- Mar 1, 2023
- 123
- 7
- 18
Windclan was all Whitepaw had ever known truthfully. It was the clan she was born and grew up in, and she was on the brink of her apprenticeship ending, becoming a full warrior. And yet, things kept going wrong. Her home was split thin like spider silk, most of the cats she grew up with having abandoned their home, while the rest remained in what felt like its rapidly approaching end. Things were supposed to return to normal after the rogues and after they reclaimed their camp and territory. Why did things go wrong, so soon after that? She supposed when sitting and thinking about it, it began and ended with Sootstar. She had a lot of respect for her leader, and the mother of her friends. But Whitepaw always had felt a minor feeling of fear when it came to the blue smoke molly. And when Yellowcough had taken Weaselclaw, the fear grew truthfully as Sootstar became mad with grief. Windclan was falling into ruin, and it scared her. Sootstar was always the leading force behind Windclan, and yet deputies are supposed to take over eventually right? Would Windclan fall with Sootstar's reign? Would they all lose their home for good then?
Whitepaw silently glided across the snowy landscape, a rose-eyed spirit as she wandered the territory to where the deceased was buried, almost like a star-descending ghost. Why she wandered here, she didn't truly know. Was it for Tigerfrost? It couldn't be for Ambertail, as much as she longed for it. Her former mentor was buried in a collapsed tunnel, there hadn't been a point to uncover him only to bury him once more. She missed him, so often and yet she was still learning to be a tunneler, to fit in properly to her home. Her eyes gazed over the smooth stones that marked the resting places of her clanmates, ones she knew and also didn't. She wondered through them, lost in thought for brief moments before a cold snappish voice reached her pale ears.
"What do you think you're doing here, you little pest?" The blue molly hissed, bristling as cautious rosey-hues turned to her before looking away. "Thinking, what about you, Greyhawk?" The moor runner scoffed at her answer, glaring at the younger femme. In the moons that passed, Whitepaw, while still petite, was now covered from ear to paw in lengthy willowy fur, evenly matching her willowy build. If one subtracted fur color and length, Whitepaw vaguely resembled her mother physically, with some aspects of her father. With her fur flattening, Greyhawk gave a narrowed glare at the tunneler. "I am shocked you're still here." The barbed words came out in a statement, as skinny tabby slinked over to a stone with light scratches on its smooth surface. Whitepaw remained silent, her own eyes narrowing slightly on the former queen. "I expected you to run off with the rest of those traitors." The warrior continued.
"Run off like Shadowsight?" Whitepaw in a brief bout of impulsiveness, couldn't help but add in the observation. She had no close bond with Snakehiss's father, but she was observant enough to notice his absence. She withheld a flinch as the blue tabby turned to her with a hiss. "Don't speak of things you don't understand!" The queen snapped. While her distance from her brother was large, she cared for him still. "He made his choices and will live by them. What doesn't make sense is why a cowardly little creature like you is still here in this clan. You do nothing but cling like a stubborn burr to those more worthy than you, and yet most of those cats you clung to aren't around, are they?" The moor runner let out barbed words rapidly, stepping closer to the smaller cat with a furious expression. It was almost ironic, that the few times Whitepaw gained her mother's attention, it was always at the expense of Greyhawk's anger. Just as it did moons ago, it hurt, and it probably would always hurt. But in this moment, the pain from the barbs was masked by exhaustion, and annoyance.
Greyhawk scoffed at the albino's silence, turning away to paw dirt off the stone. "Don't understand?" The whisper filled the tense silence, and Greyhawk turned to find rose-hues focused on her, narrowed somewhat. "What exactly don't I understand?" Whitepaw continued, her voice picking up in volume as frosted vapers left her maw. "Shadowsight abandoned Snakehiss, and you yell at me for remaining here? I have cats I care for, that I love. And you expect me to abandon them because our home is falling apart?" The albino spat out, a rare expression of agitation on her pretty face.
