- Jul 23, 2022
- 289
- 49
- 28
// TW FOR SELF-HARM!!
Snowfeather's death had taken a tool on the medicine cat who was more tired then usual that day as he arrived to his den that late night. More then ever before he longed to just close his eyes and drift off into sleep and escape far, and far away from his grief. After his reunion with Rosepaw in his dreams the night terrors hadn't come to haunt him every single night. Lately he has been having more good dreams rather then bad ones. Tonight would be no exception as he laid himself down into his nest curled up into a tight ball and it wouldn't take long before the exhaustion took him out. He would escape into a dream he almost had every single night there he was happy.
Side by side he would be rushing through the moors alongside one certain molly with the most beautiful of fur. Her sightless eyes had no problem finding it's way through the moors as they raced each other to outlock rock. She was laughting like usual with that captivating smile. Vulturemask would side eye her with a smile of his own not as bright or wide but it was the warmest one he would ever give to any cat outside his dream. He would arrive to the top before Forestshade and there he would wait for her. The molly would come to seat down beside him and as they entangled their tails together they sat close to one another, her head pressed underneath his own chin. They sat under a beautiful sunset and Vulturemask embraced this rare moment of peace.
After a long moment Vulturemask would move his head down so he could draw his tongue across the molly's forehead affectionately. " Thorn..." Vulturemask froze, that voice didn't belong to Forestshade but neither was it unfamilliar to his ears. The medicine cat would glance down and much to his shock it was no longer Forestshade who sat beside him to glance up at him with these sightless eyes but instead it was one beautiful green and one stunning yellow eye. It was an all too familiar face he hadn't seen for months. His long lost friend. Dandelionwish would smile up at him like he always did but his eyes shine with love and affection for the ebony tom before he would lean his head forward to bury his head into the taller tom's chest. " I wanna stay like this forever." the tom whisperd into his chest, and Vulturemask just sat there stunned for a long moment as he processed all of this until it just clicked. This bottled up feelings he had denied to himself for all of this time. These feelings he hadn't wished to acknowledge or accept. Why he had been so captivated by Forestshade and eager to run out to meet her after he had lost Dandelionwish. He understood everything now. No longer could he keep chains of his own feelings. This right here was what he really had wanted all along.
Slowly, he started to relax as this overflowing feelings come over him like a wave. For a short blessful moment he felt nothing else but love and in this dream he could have anything he wanted. So he closed his eyes to embrace it, to breath in the toms lovely scent and entangled his tail even more around theirs. HIs heart was racing, his stomach having this butterflies he always had thought he would despise. He could have stayed like that forever.
" Lee...?" Suddenly, his eyes shut open and wide eyed the medicine cats head would swung around to spot Rosepaw at the otherside of the edge of the rock...Vulturemask heart sank into the ocean when he saw his friends heartbroken look as tears run down their face. " How could you do this to me?." his friend would sob before he would turn his back at them to run away. " Rosepaw wait!." he stood up to start running after them. Let me explain!. But before he even could take more then two steps forward a strong wind come blowing him right into his face blocking his vision and once his vision become clear again he was standing on a empty field with a strong wind coming in around him. " You broke the warrior code!." a thunderous voice would come up behind him that belonged to more than one cat. Vulturemask startled spun around and to his horro saw a group of starclans standing on the field not far from him to glare at him with angry disappointment. " Cats like you who break the code have no room in the stars!." Vulturemask eyes widen with fearful terror, and shakenly he would step forward with a heart racing of pure fear." Wait, please!, hear me out. I..i can - " but he couldn't finish because suddenly he heard different voices from his right side.
" Brother what about us?." Vulturemask was now staring at his three siblings who looked so small and vunerable. " Don't you love us anymore?. Are you gonna leave us like mother did?." the three spoke like one. Vulturemask horrified with what his siblings said took a step back and shook his head severely times. But he had no room to speak because Dandelionwish had showed up to his left side. " I love you Thorn, let's go to hell together." He said with the most brightest and sweetest smile which send a shiver down his spine. No, no, stop it!. Vulturemask backed away but he had no way to run. He was cornered, circled by all of them.
