private THIS WAS OVER BEFORE IT BEGAN — stormywing

[iciclefang]

Iciclefang sees Highstones, and she slows, then halts.

Highstones mean two things—primarily, they mean victory. They mean the cats she’s left behind will get the cure to their illness; they mean the journeying cats have succeeded on the journey StarClan sent them on. It’s only the selfish part of her that slams her paws into the dust and thinks about herself. About the girl she loves now, the girl she wants to spend every morning waking beside and sharing a nest with every night. That’s the side of herself Iciclefang wishes to silence once and for all—and with dread leadening her paws, she realizes tonight is the night she must do it.

They’ve known since the beginning that their steps descending Highstones would be their final ones together, haven’t they? They can see the pointed stones reaching for the heavens now, only half a day’s travel from where the group beds down for the night, and though they look like home to Iciclefang, the sight of them leaves a disconcerting taste like ashes on her tongue. Once they cross into the forest again, she must return to RiverClan, and her heart will not be split into two—will it?

She had flicked her tail against the ThunderClanner’s shoulder, leading her into a thicket away from prying eyes and ears. The stars are beginning to emerge from their dark prisons. She gently uses her muzzle to tilt Stormywing’s face toward the sky. “Silverpelt will never look so clear again,” she murmurs, pressing her flank to Stormywing’s so that tortoiseshell fur can blend with gray. “I’ll… I’ll miss this, you know.”

@STORMYWING

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[STORMYWING]

☁︎

She has pretended to be blissfully ignorant long enough. She is no fool; of course this day had to come. Even if she didn't like to think about it and wanted to live forever in the fairy tale they have created for themselves, deep down she knew. She sees Highstones just as easily as Iciclefang can; she finds herself hating the sight of them. Of course she wants to return home to her family. Of course she wants to bring the lungwort straight to Cloudyfur's nest and make her better. Of course she wants to succeed. But when she looks at Iciclefang and follows her away from the group...for a moment, she just wants to forget it all.

She follows with a hanging head and dragging tail that flicks to and fro with restlessness. They curve around the undergrowth, unseen by the others, and she arrives too-close to the tortoiseshell. She stops with a jolt, but can hardly bring herself to smile and blush like she would have earlier in the journey. Instead, she lets her muzzle be turned to the sky, the feeling of the other's snout brushing against her own becoming familiar but ever electrifying. Her lips pull tight with distress at her words as she stares at the stars and feels her press close. Her striped tail immediately goes to her black and ginger, twining with it. "I don't want to say goodbye," She confesses, voice heavy with emotion. She has never felt this way before, not about anyone. Stars, she doesn't want to lose it.

I WANNA TASTE LOVE AND PAIN ☁︎​

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[iciclefang]

There’s weight to Stormywing’s voice when she responds, “I don’t want to say goodbye.” Iciclefang’s own shaking head feels as though it’s made partially from stone. Every gesture feels more final than the last—but she knows this must be the last time they meet this way. “I know,” she murmurs sadly. She feels Stormywing’s tail twine with her own, and her chest begins to ache at the sensation it still sends shooting through her, the warmth that causes her paws to tingle. “I don’t, either. But what choice do we have?”

She sighs, thinking of the cats she’d left back home, thinking of how they’d look at her now. Cicadastar’s jaw falling open, rage beginning to simmer like a storm behind his pale eyes. Smokethroat’s condemnation, Cindershade’s scorn, Petalnose’s disbelief. Even Mudpelt, Fernpaw, Darkwhisker, Steepsnout, Lilybloom—how would they look at her, knowing how full her heart is for a ThunderClan warrior?

“If we were to be caught… what would your Clan think?” Her voice deepens. “It would make the bad blood between our Clans worse.” She frowns, thinking of Howlingstar’s death, blood seeping into the Sunningrocks territory RiverClan had lost.

Oh, her Clanmates could never find out.

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[STORMYWING]

☁︎

Stormywing softly shakes her head again, jaws parting but no words spilling out. What choice do they have? None. They'd known that fact since they began all of this...It's against the Warrior Code. She asks what her clan would think and she can already imagine the shock on her uncle's face, the disappointment in her leader's eyes, the faces of her siblings and cousins and friends. She would lose her reputation, her credibility, everything she's worked so hard for her entire life.

Unless....

"You could come to ThunderClan. Maybe Howlingstar would let you in, maybe-" Her hopeful words are cut off before she can finish. She knows it's ridiculous. She shakes her head firmly, blinking teary eyes towards the ground. "...No. Of course not. You have your family, you own friends...I'm sorry, I never should have suggested it." How mouse-brained could she be? Not mouse-brained, just desperate. She lifts her eyes to look at her again, truly taking in all of her features for what may be the last time. The slope of her snout, the curve of her cheeks, the carriage of her ears, the smoothness of her pelt..."Iciclefang...I can't just forget about you."

I WANNA TASTE LOVE AND PAIN ☁︎​

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[iciclefang]

Stormywing’s voice is strained, but hopeful, and Iciclefang’s heart begins to beat a little faster as she considers the possibilities. What would it be like, she allows herself to wonder, to hunt beside a mate she loves more than life itself? To share a nest when the moon rises, to share tongues during the heat of day, to attend a Gathering with their pelts brushing? She could share what Cicadastar and Smokethroat do—what Petalnose and Aspenhaze do—Willowroot and Poppysplash—and, stars forbid, Mudpelt and Icesparkle, kits bouncing around their paws one day…

And then she imagines her own paws, tangled in brambles. The river, lost to her, but for at Sunningrocks. Dense forest, shadows deep and long, and she thinks of her parents, of her littermates, her friends. She closes her eyes, imagining the island of their camp converted into forest, dry land. She would lose the river itself if she chose Stormywing.

“I could never leave RiverClan,” she tells her honestly. She turns to gaze into blinding golden eyes, the ice in her own melted into cool trickling water. “I can’t forget about you, either, and I won’t.” She lifts a paw, places it on one of Stormywing’s forepaws. She can feel the heat from her paw pads, their calloused texture. She wants to lick the grit from them. She wants to place her head against Stormywing’s chest and leave it there.

“No matter what, I won’t forget about this,” she murmurs, sadness putting distance in her voice.

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