- Oct 28, 2022
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The moon hangs high and pale in the sky, its cold light casting long, silver shadows across the forest. Stormywing moves through the undergrowth with a purposeful stride, her tail flicking behind her as if to ward off the thoughts that threaten to rise. The leaf-bare wind bites at her fur, carrying with it the faint tang of the river. That is where she is heading - where she has to go.
The smooth stone rests between her jaws and she can feel its cool surface against her gums, the slight indentation of the carved X pressing into her tongue. It's a small thing, yet it carries the weight of moons' worth of memories. She remembers, seasons ago, clutching it close to her chest as she wailed in her nest to her clanmates' worry and confusion, her heart shattered. It is only recently that it has begun to repair itself, reassembled piece by piece by gentle ivory paws.
Small, weathered paws hesitate as the dark river comes into view, its current moving swiftly under the moonlight, before she ultimately pushes herself to pad forward. Breath clouding in the air, she pauses on the bank and stares into the depths below. The stone had been given to her here, or near enough - on the sandy expanse of Sunningrocks' shores, beneath this same moonlit sky. It had been a moment stolen from the world, a moment just for the two of them. Iciclefang's tortoiseshell fur had gleamed in the moonlight, her piercing blue eyes as soft as Stormywing had ever seen them. The stone had been pushed towards her paws with such love, such tenderness. "It's a mating stone," Iciclefang had explained to her, teasing her for not knowing the RiverClan tradition. Their tails had twined, their muzzles brushing. "In RiverClan, cats search for a gift to give their mate to make it official." She'd been so excited back then, to be her mate.
The tabby shuts her eyes tight against the painful memory. She had kept the stone close ever since, hidden in the soft moss of her nest. To anyone else's eyes, it would appear to be nothing more than a treasured trinket. But to her, it had been a tether, a piece of her former mate to hold onto even after their paths had diverged. She'd thought she'd love no one else but Iciclefang forever.
But forever isn't as it once seemed.
Stormywing's claws dig into the frozen earth beneath her paws. Thoughts of soft, snow-white fur and rose quartz eyes envelop her, and warmth blooms in her chest even in the icy night air. Thundergleam, with her enviable determination and her unconditional kindness. Thundergleam, who sees her for who she is now, not who she once was. Thundergleam, who knows every past mistake she has committed, and chooses to stand proudly at her side despite them all. Who works tirelessly to bring a smile to her face and a laugh from her throat even after all she herself has lost. Even now, way out here, it's like she can taste the familiar scent of cool, crisp night air and oak sap, as if her nose is buried tenderly in her neck.
I have to let go. For her.
She places the stone on the ground and observes it in the moonlight. The carved X gleams faintly, and for a moment, her resolve wavers. It's beautiful in its simplicity, and it still carries a piece of the love she had once felt, the love she can still feel, buried deep in her heart. But that love wasn't meant to last. It had been real and true, but it had also been forbidden, dangerous. It had cost her more than she wants to admit. Kits she would never know. A clan who distrusts her. Honor she must regain. And now, with Thundergleam in her life, there is a chance for something new, something she doesn't have to choose her clan over. She can be happy. She can have both.
Stormywing picks up the stone gently and steps to the edge of the river, her paws sinking into the frosted mud. She holds it tightly between her teeth, her scarred chest rising and falling in steady breaths as she stares into the rushing water. Iciclefang…I'll always care about you. But it's time to move on. I have to move on. And the truth is she may never fully do so. There will always be a part of her who loves the sleek-furred, stoic RiverClanner across the bridge, the one who'd shared many nights with her dappled tail twined with Stormywing's gray in the mountains. But Thundergleam deserves better than a she-cat who holds onto the past, and that's all this stone is now. A memory of who she once called hers. A symbol of their mateship that no longer exists. So the least she can do is take that next step, prove her commitment.
With one final squeeze between her teeth, she flings the stone into the river. It arcs through the air, catching the moonlight for the briefest of moments before disappearing into the dark water with a faint splash. The sound is swallowed quickly by the river, leaving only the rush of the current and the distant rustle of the wind in the trees. Golden eyes shimmer with unshed tears as she exhales, her breath shaking as it leaves her. The ache in her chest feels raw and exposed after she has just metaphorically ripped off the scab, but she also feels lighter somehow, as though a burden she hadn't realized she'd been carrying has finally been lifted.
She turns away from the river then, white paws carrying her back toward camp as she blinks her watery gaze. The wind still bites at her fur, but it doesn't seem as cold now. Somewhere ahead, Thundergleam is sleeping in her nest, unaware of the storm of emotions that had raged within her friend tonight, unaware of the step she has taken to win her over. And truth be told, Stormywing doesn't know if she'd ever win the albino's heart, but now she can try. For the first time, she truly feels ready to.