And suddenly the world started to spin around him and all he could do was stare wide-eyed as they all repeated words to his ears, how he had sinned, how he had bedrayed and was going to leave them all behind. How his love was nothing but inpure and forbidden to have. Vulturemask ended up crounching up to the ground as he put his paws over his own ears in a desperate attempt to block their words out. " STOP IT!!, STOP IT!!, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!, JUST...LEAVE ME ALONE!!." The world started to spin more and more, and more until -
Vulturemask let out a terrified cry as he jumped up from his own bed, seating there in his nest panting heavily as sweat run down his forehead, and claws were out and had scratched up his own nest. He was shaking uncontrollably and he was in so much anguish. He didn't know what to do so he did the only thing he knew on how to release all of this anguish and remorse he felt. Vulturemask eyes locked themselves on the wall in front of him and standing up he started to ram his forehead right into the wall, over and over again. " I'm sorry!! i'm sorry for having sinned!!...please forgive me.. Please don't forsake me!!." he cried as he contunied to ram his head into the wall until blood started to run down from his forehead. He did this until he felt numb on the inside... Only then he would stop and for a long moment he just sat there wide eyed staring down at nothing until the much absurd thing happend. His throat started to rumble, before a choked giggle escaped out until it grow louder and louder until he sat there laughting to himself.
Aha, he had messed up hadn't he?. HIs beloved stars were angry at him. Their message was clear as the night itself. " I can fix this!!. i can atone for my sins!. It's not too late..right?, right?!." he contunie to cackle out like a broken record. His love for Dandelionwish was nothing but a sin!, forbidden sin. A medicine cat shouldn't fall in love. Their devotion should be to starclan and them alone. Nobody else...Rosepaw would never forgive him for his feelings to the same very tom he had loved, and his siblings...they needed him more than ever before. So he couldn't be afford to be selfish. He couldn't allow distractions anymore. He had to commit himself to his job fully!. Both as a medicine cat and as a brother...That was what starclan had been trying to tell him. A warning, a message that he needed to stop with what he had been doing. So he would. He promised he would. He could still fix this!. Hahaha...tears started to stream down his face as a wide cracked grin spread across his face. " Yes...i will...fix this."
All he needed to do was cut his heart out and everything would be fine. That was the only thing that could save him.
Snowfeather's death had taken a tool on the medicine cat who was more tired then usual that day as he arrived to his den that late night. More then ever before he longed to just close his eyes and drift off into sleep and escape far, and far away from his grief. After his reunion with Rosepaw in his dreams the night terrors hadn't come to haunt him every single night. Lately he has been having more good dreams rather then bad ones. Tonight would be no exception as he laid himself down into his nest curled up into a tight ball and it wouldn't take long before the exhaustion took him out. He would escape into a dream he almost had every single night there he was happy.
Side by side he would be rushing through the moors alongside one certain molly with the most beautiful of fur. Her sightless eyes had no problem finding it's way through the moors as they raced each other to outlock rock. She was laughting like usual with that captivating smile. Vulturemask would side eye her with a smile of his own not as bright or wide but it was the warmest one he would ever give to any cat outside his dream. He would arrive to the top before Forestshade and there he would wait for her. The molly would come to seat down beside him and as they entangled their tails together they sat close to one another, her head pressed underneath his own chin. They sat under a beautiful sunset and Vulturemask embraced this rare moment of peace.
After a long moment Vulturemask would move his head down so he could draw his tongue across the molly's forehead affectionately. " Thorn..." Vulturemask froze, that voice didn't belong to Forestshade but neither was it unfamilliar to his ears. The medicine cat would glance down and much to his shock it was no longer Forestshade who sat beside him to glance up at him with these sightless eyes but instead it was one beautiful green and one stunning yellow eye. It was an all too familiar face he hadn't seen for months. His long lost friend. Dandelionwish would smile up at him like he always did but his eyes shine with love and affection for the ebony tom before he would lean his head forward to bury his head into the taller tom's chest. " I wanna stay like this forever." the tom whisperd into his chest, and Vulturemask just sat there stunned for a long moment as he processed all of this until it just clicked. This bottled up feelings he had denied to himself for all of this time. These feelings he hadn't wished to acknowledge or accept. Why he had been so captivated by Forestshade and eager to run out to meet her after he had lost Dandelionwish. He understood everything now. No longer could he keep chains of his own feelings. This right here was what he really had wanted all along.
