sensitive topics THIS IS LOVE // oneshot(s)

[VULTUREMASK]

// TW for child abuse and emotional manipulation and abuse along with trauma that follows. Please be caution when reading in case any of this topics might upset you

His mom had come back. Gossips run like fire across the clan and soon everyone know. It hadn't taken long before this gossip had reached him as well. It left a sickening feeling in his stomach just thinking about it. Months had past by now since she had abandoned him. Leechpaw had been around five months at that time. He had just been a kit waiting, and waiting for his mom to come back to him until that hope eventually had run out. Everything. He had lost everything. Leechpaw had been forced to pick up his own pieces to try keep himself together while contunie on walking this road all on his own, to deal with the aftermath of everything his mother had put him through. Leechpaw had grown up to be able to stand on his own paws. He no longer needed her. So why - why was he doing this?.

Why was he sneaking out in the middle of the cold night to walk back to the border where the patrol had meet her?, and why was he following her traces in the snow?.

It was all so he could look her right in the face and say he no longer needed her, to be the one who abandoned her this time. Leechpaw needed this to end all of this once and for all. He had been waiting for this day to show her how fine he had been doing without her and that he was his own cat now. That was what he had convinced himself, determined to believe when his search led him to the horseplace, the forbidden territory to cross. But it was here his mothers pawprints suddenly would end, and the apprentice now stood there in the cold pitch black night out in the open. The twolegs house where just a bit further up that hill.

The chilling wind blew in his fur making him shiver, cold steam left his mouth as he breathed out the warm air in his mouth. He shouldn't have come out here. This had been a mistake. Leechpaw turned around about to walk away....

" My son, i knew you would come and find me. " That voice. Even after a such long time it was still familliar to him in the most unwelcoming of ways. Leechpaw froze in the very spot he stood, his heart starting to beat faster. Swollowing, he slowly turned his head around to look into this mint green eyes that shine in the dark. His pupils grow smaller, his heart beating faster as the blue molly stepped out from the darkness to reveal her form in the snow. It had been months since he last had seen her but...she looked even more horrifying than from his memory. Like a nightmare who had come alive to haunt him. Leechpaw thought after all of this time he had become stronger, strong enough to face her but now...he suddenly felt weak in his legs. If anxiety could eat a cat alive than it would have swollen Leechpaw by now.

She took a step towards him....

" S-stay away from me!." his voice was shaking, and he swiftly turned himself around to face her, ears pinned back and his eyes widened with livid emotions. He couldn't let her get too close...he had to make her stay away!. Rain stopt, and she looked a bit confused but her eyes were observing him closely, and soon that smile came across her maw. That sickening smile that twisted his whole stomach. That all too familliar smile that always send terror inside of him. He could never tell what would happen when she smiled. It made him take a step back.

" What is wrong?. Aren't you happy too see me after a such long time?. I've missed you, you know." Her smile remained, but her eyes got narrowed, sharper, and looking impatient. Rain had never been known to be a special patient cat. She hated to wait. Leechpaw had to gather his thoughts, to think and remind himself why he was here!. To end it all. He needed to stay strong and not fall victim to her words. " How can you even ask me that!. You're the one who abandoned me, rememeber?!. All this time and now...you just suddenly comes back!. " He pauses, his shaking voice becoming a bit more steady for each word that he spoke. Finally he would take a daring step forward, his head lifted. " I...i don't need you anymore!." There, it was said and done. Leechpaw was left breathless afterwards, each word having exhausted him but he looked unshakable. In that moment he thought he had won.

Rain stayed silent for a moment, just staring at him in the dark. Suddenly she opened her mouth. " I didn't abandoned you. I was taken by this awful twolegs when i was visiting the thunderpath after... you know what happened. They took me. They are the ones to blame not me. I've been trying all of this time to get back to you. " Like a viper she would crawl her way over to Leech, using her long and armless body to wrap herself around his body and neck, and into his very ear she would poison his ears with her lying tongue, trapping him into a web of lies.