Whitepaw was always a gentle child in her youth, she wasn't quick to violence or fights like her denmates. But she still felt, and she was capable of anger, of agitation, even if she never followed through with it. But she was tired, she was so, so tired of being called cowardly. She didn't deny that she was, she wasn't good at fighting, and it's unlikely she ever would be good at it. But the last thing she'd ever do is leave behind those she cared about. Spotkit, Cherrytuft, Peonypaw, Bluefrost, Harrierstripe, Addervernom. She cared for them so much, and they're the attachments she had left in the remnants of Windclan that followed Sootstar's rule. She didn't want to leave them behind. "You know what I don't get?" She spoke more, glaring at the tabby. It was bittersweet, this moment. Whitepaw had always longed for a bond with her kin, to be close with any of them. But she was always brushed off. It hurt, and she was so tired of being hurt. "I don't understand what I did to you. What I did in your eyes that made it so difficult for you to be decent to me." She continued with an unusual harshness in her soft voice. Her expression fell, and it was getting hard to keep up the anger. "You, Shadowsight, Rosepool, Snakehiss. All I wanted was a family, the one I should have had from the beginning. Yet you all treated me like a burden the moments you bothered to even acknowledge I exist!" She spat, still recalling Snakehiss's words of referring to her as a walking curse. "It's worse from you. You were supposed to be my mother, and I don't even know you or why I still seek anything from you." Why did she still seek the acknowledgment of a feline of a cat that would rather watch her cry than let her refer to her as such? "You will not speak to me like this!" Greyhawk suddenly interrupted her tangent, swatting at the ivory feline, almost scratching her face had Whitepaw not stepped back. "You will show respect to those better than you!" The former queen sneered, her short fur bristling.
"What respect have you earned from me?" Whitepaw challenged, her ears pinned back. "You aren't my mother, you made sure I always knew that. You are just a clan mate, one that doesn't deserve my respect or loyalty. You aren't better than me. You, who has held a hatred towards her kit for something I never did. And..." Whitepaw trailed off as something clicked.
She had wondered why Bluefrost, Harrierstripe, and Addervenom remained, why even at the thought they may have to fight their siblings. It was Sootstar, and it was Greyhawk. "And I don't need you or your approval." She admitted softly, blinking and staring at Greyhawk. "I wanted it for so long, to be able to have your approval, to have a family. But I don't need it. I never needed it." She continued as she exhaled, frosted breath wisping from her lips. Moving chilled paws, the ivory tunneler brushed past Greyhawk's stunned form. "Where do you think you're going? Don't walk away from me, Whitepaw! Or I'll tell Sootstar that you're a traitor just like the rest." Greyhawk's snappish words made her pause, the albino staring from over her shoulder. "Go ahead. I know who I'm loyal to, and why I remain here. But I wonder if you know why you're here, Mother." She responded, turning and continuing back towards camp. Her ears flicked as she caught some harsh lingering words. "No resemblance to me, or her father..." Whitepaw kept her gaze forward as she continued, rolling the words in her head.
Can't truly resemble you or a father I never met, now can I?
Whitepaw silently glided across the snowy landscape, a rose-eyed spirit as she wandered the territory to where the deceased was buried, almost like a star-descending ghost. Why she wandered here, she didn't truly know. Was it for Tigerfrost? It couldn't be for Ambertail, as much as she longed for it. Her former mentor was buried in a collapsed tunnel, there hadn't been a point to uncover him only to bury him once more. She missed him, so often and yet she was still learning to be a tunneler, to fit in properly to her home. Her eyes gazed over the smooth stones that marked the resting places of her clanmates, ones she knew and also didn't. She wondered through them, lost in thought for brief moments before a cold snappish voice reached her pale ears.
"What do you think you're doing here, you little pest?" The blue molly hissed, bristling as cautious rosey-hues turned to her before looking away. "Thinking, what about you, Greyhawk?" The moor runner scoffed at her answer, glaring at the younger femme. In the moons that passed, Whitepaw, while still petite, was now covered from ear to paw in lengthy willowy fur, evenly matching her willowy build. If one subtracted fur color and length, Whitepaw vaguely resembled her mother physically, with some aspects of her father. With her fur flattening, Greyhawk gave a narrowed glare at the tunneler. "I am shocked you're still here." The barbed words came out in a statement, as skinny tabby slinked over to a stone with light scratches on its smooth surface. Whitepaw remained silent, her own eyes narrowing slightly on the former queen. "I expected you to run off with the rest of those traitors." The warrior continued.
