THREE TEARS FOR ALL THE SOULS BELOW [ ✦ ] chilledstar

[Starlingheart]

She had already told two others what she would now repeat to her leader. Some may argue she should have come to them first before making such a weighty decision, but there were others who, in the forefront of her mind, were more important. Her mate, for one, since her decision concerned and affected him too and Halfshade was another. A cat who she had wronged and who, effectively, was the final dirt in the grave so to speak. Seeing her lying ill and scared had convinced her. No medicine cat should ever be asked to make the choice she had been asked to make. The answer would be clear to her every time. She would always put her children first. She had to. But that was not right and she knows it.

So on snow-tipped paws she makes her way through the hollow she had lived in all her life. It is not a far walk from her rocky cave to the roots that make up the leaders den but it feels like miles to her. Still, she holds her head high and keeps her gaze on Chilledstar's den. If any cat were to observe her it would look like she was on the way to any ordinary meeting between medicine cat and leader. Like nothing was wrong at all. She had gotten good at that, pretending as if everything were fine. It came with the job sometimes. If the clan saw her worried, saw her panicking, then they too would worry and panic. She needed to be brave not only for her children and her loved ones, but for the good of all of ShadowClan. It is why she must make this choice too. "Chilledstar?" she calls quietly into the shadows of their den when she approaches, eyes adjusting to the dim light as she awaits a response. "Its-Its Starlingheart. I have something- something important I wish to-to-to discuss. Would it be alright if I- could I come in?"

// @CHILLEDSTAR.

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[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

stars, they were tired. they stretch out in their nest, grunting as their bones seem to pop from the stiffness. with a relieved sigh, they sat up, eyes squinting at the sound of starlingheart outside their den. they nod their head, speaking up to invite the medicine cat within their den.

"sure. come on in."

they stand up with yet another stretch before sitting up, and grooming their fur. they truly look like they've slept well enough, fur everywhere. with one last yawn, they watch the mittens of starlingheart make their way into their den, raising a brow as they gesture for her to sit.

"rarely do you all want to tell me a joke, but it would be appreciated every so often... still, if you say it's important, then it must be. how can I help you?"

there is not a hint of malice in their words. they're just trying to lighten to mood, oddly enough. everything was so dreary these days and with so many deaths on the horizon... no one could blame them for trying to be a little less serious.
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[Starlingheart]

Chilledstar is right, rarely is there any levity in their lives and while that is sad there is not much that can be done, not at least by Starlingheart. Thier fates remained in the paws of forces outside of their control. Outside of even StarClan's control.
While her clan curses at the stars for every misfortune, Starlingheart holds onto the hope that brighter days are ahead. Even now.

She takes a deep but shaky breath, wondering how this whole ordeal would go. Would Chilledstar be appalled with her behavior? Would they cast her away and strip her of her medicine cat title the second her progeny returned from his journey? Starlingheart was uncertain but still she knows it is the right thing to do. "I have- I have done something I'm not proud to-to admit but I-I must. For the good of-for the good of the clan" her voice is soft as she speak and her gaze lowered "I- I made the decision to- to give double the dose to my son- to Flintkit. I was sc- scared only one wouldn't work.. he was so sick... But uh I uh I'm afraid my doing so has cost us terribly" Halfshade, Heavy Branch. She could have saved one of them if only she had known. "I am going to-to suggest at the medicine cats meeting a uh a code" she tells them, allowing her green eyes to travel upwards and fix upon her leader who rests in the shadows of their den. "To prevent any-anymore tragedy for myself and-and for others I'm going to suggest that the first law in that code be that medicine cats should not be permitted to have kits" her tone is firm, certain but her heart still flutters inside her chest "I uh I wanted to-to ask what you thought about this" Chilledstar was her leader, after all. She would not make such a decision without seeking their counsel first.
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OOC NOTES . ✦ . CHARACTER INFO

• ooc : — ​
• 
  

  
  ➵ she / her
  ➵ shadowclan medicine cat
  ➵ mates with Granitepelt
  
  

  

  - - a small, black furred she-cat with green eyes
  ↪ toyhouse [ ✦ ]
  
  - - Starlingheart is the reclusive and anxious medicine cat of shadowclan. She tries her best to always be kind and to wear her heart on her sleeve but life has not always dealt her the best hand. Still, she does her best to remain optimistic and faithful to starclan even in the face of her clans cynicism. Because of her stutter, which is starting to improve as she gets older and gains more confidence in herself, she tries to speak as little as possible. Her quiet demeanor has granted her a valuable skill, however, the ability to listen. She prefers to hang back in the shadows and observe over being in the spotlight and because of this she has learned to pick up on things quickly. It is what she can attribute her quick skills as a medicine cat to, the ability to retain information, the ability to learn swiftly. Despite the way life has gone for her, she believes that there is good in everyone she meets. Because of this she trusts easily and therefor is easy to manipulate.
  ↪ INFJ-T 'the advocate'
  
  ➵ skilled medicine cat ; not very good at anything else
  ➵ BRIARSTAR X AMBER; sister to pitchstar, nightswarm, chittertongue, skunktail, and lilacfur; mother to nettlekit, ghostkit and flintkit
  ​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

chilledstar listens. parts of them wonder if they'd be upset if someone they loved died as a result of this but... they don't know. because they're not upset. they understand. they've been fighting with backlash amongst the ranks since they decided to rid them of the windclan alliance that pitchstar stuck them with. they had no choice but to ultimately get over it, but they can still see the anger from few. it was just one of many choices they make that they will not be loved for. but for the sake of their clan, they'd do it over again. starlingheart made a choice and as her leader, they'd stand by it. flint needed the chance to live and though others didn't have the cure... that is no fault of the medicine cat's. if she had any other choice, they know she would have taken it. she's a good cat and has grown into a good molly. pitchstar would be proud. briarstar would be proud.

"i think it is a good idea. but please, do not blame yourself for such tragedy befalling upon the others. flintkit is young, he was the most at risk of dying. you made a choice that affected others but for good reason... we cannot save them all, starlingheart. we just can't. and i know that if you could have saved heavybranch or halfshade, then you would have. others may not be so kind if this information gets out but... I will gladly stand by your decision. we must blame the sickness."

they want to say to blame the stars but they don't. they know her relationship with them, but ultimately they feel they're the one to blame. it was their fault for calling them home too early. starlingheart was not working with a lot here... they were all in unfamiliar territory. she was doing her best.

"you're doing good, starlingheart. you have been ever since she left you behind to fend for yourself. it would do you good to be kind to yourself, too."
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