Just this words and his world come crashing down. Leechpaw no longer looked sure, uncertanity flashing in his eyes. Was she telling he truth?. Has all of this just been a misunderstanding?. " R-really, you have?." He looked more confused than ever, looking completely lost. Rain took a step closer. " Of course. I would never abandon you...not my own flesh and blood. Mama cannot live without her lil leech..." Rain's grip around him grow tighter and she would smirk as she now had appeared up to his face. Leechpaw blinked, shooked over how close she was all of the suddenly. No. She was to close...he needed to get away but...he didn't want to. Or maybe he did. Everything had been shifted out of balance and he could no longer tell what to think or even feel. She reached out a paw and placed it on his cheek and he froze like pure fear had overtaken him. Like he was afried if he moved he was going to die. " Look at you...all grown up. You have grown into a handsome looking tom, have you not?. " She looked at the scars the hawk had done, and her smile from Leechpaw point of view grow even more dreadful. It made him sick. Her touching him was making it difficult for him to breath!.

Leechpaw finally had enough control over his body to back away, his eyes still wide as he desperately tried to break himself free from her grip...from her thorns. " No...i can't... you...you hurt me. " he was not even talking to her but himself. He was mumbling his eyes starting to cricle, going back and forth as he tried to reach his own thoughts but his head was spinning around and around.

" Leech...look at me. I've told you that love is suppose to hurt, have i not?. Everything i have done has been out of love." Leechpaw hesitated before he looked up to face his mother who after being pleased with him obeying contunied. " You hurt me too you know. Giving birth to you hurt and even after you killed my other kits, your littermates...i'm still here willing to love you still. To start over with you. Only a mothers love can be so forgiving and...generous. No one can love you like i do, you know that you foolish lil boy. " she spoke with sweet honey, a pur rumbling in her throat that was nothing but warm. She took a step forward again and this time Leechpaw didn't move. Bringing his littermates up...it was really the perfect move she could have done to bring him down. The guilt he felt, the blame she had laid on him. The claimed love she had twisted up to make him think this was how love was suppose to be. To make him think he not deserve anything better. Leechpaw felt how his world crumbled down. " I...i didn't mean to.." he choked out, his voice trembling. He hadn't meant too. he hadn't meant for that to happen!.

" Hush, hush my child. It's all okay. It's all in the past now...besides we are gonna have a new family soon." She stopt, her smile growing sickenly sweet as she watched how that baffled expression on her disgusting sons face. " W-what?. " He was left confused. " I'm pregnant you foolish boy, you're gonna have siblings soon, and we can be a family again. " Leechpaw couldn't believe what he was hearing. HIs mother was expecting?. It was then his eyes shifted down to his mothers belly to notice how swollen and round she was. Oh... He just stared, shooked and overwhelmed. " Come my child, lets start over. I promise this time it will be different." A hope. She promised hope for a better future. That things would be different this time. Was it so bad of him to want that?. To start over, to begin again?. He was gonna become a big brother. Leechpaw did not have it in him to abandon his mother who was pregnant his desire for a family being all to strong. To have somewhere to call his own. To get back something he had long lost. So he nodded his head taking a step towards her, still shooked, still confused, and overwhelmed with emotions but one thing was clear...

he had lost and he was back with her trapped all over again. He couldn't leave.



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[VULTUREMASK]

Leechpaw had really taken a risk here but he had no other choice. Prey was rare to find and his mom needed food for herself and the kits. So in desperation he had taken himself all the way to the horseplace to break the rules so he could sneak himself inside the place the hens and chickens where being keept. On a earlier night had watched how a fox had sneaked themselves inside only to come back out with a dead hen in thier mouth. Tonight, Leechpaw was going to do the same. It had been a real tussle inside of there but with some new earn marks after the nips he had recieved from messing with them Leechpaw had succeed with taking one down and had hurried himself outside to drag the dead hen with him.