"Run off like Shadowsight?" Whitepaw in a brief bout of impulsiveness, couldn't help but add in the observation. She had no close bond with Snakehiss's father, but she was observant enough to notice his absence. She withheld a flinch as the blue tabby turned to her with a hiss. "Don't speak of things you don't understand!" The queen snapped. While her distance from her brother was large, she cared for him still. "He made his choices and will live by them. What doesn't make sense is why a cowardly little creature like you is still here in this clan. You do nothing but cling like a stubborn burr to those more worthy than you, and yet most of those cats you clung to aren't around, are they?" The moor runner let out barbed words rapidly, stepping closer to the smaller cat with a furious expression. It was almost ironic, that the few times Whitepaw gained her mother's attention, it was always at the expense of Greyhawk's anger. Just as it did moons ago, it hurt, and it probably would always hurt. But in this moment, the pain from the barbs was masked by exhaustion, and annoyance.
Greyhawk scoffed at the albino's silence, turning away to paw dirt off the stone. "Don't understand?" The whisper filled the tense silence, and Greyhawk turned to find rose-hues focused on her, narrowed somewhat. "What exactly don't I understand?" Whitepaw continued, her voice picking up in volume as frosted vapers left her maw. "Shadowsight abandoned Snakehiss, and you yell at me for remaining here? I have cats I care for, that I love. And you expect me to abandon them because our home is falling apart?" The albino spat out, a rare expression of agitation on her pretty face.
Whitepaw was always a gentle child in her youth, she wasn't quick to violence or fights like her denmates. But she still felt, and she was capable of anger, of agitation, even if she never followed through with it. But she was tired, she was so, so tired of being called cowardly. She didn't deny that she was, she wasn't good at fighting, and it's unlikely she ever would be good at it. But the last thing she'd ever do is leave behind those she cared about. Spotkit, Cherrytuft, Peonypaw, Bluefrost, Harrierstripe, Addervernom. She cared for them so much, and they're the attachments she had left in the remnants of Windclan that followed Sootstar's rule. She didn't want to leave them behind. "You know what I don't get?" She spoke more, glaring at the tabby. It was bittersweet, this moment. Whitepaw had always longed for a bond with her kin, to be close with any of them. But she was always brushed off. It hurt, and she was so tired of being hurt. "I don't understand what I did to you. What I did in your eyes that made it so difficult for you to be decent to me." She continued with an unusual harshness in her soft voice. Her expression fell, and it was getting hard to keep up the anger. "You, Shadowsight, Rosepool, Snakehiss. All I wanted was a family, the one I should have had from the beginning. Yet you all treated me like a burden the moments you bothered to even acknowledge I exist!" She spat, still recalling Snakehiss's words of referring to her as a walking curse. "It's worse from you. You were supposed to be my mother, and I don't even know you or why I still seek anything from you." Why did she still seek the acknowledgment of a feline of a cat that would rather watch her cry than let her refer to her as such? "You will not speak to me like this!" Greyhawk suddenly interrupted her tangent, swatting at the ivory feline, almost scratching her face had Whitepaw not stepped back. "You will show respect to those better than you!" The former queen sneered, her short fur bristling.
"What respect have you earned from me?" Whitepaw challenged, her ears pinned back. "You aren't my mother, you made sure I always knew that. You are just a clan mate, one that doesn't deserve my respect or loyalty. You aren't better than me. You, who has held a hatred towards her kit for something I never did. And..." Whitepaw trailed off as something clicked.
She had wondered why Bluefrost, Harrierstripe, and Addervenom remained, why even at the thought they may have to fight their siblings. It was Sootstar, and it was Greyhawk. "And I don't need you or your approval." She admitted softly, blinking and staring at Greyhawk. "I wanted it for so long, to be able to have your approval, to have a family. But I don't need it. I never needed it." She continued as she exhaled, frosted breath wisping from her lips. Moving chilled paws, the ivory tunneler brushed past Greyhawk's stunned form. "Where do you think you're going? Don't walk away from me, Whitepaw! Or I'll tell Sootstar that you're a traitor just like the rest." Greyhawk's snappish words made her pause, the albino staring from over her shoulder. "Go ahead. I know who I'm loyal to, and why I remain here. But I wonder if you know why you're here, Mother." She responded, turning and continuing back towards camp. Her ears flicked as she caught some harsh lingering words. "No resemblance to me, or her father..." Whitepaw kept her gaze forward as she continued, rolling the words in her head.
Can't truly resemble you or a father I never met, now can I?
[I'M BREATHING]