered by the vengeful shrieking of Howlpaw.

Everything happened so quickly then, Howlpaw slamming into Snowpaw, screaming horrible things to him before her apprentice caved in on himself and he sprinted from camp, "Snowpaw!" She calls after him, but she knows it's no use, all the work she had done the night before was now wasted and it took everything in the Deputy to not turn and snap at Howlpaw in her mounting frustration.

Mountainheart speaks up, scolding Howlpaw quietly but firmly and the cream and mocha molly would speak to the warrior without looking at Howlpaw, "Take her to the apprentice den and keep her there. I'll deal with her outburst later." It was the only order that would come from her in regards to what just happened and if Howlpaw should protest or fling hateful words at her as well, Deersong would ignore it.

Thistleback appears then, to follow Snowpaw this time and his words draw her attention to Blazestar. The molly would rub her temple in exhaustion as she felt herself crashing but would nod just before her mate ran out of camp. With the hope that Mountainheart obeyed her orders for Howlpaw, the deputy turns and walks over to the flame point ragdoll as she murmurs quietly, "Can we speak in your den, brotha'? I got some things I need to say to you..." ​

( LET YOU BREAK; MY HEART AGAIN )

 

[Howlfire]

Snowpaw doesn't fight back as Howlpaw assaults him. As she yells and hisses at him, she is aware of the other cats watching them with expressions a mix of shock and frustration - even if the latter is only evident on the deputy's face.

Howlpaw doesn't know whether to feel relieved or annoyed when Snowpaw doesn't fight back. By the time Mountainheart and Deersong intervene and tell her to stop she's already cooled somewhat. Oh, the fury is still there deep inside her, but without Snowpaw responding she loses what momentum she had. She desperately wants him to yell back at her or fight back in some way but he doesn't. In fact, he doesn't really linger to hear her launch into a further tirade, making demands for him to answer for what he did. Instead, he runs away sniffling and frowning at her. She watches him go quietly, claws flexing into the dirt as a way of venting what frustrations remain for the time being. A part of her wants to chase him down or yell at him to come back and listen to what she has to say. But she can't. Because as much as it pains her to admit at that moment, she can recognise that it was just a mistake. He was a scared, hungry kid, who reacted in the heat of the moment.

Mountainheart has already told her that she has had enough and she looks at him with a steely but watery gaze. She nods stiffly at him but shoots a glare at Deersong when she tells him to take Howlpaw back to the apprentice's den where she would see to her later. Howlpaw sniffs and flicks her tail irritably. "Don't bother," She tells Mountainheart in a not unkind voice. "I'll go there myself." And with that, she stalks away to the apprentice's den.

/ out!​

 

[GREENEYES]

It happens so fast. Happens before everything can be okay. Breaks Greenpaw's attempt at consoling his brother, consoling himself.

Howlpaw comes out of nowhere. Barrels straight towards Snowpaw, shouts at him. Murderer, she calls him. Murderer, murderer. But, Snowpaw isn't a murderer. He can't be. Because... Because murderers mean to murder, and this was an accident, right? It had to be. Snowpaw wouldn't kill Morningpaw on purpose.

Greenpaw doesn't know what to do. Doesn't want to come closer because look what happened when he even neared his brother. Doesn't want to step in for fear that he'll be marred a murderer too. That Greenpaw too will prove deadly. He wouldn't mean to, but fears what could happen.

And Blazestar stares down at them, blank, unmoving. Leaves Greenpaw feeling even more helpless, feeling like he'd made the whole camp green.

"P-please, s-st..." the apprentice begins to squeak out, tries to beg Howlpaw to stop, for anyone to stop this. It's enough that she's lost her sister, he doesn't want to lose his brother, too. But, the taunts are over before they even begin, and Snowpaw survives. Survives but runs away.

Greenpaw starts after him, but pauses. What would happen, if he were to find him instead of Thistleback - who now runs after him? What would happen if his curse neared his brother again, all alone outside of camp?

He couldn't let that happen. Thistleback will find him.
​

 

[VIOLETNOSE]

violetpaw hadn't noticed that snowpaw didn't return with the rest of the patrol, until she'd been sent to her nest for the night and found her brother's empty. she already knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep, feared the dreams that would be permeated with the stench of blood and echoes of screams, but knowing her brother wasn't safe in the den? that he could be in danger, that a furious thunderclan or skyclan cat could be seeking revenge on him for a crime he didn't mean to commit? it only fueled her insomnia.

it seems like the longest night of her life, spent tossing and turning in her nest, claws that she didn't realize were unsheathed ripping at the moss she laid in. was snowpaw okay? would he ever be okay? she couldn't see anything returning to normal after morningpaw's death, most certainly not snowpaw. how could one live with innocent blood staining their paws? how could one live knowing they took the life of their own denmate?

though it feels impossible, morning comes. she hears it in the muffled bustle of the camp outside of the den. but she does not move from her nest. and she doesn't plan on doing so for a while longer, until there's commotion from the clearing. hope sparks in her chest. snowpaw? violetpaw edges to the den's exit, her ears straining for snowpaw's voice... just in time to hear howlpaw shrieking. murderer, she screams. monster. the flicker of hope is extinguished, leaving violetpaw shivering from the cold that creeps up her spine.

her paws move before she could think. they carry her towards the direction of howlpaw's screeching, a yowl of her own ripping from her throat, "STOP SAYING THAT!" a stray pebble trips violetpaw in her hasty approach, and the apprentice is sent sprawling across the ground before she could reach howlpaw. the bruises she'd sustained in the skirmish ache in protest. by the time she's risen to her paws again, deersong is sending howlpaw to the den... and pawsteps are retreating, the scent of snowpaw fading with it. violetpaw grits her teeth. he'd just come back... she'd just gotten him back! "it wasn't his fault! he didn't mean to!" she sounds like a broken record, repeating the same damn thing over and over in hopes that they'd eventually understand.​