It was an exhausting walk from the horseplace in this snow to reach the burrow not far away his mother was hiding inside. He was so tired by the time he reached there longing for a break. He had been working non-stop the whole day, first trying to hunt for his clan and then at night he was his mother hunter. " Aha Leech, you are back. " His mother purred as he entered the den, but that smile across her maw quickly changed into a frown when she saw what he had brought in. " A bird?. I thought i told you to bring me a rabbit." What?. Leechpaw could barely believe what he was hearing right now. Leechpaw had been out hunting for her and she was complaining over him not getting her a rabbit?!. His fur bristled as he put the hen in front of his mother paws. " I couldn't find any. Do you know how difficult they are to find this days." he muttered softly, despite the anger that boiled inside of him knew better than to raise his voice at her. " This is the best i could do."

" Hardly. Alright fine. But tomorrow you better find me a rabbit. " Rain hummed, smiling at them sweetly which sent a shiver down his spin. Leechpaw had always found his mom's smiles terrifying because he could never tell what would happen afterwards but he did know when she smiled like that he better be careful. Leechpaw swallowed as he sat himself down, his ears falling a bit back. " What do you mean tomorrow?. This bird should feed you for...two days at least." Not could a expecting molly eat that much, or could they?. Leechpaw lay himself down so he could warm his paws under his belly. He could hear how his mom snorted as she took a few bites from the bird. " Because you didn't get me what i want so you better try harder tomorrow. You do want your siblings to grow up to become strong moor runners, do you not?" His mother say through her bites. Leechpaw could do nothing but watch her, and just knowing he had to redo all of this over again tomorrow just made him feel ever more tired. For how much longer did he have to do this?.

" We don't even know if Sootstar will allow you or the kits in." he said carefully. She had already been rejected once before. " Don't worry your head over unecessery things. I have a plan. " She had already said that once before but she refused to further explain it to him. Leechpaw would just sigh, shaking his head. Time to change subject. He blinked his eyes trying to think of something until something plopped up inside of his head. " So, uhm, have you thought out any names to the kits yet?" He hesitantly asked, seeking to rebond with his mom in someway and what better way to do so then talking about her unborn kits?, his unborn siblings.

It took a long moment before Rain even would answer, but once she did the mother licked the blood away from her maw. " Names?, why should i bother my time with that for. The names will come to me once i see them. I will make sure to give them just as good names i did with you and your littermates." she started to lick one of her paws. Leechpaw just stared at her. Good names...His claws got slide out and digged themselves into the dir. " Would you call Leech for a good name?!." There was a livid tone in his voice, something he come to regret when his mom send him a glare. Watch your tone. He would duck down his gaze in submission. " What is so wrong with the name Leech?. It has its 'charm' on you." she said with a taunting smirk, making Leechpaw's back start to bristle. " You called me for a parasite, remember?. You said that was why you gave me that name. How can you expect me to like my name after that." he muttered, his teeth clenching. Rain just stared at him, before a amused snort escaped her. " Oh come on now Leech, don't act so childish. All mothers found thier kits to be parasites. A tom like you can never understand what mothers like us have to sacrifice just by giving birth to you...the pain we suffer to bring you out to this world. How we have to constantly be glued to your sides, taking care of you, comforting them when they cries, listening to thier non-stop ramblings until it gives you headache. Always putting your needs first in front of ours....There is no way any mother not think of thier kits as parasites, to detest them sometimes. Who look out for us during this time?. Do anyone ever show us gratitude?. No. our kits only take and take, and then one day they leaves the nest and leave us behind. Being a mother are such an ungrateful job. There is no way a mother likes thier job. But someone has to do it. " She explained and her expression turned bitter looking. " So yes i might have named you Leech out of spite for the moment and called you mean things but they where all in the moment. All mothers do that. You can not fault me for it. "

All mothers...hated to raise thier kits?. Was that it?. But if it was such a burden for them why even get kits for then?. Leechpaw was not sure he got it but he was a tom, not a molly and he had never had kits of his own, too young for it to begin with. If he did get some one day would he feel the same way?. Was it really fine to say whatever a mother pleased to their kit just because they where tired?. But then again who was he to point tails on here when he had been doing the same thing. How he had talked and treated Rosepaw, Dandelionwish...everyone around him. Maybe there was a truth to her words. Maybe she had been right to naming him to Leech....still the idea of her giving his younger siblings similliar names didn't settle well with him. But he keept silent about it.

This conversation was over.
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