Slowly, he started to relax as this overflowing feelings come over him like a wave. For a short blessful moment he felt nothing else but love and in this dream he could have anything he wanted. So he closed his eyes to embrace it, to breath in the toms lovely scent and entangled his tail even more around theirs. HIs heart was racing, his stomach having this butterflies he always had thought he would despise. He could have stayed like that forever.
" Lee...?" Suddenly, his eyes shut open and wide eyed the medicine cats head would swung around to spot Rosepaw at the otherside of the edge of the rock...Vulturemask heart sank into the ocean when he saw his friends heartbroken look as tears run down their face. " How could you do this to me?." his friend would sob before he would turn his back at them to run away. " Rosepaw wait!." he stood up to start running after them. Let me explain!. But before he even could take more then two steps forward a strong wind come blowing him right into his face blocking his vision and once his vision become clear again he was standing on a empty field with a strong wind coming in around him. " You broke the warrior code!." a thunderous voice would come up behind him that belonged to more than one cat. Vulturemask startled spun around and to his horro saw a group of starclans standing on the field not far from him to glare at him with angry disappointment. " Cats like you who break the code have no room in the stars!." Vulturemask eyes widen with fearful terror, and shakenly he would step forward with a heart racing of pure fear." Wait, please!, hear me out. I..i can - " but he couldn't finish because suddenly he heard different voices from his right side.
" Brother what about us?." Vulturemask was now staring at his three siblings who looked so small and vunerable. " Don't you love us anymore?. Are you gonna leave us like mother did?." the three spoke like one. Vulturemask horrified with what his siblings said took a step back and shook his head severely times. But he had no room to speak because Dandelionwish had showed up to his left side. " I love you Thorn, let's go to hell together." He said with the most brightest and sweetest smile which send a shiver down his spine. No, no, stop it!. Vulturemask backed away but he had no way to run. He was cornered, circled by all of them.
And suddenly the world started to spin around him and all he could do was stare wide-eyed as they all repeated words to his ears, how he had sinned, how he had bedrayed and was going to leave them all behind. How his love was nothing but inpure and forbidden to have. Vulturemask ended up crounching up to the ground as he put his paws over his own ears in a desperate attempt to block their words out. " STOP IT!!, STOP IT!!, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!, JUST...LEAVE ME ALONE!!." The world started to spin more and more, and more until -
Vulturemask let out a terrified cry as he jumped up from his own bed, seating there in his nest panting heavily as sweat run down his forehead, and claws were out and had scratched up his own nest. He was shaking uncontrollably and he was in so much anguish. He didn't know what to do so he did the only thing he knew on how to release all of this anguish and remorse he felt. Vulturemask eyes locked themselves on the wall in front of him and standing up he started to ram his forehead right into the wall, over and over again. " I'm sorry!! i'm sorry for having sinned!!...please forgive me.. Please don't forsake me!!." he cried as he contunied to ram his head into the wall until blood started to run down from his forehead. He did this until he felt numb on the inside... Only then he would stop and for a long moment he just sat there wide eyed staring down at nothing until the much absurd thing happend. His throat started to rumble, before a choked giggle escaped out until it grow louder and louder until he sat there laughting to himself.
Aha, he had messed up hadn't he?. HIs beloved stars were angry at him. Their message was clear as the night itself. " I can fix this!!. i can atone for my sins!. It's not too late..right?, right?!." he contunie to cackle out like a broken record. His love for Dandelionwish was nothing but a sin!, forbidden sin. A medicine cat shouldn't fall in love. Their devotion should be to starclan and them alone. Nobody else...Rosepaw would never forgive him for his feelings to the same very tom he had loved, and his siblings...they needed him more than ever before. So he couldn't be afford to be selfish. He couldn't allow distractions anymore. He had to commit himself to his job fully!. Both as a medicine cat and as a brother...That was what starclan had been trying to tell him. A warning, a message that he needed to stop with what he had been doing. So he would. He promised he would. He could still fix this!. Hahaha...tears started to stream down his face as a wide cracked grin spread across his face. " Yes...i will...fix this."
All he needed to do was cut his heart out and everything would be fine. That was the only thing that could save him.
