private THIS ISN'T HOW I'LL LET IT END ♱ [ MARBLEPAW ]

[SHARPSHADOW]

Sharpshadow is afforded more than many are in ShadowClan. She's alive and well.

She can't say when her death sentence had been overturned. It had happened quietly... She could say long after she'd stopped hoping, but she hadn't really hoped much to begin with. Perhaps it wasn't miracle she felt like it was, to stumble across whatever herb Marblepaw had. Sharpshadow had been certain the territory simply didn't care to show them mercy. If it wouldn't directly attack them— send beast after beast to pare their numbers down, all it needed to do was stay desolate, really... Why couldn't they lack herbs in the same way they lacked prey?

Sharpshadow isn't sure who she should thank. Would it make her feel better to believe Starlingheart died for her over nothing? He isn't sure that it would. The thought was too stupid for him to really believe, anyways. He doesn't know who to be angry at. Not yet.

The warrior glimpses the clearing with a blankness. The leap is tiny, but she still pauses at the cliff's edge. The churning's gone— Now there's nothing but a pit in her stomach. She guesses she should be grateful. It probably wouldn't last for long.

" Let me pay you back, " the words hold a certain emptiness, but they're sincere... Let is a hyperbolic plea. She wouldn't really take no for an answer. Selfish, or selfless? It's a bit impossible to tell. " It... It doesn't have to be now. " The warrior licks his lips. " B-but I will. Before I'm gone, I will. "

She can see where the ground had once been darkened with Starlingheart's blood. Where Marblepaw had sunk to her knees, and those few moments were all she had to mourn the death of her mentor. But then, Sharpshadow thinks her lucky to have seen that death, at all. They'd known Starlingheart was noble, when she died. Sharpshadow's tail shifts, dredging its broken half across the mud. " I can teach you... " What exactly? Both of his apprentices were wrong in the head ( And it makes him want to claw out his eyes, when he wonders who had taught them that ) but they were alive. Miraculously alive. " I can teach you how to fight. " With a blink, he begs for her to let him.

OOC: @MARBLEPAW

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[MARBLELEAF]

After everything, Sharpshadow had lived. Marblepaw had waited day after day for him to slip back into his fugue, to worsen, for the cough to return, for the sickness to sink its claws into his bladed pelt and drag him into dark waters... but it hadn't. Celandinepaw's chickweed had worked. She had used a little more than she would have used the catmint — just in case her fellow medicine cat apprentice's knowledge hadn't worked out — and now the willowy lead warrior gazes at her with baleful silver eyes, as though pondering the state of her existence.

"Let me pay you back." Marblepaw starts. Her busy paws still, letting ivy leaves unfurl and reveal their contents. "Hmm? You don't need to pay me back." She smiles — it's wary. What would she think if she knew the truth? That it was Celandinepaw who cured her, not me? Marblepaw isn't sure she wants her Clanmates to know how frequently she haunts that border, how her golden-furred friend had spared her such a rich resource.

They wouldn't trust it. Marblepaw's borders are not their own, though. They exist to give her goldenrod. Horsetail. Friendship. For the warriors, they serve a deadlier purpose. It is not for her to question — nor is it for them to understand.

"You're my Clanmate. It's my job to make you better when you're sick." She shuffles her paws. "I'm only sorry it took me so long to... to figure it out. About the chickweed." She blinks at him, hoping he forgives her. I needed Celandinepaw to tell me.

But Sharpshadow persists. "I can teach you how to fight." Marblepaw's ears flick skyward, remembering Sneezeduck's very same promise. The Clan knows it's my fault Starlingheart was killed. Perhaps if she'd known even the most basic of defensive moves, the badger could not have spilled her blood so easily; perhaps if she'd known how to properly strike it, she could have driven it off herself, and her mentor would never have had to intervene...

It's nothing she hasn't told herself before. But Marblepaw finds herself nodding. "I'll need all the help I can get," she murmurs. "Warriors start battle training at six moons. I'm almost in my twelfth. There is... a lot to catch up on."

… ❞​

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[SHARPSHADOW]

She knows it's not the most rational... She knows a world where Medicine Cats only healed for favors would be a near-apocalyptic one; that they earned their keep by doing what they did, rather than hunting and guarding borders like the warriors did. But it's... a personal thing. Some nagging voice at the back of her skull saying she had to make up for lost time. It itches at her neck, just standing here for as long as she has been. She knows the moment she crosses over the threshold of the den, she'll be leaving for the forest...

" I want to, " after a few moments too long, she tells her. " It's... " Is it okay? Is it okay that ShadowClan is being left with an untrained Medicine Cat apprentice once again? Is it okay that he could have died? Is it okay that the marsh, in all its endless giving, had deprived ShadowClan of the herbs they needed? Had nearly stripped their ranks of another able-bodied warrior? Sharpshadow's blink is slow. A certain blankness swims about silver hues. " It's not your fault, " he tells the truth.

Sharpshadow nods, resolute. He understands that it's... easier said than done. " I'll take you out soon, " he promises. " As— As many times as you need. I... " she trails off, her words weighed down by the amount of bodies swimming about her vision. They were fresh; Starlingheart, Thrasherthroat, Needledrift, Mirestar... But some were long rotted over too, Chilledstar, Granitepelt, Bonejaw, simply walking away, leaving behind a Starlingpaw the same age as he had been. Marblepaw, at least, had not been set up for failure the way she had been... She's had many moons, not one or two. She hadn't been under the charge of a Medicine Cat that detested her job, her life, her Clan...

But they were both fragile; and Sharpshadow refused to be. Not anymore. The truth is the same: " We need you, Marblepaw, " Six moons, nine lives, eleven moons... None of it really mattered. " ...I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. "

SHE SAID THAT I MAKE EXPRESSIONS LIKE HIM ♱ [ MY LEGS TO MY SHOULDERS AND MY CHIN ]

• OOC: . . .

• 

  SHARPSHADOW ♱ SHADOWCLAN DEPUTY. HE - HIM - SHE - HER
  A large, scrappy feline with pessimism seemingly baked into his bones. It's clear she doesn't make much of an effort to maintain herself, though the namesake of her coat would likely stand out either way.

  HEAVY IC OPINIONS! This mf is mentally ill

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[MARBLELEAF]

Marblepaw sits in the thick discomfort their silence builds between them. Sharpshadow seems to mull over her protest before saying she wants to take Marblepaw training. "It's not your fault." She reels from the assertion, turning her face away with stubborn guilt. "It is," she mews, "because I never should have left camp without telling anyone. But I was..." What — going to the WindClan border? Hoping to find a spotted yellow pelt standing conveniently across the asphalt, mouth full of catmint? She says, "Both of us couldn't be away from our patients. I thought I could handle myself alone, and it cost Starlingheart her life."

She curls her tail around her paws, as if hoping the appendage will hold the rest of her together. Sharpshadow says he'll take her out soon, as many times as she needs. Tells her ShadowClan needs her.

"You're right." Marblepaw blinks at him with tired green eyes. "Isn't it funny, how things work out... Siltcloud brought so much misery to ShadowClan, and now..." Now her daughter is their only chance for injuries to heal; for StarClan to be spoken to; for sicknesses to be treated.

She straightens her spine. "There was a time I would have left ShadowClan for a couple of rat-tails," she murmurs, remembering her first two moons in the nursery, feral and angry and abandoned. "But if that's what you're worried about, don't be. I will not leave my Clan."

… ❞​

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